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Official Joke Thread

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by GoPhins!, Mar 30, 2008.

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  1. vmarcilfan75

    vmarcilfan75 blah...blah...blah... Club Member

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    City Of Angels
    A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, 'Ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either.'
     
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  2. Idahophin

    Idahophin Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    The soldiers are tired and lonely after spending weeks in enemyTerritory.
    To entertain them the Major called for this HOT number fromThe nearby town.
    She came, danced and when the first dance was done,The soldiers went mad.
    They clapped for 5 minutes. For her secondNumber she stripped and danced in
    sheer bra and G strings. This timeThe applause went for 10 minutes. The next
    number she danced topless,And this time the applause went on and on. The Major had to come onStage and ask them to quite down for the grand finale. For her
    last Number, she was to strip completely and dance naked. The Major Expected the soldiers to make enough noise to bring the roof down. ButTen minutes later,
    there is no clapping and the dancer comesBackstage. The Major asks her,
    "What happened? How come there was noClapping this time?" She replied,
    "Major, how do you expect those poorBoys to clap with one hand?"
     
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  3. PMZQ

    PMZQ Banned

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    A professor at the University of Michigan was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to his first year medical students. Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, 'Do you know what your *** hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'
    She replied, 'Probably drinking beer with his buddies.'
    It took 10 minutes to restore order in the classroom.........
     
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  4. opfinistic

    opfinistic Braaaaains!

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    Peeking in Nabo's Basement
    So Mindwarp and TheMor are at the beach one day, and Mindwarp asks TheMor how come he gets all the girls when Mindwarp goes home alone all the time.

    TheMor tells him, "It's simple, when you go to the beach put a potato in your swimming trunks. The girls will go nuts when they see you!"

    Mindwarp thanks him and they agree to meet up at the beach again the very next day.

    The next day TheMor sees Mindwarp walking towards him proudly, but in his wake all the women are pointing at him and laughing, some in tears. TheMor doesn't understand why until Mindwarp is a few feet away from him.

    "Dude! You're supposed to put the potato in the front!"
     
  5. Idahophin

    Idahophin Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    Letter from the Boss,

    As the CEO of this business that employs 140 people, I have accepted
    the fact that Barack Obama is our new President, and that our taxes and
    government fees will now increase in a BIG way.
    To compensate for this additional overhead, I figure that the clients
    will have to see an increase in our fees of about 8% but since we cannot
    raise those prices right now due to the dismal state of our economy, we
    will have to lay off several of our employees instead. This unfortunate
    economic reality has really been eating at me for a while, as we believe
    we are family here and I didn't know how to choose who will have to go.
    After giving it considerable thought, this is what I did: I strolled thru
    our parking lot and found 11 Obama bumper stickers on our employees'
    cars and have decided these folks will be the first to be laid off. I
    can't think of a more fair way to approach this problem.
    They wanted change; I gave it to them.
    If you have a better idea, let me know.
    Sincerely,
    The Boss
     
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  6. PMZQ

    PMZQ Banned

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    Why men shouldn't write relationship advice columns

    LETTER TO ADVICE COLUMN:

    Dear Peter,


    I hope you can help me. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help.

    When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor's daughter. I am 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbor's daughter is 22. We have been married for ten years.

    When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was made redundant six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant.

    He won't go to counselling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore.

    Can you please help?

    Sincerely,

    Sheila


    RESPONSE:

    Dear Sheila:

    A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.


    I hope this helps,


    Peter
     
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  7. Idahophin

    Idahophin Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate
    their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, 'I have a confession
    to make, I'm not a virgin.'
    The husband replies, 'That's no big thing in this day and age.'
    The wife continues, 'Yeah, I've been with one guy.'
    'Oh yeah? Who was the guy?'
    'Tiger Woods..'
    'Tiger Woods, the golfer?'
    'Yeah.'
    'Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to
    bed with him.' The husband and wife then make passionate love.
    When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
    'What are you doing?' asks the wife.
    The husband says, 'I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get
    something to eat.'
    'Tiger wouldn't do that.'
    'Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?'
    'He'd come back to bed and do it a second time.'
    The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to
    make love a second time. When they finish, he gets up and
    goes over to the phone. 'Now what are you
    doing?' she asks. The husband says, 'I'm still hungry so I was
    going to get room service to get something to eat.'
    'Tiger wouldn't do that.'
    'Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?'
    He'd come back to bed and do it again.'
    The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and
    makes love one more time. When they finish he's tired and beat.
    He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.
    The wife asks, 'Are you calling room service?'
    'No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for
    this damn hole.'
     
