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Please Read If You Are Frustrated By Our Wide Receiver Situation. This May Help You.

Discussion in 'Miami Dolphins Forum' started by Bpk, Aug 25, 2012.

  1. Bpk

    Bpk Premium Member Luxury Box

    Here is the grief model called "The 7 Stages of Grief" as applied to the Dolphins fan who must endure the experience of watching our wide receivers 'play football':

    7 Stages of Grief...

    1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
    You will probably react to talk of the Wide Receivers lacking talent with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the lack of receiving talent at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

    2. PAIN & GUILT-
    As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain as you witness receivers incapable of helping your beloved Dolphins win, or in fact contributing to it losing. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs. That means no more getting drunk after a bad loss.

    You may have guilty feelings or remorse over why you still root for the Dolphins, or bother to cheer for, and act optimistic about the passing game's chances. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

    3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
    Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the dropped balls, incorrect routes, and lack of separation on convenient scape-goats such as Jeff Ireland, the coaching staff, the quarterbacks or even the referees. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your psyche may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.

    You may rail against fate, questioning "Why us? Are we cursed? Why does the league/God/my Mother-in-Law hate the Dolphins so much?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never cheat on my taxes again if you just let the light-bulb come on for Roberto Wallace.")

    4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
    Just when your friends may think you should be getting living your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you as you recall all the missed opportunities and wasted potentail by the receivers the Dolphins have, had or could have had. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders, such as fans of winning teams or non-sports fans. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

    During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your suffering, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did and enjoyed during the Dan Marino and Marks brothers days, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.


    5. THE UPWARD TURN-
    As you start to adjust to life without any receivers who can get open or catch touchdowns in the redzone, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly. You use a broom to fish your orange, dust-bunny covered Brian Hartline jersey back out from under the radiator where you threw it last week and the week before.

    6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
    As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life as a fan of a team that has no passing game whatsoever. You will start to work on practical and emotional problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without expecting Dolphins wins, Dolphins fantasy players doing well, or perhaps even without watching games.

    7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
    During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of the situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced watching your QB repeatedly eat a bowl of dirt because none of the four-wide spread can get open, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this trauma. But you will find a way forward. Whether it's through the lumbering tight ends, that nifty footed runningback, or just going deep on micro-analyzing the nuances of interior line-play, you find light in the darkness. Life as a Dolphins fan goes on.
     
  2. Bpk

    Bpk Premium Member Luxury Box

    Which phase are you in?
     
    ToddPhin likes this.
  3. jpep13

    jpep13 Coach Of The Year Club Member

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    Awesome: u smoke? Stage 7 hopefully
     
  4. Phinastic

    Phinastic Active Member

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    I think it's time to be worried.
     
  5. WhiteIbanez

    WhiteIbanez Megamediocremaniacal

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    Dan Campbell told 80 to take care of Egnew.
    Who takes care of Fasano?
    What they hell is wrong with 42?
    Clay slips. That stuff has to roll downhill.
     
    Bpk likes this.
  6. MrClean

    MrClean Inglourious Basterd Club Member

    I think I am in need of some psychotherapy. :shifty:


    [video=youtube;fBIaZ9aTWco]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fBIaZ9aTWco[/video]
     
    Bpk likes this.
  7. ToddPhin

    ToddPhin Premium Member Luxury Box Club Member

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    :lol:

    What stage is heavy drinking & drunk-dialing random call girl services?
     
    Boik14, Nappy Roots and Fin-Omenal like this.
  8. Bpk

    Bpk Premium Member Luxury Box

    2. PAIN & GUILT-
    As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain as you witness receivers incapable of helping your beloved Dolphins win, or in fact contributing to it losing. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs. That means no more getting drunk after a bad loss.

    The call girl thing is sexual addiction escapism. So is porn.
     
  9. Bpk

    Bpk Premium Member Luxury Box

    Campbell is not doing a great job.
     
