Throughout the history of sports, players, coaches teams and even fanbases have had the privelage and honor of having a nickname bestowed upon them. Whether it was the No Name Defense of our Miami Dolphins in the 70's, or Big Papi David Ortiz playing baseball in Boston, the nickname is one of those rare, unimportant honors that actually means more to everyone involved than they let on. Some try to force nicknames on others that don't stick, and yet sometimes athletes take the nickname game too seriously and name themselves ( I am looking at YOU Shaquille O'neal and Kobe "Black Mamba" Bryant). But this won't happen here. The Manifesto will be choosing the best, most organic nicknames for some players. But before we bestow these hallowed names on our favorite and least favorite players for this upcoming clash between the Jets and Dolphins, we need to know EXACTLY what a nickname is. A nickname is a descriptive name given in place of or in addition to the official name of a person, place or thing. It can also be the familiar or truncated form of the proper name, which may sometimes be used simply for convenience (e.g. "Bobby", "Bob", "Rob", or "Bert" for the name Robert). The term hypocoristic is used to refer to a nickname of affection between those in love or with a close emotional bond, compared with a term of endearment. The term diminutive name refers to nicknames that convey smallness, hence something regarded with affection or familiarity (e.g., referring to children,) or contempt. The distinction between the two is often blurred. We will unblur those lines for certain players on the Dolphins and Jets respectively. Lets see if we can follow along and figure out which unofficial (but totally official) nicknames are hypocoristic (or for the dumbs, good) and which are diminutive (again for the dumbs, bad), shall we? We shall. Koa Misi The second round draft pick has quickly thrust himself into the hearts of Dol-fans everywhere with his performance thus far. The talented rookie outside linebacker has racked up a sack and a fumble recovery for a touchdown to go with his 6 tackles in his first two career games. This has earned him almost instant nickname status and a few nominees have floated to the surface and remain. Given his Pacific Islander heritage, and the fact that he plays linebacker, some people (okay me) have tried unsuccesfully to call him the KoaKoa Nut. But after people looked at me like I farted in church and wrote angry vicious blogs about the proposed name, I have switched gears and am now, officially backing the movement for The Koa Constrictor. After wrapping up Trent Edwards in week one, and squeezing the football in the endzone until it damn near popped in week two, it just seems fitting. Braylon Edwards The troubled (i.e. drunk) wide receiver for the New York Jets made headlines earlier this week when he was originally pulled over for a DWB (Driving While Black) only to find out that he was also DWI (Driving While Intoxicated). The news has spawned many a joke and criticism of the former first round pick and his mugshot has reminded people that he is a dead ringer for Chris Tucker. A bearded Chris Tucker. A less talented, bearded Chris Tucker...who drops balls. And while that might be the perfect description of Braylon Edwards, it leaves a lot to be desired for a nickname since, typically they are shorter than the person's actual name. So after taking everything into consideration, a few new nicknames have formulated for us here at Manifesto Headquarters. The Double-Fister fits fairly well, but the pervert in all of us makes us immediately think of something else. And while that is probably still true (he IS a Jet afterall...), this is a family friendly article on a family friendly website about a family friendly sport. So instead, we have decided to dub Braylon, .16. Which is not only what he blew for the breathalyzer test, but also the exact percentage of passes he catches out of his targets. Congrats Brayl...errrr .16! Vontae Davis The second year cornerback for our beloved Dolphins has slowly, but steadily improving each and every week. So much so that future Hall of Famers such as Brett Favre have gone out of their way to give him props. Granted Favre couldn't be bothered to remember his name, only referring to Davis ad "number 21," but that is soon to change. The younger brother of San Francisco's Vernon Davis is stringing together games upon games of outstanding tackling, pass and run defense as well as interceptions. He has been all over the wide receivers in front of him. SO much show that rumor has it that Bills and Vikings players are going to get tested for herpes since they have a VD they can't get rid of. But seeing as how Mike Vick has got the herpes nickname and branding down pat for the NFL, Davis is simply going to have to improvise. Much like when a receiver tries a double move on him. So Vontae it seems, is simply going to have to go with his initials VD for his nickname. Not entirely creative, but once upon a time there was a player who played defense for Miami and was simply known by his initials as well. That player was the heart and soul of this team for many years and went on to become a fantastic ballroom dancer. Speaking of which... Jason Taylor Xerxes. Zach Thomas's brother in-law. #99. But best and most widely known simply as JT. The star dancer and part-time football player broke many a dol-fan's heart when he left South Beach for the festering eyesore that is East Rutherford, New Jersey. Signing with the hated New York Jets in the offseason, the former fin favorite is now public enemy #1. Not since Shawn Michaels turned on Marty Jannetty and threw him through the Barber Shop window, have we experienced such a treacherous act as this. Ripping his Aqua and Coral uniform off to reveal a puke green Jets man-thong, Jason Taylor has also shed his trademark initialed nickname as well. But fret not Mr. Taylor. The initial nickname seems to work for you and as mentioned above, your egregious act of treason against Fin-Nation has given us little choice but to change your initials from J.T. to B.A. As in Benedict Arnold. Where your scarlet letters in shame, traitor. The Madden Simulator of Awesome Predictions Well, so far my new patented system for predicting the 2010 Miami Dolphins record game by game has been flawless. Both week's simulations have been accurate within five points. And I see no reason to think that this week will be any different. So lets sim the **** out of this game! Next Game: New York Jets @ Miami Dolphins, 8:20 Eastern, 5:20 Pacific, NBC Until next time...
This should be on the front page..... great stuff. My type of humor! Now, if we can get some fart and dick jokes in there, we will be set.
ROFLMAO!!! LOVE IT! Samphin, was it me or were you M.I.A. last week??? Anyway, nice job as always! I look forward to reading this...
Bravo Sam.....Sam's motto should be..... "Samphin: Keeping it loose, until kickoff" Seriously it has been intense in here, and with all my non-forum Dolfan buddies all week this week, I needed this...because gametime for me I lose years off my life....I am so mad, tense, ripped during the game (even when they are winning ha!) that I cant be that way on here during the week as well, I'll roll a seven..... Again Sam good job bro...and thanks...
Now the 1 million dollar question. Did you photoshop the Madden score or actually play the game? I know you get a fix of playing football games at the "mentally challenged" level. If it was played did you at least screenshot some of the stats. Also, good work Sam. Always enjoy it.
Tool me a minute, but lol. In other news, I am gonna be in washington soon. I plan on reuniting the west coast C2C on this trip. I will be the Ernie to your Bert. You know my wingman skills! I got two things out of this. 1: you actually read the text?!?! I assume most just look at the pictures. 2: I totally whiffed on the first "through." Lousy spell check not taking context into account!