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  8. mor911

    mor911 pooping

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    One day a secretary is leaving on her lunch break, and she notices her boss standing in front of a shredder with a clueless look on his face. The secretary walks up to him and asks if he needs help.

    "Yes!" he says looking and sounding relieved, "This is very important."

    Glad to help, she turns the shredder on and inserts the paper. Then her boss says, "Thanks, I only need one copy."
     
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  9. Idahophin

    Idahophin Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    A girl says to her boyfriend, "I read a study that said 90 percent of
    all men masturbate in the shower and the other 10 percent sing."
    "Really?" said the boyfriend.
    "Yes," said the girlfriend, "and do you know what song they sing?"
    "No," replied the boyfriend.
    "I didn't think so," she said
     
  10. Idahophin

    Idahophin Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    After a relaxing bath Monica Lewinsky was looking at herself, nude in a mirror.
    Her frustration over her lack of ability to lose weight, was depressing her.
    In an act of desperation, she decided to call on God for help.
    Lord.... If you take away my love handles, I'll devote my life to you,' she prayed.
    And just like that... her ears fell off.
     
  11. Idahophin

    Idahophin Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    A man is walking around New York with his wife. They find a perfume shop, the wife goes in, and he waits outside.

    A hooker comes along and says to him,

    "Like to come home with me, buddy? "

    "For how much?" asks the man.

    "One hundred dollars," the hooker answers.

    "I'll give you five bucks," he replies.

    The hooker swears at him and walks away. A little later, the man's wife comes out of the shop and they continue their walk. As they round the corner, there stands the same hooker. She takes one look at the man and his wife and says,

    "HA! see what you get for five bucks?"
     
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  12. GoPhins!

    GoPhins! Premium Member Luxury Box

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    Winter Garden, FL
    A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.

    The guy sitting next to him can't believe what he just saw. He's more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.

    The astonished onlooker asks, "How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we're hundreds of feet above the ground!"

    The jumper responds by slurring, "Well, I don't get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch." He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.

    The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.

    The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn't slow down at all. SPLAT!

    The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. "You're really an a**hole when you're drunk, Superman."
     
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  13. GoPhins!

    GoPhins! Premium Member Luxury Box

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    Knock, knock!

    Who's there?

    Amaryllis.

    Amaryllis who?

    Amaryllis state agent. Wanna buy a house?
     
  14. GoPhins!

    GoPhins! Premium Member Luxury Box

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    Knock knock.

    Who's there?

    Hatch.

    Hatch who?

    Bless you.
     
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  15. GoPhins!

    GoPhins! Premium Member Luxury Box

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    A very old woman realizes that she's seen and done everything and the time has come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart.

    Not wanting to make a mistake, she phones her doctor and asks him the exact location of the heart. He tells her that the heart is located two inches below the left nipple.

    The old woman hangs up the phone, takes careful aim and shoots herself in the left knee.
     
  16. GoPhins!

    GoPhins! Premium Member Luxury Box

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    A newlywed couple on their honeymoon prepares to see each other naked for the first time.

    The husband exposes his knotted and twisted feet. He explains, "I had tolio as a child."

    The wife asks if he means polio. He says, "No, it only affects the toes."

    He removes his pants and reveals deformed knees. He admits, "I had kneesles, too."

    Finally, he pulls off his boxers. In shock, the woman gasps, "Oh no -- smallcox, too!"
     
  17. mor911

    mor911 pooping

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    EDIT - I'm a slow re-re... Already posted.
     
  18. Idahophin

    Idahophin Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    20 years married

    A couple that had been married for 20 years, every time
    they made love the husband always insisted on shutting
    off the lights. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this
    was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of
    this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the
    middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she
    suddenly turned on the lights.

