Custody battle...

It's better to settle it out of court if possible, because there is a very high chance that if it goes to court and she wants primary custody she will get it. You'd be stuck with "visitation" most likely.

If you can convince her of 50-50 it's completely negotiable between you both.

I've never been through the process myself but that is the extent of what I know from others experience.

 

It's horrible and if you guys can't come to a formal agreement, be ready to be frustrated with the whole system and the way they treat the father.

Also 50/50 in Ohio doesn't mean you don't have to pay child support....another bs stipulation to screw over the male. I mean 50-50 seems pretty even to me.

I've been through it and it's a joke, I've paid child support on a child who lives with me. System is flawed bro...swallow your pride and kiss her *** to get an agreement signed off on. Well fkin worth it.

 

2 suggestions:

Write her checks, and keep copies of cancelled checks from your bank

Send said checks certified mail requiring signature with notification.

 

Kiss her ***. I mean literally. She MIGHT not kick your *** that badly in court if she has any compassion. If shes one of those spiteful chicks...revenge sex.

 

With an agreement in hand and a decent lawyer I'd like your chances of overcoming Atlleast that. Butter her up, let her know your sorry it didn't work out and she should have no fear you will never let your child go without. Wich SHOULD be her reasoning anyways.

 

And get the most ruthless ***** of a lawyer you can find, that will cook her goose! I live in KY, we settled out of court and the lawyers just make it legal when you go in to sign papers. We still live close together, so our arrangement was real close to 50/50, at first you think that is a lot of back and forth on the kids, but they get used to it, main thing is to swallow pride and try and get along, that helps the kids the most. I paid child support on two kids for 15 yrs, thing that gets me is we made at the time about the same money, so I think we should have both paid into an account for the kids, and used the money for them, but no she gets to decide what to do with money. It helps if grand parents can help with the kids, I know a lot of times I had to work late and Mom picked up kids and kept them, better than a sitter. I could go on and on about my opinions but it's a long road and a lot of personal sacrifices, but I am proud that my boy is 25 now and has his masters and is going to law school, my daughter is 22 graduated in 3 yrs with bachelors, and got accepted into physical therapy school. Good luck in everything.

 

What's up Naps,I'll keep my comments here with you, seeing that we're going thru this together.

I'll give you a rundown, I approached her to get full custody of my son, we've had joint since we split up 7 years, I approached her because she's done some shady sh$& in the past and recent past, and has now a fiancé that has yet to look me in the eye, but called me to tell me he only wants me to emAil my sons mother, not call, after we fought on the phone over how disrespectful he is, he threatened to kill me..

So personally, with what her lifestyle is (playboy), how she makes money, (god only knows), some drug issues, dui's, new fiancé who has a record/ threats, and some domestic violence calls that she and he had at their home, I'm thinking I have a good chance of getting my son..

I know mine is gonna get ugly and expensive, my retainer was 5 grand..l

I've been to the court 4 times..a complete disorganized, overly complicated, unstructured mess.

But, I think I should get him with this kind of case, whatta u think?

 

I think you need to document dates and times of her incidents with details. I think you need to document dates and times you have argued with her and the specific issues with the dude. I would bring up her questionable sources of income and how it can affect your son, as well as what her new guy does for a living. Stability is looked at as a very good thing in most courts so if you have it and she doesnt they will like that. I would also dig up any dirt on this guy and throw it in her face because if its endangering your son than its your business and deserves to be out there.

 

All I have to say if someone told me they were "going to kill me" and my child was involved he would still be eating through a straw.

And DJ, who cares what he thinks you and your ex should be doing, his opinion is irrelevant to the situation, and make sure he knows that, point blank. I'd have told him to never consider calling me to discuss anything about this, if and when his opinion mattered I'd call him to let him know.

Make sure he knows this is between you and her, if he has an issue, suggest he talk to her about it.....if she cares enough to **** him then she has the time to care, and since you're not the one he's ****ing, you don't care.

 

While its ultimately the wrong thing to do, and illegal...

When it comes to my daughter, I have a button that can be pushed that can send me into Charles Manson mode. I'm sure a few fathers especially with daughters can relate.

