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Edmond Gates - The most fastest man in the world

Discussion in 'Miami Dolphins Forum' started by Pandarilla, May 6, 2011.

  1. Pandarilla

    Pandarilla Purist Emeritus

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    (cue music)

    [​IMG]

    Playing ten yards off the line of scrimmage is considered press coverage.

    Insurance companies refuse to insure his treadmill.

    He was once chased by a cheetah and PETA sued him for causing the animal to become clinically depressed.

    As a child he was misdiagnosed with restless leg syndrome.

    He ran away from home at the age of 1.

    He occasionally fills in for the mechanical rabbit at dog tracks.

    He once entered a rickshaw in a NASCAR race...and won.

    He forced Busch Gardens to set a speed limit for its paddleboats.

    At the age of 5 he became the World Champion at red light, green light.
     
  2. alen1

    alen1 New Member

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    "Most fastest"...hmm.
     
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  3. Pandarilla

    Pandarilla Purist Emeritus

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    The music doesn't play in my head unless the syntax is just so...
     
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  4. dolfan7171

    dolfan7171 Well-Known Member

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    I love it....I couldn't stop laughing...good stuff.
     
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  5. padre31

    padre31 Premium Member Luxury Box

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    Gates is so fast, he passed Juan Huron..:shifty:
     
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  6. Pandarilla

    Pandarilla Purist Emeritus

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    In high school he was asked to run for student council...He wasn't seen again for weeks.
     
  7. dolfan7171

    dolfan7171 Well-Known Member

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    :lol:
     
  8. BuckeyeKing

    BuckeyeKing Wolves DYNASTY!!!!

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    I hope he is that piece we need for this offense to be dynamic.
     
  9. Pandarilla

    Pandarilla Purist Emeritus

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  10. Pandarilla

    Pandarilla Purist Emeritus

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    He once sued the Flash for identity theft..and won.
     
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  11. Pandarilla

    Pandarilla Purist Emeritus

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    For his science project he proved Einstein's theory of relativity with only a flashlight and a stopwatch...
     
  12. Killerphins

    Killerphins The Finger

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    Who is Juan Huron?
     
  13. Pandarilla

    Pandarilla Purist Emeritus

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    Some from PhiNomena:

    The only kind of press that can cover Gates is done by his dry cleaner.

    "Speed Kills" isn't just a common phrase, but was actually used against Gates in the court of law when he beat a cornerback so bad he was charged with assault with a deadly weapon.

    Gates isn't scared to go across the middle, he is just so fast there is only a beginning and an end.
     
  14. Pandarilla

    Pandarilla Purist Emeritus

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    Isn't he that kid in one of the posters sigpic? He's Latino with two eyeblack streaks under his eyes...
     
  15. Pandarilla

    Pandarilla Purist Emeritus

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    He tried cocaine once his freshman year in college...He's still coming down.
     
  16. Pandarilla

    Pandarilla Purist Emeritus

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    He blacks out every time he tries to watch soccer...
     
  17. Pandarilla

    Pandarilla Purist Emeritus

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    He bought his first car with the money he made delivering pizzas...
     
  18. Pandarilla

    Pandarilla Purist Emeritus

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    The DMV has a restraining order against him...
     
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  19. Paul 13

    Paul 13 Chaotic Neutral & Unstable Genius Staff Member

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    [​IMG]
     
  20. FinsAreLife

    FinsAreLife Well-Known Member

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    every time i hear that guys name i just die laughing
     
  21. Pandarilla

    Pandarilla Purist Emeritus

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    He dries his clothes by doing wind sprints...

    His spirit guide is Deion Sanders...

    When Ireland asked if he has ever run a train, he replied, "Amtrack or Bullet?"
     
  22. Pandarilla

    Pandarilla Purist Emeritus

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    After eating Chinese food, he is hungry again in fifteen minutes...

    Lightning stops and asks him for directions...

    His shadow regularly takes 3rd place at track meets...
     
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  23. JimToss

    JimToss Thank You Chad Pennington

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    Kill the non-believer.
     
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  24. Pandarilla

    Pandarilla Purist Emeritus

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    That's right I'm keeping it alive.

    To this day, he still doesn't know what yellow means in a traffic light...
     
  25. Dol-Fan Dupree

    Dol-Fan Dupree Tank? Who is Tank? I am Guy Incognito.

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    Gates cannot run at full speed, because if he does he will age prematurely
     
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  26. arsenal

    arsenal Sunglasses and advil

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    Gates can catch a bullet with his fingers... from behind

    His 40 yard dash time was actually recorded in milliseconds (4.37)

    His gym teacher told him once to run in place, no one in a 5 mile radius survived

    Defenders use Acme products to try to catch him
    [​IMG]
     
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  27. RGF

    RGF THE FINSTER Club Member

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    :lol:
     
  28. Paul 13

    Paul 13 Chaotic Neutral & Unstable Genius Staff Member

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    His farts break the sound barrier
     
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  29. RGF

    RGF THE FINSTER Club Member

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    Oh,now I get it. This ENTIRE thread is just to try and get me to bet "Stay Thirsty" in tomorrows Kentucky Derby. Well........it worked, I will. :yes:
     
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  30. xphinfanx

    xphinfanx Stay strong my friends.

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    So much for slow times funny thread Pandarilla.

    Gates is so fast he once outran Chuck Norris!
     
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  31. CaribPhin

    CaribPhin Guest

    Gates is so fast, he wasn't born. He's been running since existence. Some scientists posit that it was his running that started the Universe.
     
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  32. slickj101

    slickj101 Is Water

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    Son of Coolio.
     
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  33. padre31

    padre31 Premium Member Luxury Box

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    Gates is the only man to ever successfully run away from Chuck Norris.
     
  34. padre31

    padre31 Premium Member Luxury Box

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    Gates is so fast, he can turn off the lights in a room and be in bed before the room is dark.

    Gates is has Sunday's paper on Thursdays.
     
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  35. Paul 13

    Paul 13 Chaotic Neutral & Unstable Genius Staff Member

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    Gates doesn't own a bath towel, the water just naturally dissipates.

    He once was pulled over by a police officer for going too fast. He was then told to stay off the sidewalk.
     
  36. CitizenSnips

    CitizenSnips hmm.

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    Gates once stopped to smell the roses, Wiley Coyote almost had him.

    Edmond gates watches zombie films and thinks there comedies

    Gates once beat Michael Phelps in a race to the other side of the pool and back, without getting wet.
     
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  37. smahtaz

    smahtaz Pimpin Ain't Easy

    He's so fastest, President Clinton has him on speed dial.
     
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  38. MikeHoncho

    MikeHoncho -=| Censored |=-

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    It has taken Edmund Gates 25 years to finally slow down enough to be seen by the naked eye.
     
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  39. JMHPhin

    JMHPhin Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    lol
     
  40. Pandarilla

    Pandarilla Purist Emeritus

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    In order to coax him out the womb, doctors stapled a finish line ribbon across Mrs. Gates' vagina...
     
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