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Feminine Wisdom - An Uninformed Football-Analysis Of The Dolphins & Hard Knocks

Discussion in 'Miami Dolphins Forum' started by Bpk, Aug 15, 2012.

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  1. Aug 15, 2012 #1
    Bpk

    Bpk Premium Member Luxury Box

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    I'm bored, so I'm posting all the stuff my wife had to say to me about Hard Knocks and the dolphins after watching the show. She is not a football fan and doesn't know the players well at all, except a couple....

    Fasten your seatbelts because this is Dolphins football from a woman's POV. In her own words as I typed (she thought I was working on something)

    1) I agree with Coach Feldman" cutting Chad.
    2) 7-11 #81 is always open but they don;t throw to him when it actually matters in a ****ing game. That's a bad move.
    3) I remember Ankle Weights Wallace.
    4) I like 'that navy seals guy and how he is getting ready mentally and emotionally for battle by doing pushups before the game'. He feels like HE is going out there to battle. "He is the team's number one supporter, more than Feldman. I think he loves those guys just as much as Feldman."
    5) That QB with the knee problem 'manifested that' because there is too much pressure on him to perform because he's older and a veteran, so he's expected to do better than all of them and if he doesn't he'll feel like a real loser. I don;t like that he folded under pressure. That's not a good character trait for a football player. That says a lot about his character. he has to work smarter.. and do some yoga, pilates, and preventative exercises because he knows he is older.
    6) Whats his name, the young quarterback made some good decisions. Plays. That was smart to put him in. he proved his potential.
    7) They had good teamwork on the field. When they were ****ing up they were ****ing up together. When they did well they did well together. They seem unified. That's a good sign. They seem to like each other. Coaching and QB play seemed decent except whoever was in charge of throwing it to 81. That guy needs a talking to. Someone needs to get his head on straight if he didn't even see 7-11, open 24 hours... it scares me as a coach. Who was it? There were four QBs right? I know the two. The dark haired guy that started and Tannehill who started and Smith, I know him. Smith who was off, they put him in halfway through the game or whatever. I don;t know who the fourth QB is. That's the guy though. Mr Blind. The guy who can't see. With the eysight problem. Who cant see 7-11. Who thinks 7-11 closes. Whoever that quarterback is. He's the anonymous one.
    8) There were other wives in the stands and they gave them NO airtime. They only gave the hot blonde airtime. I think she's pretty but come on, she's not the only one. Give ALL the wives airtime. If she was just a LITTLE bit uglier they wouldn;t show her as much.
    9) Really liked... the tactics to let off steam behind the scenes. Shaving the heads, having Tannehill sing in front of the group. I like that they are willing to be vulnerable and look like jackassses off the field. It's contrast. There's another side of them we don;t know and we get to see that side
    10) I would never have know that Tannehill would have the moves. That he would have the moves. He seems like a stiff white boy. He actually has rhythm.
    11) Feldman looks like skeletor. he's kinda blank. Has a stoic look. Very stiff. He is very closed off. Probably from losing his son. He has way more depth than he shows.

    Then she didn't want to talk about football. She wanted to floss her teeth.

    YAY! I am getting her interested in football! #WIN
     
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  2. Aug 15, 2012 #2
    MikeHoncho

    MikeHoncho -=| Censored |=-

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    ...still better than our local media. She on Twitter? :shifty:
     
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  3. Aug 15, 2012 #3
    RickyNeverInhaled

    RickyNeverInhaled Well-Known Member

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    there's some nuggets of truth mixed up in all that woman chatter. lol
     
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  4. Aug 15, 2012 #4
    Finfangirl

    Finfangirl Season Ticket Holder Luxury Box

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    Wow, i was soo confused about who Feldman was..LOL I get it now...
     
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  5. Aug 15, 2012 #5
    shouright

    shouright Banned

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    Can I marry your wife?
     
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  6. Aug 15, 2012 #6
    PhinsRDbest

    PhinsRDbest Transform and Transcend

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    the next dimension
    Who is Smith?
     
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  7. Aug 15, 2012 #7
    Bpk

    Bpk Premium Member Luxury Box

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    In some countries.
     
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  8. Aug 15, 2012 #8
    Bpk

    Bpk Premium Member Luxury Box

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    I still haven't figured that one out!!!
     
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  9. Aug 15, 2012 #9
    pennphinfan

    pennphinfan Stelin Canez Arcade Scorz

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    ask your wife if this seems accurate to her. And I don't feel too bad because it's making fun of coach Feldman, not Philbin, so he has no reason to be put off by this masterpiece.

    [​IMG]

    seriously coach, if you see this, I think you're great. This is all in jest, keep up the great work
     
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  10. Aug 15, 2012 #10
    Daben

    Daben Well-Known Member

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    I still don't understand why it's called 7-11 if it's open 24 hours. Either Hogan is open 7-11 or 24 hours. If its 7-11 then he is going to be useless in the 4th quarter on Monday nights. Maybe Mr Blind Man assumed its 7-11 rather than 24 hours and figured perhaps they were closing early on Fridays to get away for a night out. So he figured no point looking for 7-11 when he was in the game. So clearly it was Reggie Bush's fault that we missed an easy touchdown to Hogan. Of course ironically Bush is the one who stays late after practice, so you'd think he should know this stuff.
     
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  11. Aug 15, 2012 #11
    bojack72

    bojack72 Junior Member Club Member

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    God Bless You! I hide in my basement and watch it so i don't have to go through that. haha
     
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  12. Aug 15, 2012 #12
    Stitches

    Stitches ThePhin's Biggest Killjoy Luxury Box

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    My wife shakes her head at the things your wife says.
     