 

for now: keep records of any communications, I mean any. Keep records of any financial transactions. Be civil. If you can get her to sign off on a quick 50/50 custody agreement or whatever it is you want, do so. Contact a lawyer. You don't have to use said lawyer, but having one on backup who is up to date will help. But, yeah, don't tell her you have a lawyer.

 

The first thing is, if someone says this to you, they have no intention of ever doing it. The number of times I've had someone say "I'm going to do x to you" is only surpassed by the number of times those same people wilt when taken up on their "promise". If the guy really wanted to do something to you, he'd just do it - whatever message he had would have been sent via the action.

But yeah, I'm with you. It doesn't mean I'm going to win but to hell with letting some other dude tell me what I can and can't do with regards to my child or their mother. If I want to call her I can, if she prevents me etc. thats a different story.....but not some johnny come lately.

Like in Moneyball - "Her mother and I will discuss it". Exactly right.

I'll throw in a disclaimer - I'm probably not the one to ask for advice as I'm bat **** crazy anyways.

 

Matt, I'm serious, this kind of advice really helps me man...I'm lost in this kind if thing, and some direction like that is valuable to me.thank you.

And thanks in advance to anyone that suggests good advice for both of us..

She's cant understand why I'm trying to get full custody now, and she knows that her new fiancé has yet to meet me and shake my hand, and he's living there, it first started when I would just go over and make breakfast for him and take him to school, ( I would do this even when it was her joint time to have him), she came to me and told me he wasn't comfortable me coming over while he's there..

How does she think I'm going to let my son be raised half the time with a man who said he was going to kill me...

Just filed for a restraining order against him, so I have it for the record.

 

keep your head up deej. Love you bro!

 

thanks Con, I appreciate your concern brother... at this point all communication has broken down..

Here's what transpired, I told her I wanted full custody and that I might want to move out if state..what you need to know here is since the threats ( a few months ago) I had to completely change my career plans, I did so I can get him full time, when I told her what I wanted , she filed an exparte, which means she filed for emergency custody...that got denied, we went to the next hearing after mediation, and the judge told us to figure a plan as to how your going to divide the time evenly until the next proceedings, she is now withholding my son from me, without any court orders whatsoever, now I know she's not allowed but here's the thing, I'm going Monday to my kids school ( his name is DJ btw, 9 years old, great kid, really loves me) and I'm walking out..

What I'm afraid if is a bad situation happening at his school..but I got to do it.

 

Here's how it went down, she had been missing taking my son to some appt ( karate, guitar) while I was on a trip, I called her to ask why, she sounded fu&$ed up, we got into an argument over the phone, I'm sure she told her new boyfriend about it, and that's why he called, he was so disrespectful to me, we got into the verbal agreement, that's when he said what he did and much much more..

Now I had to think, no matter how mad I was, with my career I have no leverage, I travel ( spend 150 - 175 days a year off a year with my son) that's been our agreement for 7 years, do I deal with him and continue leaving my son on road trips, or do I change everything to get him full time, I changed everything and now have an opportunity to work from home..

Naps, chime in here bud, I want to know what your going thru too?

 

Ah man, thanks bro, luv u too man.

 

Just remember that to the law two wrongs never make a right. Just be careful collecting your son, that can be a sticky situation. Just make sure your lawyer knows what you're planning to do, he can't say anything to anyone, but just make sure he's abreast of it so as to have a plan.

 

Like I said, I'd have told him where I work and invited him to come by......if not then **** off son. Maybe I'd have sent the police to his house just as a reminder that he can be 'removed' if necessary as well.

Basically do everything to make this jackass realize he is irrelevant, when he speaks don't answer, don't acknowledge he's alive and refuse to drop your son off to him based on his behavior. Just start irking the bastard to death, and always remember to smile at him every time you do one of these things. Ya' know, kill him with kindness while all the while treating him like ****. Get dirt on the guy, whatever and however as well as her.

Chances are you have the best intentions, but in the end its a street fight in many ways, and do what you have to do for you. Outside of your son, the rest can flat out **** off and ride off into the sunset. And if you get rights etc, don't ever give them up. Ever. Basically be a bad bastard when you need to be, almost treat it like a business in terms of removing emotion from the decision and be deliberate about it, you'll be tested and will have to simply be willing to dig your heels in and never give up til you have what you want. You'll be called names, ****ed with and all the rest, simply be a man, take the **** and keep on truckin'. Make it a battle of wills and make sure yours is stronger than anyone else's, even the judge.

