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Official Joke Thread

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by GoPhins!, Mar 30, 2008.

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  1. alen1

    alen1 New Member

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    :lol:
     
  2. PMZQ

    PMZQ Banned

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    Shipwrecked

    The only survivors of a shipwreck were a man, a dog, and a pig, who were cast up on a desert island. After a few months, they had a routine where they spent every evening on the beach watching the sunset.
    One evening, during an incredibly beautiful sunset that was perfect for romance, the man started to cuddle up with the pig. As soon as he did, however, the dog began to growl menacingly at him, so he and the pig kept apart from then on.
    A few months later, another shipwreck occurred, leaving only a beautiful young woman as a survivor. They slowly nursed her back to health, and eventually, she joined them in their evening routine.
    Again, there was a perfectly beautiful evening, and once again the man began to feel those romantic urgings. So he turned to the beautiful young woman at his side, and murmured in her ear:
    "Uh, would you mind taking the dog for a walk for a while?"
     
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  3. sgtphin

    sgtphin Season Ticket Holder

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    True story--6 year old logic.

    A teacher was reading the story of the three little pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first little pig was trying to gather the material to build his house. She read...."and so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?"
    The teacher paused, then asked the class: "And what do you think the man said?"
    One litle boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly...."I think the man would have said--Well, f*** me!! A talking pig!"



    The teacher was unable to teach for the next ten minutes!!
     
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  4. Idahophin

    Idahophin Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    :sidelol:
     
  5. calphin

    calphin deadly at 250 yards!!

    Jane and Arlene


    Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts i t over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

    Arlene: What in the hell is that?

    Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

    Arlene: Where did you get it?

    Jane: You can get them at any drugstore.

    The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

    The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all,
    over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

    'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'

    The pharmacist fainted.
     
  6. sgtphin

    sgtphin Season Ticket Holder

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    Absolutely hilarious!! Best one I've seen in a long time!!
     
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  7. Big E

    Big E Plus sized porn star

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    A blonde was shopping at Target, and came across a shiny silver thermos. She was fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it to the clerk to ask what it was. The clerk said, 'That's a thermos ... It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold.' 'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing .. I'm going to buy it!' So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that?' he asked. 'Why, that's a thermos ... It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,' she replied. Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?' The blonde replied .. 'Two popsicles and some coffee.'
     
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  8. Idahophin

    Idahophin Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    :sidelol:
     
  9. Idahophin

    Idahophin Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    An absolutely stunning 23 year old girl desperately wanted to be rich.....but she certainly didn’t want to have to work. She didn’t like the thought of marrying a rich guy, because it would only put a damper on all her party action. After a lot of thought, she decided her best bet was to marry some really old rich guy so that her departure from the party scene would be brief.
    After a good deal of searching, she set her sights on a west Texas oilman/rancher who was pushing 90 years of age. After wooing the man with all she had, they were married. He flew her to Manhattan for the honeymoon, taking her to the fanciest suite in the best hotel in town.
    After getting to their rooms, the old man wandered into the bathroom. The girl draped herself in the sexiest teddy she had and stretched out on the bed thinking how after only one night, she was bound to be a very rich widow. Presently the old man walked out of the bathroom sporting the most enormous erection the girl had ever seen, and it was sheathed in a condom.
    The old man had wads of cotton stuffed in both ears and a clothespin on his nose. Jumping off the bed, the girl asked “Why the hell do you look like that?”
    The old man chuckled and said “Darlin’, there are two things in this world I just can’t stand.....the sound of a woman screaming and the smell of burning rubber."
     
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  10. Idahophin

    Idahophin Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    A large corporation recently hired several cannibals. "You are all part of our team now", said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please. don't eat any of the other employees".

    The cannibals promised they would not.

    Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard and I'm satisfied with your work. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?"

    The cannibals all shook their heads "No". After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?" A hand rose hesitantly. "You fool!" the leader continued. "For four weeks we've been eating managers and no one noticed anything. But NOOOooo, you had to go and eat someone who actually does something!!!"
     
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  11. GoPhins!