    She looked down ...and saw her husband was holding a
    battery-operated pleasure device... a vibrator! Soft,
    wonderful and larger than a "real one".

    She went completely ballistic.

    "You impotent bastard," she screamed at him,"how could
    you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain
    yourself!"

    The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:

    "I'll explain the toy... you explain the kids."
     
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  19. Idahophin

    Idahophin Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    An atheist professor was teaching a college class at Alabama and he told the class that he was going to prove that there is no God. He said, "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!" Ten minutes went by.

    He kept taunting God, saying, "Here I am, God. I'm still waiting." He got down to the last couple of minutes and a big 240 pound football player in the class walked up to the professor, hit him full force in the face, and sent him flying from his platform. The professor struggled up, obviously shaken and yelled, "What's the matter with you? Why did you do that?"

    The football player replied, "God was busy so he sent me."
     
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  20. phunwin

    phunwin Happy kids are Dolfans. Luxury Box

    Pierre the French fighter pilot is sitting in a bar in Paris, putting the moves on this hot French babe. She's completely turned on by Pierre and says "kiss me, Pierre!" So Pierre grabs a glass of red wine and splashes it on her lips. She asks "Pierre, what are you doing?"

    He responds, "I am Pierre, the French fighter pilot, and I like red wine to go with red meat!" And he kisses her on the lips.

    She responds by opening her blouse and saying "kiss me lower, Pierre, kiss me lower!" So Pierre grabs a glass of white wine and splashes it on her boobs. More surprised, she shouts, "Pierre, what are you doing?!?"

    He responds, "I am Pierre, the French fighter pilot, and I like white wine to go with white meat!" And he kisses her on the boobs.

    By now, she's absolutely ready to go and rips off her skirt and panties and says "kiss me lower, Pierre, kiss me lower!" Pierre orders a glass of brandy, sets it on fire and splashes it on her nether regions. The babe screams "My God, Pierre, what are you doing?!?!?"

    "I am Pierre, the French fighter pilot, and when I go down, I go down in flames!"
     
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  21. Idahophin

    Idahophin Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    'Well you see, Norm, it's like this . . . A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.'
     
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  22. Idahophin

    Idahophin Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    When the doctor pulled down Johnston's pants, he was shocked to
    discover that his ***** was a mangled wreck. "Jesus!" he couldn't
    help exclaiming. "What the hell happened to you?"

    Despite his pain, Johnson blushed. "I had a real good thing
    going, Doc," he explained. "See, the girl who lives next to me in
    the trailer park was widowed not too long ago. When she gets
    lonely, she takes a knothole out of the floor, puts in a hot dog,
    and goes to work squatting over it. So I figured to myself, why
    not get in on the action?"

    A dreamy look came over Johnson's face.

    "And then?" prodded the doctor.

    "Everything was going great until last night," said Johnson,
    wincing. "The preacher rang the doorbell and she tried to
    kick the hot dog under the stove."
     
  23. Idahophin

    Idahophin Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    At a bar, a drunk says to a girl, "Excuse me but I think you
    owe me a drink."
    "Why?"
    "You’re so ****ing ugly that I dropped mine when I saw you."
     
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  24. PMZQ

    PMZQ Banned

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    Miami, FL
    A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale has hit Pakistan. Two million Pakistanis have died and over a million are injured.

    The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where to start with providing help to rebuild. The rest of the world is in shock.

    The USA is sending troops to help.

    Saudi Arabia is sending oil.

    Latin American countries are sending supplies.

    New Zealand is sending sheep, cattle and food crops.

    The Asian continents are sending labour to assist in rebuilding infrastructure.

    Australia is sending medical teams and supplies.

    Britain, not to be outdone, is sending two million replacement Pakistanis.

    God Bless British generosity.
     
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  25. Idahophin

    Idahophin Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    Honk If You Love Jesus

    The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "Honk If You Love Jesus" bumper sticker.

    I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put in on my bumper. I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is and I didn't notice that the light had changed.

    It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed. I found that LOTS of people love Jesus. Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and when he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of God, GO! GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus.

    Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love. There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach...