And never let them get your goat, easiest way to do that is to never let 'em know where its hid.

 

Guys, I'm concerned for both of you. Rest assured that, if you are unfortunate enough to end up in a contested proceeding, the probability of whatever you post here ending up in the opposing lawyer's exhibit folder and being read to the judge is extremely high.

The one and only consideration in any custody matter is the best interests of the children. You do not, do not, want anything out there that could support an argument that your primary purpose is anything but a sober, logical consideration of the children's best interest.

Just a word to my friends from someone who's in that environment all the time. The best thing you can do is talk about this stuff with your lawyer.

Best to both of you.

 

yup, I told her what I was going to do, and she said your his father, she cannot withhold him from you, and if you take him, there is nothing she can do..

I just worry about the altercation with the fiancé, the restraining order has yet to be served..this dude when we were arguing over the phone told me he was was a gang member and if I knew what it meant to have a teardrop tattoo..

 

I appreciate that, here's the thing, I have nothing to hide, let them take this dialogue, it's all the truth, and there's a lot more.

 

I'm trying to figure out how I'm gonna take videos of her off the Internet and present them in a form of evidence..I hope they take the stuff from the Internet and make it admissible.

 

Haha! Yes I do know what it means; you paid a tatoo artist to do some work.

This guy sounds hilarious to be honest.

 

There are programs that will do that for you. "Any Video Converter" will download videos off of Youtube.

 

You guys may recall my posts from several years ago about divorcing my borderline (cliff notes for people that don't know what a borderline is: Apesh*t crazy, destructive and insane) ex-Wife. Here is what I learned from therapists and my lawyer. I am lucky we never had kids as I would have fought for full custody, but I think this stuff can apply:

1) Keep detailed records of EVERY SINGLE interaction. Every time you are threatened, right it down. Keep all emails and communications.
2) Remain calm, distant and professional. Pretend you are negotiating a business deal, not with the devil. Crazy people like to draw you into their insanity. Do not engage emotionally. Let her and her psycho new boyfriend call you every name in the book.. Ignore it and speak in calm tones and pretend like you don't care. Eventually you won't care, and your lack of an emotional response will make her go even crazier, which is a good thing. Let her implode with kindness.
Good luck guys!!

 

He's young, like 26, you would think if he had any brains and loved his fiancé he would want to meet the father of his finances son, you know shake the hand, show some respect...nope, first news I heard on him was that he didn't want me in the house when he was there..she said he just wasn't comfortable at that point..

He had no reason to be jealous, haven't been with his woman in 7 years with bare essential communication..

All I know is he's got dreads, and he tries to intimidate...when we were in the mediation room the officer there noticed he was eyeballing me and standing to close, I dint notice at the time and the cop didn't know there was an affiliation, he told the guy to get out, and then asked if I wanted an escort out to the car..he's also sent me some texts saying to only email..

 

Download onto a cd?

 

You know what I keep thinking to myself, if this was a little girl instead of a boy, how on earth would a judge allow joint custody to a woman who has had issues with drugs, playboy lifestyle, alcoholism, DUI, and a new gangster fiancé who has done what he's done to me.?

Sometimes I worry because my kids a boy that the judge will be more lenient towards her?

 

I'd think him being a boy helps you but idk. The man is always fighting an uphill battle to begin w/ when it comes to custody, which is bull****.

 

I'm not sure I have a good lawyer, she seems disorganized, impatient..but damn, I'm in deep with her now..my exparte hearing got denied yesterday, which is an emergency custody type motion, I wanted to put a declaration in the record with the judge, but I guess expartes only get granted if the child is in serious physical danger..

 

Damn, so she has been withholding my son, completely ignoring all my attempt to communicate about a fair schedule of fifty fifty, so I went to my sons school, looked at her and said, he's coming home with me today, boy oh boy did she make a scene, following me screaming, my son was ballin...

Two days later she filed a restraining order against me citing that I threatened her at school, she completely lied to get that, and now I have to deal with that case on top of everything..