Kate Upton...... http://touch.dailymotion.com/#/video/xsyuab_kate-upton-full-cat-daddy-dance_sexy?start=38 You're welcome
When I'm walking and discover my fly is open or my belt is undone, I leave it be. I'd rather someone tell me about it than have them see me zipping or buckling up and assume I just took a public piss, or was just randomly exposing myself.
I peed in an empty water gallon container b/c I was in the middle of Rainbow Six Vegas and didn't want to walk downstairs. Then I hid it in the loft closet..... and peed in it again the following night. Then I forgot it was in the closet and my ex wife found it. Women just don't understand.
I once got a free gas can at a florida marlins game, i took it home and turned it into an epic bong. I named it "d-train". Then i left it in my apartment i moved out of, a portaguese family of 9 moved in when i left. i assume they found it and used it to feed their goats.
I once moved into an apartment and found an epic bong........ and a box of gay porn. Disappointingly, the box of gay porn left me apprehensive about putting my lips on the bong. So I only got high once.
One morning recently I woke up late for work and combined my morning piss and shave with my electric razor into a single exercise. Stood in front of the sink and mirror. Saved me at least 1-2 minutes.
I like dipping my finger in candle wax and letting it harden, putting my finger prints inside of a protective cocoon, and pretending I will rob a Jewelry store without leaving a trace.
I once put a half eaten cherry in a Dixie cup, farted in it, covered it with my hand, then walked up to my mom and asked her if the cherry smelled funny.
I cut the grass earlier today, showered, relaxed with some beers while watching the game.... then felt a quick pain on my left nut. Went into the bathroom to check it out. A F***ING deer tick!.... on my F***ING balls! I tried to squish it slowly to deny that sonofabitch a quick painless death, but it wasn't satisfying b/c I couldn't hear the fu**er scream & beg for its life. On my GODDAM balls!
I hurt my back today helping a guy push his car out of a busy road. The car died and he needed some help. Everyone else who drove by him blew the guy off. I stopped.