ok, listen up everyone. who had 5 years and 11 months till the time Barry figured this out? Come collect your winnings. he even let me be the big spoon that one night.
Hey man its his best game of his life and he is fighting thru the fact his uniform is getting spray tan stained and the people in the bleachers are laughing. Cant wait to hear about game 2.
I like to think of myself of a slick mix between, Blade and Bret Boone. Those clinging lifers and their knee braces have been "hitting" all winter, wear real life baseball pants, have 2-3 bats...I show up with Under Armour shorts a black tee and some Nike cleats from back in the day while haven't swung a bat in 5 months. I wasn't gonna share this brag about game 2, but now I feel like it's a must. Bottom of the last inning and I'm 2-3, not due up for a while so I fade off into day dreaming about my trip to Atlantic City next week to play in the World Poker Tour Borgota tournament. "Morgan! Morgan! Your up bro" said the player/coach. Tossing off my hoodie to hide the orange streaks, I grab one of the douche's $300 bats and head to the plate. Sick thing is, I don't care if I get on or out...I've already locked up an epic night of hitting, worst case I'm 5 for 8 with a .625 avg to start to the year. I take the first pitch (this is standard for all great hitters) then this steriod sucking pitcher tosses me a pitch I have only seen in my dreams...BAM!!! Frozen rope over the RF head, now what I didn't know at the time is the bases were loaded...I mean, I'm so locked in all the variables go by the waist side. Anyways, as I round first I have flashbacks of Ted Ginn and his 100 yard KR's against the Jets. I dip into the sprinter stride and nearly catch the runner on 1st as we both touch home plate almost simultaneously. Walk off Grand Slam. Rolls off the tongue well, but the fine print should read that it merely made the score 15-5 and solidified our run rule victory. #truestory.
So? BigBry is a Bills fan...AND knew a famous writer...AND FLEW A PLANE (Illegally), and you don't treat him differently.
You know what I have discovered? Dropping the "I am a stand-up comedian," line gets you way less trim than I thought. It also gets you way more free bar and restaurant T-shirts...
Maybe you should try being a good stand up comedian and then see if that changes things. Or.... Join a band. If it can get Pagan and the guys from Nickelback laid, you should at least get to see some boobs.
So… which posters here have this newly discovered, terrible disease? http://adobochronicles.com/2014/03/...n-makes-it-official-selfie-a-mental-disorder/
Yeah when I was doing improv comedy all it got me was 50 year old co-workers asking for free tickets and not laughing when they realized I was dirty as **** when not working.
Your words...they burn...like lava. Eff that nonsense. I make people pay. I made my mom pay last week at the Comedy Club. For her hard earned money, she got to listen to me trash her grand daughter on stage for 20 minutes. I didn't realize I could be grounded in my early 30's...
Its game day, and we got the night cap under the lights double header tonight 8:30-9:30. I've taken the day off work to ensure fresh legs. Coming off a two game terror complete with a game ending grand slam the motivation still flows. Just like Wale say's...it's something that's in yo veins. I've been carbing up pretty much the past 4 days. Pizza, Beer, grilled cheese, Belgium waffles and chicken. The woman and I haven't had any relations for some time now (newbabyproblems) so I have a hot blend of carbohydrates and testosterone oozing out of me. 5 hours before the first pitch and all I can do is envision another Tony Gwynn type performance. I'm gonna take a nap (this is what most great hitters do mid day before a night game) to ensure a high level of energy and focus. It's on.
On a related note, just joined my first softball team. It's something I've always wanted to do and decided to stop being a lazy bum and do it. First game is in 3 weeks and I'm gonna start practicing this weekend. Can't wait to run over a catcher. George Costanza style!
At the airport ready to fly to Atlantic City and fulfill my destiny of winning a major poker tournament. The sitter cancelled on me so my team was likely taking a knife into a gun fight. I dont really care if they won or lost, fact is my .700 avg is intact and my mind is fresh for the tournament later. Going to be kind of cool seeing a TP member take down a major tournament for a quarter milly. I brought my rayban sunglasses and headphones that came free with my Galaxy S3. Needless to say im ready. Sent from my SPH-L710 using Tapatalk
Nothing says "I am ready to win millions at a poker tournament" like wearing raybans indoors and free headphones.
Obvy Sick has never seen a poker tournament. Anyway, just arrived after a grueling flight equipped with a ginger old trucker who forgot his deodorant. Stuff like that normally tilt the average poker player, but im battle tested. Sent from my SPH-L710 using Tapatalk
Wifi in an Atlantic City hotel is hot garbage. Details on tournament run coming soon. Sent from my SPH-L710 using Tapatalk
