When this here website was in it's infancy, I was asked by Muck to write a weekly column with my usual brand of idiocy. I jumped at the opportunity and let him know that he could count on me. What I didn't tell him is that he could count on me to miss deadlines, disappear for months on end, write for my own websites as well as stand-up comedians, and make babies after whiskey influenced benders. But with those days well behind me (except for the kid...I seem to be stuck with her for awhile), it is time to get back on the ol' horse and recap the offseason that was. So without further adieu...on to the Manifesto. The Mysterious Logo of Miami-Land Mike Dee announced roughly five years ago that a new logo and uniform combination was forthcoming. Old would meet new, tradition would marry modernization and everyone from Dan Marino to Ace Ventura to Joe Robbie's skull loved it and so would every Miami fan ever in the history of history. But no one is allowed to see it until Pluto was re-instated as a planet. What Mike Dee DIDN'T count on was that it was 2013 and this "newfangled internet thing," was totally gonna feed him a harshmallow by leaking worse than Don Shula in a pair of depends. And once the logo was leaked, the debate raged on as to whether it was an improvement to the cartoonish, down syndrome-y, helmet wearing dolphin of the past 45+ years, or if it was a ****ing whale. Seriously, that was the biggest debate on this board and every other fan board. Personally, I don't see how anyone can possibly see a whale in the design, but feel free to look again and be the judge. Bye-Baaaaaaaaaaaah Jake Long, Miami's #1 overall pick from yesteryear and everyone's favorite left tackle to love...and hate, became a free agent. Despite a massive lobbying effort by his fellow linemen and a contract proposal that would have paid him more money to stay, Jake took his talents, and his wife, away from South Beach. As it turned out, Jake Long saw the changes that Miami was making and decided he wanted no part of this new culture of success. Instead he went where he was comfortable and where losing is more of a certainty than anywhere else in the NFL over the last decade...St. Louis. The ultimate deal maker for Jake was when Jeff Fisher offered to send a first class ram for Big Jake to ride back to the midwest. Mike "Flash" Wallace The start of Free Agency netted the Dolphins the fastest receiver in the league, Mike "Flash" Wallace, who lived up to his own hype by signing a contract faster than anyone else in the league. He also shattered the Dolphins record for getting into the public's doghouse, when just a few weeks later, he tweeted an anti-gay slur. The aftermath forced Wallace to apologize, stating, "I am sorry to all of the fanny bandits I offended. I never meant to make those fairies cry." Just remember Miami fans, we paid him that money because he runs fast, not because he is a thinker... Stadium Upgrades...err uhm...Whoops After the logo and uniform reveals, and the whirlwind of activity that was free agency, Miami unveiled plans to upgrade their home stadium using taxpayer money in an effort to save billionaire owner, Stephen Ross from having to go to Coinstar and turn in his loose change and pay for it himself. Forgetting that Miami residents had just been F'ed in the A by another sports franchise owner into paying for a new stadium after a frenzied free agency spending spree, the measure was slapped down harder than Dikembe Mutumbo versus a box of cereal in a Geico commercial. But all is not lost. Miami's PR department has decided to simply market the older stadium as the movie set from the latest Batman movie and force "that Steelers receiver," they purchased to run that same play from the movie, over and over again. And I don't even know what the fuss is all about...the stadium looks perfectly fine to me. Jason Taylor Part Deux And finally, the NFL draft allowed Miami to once again, steal the spotlight and headlines. Jeff Ireland, the embattled GM of the Dolphins who has remarkably been able to weather the storm of an angry fan base made the bold decision to trade up and draft a bust, as opposed to stay put and draft a bust at the original draft spot. All kidding aside, the Dolphins drafted Oregon's Dion Jordan to help shore up a pass rush that feature Cam Wake and ugh...well, Cam Wake. The beauty of the whole thing is that if Jordan DOES end up being a bust, we can simply call Jason Taylor, stick him in Jordan's uniform and no one would be the wiser. Way to go Jeff! See everyone in another three years!
A) because one disagree with Mike Wallace does not make him any less of a "thinker" that is intellectual arrogance. Which oddly, is Sammie's specialty B) Don Shula does not leak into his depends, he ****s excellence C) Mike Dee is quite possibly the dumbest PR man in existence, he is to PR what Herpes is to casual sex D)Sammie is possibly a bigger Diva then Kim Bokamper Luv ya Sammie!
Couldn't disagree with you more on Dee, he's trying to do things that I've wanted done before he got here, uniform and logo change being two of them.
Dumb dumb never should have went over the top about the stadium upgrades being rejected via Tallahassee
I don't know how you can say that. He intentionally alienated the franchise so that the local groups that benefit most would be forced to carry the torch moving forward if they want prime time events in S. Florida. Stadium upgrades don't have any affect on the Miami Dolphins.
I think I preferred your drunken Landshark prediction of how many games the Phins would win with you "MoneyShot" at the end lolol
Remember that time I guest-wrote a Manifesto? Seriously, does anyone remember it because I was drinking pretty heavily back then
A little off topic guy. We like new posters, but the "Introduce Yourself" forum is here: http://www.thephins.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?38-Introduce-Yourself