    GoPhins! Premium Member Luxury Box

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    :sidelol: :sidelol: :sidelol: :sidelol:
     
  12. PMZQ

    PMZQ Banned

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    What starts with F and ends with K?

    A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"

    Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade, and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"

    Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

    While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

    Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him, and he agreed to take the test.

    Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

    Harry: "9."

    Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

    Harry: "36."

    And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

    The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."

    Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."

    The principal and Harry both agreed.

    Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

    Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

    Ms Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

    The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

    Harry replied: "Pockets."

    Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

    Harry: "Pants."

    Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"

    Harry: "Coconut."

    The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

    Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

    The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum."

    Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down, and a dog does on three legs?"

    Harry: "Shake hands."

    The principal was trembling.

    Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"

    Harry: "Firetruck."

    The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade. I got the last seven questions wrong."
     
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  13. BigDogsHunt

    BigDogsHunt Enough talk...prove it!

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    A teacher asks her Math class a simple question: If a hunter sees 3 deer in the woods, and fires and shoots 1 of them, how many are still there?

    Little Johnny, raises his hand, the teacher relunctantly calls on him. Little Johnny says zero! The teacher says thats not the correct answer, and Little Johnny says, yes it is. He says, I can explain that if I fire my weapon and kill the 1st one, the other two will run off, so zero will still be there!

    The teacher says that isnt the answer she was looking for, but is willing to accept it, now that she understand the way he thinks.

    So Little Johnny says to the teacher, let me ask you a question. 3 women sit on a park bench with ice cream cones. One is licking the ice cream cone, One is sucking the ice cream cone, and the last one is biting the ice cream cone.....which one is married?

    The teacher says that is a silly question, and Johnny says fair is fair, come on, so which one is married? The teacher thinks and says well the one that is sucking it, I quess.

    Little Johnny, says, well I would choose the one with the wedding ring, but I too like the way you think!
     
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  14. Fin Fan In Cali

    Fin Fan In Cali Dolphin fan since 1970 Luxury Box

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    This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.
    >
    >
    >
    > After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
    >
    > Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and
    > preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like
    > most women - - she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the
    > following letter from the local Wal-Mart.
    >
    >
    >
    > Dear Mrs. Samsel,
    >
    > Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion
    > in our store.We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban
    > both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below
    > and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
    >
    >
    >
    > 1.June 15:
    >
    > Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they
    > weren't looking.
    >
    >
    >
    > 2. July 2:
    >
    > Set all the al arm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
    >
    >
    >
    > 3. July 7:
    >
    > Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
    >
    >
    >
    > 4. July 19:
    >
    > Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in
    > Housewares. Get on it right away.'
    >
    >
    >
    > 5. August 4:
    >
    > Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
    >
    >
    >
    > 6. August 14:
    >
    > Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
    >
    >
    >
    > 7. August 15:
    >
    > Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd
    > invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding
    > department.
    >
    >
    >
    > 8. August 23:
    >
    > When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed,
    > 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
    >
    >
    >
    > 9. September 4:
    >
    > Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he
    > picked his nose.
    >
    >
    >
    > 10. September 10:
    >
    > While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where
    > the antidepressants were.
    >
    >
    >
    > 11. October 3: My Favorite
    >
    > Darted around the store, suspiciously, while loudly humming the Mission
    > Impossible' theme .
    >
    >
    >
    > 12. October 6:
    >
    > In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different
    > sizes of funnels.
    >
    >
    >
    > 13. October 18:
    >
    > Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME!
    >
    >
    >
    > 14. October 21:
    >
    > When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal
    > position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
    >
    >
    >
    > And last, but not least...
    >
    >
    > 15. October 23:
    >
    > Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled
    > very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'
     
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  15. 54Fins

    54Fins "In Gase we trust"

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    over there
    Not a joke per se.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------



    We all know those cute little computer symbols called 'emoticons,' where:

    :) means a smile and

    :( is a frown.

    Sometimes these are represented by

    :-)

    :-(

    Well, how about some ' BUTT ICONS?'
    Here goes:


    (_!_) a regular ***



    (__!__) a fat ***



    (!) a tight ***



    (_*_) a sore ***



    {_!_} a swishy ***

    (_o_) an *** that's been around





    (_x_) kiss my ***



    (_X_) leave my *** alone



    (_zzz_) a tired ***



    (_E=mc2_) a smart ***



    (_$_) Money coming out of his ***



    (_?_) Dumb ***
     
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  16. GoPhins!

