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My Half-Brother Greg...

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by KeyFin, Feb 9, 2019.

Do I let Greg move in with me?

  1. Yes

    3 vote(s)
    100.0%
  2. No

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  1. KeyFin

    KeyFin Well-Known Member

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    Hey guys! I know a lot of you followed my adoption story and I wanted to give a quick update.

    My half-bother Greg was born in Gainesville and adopted at birth like me, to a single woman who was a high school teacher. His birth mom was one of the teacher's students so he had a lot more info than I did; they sorta-kinda stayed in touch over the years. His real mom died when he was a kid though in a car accident.

    Anyway, Greg grew up with a heavy drug dealer in his adoptive family (his uncle) and he never really had a chance in life. He was selling weed at 10 years old and never had to worry about money....just a horrible upbringing. His adoptive mom did what she could and Greg was an all-star basketball player in high school, but he ended up in and out of jail most of his teens and adult life. He never really had a chance.

    He got out after a 15 year sentence about 4 years ago, decided that he was done with the drug dealer uncle and got a job as a cook. He worked his way up the ladder, made it to management after a few years and then got hurt on the job....his hand was crushed from a pallet falling off a truck. So he was out hurt, couldn't get workman's comp since he was a felon, and did everything he could to stay out of trouble. He went to UF games to sell water in the parking lots, etc...he just kept hustling and trying to make it. But it wasn't enough and he ended up on the streets homeless.

    My plan was to go down and grab him last November but he disappeared (hence, became homeless) and got picked up on shoplifting charges....he stole food from WalMart. But because he was a 3-time felon, he was facing up to 5 years for $11 in groceries. That's like a month per freaking potato chip...it's ridiculous....so I stepped in and requested a meeting with the prosecutor and the defense attorney. I told them he was in the process of moving up here to start a new life (in reality, he was going to stay the weekend...maybe a week tops) and that I had a job lined up plus counseling and anything else he'd need (I sort of have these things in place, but they weren't concrete at the time).

    I testified before the judge and they sentenced him to 4 months total, which is about 1/5th of the mandatory minimum for a person with his past....which is UNHEARD OF in Florida. He got super lucky that the stars aligned and everything fell into place.

    While I was down there for the plea hearing, I did some snooping since I really don't know this guy. We met online like 5 months ago after 23&me matched us, and we've barely talked before he disappeared. I talked to his employer, a few young women he used to work with and his old parole officer....they all said he's a stand up guy who just can't escape his past in a tiny town. His story checked out though- he really did choose being homeless over going to his uncle for money/drugs. And everyone said that the relative would have handed him a few grand no questions asked....if he was ready to sell again.

    I have been helping him out with care packs in prison and he's been writing me almost daily- the plan is for me to pick him up from jail in 2 weeks once he's released. Am I an idiot for taking the chance though? My wife and 17 year old daughter are all for having him move in to help him turn his life around, but everyone else says I'm certifiably crazy.

    We don't really know each other, you and I, so you can be 100% honest here. Should I welcome Greg into my home later this month? I'll obviously be extremely cautious and if things go bad, I'll put him on a bus back to Gainesville. I'd just like to hear everyone else's opinion- don't be afraid to hurt my feelings either.
     
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2019
  2. ToddPhin

    ToddPhin Premium Member Luxury Box Club Member

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    Might as well. If it’s a success then you helped someone change his life, while gaining a brother in the process. If you say no and something unfortunate happens down the line bc no one helped him, it’ll weigh on you for not taking him in. As long as he knows the rules going in, the only person he can blame and hold accountable for falling short is himself. You’re just providing the tools for change, while the actual change part has to come from him.
     
    Rocky Raccoon and KeyFin like this.
  3. KeyFin

    KeyFin Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, that's how I see it too. He's intrigued about me writing for a living and working in digital marketing, so the plan is for him to get a job at Denny's or something like that then study marketing with me. We've talked about building an affiliate marketing site together and he's really excited for the opportunity....but that can definitely change once he regains his freedom (it's common for inmates). He talks about getting a job in almost every letter though because he wants to pay me back ASAP- he's kept a detailed tab of everything I've spent on him so far.

    So I THINK it will work out...at least I hope so. But at the same time, I'm not getting my hopes up just in case. It is exciting though either way just because of the possibilities.
     
    ToddPhin likes this.
  4. Fin D

    Fin D Sigh

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    A person can be an addict AND a stand up guy AND still be a slave to the needs of the addiction. Go out on that limb, but wear fall protection.

    Set very strict rules including curfews and time-gated benchmarks (get a job by X month, have X amount saved by Y month, etc.)
     
    KeyFin likes this.
  5. Nappy Roots

    Nappy Roots Well-Known Member

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    I agree with Fin D. I have a long history of drug addiction within my family. It is super tough. There is no one situation the same for the next scenario.

    Best of luck KeyFin, I think you give it a shot and try and help. It sounds like he wants away from that life.
     
    KeyFin likes this.
  6. KeyFin

    KeyFin Well-Known Member

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    Thanks guys....the feedback definitely helps! I guess I should have mentioned that his drug of choice was marijuana- he doesn't drink and never messed with anything else. Pot is illegal in SC so I'm against it for now, but if he gets high every so often I don't think I'd complain. I just want to try to keep him away from that stuff as long as possible so he's approaching it with the right mindset.
     
  7. Fin D

    Fin D Sigh

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    Oh pot? No biggie.

    BUT, he could still be a bit of a loafer, so I'd still install those rules.
     
    KeyFin likes this.
  8. Boik14

    Boik14 Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    I think Todd summed it up well but theres 2 conditions imo...

