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Deadspin rips the Dolphins

Discussion in 'Miami Dolphins Forum' started by Serpico Jones, Aug 29, 2014.

  1. Dolphins1Beatles

    Dolphins1Beatles Ziggy Stardust

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    I love these, they do them for every team, every year. The fan comments are the best. And for us every year there is a fan comment "F--k Jeff Ireland". I'm sure they get hundreds of those though.

    The comments from Ben & Drew are pretty much a cold dose of reality. And this:
    Matt:
    The Dolphins' approach since the retirement of Dan Marino has essentially been to try and emulate all the failed roster-building strategies of other teams. Al Davis's propensity to overpay system players from better teams? Check! Jon Gruden's obstinate refusal to ever draft and develop a blue-chip quarterback? Check! Giving Bill Parcells the chance to try and recreate the '86 Giants for the 22nd straight season? Check! Dan Snyder's annual free-agent spending splurges to win the month of March? Check!


    And then a comment on the article:
    The most notable accomplishment by this team between beating the '85 Bears and the present was being featured in Ace Ventura.

    It's true. Ask any Dolphins fan.


    Now let's not let the Jets off:
    The Jets have already anonymously complained about Vick not giving enough ****s to beat out Geno for the job. You're not supposed to start leaking **** like that until you start off 0-7. But the Jets, as always, aren't like other ****ty teams. They waste NO time devolving into a complete mess. They drafted a quarterback, then threw that QB to the wolves, then brought in the one guy who didn't feel like challenging him, then cursed him out anonymously to the media. Somehow they have thrown two quarterbacks under the bus and the season hasn't even started yet. Only the Jets can do that.
     
    Clark Kent and Bpk like this.
  2. Griese's Glasses

    Griese's Glasses Well-Known Member

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    As much as it's supposed to be a roast.. it seems to almost pity and sarcastically sympathize with how that J.Martin scandal blew up our season and how that will be remembered over things like our NE win or the walk-off safety.
     
  3. Dolphins1Beatles

    Dolphins1Beatles Ziggy Stardust

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    Bills are out: http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2014-buffalo-bills-1628452314

    Buffalo is actually bringing the fair market value of NFL franchises down. They're like the neighbor in your HOA who has the only house with the uncut grass and a '68 Chevelle up on blocks in his driveway. But they have the audacity to ***** that you're cutting your grass at 10 a.m. That's the Bills.

    My father refused to take me and my brother to games for years because of what a hellish nightmare Ralph Wilson Stadium is on game day. Between the broken glass all over the place and the horrific, blackout drunk white trash throughout the parking lot slugging various cheap liquor straight from the bottle, the Ralph is the last place you should ever take a child. I've seen a Bills fan scream and cuss himself hoarse at a couple of fans in Jets jerseys walking through the parking lot before the game. It was a father and his elementary-school aged son.

    I keep reading the complaint emails from fans of other teams in this series and can't stop thinking… "these sound like rich people problems" Try the Bills on for size for a decade or two.
     
  4. Griese's Glasses

    Griese's Glasses Well-Known Member

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    The Bills are the true perennial losers of the AFC. At least we won the division in 2008 and enjoyed some playoff games with Fiedler. Even the Jest had some success in the last decade too, but Buffalo is still crappy ol' Buffalo. At best the Bills can play spoiler to us or the Jest by suddenly, as if out of sheer spite for their division rivals, playing well against us in their crappy weather and dragging everyone else in the division down with them.

    Also of note is that Phins, or any other fan-base for that matter, don't actually, even at our most self-deprecating, compare ourselves to or with the Bills. That would be like an adult comparing his mathematics knowledge to that of an 8 year old, or worse comparing his member to that of an 8 year old. It's just unfathomable. Our expectations for the Dolphins are so far ahead of what the Bills can touch that to associate ourselves with such a "rival" instantly discredits us from any serious recognition.
     
