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Just Broke Up with my Girlfriend of over 2 years

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by UCF FINatic, Jan 24, 2013.

  1. UCF FINatic

    UCF FINatic The Miami Dolphins select

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    Where to begin. I don't even know what I want from this thread, but I guess I am just going to write down what is on my mind. I was the one that ended things, but I am still a pretty big mess. I'm not an overly emotional guy and this is the first time I have cried since putting my 13 year old Boxer down.

    My biggest question, I guess is, what is love and how do you know when a girl is "the one"?

    My girlfriend was incredible. She was honest, trustworthy, and would do absolutely anything for me. She was attractive and smart. She would cook for me and would have made a incredible mother and wife. She would often go out of her way to do little things to surprise me (she would sometimes text me, "check your email" for me to see that she sent me a $15 gift card to Starbucks or Chipotle, etc.). She was a hard worker (had held a job for many years unlike a lot of people in our age bracket 20-22). She was mentally stable and appreciative of whatever I did for her. She would watch football and even would listen to me explain how the game worked. Even as I broke up with her, through her sobs, she just kept saying how she wanted the best for me, wanted me to be happy, and was glad to have spent two plus years with me.

    Luckily, we ended it on good terms but I don't know what to think about long-term. She is such a great woman, but there were a couple of things that concerned me. First and foremost, I guess in the simplest terms is she was kind of boring. Her ideal night/day would be to sleep in really late, go out to eat for lunch/breakfast, go back home possibly take a nap, then watch tv or a movie until dinner time and then watch tv or a movie until bed time. Don't get me wrong I love doing that to relax every now and then, but that is what she would do all the time. We never really would go out and do exciting or fun random things to keep the interest up and I didn't want that to be the rest of my life; working then watching TV all the time. I enjoy going out and doing stuff and having fun. She would obviously come if I would suggest something, but otherwise the default was doing absolutely nothing. There is only so much of that I can take. She stopped spending time with her friends to devote all of her time to me. I appreciated that, but it was hard trying to keep my friends while she made me the center of her world. She would often want to spend a bunch of time together and I would sometimes feel weird trying to tell her I wanted to go hang out with my friends. She was also kind of boring in bed, she would try different things and would dress up, but I am a very passionate guy and it seriously bugged me that we sort of got into a routine. At one point, I even told he about that hoping we would change it and bring passion back into the bedroom; she got pretty upset and cried some and then told me that she would work on it. Sure enough the next time we had sex it was pretty much the same thing. She was incredibly indecisive. Anytime I would ask for her opinion about something (such as where we should go for dinner), I would get the standard "Uhhh, doesn't matter to me." Then I would proceed to name a couple place which she would shoot down, so annoying. She was somewhat messy, I am sort of a clean freak so when she would drive her car or when I would go to her place I would have to over-look some of the stuff on the ground or just strewn about.

    I'm scared of both sides. I was scared of waking up one day being 40+ years old realizing I didn't want to be in a boring relationship, with a dull sex life. And on the other hand, I am scared of missing out on a woman that has some of the best qualities a guy could ask for. I don't know if I made the right decision or not and it just hurts right now.

    Thanks for allowing me to vent guys.
     
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  2. GridIronKing34

    GridIronKing34 Silently Judging You

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    I'm sorry to hear that, man. I think at the end of the day, you have to prioritize what you really want out of your relationship. Sometimes people have deal breakers so to speak that all the good cannot erase. It sounds to me she has one or two of those deal-breakers for you. I suppose others can offer better advice because it's not like I'm married and I'm probably just a few years older than you, if that.
     
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  3. Laces Out

    Laces Out Well-Known Member

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    My friend, I hope you clear your head, because it sounds like she is a keeper.

    She has a stable job and would make a great wife and mother. All due respect, what else do you really need? Do you absolutely need wild sex? Because in my experience, wild sex=damaged chick. I understand the need for changing it up so to speak, but you have to have a talk about it, not a fight.

    I get the home body issue. That can be frustrating, but the question to me becomes 'does the bad outweigh the good?'
     
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  4. If you love her, go back and work it out. If not, let her go. She is a person so make up your mind.
     
  5. Paul 13

    Paul 13 Chaotic Neutral & Unstable Genius Staff Member

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    I'm no expert... :shifty: but it sounds like you just need a break. How old are you? It's not terribly important these days but I'm just curious. But sometimes breaks can help relationships... sometimes they can hurt them. People are different. Jealousy sets in (if you date other girls during the break). Believe it or not, couples tend to be opposites. Relationships tend to last if opposites exist. Most people don't want to be with someone who is exactly like them.

    This will sound wrong... but if you guys love each other, and want what's best for one another, a "break" might satisfy you both. I'm not saying that's all you need. One of you might find someone else and not want to get back together. But don't burn bridges. Be Happy... life is too short to be with someone you're not happy with.
     