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  13. Aug 15, 2012 #13
    shouright

    shouright Banned

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    I suppose my consolation prize is the lady in your avatar?
     
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  14. Aug 15, 2012 #14
    M1NDCRlME

    M1NDCRlME Fear The Spear

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    Because back when I was a kid they were open from 7AM until 11PM.
     
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  15. Aug 15, 2012 #15
    ToddPhin

    ToddPhin Premium Member Luxury Box Club Member

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    :lol:


    I like this wife of yours.
    She should take over your posting from now on. Who's in agreement? lol.
     
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  16. Aug 15, 2012 #16
    ToddPhin

    ToddPhin Premium Member Luxury Box Club Member

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    I'd like to see the Mrs's top 10 list of what she thinks about Bpk when he screws up the honey-do list.
     
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  17. Aug 15, 2012 #17
    ToddPhin

    ToddPhin Premium Member Luxury Box Club Member

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    I honestly thought her responses could've passed for one of the guys.......... until #8. :lol:


    Props to her for making it that far though, no? :yes:
     
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  18. Aug 15, 2012 #18
    SuperMarksBros.

    SuperMarksBros. Active Member

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    He's the bizarro Kramer.
     
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  19. Aug 15, 2012 #19
    ToddPhin

    ToddPhin Premium Member Luxury Box Club Member

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    This is great news, Barry, you just opened the door to the most sacred part of your life! :pity:


    Before you know it everything football will have a feminine twist and you'll being doing stuff like picking certain fantasy players b/c she feels bad they were teased in middle school. :shifty:







    :couch:
     
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  20. Aug 15, 2012 #20
    MikeHoncho

    MikeHoncho -=| Censored |=-

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    Bingo!
    [​IMG]
     
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  21. Aug 15, 2012 #21
    unluckyluciano

    unluckyluciano For My Hero JetsSuck

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    I think we should give her a guru badge. She can take alens place.
     
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  22. Aug 15, 2012 #22
    Alex44

    Alex44 Boshosaurus Rex

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    She watched hard enough to know Hogan was getting open a lot? Keeper.
     
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  23. Aug 15, 2012 #23
    Rocky Raccoon

    Rocky Raccoon Greasepaint Ghost Staff Member

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    Pics of wife's boobs or GTFO.

    :shifty:
     
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  24. Aug 15, 2012 #24
    ToddPhin

    ToddPhin Premium Member Luxury Box Club Member

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    :lol: ^^^^
     
  25. Aug 15, 2012 #25
    Alex44

    Alex44 Boshosaurus Rex

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    Not all boobs are created equal. You could be getting gorgeous model or gorging fatty. (No offense BPK Im sure shes wonderful, meant this in humor!)
     
  26. Aug 15, 2012 #26
    dolfan22

    dolfan22 Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    Can I stay?
     
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  27. Aug 15, 2012 #27
    ToddPhin

    ToddPhin Premium Member Luxury Box Club Member

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    Depends.... Do you have a wife? :shifty:
     
  28. Aug 15, 2012 #28
    dolfan22

    dolfan22 Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    msdolfan in the sig ;)
     
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  29. Aug 15, 2012 #29
    WhiteIbanez

    WhiteIbanez Megamediocremaniacal

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    We haven't even played a game in 2012 and your wife is already dropping the "F" bombers

    Keeper....
     
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  30. Aug 15, 2012 #30
    Bpk

    Bpk Premium Member Luxury Box

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    Haha! Boob-Nazi say "No boobs for
    you." I'd feel tawdry. :p
     
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  31. Aug 15, 2012 #31
    Bpk

    Bpk Premium Member Luxury Box

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    I know. I was surprised too.

    HBO are ****ing geniuses at making this stuff relatable to everyone.
     
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  32. Aug 15, 2012 #32
    dolfan22

    dolfan22 Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    I'd feel Tawdry Kitaen too ! well back in the day , she hasn't aged well since her video days.
     
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  33. Aug 16, 2012 #33
    MrClean

    MrClean Inglourious Basterd Club Member

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    The true blue beautiful Beaver State
    I explained this once, but again, back in the 60s when 7-11s first opened, their hours were 7am-11pm, which was unprecedented at the time. No stores were open 24 hrs then.
     
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  34. Aug 16, 2012 #34
    MrClean

    MrClean Inglourious Basterd Club Member

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    The true blue beautiful Beaver State
    I agree. Mrs bpk is definitely the brains in that family. Probably looks much sexier naked than Mr bpk does too.
     
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  35. Aug 16, 2012 #35
    MrClean

    MrClean Inglourious Basterd Club Member

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    The true blue beautiful Beaver State
    Nah, have her take Boomer's place. Any American woman has to know more about real football than some soccer luvin' Limey. :chuckle:
     
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  36. Aug 16, 2012 #36
    Rocky Raccoon

    Rocky Raccoon Greasepaint Ghost Staff Member

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    You certainly can!

    Nice catch brother!
     
  37. Aug 16, 2012 #37
    Rocky Raccoon

    Rocky Raccoon Greasepaint Ghost Staff Member

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    I'll happily settle for some butt shots. And not the kind dj prefers.
     
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  38. Aug 16, 2012 #38
    Alex44

    Alex44 Boshosaurus Rex

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  39. Aug 16, 2012 #39
    ToddPhin

    ToddPhin Premium Member Luxury Box Club Member

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    Apparently you've never seen Bpk in pumps.
     
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  40. Aug 16, 2012 #40
    MrClean

    MrClean Inglourious Basterd Club Member

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    The true blue beautiful Beaver State
    Yeah, you're ahead of me in having that thrill. :cry:
     
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