So, apparently on Labor Day, my dad, was bent over tying his shoe, got dizzy and fell head first to the ground. He was temporarily paralyzed. He somehow drug himself face first across the floor (he has rug burns on his face) and was able to get his cell phone and call 9-11. Of course, being the stubborn butt head that he is, I didn't find out until late Tuesday. Anyway, I go up to Macon and take care of him for as long as he'd let me...a couple of days. He's got all his feeling back and can do everything he did before. Problem is, his MRI came back with a leaky heart valve. He is a heavy smoker and heavy drinker. I have a .0001% chance of convincing him to either stop smoking or drinking and a 0% to get him to stop both. Considering his condition, which should I go for and how do you get the most stubborn, pig headed person in the world to comply?
This is the same guy that while in the hospital, was smoking in the bathroom. Making him fear his own mortality doesn't work, not because he wouldn't be scared if he was on death's door, but because he'd never believe he was.
If he is that stubborn, why try and convince him? I only say that because I assume you've tried to get him to stop before, and if this didn't get him to stop I can't imagine anything you say will. I've tried to get my dad to stop smoking before, numerous times in fact (he doesn't drink), and it's never worked. I've never been able to convince him to take better care of himself either (he's diabetic), or to take all his medicine on time each time. At some point I had to just realize it was something he had to do own his own if he wanted to stay even remotely healthy. Seems now he's taking his medicine on time and everything, but it has cost him like 2 strokes, multiple trips to the hospital, a fading short term memory (or at least broken one, as he'll tell the same story in a row once in a while and not even realize it), his job (deemed unfit to work as a nurse by his doctors so he has to be on disability), his ability to live on his own, and he can't drive for the time being either (he'll only be 52 this year). Some people are just stubborn, and no matter how much you want them to change, they are who they are. You just have to love them for that (as I'm sure you do), and be there should they ever need you.
I too am stubborn (many on here can attest to that.) I'm not at the give up point yet. I may get there soon, I may not, but before I do, I want to come at it from every angle I can first. He is my dad after all and I owe it to him.
Maybe ask him to do it for you if he will not do it for himself. Let him know you care and be as supportive as you can. Sometimes it is difficult for any of us to admit weakness, and some associate bad health as being weak. Went through something similar with my Dad a while back. It took my father a while to admit to himself he was not 20 years old and unbreakable. Wishing you the best of luck!
eh I think if you talk to him, he'll start to consider it. Coming close to death, having done it myself and seen my dad do it, has a habit of making one think. On the exterior they may play it off as they won't change, but I would guarantee he is thinking about it. You don't have to throw what happened in his face as I'm sure he's embarassed a little, but you can maybe give him some books to read, articles to read, etc.
Basically just told him he was expecting too much out of himself. Doctors are there for a reason and it would be very foolish not to allow them to do their job. We talked about other people we have known who kept waiting to go to a doctor and by the time they did, it was too late. I tell you it changed the relationship he and I have for the better.
First of all I hope for the very best for your dad. I don't know if this angle would work for you but does he have any regard for your feelings as his son? Does it do any good to ask him to change his habits so he can be there longer for you in life?
It's also the best route you can take....... I've been in this situation. Men from your father's generation are invincible and put their own well being last. I spent hours and hours pleading with my father to consider the pain it would cause our family to lose him and how terrible it would be for his grand children to never really know who he was....I made it clear that we were depending on him not to let us down. My father had a new valve put in and 5 bypasses and lived for several years with only a small percentage of his heart in working order.... he was supposed to only last a few years following surgery and by will, love of family and life and lots of help, love and support from family, he lasted for 12. You're really gonna have to work hard to get into his head about this and it's a never ending process..... you can't let up. The harder you work at it, the more days you will have with him here on this earth. And I say this from experience.... You've got your work cut out for you..... I sincerely hope everything works out well for him, yourself and family
Ok for him I guess. He's probably going to need surgery on the disk, and we're waiting for another MRI on the heart valve. I'm going to move next week, to a house that has an extra bedroom. The house I'm currently in only has one bedroom, but if he needs surgery he's going to have to stay with me. Plus, its half of what I'm paying now, so I can better support him if he has to miss work. Or if he's too stubborn to come here, with the cheaper rent I can afford to miss time at work and stay with him for a bit.
That's tough situation for you to be in (and him too obviously), but you're making sound decisions for good reasons. All the best.
for some reason i just saw this. im sure its never too late, so i will add something that may or may not help. this strategy sort of piggy-backs on guilt but from a different angle it relates to people that consider suicide. in a sense, that is sort of what he is doing. essentially you call out the person as being selfish in their actions. by having his little pleasures (smoking, drinking) he is engaging in selfish activity that will prematurely deny his relatives and friends a chance to love and care for him. a lot these middle aged guys have spent years caring for others and made a name for themselves. the last thing they want is to leave this earth with that kind of label on them it may not apply here, but i think its a profound thought. btw, im not saying he is selfish person, only that those specifics actions can be argued as such