  5. cuchulainn

    cuchulainn Táin Bó Cúailnge Club Member

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    Da bills...
    lmao.

    In other news, the bills signed Kyle Orton this week.

     
  6. Rocky Raccoon

    Rocky Raccoon Greasepaint Ghost Staff Member

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    I was reading this again and didn't realize this the first time but, "They allegedly traded a player for trying to take paternity leave."

    Did I miss something?
     
  7. Fin-Omenal

    Fin-Omenal Initiated

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    Thee...Ohio State University
    Insert expletives
     
  8. Fin-Omenal

    Fin-Omenal Initiated

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    Fan base punching bag Ted Ginn, beating the games best CB (Revis) for a 58 yd TD on MNF while wearing the creamsicle's. That dude was a Jet killer.
     
    cuchulainn likes this.
  9. PhinFan1968

    PhinFan1968 To 2020, and BEYOND! Club Member

    I never had a problem with Ginn...I just didn't like where he was picked.
     
  10. LBsFinest

    LBsFinest Banned

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    Spencer

     
  11. cuchulainn

    cuchulainn Táin Bó Cúailnge Club Member

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    hmmm... anyone notice there is no "why your team sucks 2014" for the patriots?

    Fins, stej, and bills only. Dafuq?
     
  12. PhinFan1968

    PhinFan1968 To 2020, and BEYOND! Club Member

    Should be within the next day or two, I'd think.
     
  13. Alex44

    Alex44 Boshosaurus Rex

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    Just go be a fan of another team. Seriously.
     
  14. cuchulainn

    cuchulainn Táin Bó Cúailnge Club Member

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    Right... just seemed odd how the entire AFCE was roasted with the exception of the pats.
     
  15. Dolphins1Beatles

    Dolphins1Beatles Ziggy Stardust

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    Here are the Pats: http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-s...source=deadspin_twitter&utm_medium=socialflow

    FUN FACT: Whenever Bill Belichick trades a player for refusing a pay cut, Jim Nantz has to go wipe the ejaculate off the inside of his khakis. Belichick controls his players like a 19th century railroad magnate, and nothing pleases the hot take providers of America more.

    Here comes Darrelle Revis, another free agency bargain that Pats fans get to lord over you as if they had orchestrated the move themselves. Brandon Browner is here as well, finally partnered up with a coach that will be able to hide his PED use effectively.

    These are terrible people, and they root for a team run by a terrible man who demands passion from his players and then cuts those same players as bloodlessly as a guillotine operator.
     
  16. gilv13

    gilv13 Well-Known Member

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    Joe:

    Bill Belichick would trade ****ing Santa for a 5th on Christmas Eve.



    lol
     
  17. Dolphins1Beatles

    Dolphins1Beatles Ziggy Stardust

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    Every time there is a wide shot of Gillette Stadium, you'll notice most of those seats are empty because those privileged pieces of **** would rather stay inside in the bar area the entire game and watch it on TV or through the window. The Nutcracker has louder audiences.

    They really don't have great crowds. The Dolphins may have a lot of empty seats, but I always find it funny when the rivals criticize it. Pats games rarely seem loud except for playoffs or when the play a Manning. Bills have had multiple blackouts. I went to Dolphins-Jets in Metlife last year and there were thousands of Dolphins fans (and some empty seats as well). Just mention any of that to shut them up about crowds.

    Every Patriot fan knows, and may even tell you, that the only thing keeping this team from going 7-9 every year is a once-in-a-generation talent at quarterback. Once he's gone, Belichick won't get away with failing to address the team's holes. It'll be like Belichick in Cleveland again.

    People seem to conveniently forget that Kraft tried to move the team to ****ing Hartford which is essentially a city inhabited solely by Life Insurance companies and not actual people. Instead he strong armed a bunch of contractors into low bidding on a ****ty stadium that is impossible to get to and actually closer to Providence (the New Jersey of New England) than Boston.
     

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