    GoPhins! Premium Member Luxury Box

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    One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit turds. One of the boys said, ''What is that?''

    ''They're smart pills,'' said the other boy. ''Eat them and they'll make you smarter.

    So he ate them and said, ''These taste like crap.''

    ''See,'' said the other boy, ''you're getting smarter already.''
     
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  17. Idahophin

    Idahophin Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    :sidelol:
     
  18. Idahophin

    Idahophin Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    Two rednecks, Earl and Bubba, were driving down the road one day drinking a Bud. Earl looks up and says, "Lookiee up thar, Bubba...I see a real po-leese roadblock..." "Them Pol-eese mans gonna catch us a drinkin." Bubba says. "No sir-ee they won't either..You do exlaxly like I says. Finish your beer, peel the label off and put the bottle unda your seat. Now, stick the label on your far-head".

    Earl does exactly as Bubba says. They pull up to the roadblock and stop with the beer labels sticking to the middle of their heads. Naturally, the first thing the policeman asks is, "You boys been drinkin'?" "No Sir", says Bubba.....We're on the " patch"!!
     
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  19. opfinistic

    opfinistic Braaaaains!

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    Peeking in Nabo's Basement
    You laugh, but that actually works in Okeechobee!
     
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  20. Big E

    Big E Plus sized porn star

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    For the ladies...and Prep

    A Woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.


    She took out her wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, 'If I give you
    this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?'


    'No, I had to stop drinking years ago', the homeless woman told
    her.

    'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' she asked.

    'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless woman said. 'I
    need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.'

    'Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?' she asked.


    'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman. I havent had my hair done in 20 years!'


    'Well, The woman said, 'I'm not going to give you the money. Instead,
    I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.'


    The homeless Woman was shocked. 'Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.'


    The woman said to the homeless woman, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.'
     
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  21. charlestonphan

    charlestonphan Junior Member

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    i love this joke...

    I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank.

    Short line, with just one customer in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and she was a little irritated . . .

    She asked the teller, 'Why it change?? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I get hunat eighty?? Why it change?'

    The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, 'Fluctuations'.

    The Asian lady says, 'Fluc you white people, too'.
     
  22. GoPhins!

    GoPhins! Premium Member Luxury Box

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    Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.

    His first friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."

    His second friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber. The other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."

    Paddy says: "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief.

    "No, I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."
     
  23. Idahophin

    Idahophin Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.

    This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

    Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.

    Calmly , his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly$1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank.

    She explained that for the more than three decades she had 'charged' him for sex,
    these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.

    Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!'

    That's when she shot him.
     
  24. texasPHINSfan

    texasPHINSfan New Member

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    roflmao
     
  25. Big E

    Big E Plus sized porn star

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    The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman.

    For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair Kill her!!' The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.'

    The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.'

    The second man was given the same instructions.

    He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife home.'

    Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. 'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to beat him to death with the chair.'

    MORAL: Women are crazy. Don't mess with them.
     
  26. PMZQ

    PMZQ Banned

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    Miami, FL
    A female reporter was interviewing a farmer about Mad Cow Disease. "Mr. Brown," she began, "do you know the causes of this terrible disease?"
    "Sure," the farmer replied. "Do you know that the bulls only screw the cows once a year?..."
    "That's interesting, but what does that have to do with the origins of Mad Cow Disease?"
    "...And you know that we milk the cows twice a day?"
    "Mr. Brown, what exactly is your point?"
    "Well, lady, if I played with your **** twice a day but only screwed you once a year, wouldn't you go mad?"
     
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  27. Big E

    Big E Plus sized porn star

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    I love this thread....
     
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  28. baboo72

    baboo72 Bleeding aqua & orange

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    great thread! got some old ones;

    ================================================
    Whats E.T short for?

    He's got little legs!
    ================================================

    Two fish in a tank, 1st fish turns to the other and says "how do you drive this thing?"