    I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. When I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

    Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing; why even he was enjoying this religious experience.

    A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection.

    I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.

    Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!
     
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  26. PMZQ

    PMZQ Banned

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    Two ninety year old men, Moe and Sam, have been friends all their
    > lives. It seems that Sam is dying of cancer, and Moe comes to visit
    > him every day.
    >
    > "Sam," says Moe, "You know how we have both loved baseball all our
    > lives, and how we played minor league ball together for so many years.
    > Sam, you have to do me one favor. When you get to Heaven, and I know
    > you will go to Heaven, somehow you've got to let me know if there's
    > baseball in Heaven."
    >
    > Sam looks up at Moe from his death bed, and says, "Moe, you've been my
    > best friend many years. This favor, if it is at all possible, I'll do
    > for you."
    >
    > And shortly after that, Sam passes on. It is midnight a couple of
    > nights later. Moe is sound asleep when he is awakened by a blinding
    > flash of white light and a voice calls out to him, "Moe.... Moe...."
    >
    > "Who is it?" says Moe sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"
    >
    > "Moe, it's me, Sam."
    >
    > "Come on. You're not Sam. Sam just died." "I'm telling you," insists
    > the voice. "It's me, Sam!"
    >
    > "Sam? Is that you? Where are you?"
    >
    > "I'm in heaven," says Sam, "and I've got to tell you, I've got really
    > good news and a little bad news."
    >
    > "So, tell me the good news first," says Moe.
    >
    > "The good news," says Sam "is that there is baseball in heaven. Better
    > yet, all our old buddies who've gone before us are there. Better yet,
    > we're all young men again. Better yet, it's always spring time and it
    > never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play baseball all we
    > want, and we never get tired!"
    >
    > "Really?" says Moe, "That is fantastic, wonderful beyond my wildest
    > dreams! But, what's the bad news?"
    >
    > "You're pitching next Tuesday"
     
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  27. Idahophin

    Idahophin Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    The Super Computer stood at the end of the Computer Company's production line. At which point the guided tour eventually arrived. The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo.

    "This", he said, "is the Super Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ask it".

    At which a Clever Guest stepped forward - there is always one - and spoke into the Computer's microphone.

    "Where is my father?" he asked.

    There was a whirring of wheels and flashing of lights that the manufacturers always use to impress lay people, and then a little card popped out.

    On it were printed the words: Fishing off Goa.

    Clever Guest laughed.

    "Actually", he said, "My father is dead"!

    It had been a tricky question! The salesman, carefully chosen for his ability to think fast on his feet, immediately replied that he was sorry the answer was unsatisfactory, but as computers were precise, perhaps he might care to rephrase his question and try again?

    Clever Guest thought, went to the Computer and this time said, "Where is my mother's husband?"

    Again there was a whirring of wheels and a flashing of lights. And again a little card popped out. Printed on it were the words, "Dead. But your father is still fishing off Goa."
     
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  28. Big E

    Big E Plus sized porn star

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    It Pays to Mind Your Own Business

    I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the
    patients were shouting ,'13....13....13'

    The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the
    planks and looked through to see what was going on.

    Someone poked me in the eye with a stick.

    Then they all started shouting '14....14....14'...
     
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  29. dolfan06

    dolfan06 New Member

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    i no come to work today!


    Hung Chow calls into work and says, 'Hey, I no come work today, I really sick . Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work.'

    The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me
    Sex. That makes everything better and I go to work.. You try that.'

    Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. 'I do what You say and I feel great. I be at work soon.........You got nice house'
     
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  30. dolfan06

    dolfan06 New Member

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    new orleans crabs


    A man boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde, female crew member to take care of the box for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.

    He pointedly advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for the crabs staying frozen, mentioned that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.


    Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.



    Shortly before landing in New York , she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans , please raise your hand?"

    Not ones hand went up ... So she took them home and ate them.

    Two lessons here:
    1. Men never learn.
    2. Blondes aren't dumb
     
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  31. Idahophin

    Idahophin Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish.

    He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside.

    He then noticed there was a jacka$$ lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.

    He promptly called the local police station.