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  6. Paul 13

    Paul 13 Chaotic Neutral & Unstable Genius Staff Member

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    oh and you're not in the GML this year? maybe that would take your mind off things? :wink2:
     
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  7. GridIronKing34

    GridIronKing34 Silently Judging You

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    I think he is around my age... maybe a year or two younger. I know that he is currently enrolled in dental school unless he made a major decision to change career paths in the last year.
     
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  8. UCF FINatic

    UCF FINatic The Miami Dolphins select

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    I'm 24. I agree I think a break could ultimately help our relationship in the long run because it would make both of us appreciate each other a little more. We did end things on a positive note and said we could still talk and that we wanted to remain friends and even mentioned potentially getting back together in the future.

    I know this sounds bad, but another reason that lead to me breaking up is just the fact that I am not the same happy go lucky guy I was when we were first dating. To an extent dental school has jaded me and im just not as happy as before. I think its hard to love someone when you are happy yourself. i think this caused me to not appreciate her as much or enjoy my time with her. She said she noticed this too.

    Thanks for all the help and posts guys.
     
    Paul 13 likes this.
  9. Fin-Omenal

    Fin-Omenal Initiated

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    Work it out.

    90% of girls these days are selfish sluts, stuff like that can be worked out. Trust me you don't want to deal with some of these other idiot broads.

    Sent from my MB855 using Tapatalk 2
     
  10. padre31

    padre31 Premium Member Luxury Box

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    Sounds a bit like she was ready to commit and UCF just was not ready to do the same.

    You know those boring nights just looking at each other? Uhm that kinda is how coupledom works UCF, it is not a thrill a minute there is a lot of slow grind time just being together.

    It is a good thing you recognized you were not happy with it.
     
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  11. MikeHoncho

    MikeHoncho -=| Censored |=-

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    Hate to rub salt in the wound, but the stuff you mention in the second paragraph was all your responsibility. It is or ought to be the man's initiative to do all those things.
     
  12. Bumrush

    Bumrush Stable Genius Club Member

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    You are still very young, so you shouldn't be in a rush to get married or settle down if you don't want to.

    With that being said, she sounds like a real gem. Let me give you my real life scenario.

    I met a hot, sexy, seductive sex freak that blew me away. We started out on fire. After getting sucked in to marriage, it was a total nightmare. Yes she could turn heads in a room full of men, and yes that made me feel cool, but eventually it became a roller coaster as I was dealing with a psycho b****. After a few years I couldn't take it anymore, leading to a hefty financial settlement as she drained all that I had worked for.

    A few years later, I met a woman that is nearly identical to the girlfriend you just mentioned. Hot in her own sense without having to be seductive or attention seeking, calm, hard working, nurturing and sweet. Our sex life is pretty bland. But I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world. She makes 6x the income the psycho made, works her *** off all day and is overall an amazing person.

    There is no perfect scenario. As stated earlier, the sex freak party girl will ruin you, and someone that exhibits the qualities that are important in life typically won't be a sex freak or want to party till 5 AM.

    Take option 2. But before you do that, find an option 1 and use her without getting pulled in emotionally. My advice :)
     
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  13. byroan

    byroan Giggity Staff Member Administrator Luxury Box

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    I'll be honest man, she sounds like a keeper. This is only going off what you posted though. But if you're not happy, it's best to move on now before it gets even more serious.
     
  14. Bumrush

    Bumrush Stable Genius Club Member

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    Good point. UCF, don't take my post as "truth". In college I also dated a girl that was great, but she really bored me. It was painful to move on but it was the right move... Now if she stimulates you mentally it's a different story.
     
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  15. unluckyluciano

    unluckyluciano For My Hero JetsSuck

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    Marriage,relationships are about compromise. If she's willing to do something when you were willing/wanting to then she was compromising. You have to also be willing to stay home when she wants to/need to. As for the sex, she's probably embarrassed about it bro. You have to talk to her, not just a couple of times but over a period of time. Make it ok for her to say what she wants as much as you to say what you want.
    As for wanting to be your everything that's women b. Sit her down tell her you want man time just like she should want some woman time, and encourage it. She gets to go out and be with her friends on the same night you with yours or something like that.
    I'm not sure how much work you put in before saying enough so I'm not going to judge, but yeah, welcome to adult hood. These things take work.
     
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  16. Fin D

    Fin D Sigh

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    If the things you told give us a decent picture of her, then you did the right thing because you aren't ready for her and regardless of the pain, staying with her isn't fair to either of you.

    If you crave the kind of excitement you're describing then go and have that, because if you don't and stick with her, you'll end up bitter and unhappy and blame her. She is the type of woman you should only be with when you're done with that lifestyle. As you get older, you'll probably kick yourself for letting her go, but it was the right call, and you still may have a chance with her in the future or find another. But like I said, if you stick through it now, you'll wind up blaming her for your regrets and you'll have a loveless marriage.

    You basically met at the wrong points in your life.

    Also, know that you aren't wrong to want the things you want. I don't care what anyone tells you, your happiness and the things that make you happy (as long as they are legal and don't hurt anyone) should be striven for until you reach them or what makes you happy changes. Life is too short, be happy without hurting others.
     