    1. He gets a job. Any legal job. Imo if you have too much free time and that kind of history, it can only mean finding trouble.

    2. He stays clean.
     
    KeyFin likes this.
  9. KeyFin

    KeyFin Well-Known Member

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  10. KeyFin

    KeyFin Well-Known Member

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    I completely agree, and he's already said many times his goal is to get a job day one. I haven't pushed that yet because he's been pushing it, but I definitely will if necessary.
     
    Boik14 likes this.
  11. GARDENHEAD

    GARDENHEAD Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    Good luck man. I think the decision is tougher than most, only because of the daughter. But for the daughter, I’d be 100% right on.
     
    KeyFin likes this.
  12. mroz

    mroz Fix the OL Club Member

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    How did this turn out?
     
  13. KeyFin

    KeyFin Well-Known Member

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    We have more adoption news- my brother found a niece from his mom's side of the family two days ago (we have the same dad in common, different moms...so I'm not related to these folks). He knew his mom's name already but she also told him never to contact her because she didn't think it was fair to his adoptive mom...and that's where it's stood for 40+ years. He wrote his grandmother a ten page letter from prison maybe 15 years ago and she replied with two sentences- something like "Focus on what you can control. Focus on the family you know and leave us alone." So getting in contact with a niece and actually talking was a pretty big deal.

    From there, he had two half-brothers call him within the hour....they're both rival fishing charter boat captains in California. They both invited him out for the summer to work with them on their boats, evidently the two brothers don't get along and don't speak, yet they both offered Greg a job to make the other jealous...that was pretty funny to me. He also met his half-sister and had a long talk with his mother's sister as well. His mom died in a car wreck about 20 years ago so I guess the family is finally ready to embrace him. He wants to head out there but with the pending arrest/trial, that's on hold for now.

    Meanwhile, my wife and I are kind of tired of Greg being here. He means well and he's a hard worker when we ask for help, but he's also a bad influence on my pot-smoking daughter because they're both always high. I think because Greg was locked up almost his entire adult life he still thinks like a 21 year old- don't get me wrong, he's still a really good guy....but it's to the point where we treat him more like a son than an adult.

    I'm not mad at him, per se, or anything like that....but it's the little stuff that drives us crazy. For instance, the dogs are barking outside to come in the house, yet he never hears it. Or he'll get up at night for a snack, walk thru the house and leave every light on....plus forget to put away what he took out of the fridge. Or the trash can will fill up so he'll stack trash on the kitchen island until someone takes out the trash, or asks him to take out the trash. If you ask him, he'll do ANYTHING to help, but then you have to go behind him and explain what he did wrong or what he overlooked. Again, it's like having another kid in the house.

    My wife actually yells at him like a child sometimes- "Greg, get in here and pick up this mess! Why would you leave this laying here for the dogs to tear up?" And he will say, "Yes maam, I'm so sorry sis, I'll clean this up right away." But he'll do the same thing three days later and my wife's yelling again....it's sort of comical how they've set up that mother/son relationship (Greg is 11 days older than my wife, LOL).

    So I'm hoping we get past this court case in Florida soon and he can go stay with his other brothers in California for awhile. Weed is legal there anyway plus we could just use a break- I do love him and care about him, plus I've helped him grow up a lot in the past 13 months. I've helped him look at life critically and see there's opportunity to open a business and really thrive outside of selling weed (since that's all he knew growing up)....but the little stuff literally drives me up a wall at times. For instance, I could be on a conference call with work yet he comes running down the hall saying, "Bro, bro...check this out..." And it's something funny on Facebook or something about sports, then he's in my office yelling before it even dawns on him that I could be busy with work..little stuff like that drives me up a wall.

    It's never something with ill-intent though...he's a good guy...but he's also a 40 year old kid that's still figuring out life. So my big goal at this point is to get him a full driver's license...we practiced parallel parking last weekend and he just about has it. Once he has the license, he's buying an inexpensive car and that changes a lot for his independence (I bought a Chinese knockoff 150cc moped last year for $900 so we wouldn't have to haul him to work...that was an awesome investment that actually saved us time/money, but he needs a real car).

    Overall, things are still going well and I don't regret bringing Greg into our house...but man, my wife and I are stressed out too. He tells me almost every single day how much he appreciates us and how much we've changed his life from being on the streets of Gainesville, plus he does little things to show appreciation whenever he can. For example, he brought home three racks of hickory smoked ribs on Friday from work...he paid $40 (with his employee discount) to feed us just for the heck of it. The ribs were RIDICULOUS...his boss smoked them for 18 hours and Greg knows I like ribs, so he does care and does try to be helpful whenever he can. Heck, he spent 3 hours yesterday pulling weeds from flower beds by hand...so he's definitely productive when he's not high.

    But if he doesn't see anything to do (which is most of the time), he's out in our detached garage getting high with the 21 year old, then they're watching movies, eating all the snacks and giggling for the next 3-4 hours.

    I realize I'm ranting here and I guess I needed to in order to show you the real Greg...if felt dishonest saying things are going really well. He is doing great...we all are...but lately with the COVID stuff, the home isolation, etc, small things bother me a lot more than they probably should (like potheads eating $30 in snacks in a day when we shouldn't just run to the grocery store). My new routine is hitting Costco every two weeks for all our household shopping and they make that difficult, LOL.

    I guess all is well though in the grand scheme of things...I just really hope Greg gets to connect with his other brothers in California for a little bit. We will probably miss him once he's gone but my wife/I can also use the break as well.
     
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2020
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