  10. MrClean

    MrClean Inglourious Basterd Club Member

    Why are you singling out Campbell among all the asst coaches? Is O'Keefe doing a great job? Is Anarumo doing a great job?
     
  11. Bpk

    Bpk Premium Member Luxury Box

    Because he was the only dude I mentioned. lol.

    Also, I replied to a guy griping about Tight Ends.

    O'Keefe bothers me. Who does Geromino coach?
     
  12. canesz06

    canesz06 Well-Known Member

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    That's a stage? I thought that was called being awake.
     
    GMJohnson likes this.
  13. Anonymous

    Anonymous Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    I guess I'm 3. My anger is directed at Ireland, though.
     
    Bpk likes this.
  14. unluckyluciano

    unluckyluciano For My Hero JetsSuck

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    preseason is a hell of a drug
    [​IMG]
     
  15. Fin-Omenal

    Fin-Omenal Initiated

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    Thee...Ohio State University
    Sounds like myself from top to bottom.
     
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  16. gandalfin

    gandalfin Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    Truly LOL :lol: That's the funniest thing I've read in a long time. Wins my vote for post of the year! Thanks for the laugh as i embark on the journey through "The Seven Stages of Grief", Dolphin style
     
    Bpk likes this.
  17. The G Man

    The G Man Git 'r doooonnne!!!

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    I guess I'd have to say stage #4. But, really I'm at the stage where I'm ready to grab a pitch fork and a torch and initiate a mass movement to find and lynch Ireland.

    Is that a stage? If not, I think it should be.
     
    Bpk likes this.
  18. smahtaz

    smahtaz Pimpin Ain't Easy

    Hangover.
     
    Bpk likes this.
  19. RevRick

    RevRick Long Haired Leaping Gnome Club Member

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    Good Grief, someone has expanded the Elisabeth Kübler-Ross Five Stages of Grief from "Death and Dying" just for Dolphin's fans. I didn't even know she liked American football.
     
    Bpk likes this.
  20. SuperMarksBros.

    SuperMarksBros. Active Member

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    I pretty much experienced all 7 of these phases during the month long period where we dealt Marshall for nothing then didn't focus on replacing him in the draft.
     
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  21. Rouk

    Rouk Well-Known Member

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    I'm with you on that was utter madness
     
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  22. PhinGeneral

    PhinGeneral PC Texas A&M, Bro Club Member

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    Swamps of Jersey
    Maybe it's not the coaching.

    Does Fasano or Clay really need Dan Campbell to tell them to hold on to the f**king ball?

    After being on the practice squad for a couple of years now, is O'Keefe really responsible if Wallace, Pruitt or Moore are never able to become much more than what they started out to be? Or for Nanee never really showing that he's much better than what he's shown in his career?

    Personally, I'd like to see these guys work with and mold players for a bit longer time period first.
     
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  23. Clipse

    Clipse mediocrity sucks

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    I'm well past stage 7 at this point. Stage 8, where all I can do is shake my head and laugh at this point at how much of a disaster our group of WR's are.
     
    Bpk likes this.
  24. Bpk

    Bpk Premium Member Luxury Box

    Yeah, that's stage 3.
     
  25. MrClean

    MrClean Inglourious Basterd Club Member

    Do we need to have a seminar with the world's greatest motivational speaker? We all know who that is, right?
     
  26. flounder97

    flounder97 Well-Known Member

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    "accept and deal with the reality of the situation" - I skipped right to stage 7...I'm prepared for the worst, but hope for the best...although I'm pretty sure none of these guys are turning into one of the Marks brothers
     
  27. MrClean

    MrClean Inglourious Basterd Club Member

    Some of them could pass for the Marx brothers though.
     
    RevRick likes this.
  28. Lee2000

    Lee2000 Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    I think most of us project our anger on Jeff Ireland. Jeff Ireland voodoo dolls or punching bags are probably the best therapy, in that threatening him is against the law. ps. this is meant to be funny and in no way a threat to Jeff. I am sure he is a nice guy lol.
     

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