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  17. Muck

    Muck Throwback Uniform Crusader Retired Administrator

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    At a minimum, you need a break.

    You're too young to be bored and unhappy. Go out, have fun and then see how you feel about potentially getting back into a relationship. You might find that for all her great qualities, she's just not 'the' right one for you. Don't settle. Because you could hit 30 and realize you really want to be free and single and having fun. Happens all the time.

    Passion is important. Without it you're just roommates. You're a young man, be invigorated and live life!

    And try not to let nostalgia color your outlook and your decisions. Continue being honest with yourself and about her.

    EDIT: Appears FinD said it better than I could. :lol:
     
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  18. finsincebirth

    finsincebirth Well-Known Member

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    Hey man, if you want to grab a beer and talk about it or just bs about the dolphins, just let me know.
     
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  19. dolfan32323

    dolfan32323 ty xphinfanx

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    This was a choice you came to independent of anyone's advice I am assuming. If that is the case, then you made the right decision. Only you know what is right for you, and obviously this wasn't an easy decision.
     
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  20. Paul 13

    Paul 13 Chaotic Neutral & Unstable Genius Staff Member

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    Speaking as a man who is middle aged, with wife and two kids, to a man who is in his mid 20s and not married, live life and work on your career until you are ready to "settle down."
     
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  21. finyank13

    finyank13 Reality Check

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    Who says you have to deal with them? Just throw a bag over their head and get yours.....:shifty:
     
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  22. 305

    305 Brawndo Club Member

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    Get off my lawn.
    Whatever you do, give it some time... Let your head clear up a little before you start making decisions.
     
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  23. TheHighExhaulted

    TheHighExhaulted Well-Known Member

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    There's someone for everyone out there. In some cases there's two someones for one person. That's what I like to call the jackpot.
     
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  24. 366vektorprime

    366vektorprime BAAAAANGGG!!!!!!!!!!!

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    As someone of about your age, I'd advice you to work on your career. You've got the time, so there's no reason why you wouldn't meet your perfect women. With a good career behind you, you can always take the time to advance your personal life.
     
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  25. UCF FINatic

    UCF FINatic The Miami Dolphins select

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    There isn't much mental stimulation. She did while I was in undergrad at UCF, but ever since I've been in dental school I feel like we have been on different wave lengths. It's almost as I grew intellectually and mentally there is a gap now. Additionally, it doesn't help that she doesn't have a lot of interests to talk to me about. Most of our conversations she starts are about her job and her roommates. I can understand work is a typical conversation topic, but its hard for me to listen to her about her work because I worked at the same grocery store she currently works at for 5 years. I pretty much know all the people she talks about, but I always put up a barrier at work because my dad was pretty high up in the company and didn't want anyone to think I had favorites or yadda yadda. I would be friendly and had a lot of work friends, but wouldn't really hang out with a lot of people outside of work. I had my own friends outside of work, my ex-girlfriend doesn't have that many friends so that's all she has to talk about and its hard to listen to.
     
  26. UCF FINatic

    UCF FINatic The Miami Dolphins select

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    Great points all around. I think this sums up my situation pretty well.
     
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  27. UCF FINatic

    UCF FINatic The Miami Dolphins select

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    Thank you very much man. That means a great deal to me. Unfortunately, I have an exam this upcoming week and 3 the following week so studying has kept my freaking busy. We'll have to catch up soon though!
     
  28. UCF FINatic

    UCF FINatic The Miami Dolphins select

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    That sounds a lot like my relationship. She is essentially the dead fish in bed and I always have to initiate. And its almost always missionary, there is no "wrestling" around and just doing it a bunch of different ways. A lot of things just got boring and bland, much like you there were many, many times I would just prefer playing PS3 and browsing thephins instead of hanging out with her, or doing stuff with her. It got so painstakingly boring.

    Luckily, we ended on good terms so we still text each other and we are actually going to hang out on Valentines day. It will be like a date of sort. I was actually thinking of writing a list of things that we could work on (if we were to get back together). Some of the things that pop into my mind thinking about this are: being more spontaneous with what we do when we hang out, having more passionate sex, etc.

    I think if we did take a break and saw other people we would find ourselves in a similar situation as you and your girl so hopefully that happens.

    Also I am sorry to hear about your situation, sometimes life isn't fair. :pity:
     
  29. GridIronKing34

    GridIronKing34 Silently Judging You

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    It's just dental school... eh I graduated with a degree in communications, what do I know?
     
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  30. Rocky Raccoon

    Rocky Raccoon Greasepaint Ghost Staff Member

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    I'm going to put this out there bluntly.

    This is going to be something you regret down the road. This girl seems to be everything most normal guys dream of. I completely understand you're feelings. You're bored and restless and you're tired of the same old song and dance. That's completely understandable. You're young and have a lot going on and you need something exciting in life. You want a change. You feel like someone better will come along down the line when your life has settled down and you're ready for that low-key, boring life. That girl may never be there like this one was.

    I wish you all the luck in the world buddy...but be careful. That's all I'm going to say.
     
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