Very, very depressed this afternoon. If you have been in a friendship with someone that emotionally takes advantage of you how do you cut the ties and finally tell them goodbye, without being too hurt yourself ?
Equality in all things. No matter the type of relationship it is, whether it be love, friend, work, sex, etc. there must be equality. If you give 100% and they give 20%, move on or lower what you give to match them, because it will never work without all parties giving the same amount. Life is too effing short to be in a relationship where you give more than you get. You wouldn't pay $1,000,000 for a Corolla, so why do the emotional equivalent?
I'm a very straight forward and brutally blunt person. I find out someone has been taking advantage of me, I tell them to F off. But, we need more details in order to see if that is necessary in this situation. What happened?
If you value the friendship enough that you want it to continue, you need tell them with brutal honesty what it is that is pissing you off and tell them point blank if it ever happens again we will never be friends again. Only problem there is, you have to mean it, and sever the friendship completely if it ever does happen again.
Who Are Toxic People? Toxic people are extremely negative, miserable, whiny, jealous, inconsiderate, financially irresponsible and entitled, manipulative, narcissistic, selfish, disrespectful, gossip mongers, mentally and emotionally abusive bullies who have no boundaries. Everyone and anyone is fair game for toxic people, with toxic relationships creating undo stress and anxiety for everyone involved. If you are dealing with these problems and conflicts in your life, know that you are not alone. According to mental health specialists and psychologists, toxic people are “highly insecure people who only feel better about themselves if they make others feel worse, and they make up about ten percent of the population. A toxic person, including family members and in-laws, cause over 50% of all communication and relationship stress in others, health problems such as headaches, stomach pain and digestive problems, due to negative baggage brought on from low-esteem”. Understanding how low self-confidence and low self-esteem causes some people to grow up to become toxic adults may help you feel better about yourself. However, having some understanding, compassion and empathy for bad childhood experiences and memories that continue to fester and linger in their personalities does not change the fact that their toxic attitudes and behaviors will continue until you stop allowing them to hurt you and your life. Toxic people are this way because they can and often do get away with it, and it works well for them. If it didn’t work, and work very well, they wouldn’t continue doing it. http://www.tellinitlikeitis.net/2008/08/toxic-relationships-toxic-family-members.html
Thanks guys for the advice. Here is more of the situation. Its sort of complicated. I 1st met my friend in 2004 and we at 1st were "buddies", and were on a very equal footing. Then in 2007 my friend, who had tried his hand in real estate, and that bottomed out, he decided to go into car hauling. Started small with a dually with a 4-car hitch. Grew rapidly that by the end of 2009 he owned 7 10 car Volvo Stingers. I was laid off from my regular job, and my side business also suffered from the economy so that I was having some financial difficulties. My friend, decided to hire me, and let me do his dispatch & broker out vehicles he was getting that our company couldn't haul ourselves. He now has a "Mr. Superior" attitude all the time, and lords it over me, and screams & yells at me all the time in front of other employees. Calls me a moron, a-hole, mental midget, etc. He knows I am in a financial bind and he's making my life a hell at times. I love this guy like a brother, and just don't understand why he is doing this. I try to overlook a lot of it, but its getting to the point where I can't take it anymore.
There's your problem. If you are as close as you say you are, then be straight up and talk to him. He'll either correct his behavior or he won't. If he does, problem solved, if not...refer to post #2 and problem solved.
1. This guy is not someone who is a friend. Friends dont demean one another, act like douchebags just because they can etc...Friends genuinely help one another. 2. Find a new job as soon as possible and GTFO. Like McLovin said, this cat sounds toxic even if he did a nice thing by hiring hes doing you a disservice demeaning you and keeping you down. Hold yourself to a higher standard. When I was in a situation like this when I worked in the advertising field, I made a point to shut down my bosses criticism at every turn and when I left sent a 5 page letter to the CEO and head HR person of that company detailing the ways in which I felt the company and my boss failed me. I knew the person who replaced me because in the ad field most everyone knows everyone else anyway, and told him to watch out for her and he did the same thing. Eventually she got canned. I hope she got the same treatment. There's a way to not only not let someone get the better of you but to get the best of them. My philosophy is if someone is going to act like a douche, treat them like one so they see how it feels...its the golden rule and its a beautiful thing. 3. It sounds like hes trying to make life at work so miserable that you will quit so he wont have the guilt of throwing you out on your behind knowing what youre going through. Like I said, its not a true friend. Id call him on it and tell him that if he doesnt want the guilt trip of firing you then he should have never hired you. Ask him what his problem is and you can do it in front of everyone else or not but I sure as hell woudnt that crap from anyone. Stand up for yourself. Best of luck and I hope your situation improves Jake.
Have you tried sitting down and talking to him about it? Maybe meet up somewhere outside of the work place for drinks or something and discuss it and explain how you feel. Maybe he will realize what a dick he's been and you can mend the relationship. If not, then you can worry about moving on.
sounds like it's beyond repair. If he's used to humiliating you like that, I doubt he gives a crap about repairing the friendship. You need to find a job, ASAP. IMO, besides putting food on the table, piece of mind is the most important thing in life. You can't take control of your life until you get it, so go get it and then tell your EX-friend to F$#*-off.