    ================================================

    Another two fish in a tank, 1st fish turns to the other and says "you drive I'll man the guns!"

    ================================================

    Two fish swimming down stream, 1st fish swims into a wall and says "damn"

    ================================================

    Jesus says to John, "come forth and I will give you eternal life". John came firth. He won a toaster!

    ================================================

    Why do men always want to marry a virgin? - To avoid criticism!

    ================================================

    I'm being sent to jail for a white collar crime - I murdered a vicar!

    ================================================

    A 9 year old boy walks into a pub and yells at the barmaid for a scotch on the rocks. The barmaid says "do you want to get me into trouble?" The boys says, "maybe later, but right now I just want a drink!"
     
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  29. charlestonphan

    charlestonphan Junior Member

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    thanks, my best friend, who is half Japanese, was not so amused when i sent it to him.
     
  30. HardKoreXXX

    HardKoreXXX Insensitive to the Touch

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    "Laugh, and the world laughs with you... Weep, and you weep alone."
     
  31. texasPHINSfan

    texasPHINSfan New Member

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    seriously. sounds like your japanese friend needs to get a sense of humor.

    damn i get frustrated with how big a pole this world has up its collective *** sometimes. loosen up people!
     
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  32. alen1

    alen1 New Member

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    :sidelol:
     
  33. Kanye West

    Kanye West 'Parcells' Guy

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    Hahhahahhahahahahahahhaa
     
  34. Straz

    Straz Me and my girl :)

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    hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhaaahha
     
  35. dolfan06

    dolfan06 New Member

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    A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
    shower, when the doorbell rings.

    The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

    When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

    Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'

    After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands
    naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and
    leaves.

    The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

    When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'

    'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.

    'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
     
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  36. dolfan06

    dolfan06 New Member

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    A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

    After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

    The monsignor replied, 'When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.'

    So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.

    At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

    He proceeded to talk up a storm.

    Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

    1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

    2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

    3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

    4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

    5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ***.

    6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

    7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

    8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the **** out of him.

    9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ***.

    10)We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'

    11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, 'Take this and eat it for it is my body.' He did not say 'Eat me'.

    12)The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry'.

    13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

    14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's
     
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  37. Cuban Dave 9

    Cuban Dave 9 Lane Kiffin = A-Clown

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    Did Letterman really get in trouble for this?
     
  38. Idahophin

    Idahophin Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy left. A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours." The guy left. A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a half." The guy left. The barber turned to his friend and said, "Hey, Bob, do me a favor. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back." A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, "So, where does that guy go when he leaves?" Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, "Your house!"
     
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  39. GoPhins!

    GoPhins! Premium Member Luxury Box

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    Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.

    One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Ralph out.

    When the Head Nurse became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

    When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

    Edna replied "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"
     
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  40. Idahophin

    Idahophin Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    A man goes to the famous Lucas Carton restaurant in Paris with his girlfriend and orders the 1928 Mouton.

    The waiter returns with a bottle full of wine, pours a small amount in the glass for tasting. The customer picks up the glass, smells the wine, and puts it down on the table with a thud.

    'This is not the 1928 Mouton.'

    The waiter assures him it is, and soon there is another twenty people surrounding the table including the chef and the manager trying to convince the man that the wine is the 1928 Mouton.

    Finally someone asks him how he knows that it is not the 1928 Mouton.

    'My name is Phillipe de Rothschild, and I make the wine.'

    Finally, the original waiter steps forward and admits that he poured the Clerc Milon 1928. 'I could not bear to part with our last bottle of 1928 Mouton. You know Clerc Milon, it is in the same village as Mouton, you pick the grapes at the same time, the same cepage, you crush in the same way, you put them into similar barrels. You bottle at the same time, you even use eggs from the same chickens to fine them. The wines are the same, except for a small matter of geographic location.'

    >Rothschild beckons the waiter forward, and whispers to him, 'When you return home tonight, ask your girlfriend to remove her underwear. Put one finger in one opening, another finger in the other, then smell both the fingers. You will understand what difference a small distance in geographic location makes.'
     

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