    The conversation went like this: 'Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?' 'And the best of the day te yerself. This is Fadder O'Malley at St Brigid's. Dere's a jacka$$ lyin dead on me front lawn. Would ye be so kind as to send a couple o' yer lads to take care of da matter?'

    Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, 'Well now father, it was always my impression that you people took care of last rites!'

    There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.

    Father O'Malley then replied: 'Aye, tis certainly true, but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin
     
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  32. Big E

    Big E Plus sized porn star

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    Nurses do not laugh

    "Nurses aren't supposed to laugh." Fred declared.

    "Of course I won't laugh, I'm a professional nurse.
    In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

    "Okay then," Fred said and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing
    the tiniest man thingy the nurse had ever seen.
    Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than a AAA battery.

    Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling then almost fell
    to the floor laughing. A few minutes later she was able to regain her
    composure.

    "I'm so sorry," said the nurse. "I don't know what came
    over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady,
    I promise it won't happen again. Now tell me,
    what seems to be the problem?"

    "It's swollen," Fred replied.

    Things went downhill from there
     
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  33. GoPhins!

    GoPhins! Premium Member Luxury Box

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    Winter Garden, FL
    :sidelol: :sidelol: :sidelol: :sidelol: :sidelol: :sidelol: :sidelol: :sidelol: :sidelol: :sidelol:
     
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  34. opfinistic

    opfinistic Braaaaains!

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    Dec 7, 2007
    Peeking in Nabo's Basement
    Two good ol' boys in a Tennessee trailer park were sitting around
    talking one afternoon over a cold beer after getting off of work at
    their local Nissan plant.

    After a while the 1st guy says to the 2nd, 'If'n I was to sneak over
    to your trailer Saturday & make love to your wife while you was off
    huntin' and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?'

    The 2nd guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his
    head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question.
    Finally, he says, 'Well, I don't know about kin, but it would make us
    even....
     
  35. Idahophin

    Idahophin Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    My wife is an RN and she printed that one out for the nurses at work. :yes:
     
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  36. Idahophin

    Idahophin Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    Snake River Plain
    A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that
    she is staying home because she is not feeling well.
    'What's the matter?' he asks.

    'I have a case of anal glaucoma,' she says in a weak
    voice.

    'What the hell is anal glaucoma?'

    'I can't see my *** coming into work today.
     
  37. The G Man

    The G Man Git 'r doooonnne!!!

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    :pointlol:
     
  38. opfinistic

    opfinistic Braaaaains!

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    Peeking in Nabo's Basement
    Buddy and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year, and every year Buddy would say, 'Edna, I'd like to ride in that helicopter.'
    Edna always replied, 'I know Buddy, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks'

    One year Buddy and Edna went to the fair, and Buddy said, 'Edna, I'm 85 years old...
    If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'

    To this, Edna replied, "Buddy that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks.''

    The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.'

    Buddy and Edna agreed and up they went.

    The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard.
    He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.
    When they landed, the pilot turned to Buddy and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't.
    I'm impressed!'

    Buddy replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Edna fell out, but you know, "Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!'
     
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  39. Idahophin

    Idahophin Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    Snake River Plain
    A man and his wife were watching a TV program on Psychology, when the man
    turned to his wife and said, "I bet you can't tell me something that will
    make me happy and sad at the same time."
    She said, "You've got the biggest ***** of all your friends."
     
  40. Idahophin

    Idahophin Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    Nov 23, 2007
    Snake River Plain
    A group of one hundred freshmen from McGill University each contributed
    10 bucks to the kitty. When the money was collected, they drew lots to see
    which one would have the night's pleasure of visiting Montreal's most
    famous call girl who charges one thousand dollars for a super sex fling.
    That night the winner, a love-starved, panting youth named Spencer, went
    to her luxurious boudoir and handed her the money.
    "That's a huge sum of money for a college boy to have," she told him.
    He explained the entire situation to her, telling her how all the boys had drawn
    lots to see who would have the joy of her shapely favors.
    She was touched by the story and remembered her early days when a buck looked
    plenty big in her purse. With softening heart she said, "I'm going to do something
    that I've never done before. I'm going to give you back your money."
    Then she gave him back his ten dollars
     
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