***Warning: Ridiculous Content Ahead. Tongue in Cheek (mostly) *** Today I did some very important research fellow Dolphins fans. I needed to see who the most handsome of all the GM/OC candidates were. Now let's be mature about this. Straight, gay, male, female, etc I think we can have a legitimate discussion about which candidates are the most handsome. For the record I have an unblemished record of heterosexuality... [video=youtube;Oj3VphK9AMk]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oj3VphK9AMk[/video] Right about now, you're probably asking yourself, "Why in the hell does this matter?" Well, those of you who remember our most recent coaching search might remember that myself and a couple of others said it's always important to hire the most handsome guy (or girl for that matter). "That's crazy!" you're probably saying to yourself. "Why did I open this thread?" To that I say - This application of the handsome theory identified Mike McCoy as the guy Miami should have hired in 2012. Mike McCoy and his Chargers are getting ready for round 2 of the playoffs right now. It's not to trash Philbin, but because Philbin looks like the creature from Pan's Labyrinth, he's gotta coach so much harder than his peers. totally looks like So with that out of the way let's get right down to business: Let's start with the GMs: Tom Gamble: Ray Farmer: Oof, Omar Khan is the clear loser here IMHO. Looks like Grimace. No fatties in the front office. We saw where Parcells got us. And probably not a great pic of Jason Licht. He looks a little touched in the head, but have to put him above Omar. Tom Gamble has kind of a goofy Seth MacFarlane lookalike thing going on. Some dental work and he could be presentable. Ray Farmer is a handsome man, but looks a little too much like Shaq. I don't think Dawn Aponte is in the running for the GM position, but let's not leave her out of the discussion. I think this is a younger picture of her and much more flattering than the one circulating through the media currently: Pretty? Kinda. Handome? Nope. Sorry Dawn. But let's not beat around the bush, it's Brian Gaine here in a landslide. I think we can all agree he's an absolute dreamboat, right? I've done a complete 180 here. Based on handsomeness, so far it's Brian Gaine's job to lose. I'll just add that all of these men are much more handsome than the nerdy balding ball boy Miami just fired. I mean, just on looks alone Ireland was a train wreck and it's probably a big reason he was so poor at his job. The sunglasses connectors, the awful suits, those shorts, the pastiness. I could go on and on. And the whole "I look like I'm chewing tobacco, but I'm really not" thing was a major turnoff. Now onto the OCs - Bill Lazor Gary Kubiak Kyle Shanahan: Well let's just cross Kyle off our list right off the bat. Looks like a cross between a chipmunk and a ******ed horse. That cannot be the face of our offense. Our offense is ******ed enough already. Regarding Gary Kubiak - as Grandpa Simpson would say, "Now there's a haircut you can set your watch to!" Bonus points for the chest hair. But despite the Strahan choppers I gotta give the nod to Lazor here but not by much. Not sure if Norv Turner is in the running here, but no need to discuss him with all those pock marks. So there you have it folks. That's how I see it right now, but let's get some other opinions here. Please post pics of other candidates not yet pictured.
Looks like Gaine is going to win in a landslide. What do you think the PFT headline is going to be one when Armando reports that Ross told his staff to pick the best looking one?
Forgot about these guys: Lake Dawson: Handsome man, but he's not unseating Brian Gaine as mayor of sexy town. Lional Vital Not handsome and your name sounds like a shampoo. Next!
WTF???? I'm ok with the way any or our prospects look as long as none have a PornStache. That feature should immediately negate any prospect. We suffered way too much under that specific facial feature... never again... NEVER AGAIN!
Lake Dawson looks like Chris Rock. Chris is frigging hilarious. That's good enough for me. I endorse Lake as our next GM. Maybe Ross can make Chris Rock another one of the 1% partners with JLo, Serena, Venus, et al.
Yup, I'm sure we've all seen the current pic that's going around. I've tried to alter her hair in my mind while staring at it. Didn't work out too well. Took me like an extra 20 minutes to finish. You win some, you lose some.
Lake Dawson and Brian Gaine could assemble my 53 man roster anytime. I mean, umm Sent from my SPH-L720 using Tapatalk
My astute observations: Tom Gamble looks like a dimwitted serial killer from the 50's. Omar Khan has a ****ing long *** head. Kyle Shanahan looks like a Beastie Boy. Lional Vital smokes some good weed. Bill Lazor looks like a bible salesman. Dawn Aponte confuses me. Ben Macadoo's eyebrows blend in with his face. Freak.
This is football, they shouldn't be too pretty. If Ray Farmer is cutting someone their reaction isn't "but you didn't give me a chance!" it's "ok I'm cut, just please don't hit me". No contest, Farmer wins.
I have to disagree with that criteria, especially in Khan's case. If you have a cool sounding last name but look like a dope, the let down when you meet people is insurmountable.
I think Philbin should demand Ross hires someone uglier than he is. Oh wait, that would limit the GM search field to no one.
Here we go: Gaine Looks like a typical reality show whore. The guy hooking up with the white girl with corn-rows. Khan Looks like an egg. Or a lighter Mr. Potato Head doll without the hat and mustache. Light Looks like he's got a well in his basement where he keeps his skin-donor "friends". Farmer Looks like James Harrison. I'm not even joking. Aponte Just looks like a 100% certified freak. I'm talking about lumberjack breakfast. It's always the quiet ones. Kubiak Looks like a loan-shark and/or bookie. Just shady really. Lazor Looks like what I imagine CashinFist's neighbors must look like. Shanahan Looks like a DEA informant who's been undercover for years.
