You're getting ready to watch the game vs the Redskins at your house. When you hear your doorbell ringing. You open the door and Jason Taylor and Zach Thomas was standing there. They asked if they could watch the game with you. What would your reaction be?
They'd have to get past the dogs and the guns to get to the doorbell. Don't show up unannounced round here!!
Ask Zach to sign a waiver in the event he sustains a concussion at my residence after I start throwing things around the room.
I'd say come on in Zach, you stay outside on the porch Jason, you Jets traitor! (jk I still love you JT)
I would close the door on them and call the police if they didnt leave, cause Csonka, Kiick, and Morris already showed up during pre-game and said it was "Rings Only" Party. I dont make the rules so dont blame me.
I'd invite them in amazed and happy and I'd be looking around the corner for someone filming with a camera. I'd be suspecting my wife had somehow arranged things because there no other way they'd find a solitary Dolphins fan, and my house, over this side of the pond, without help! Then I'd enjoy the evening!
I'd invite Jason in and then ask Zach for the $100 he owes me. If he paid up, I'd let him watch the first quarter through the window outside.
Id send them packin until the came back with Ricky Williams and some of his finest. Oh, who the hell am I kidding, they're two of my favorites, I'd let them in to party with or without Ricky.
Id ask Zach..."hey...think your sister would want to come over too?" Then Id say..."Come on bro..it was a joke" as I ducked JTs backhand aimed at my head.
I'd ask Jason Taylor if he brought his wife with him!!! Than tell the boys to come on in... LOL first off I would **** my pants! Zach Thomas is my Favorite Dolphin outside of Dan Marino.. He embodied everything I wanted in a player and that he did it all at his size was AMAZING a true anyone can do it visual reminder for me... I liked Jason Taylor as well, but the whole New York thing, yeah I get the reasons I lost my bromance with him. However when Zach said he would not join the Patriots because he was a Dolphin I fell in love....
No, you'd say, "Go check out my bedroom, I have a surprise for you!!!" (Chris Chambers dressed up in a gimp outfit)
Naw they still come over....with a bucket of chicken for themselves and a veggie party plate for you.
I'd let them in. They are normal people i don't understand why people get "star struck". They got paid millions to play a game, (and ruin their bodies). They aren't special humans, didn't cure cancer or aids.
Ok...would you be curious on how they found your address or why they chose your house to watch the game?
Busy night, so here's the quick version- It's 1996, a bunch of us boys are shooting pool in the Davie Ale House, and in walks three hulking men. Thomas was so drunk he could barely walk, and of course nobody knew who he was anyway since he was a rookie. It's dollar Tuesdays and everyone is well lit, and Zach announces that he has next game. There's a line of quarters on the table where people have been waiting though, so it gets many dirty looks. One of the regulars says, "Well, we're playing 8-ball $50 a game here." It was a lie though, we were playing for beers...and beer was a dollar. But Zach said, "Screw that, I'll play the winner for $100." I was the winner. I broke, ran 3 balls and missed. Zach shot and skipped the cue ball halfway across the bar. Then the first argument starts; folks say I get ball in hand, the big dudes say it's a normal scratch- so it's a scratch. Zach was a smaller guy but the two with him weren't...I want to say one was Armstrong? Big old beefy lineman....he was calm but scary looking. I forget his name, but he was a defensive role-player for a few seasons. Anyway, we played it as a scratch, I ran 3 more balls and missed the last stripe, then Zach shot again and made a couple before missing. He's getting angry though, madder and madder because people are talking trash and I'm destroying him, so I intentionally miss a few more times just to let him catch up. He finally got down to two balls, I dropped the eight and said good game, and held out my hand to share his. But he said, "<bleep> that, rack em and let's go again." The big guy (who I want to say was Armstrong) seemed to see what was coming though and he told Zach to pay me and leave, and that's about the time Zach started swinging. We were both 5' 11", 215ish and in solid shape (I worked as a trainer at Scandanivan Health Spa right down the street at that time), but I was way more sober than him and quickly backing away. I'm telling you, that Armstrong was two of me and he was fairly sober too, and the other dude (who we never did figure out who he was) was just as big. So you couldn't have paid me to throw a punch that night. And honestly, the rest of the guys in there were backing down even faster than me. Anyway, the big guys dragged Zach outside, the cops showed up, and eventually the Nova University police picked them up in a modified golf cart (which in itself was a story). I never saw Zach again except on TV, not in the Ale House or anywhere (and if you lived down there, it was fairly common to see the younger players anyway). And I harbor no ill will at all, but he still owes me $100...plus 20 years of interest.
I'd have to go change my shorts as I am quite sure if I opened the door and those guys were there, I would defecate. Twice.
Start looking for camera in the shrubbery, trees, etc. Then say... Okay, if you didn't bring beer, the store's on the corner. I can't buy 'cause my parish would have a cow. They don't care who you are! Get off the couch, dog!
I'd ask if Jason Taylor would like to impregnate my wife, then I would raise the baby as my own. He'd be a future pro bowler, and my retirement plan. Oh, I'd grill some burgers.
