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serious issue here.

Discussion in 'Questions and Answers' started by anlgp, Jun 23, 2009.

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  1. anlgp

    anlgp ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A

    i had a nice big thing typed up here but because the little time out thing on the forums went down i lost it. copy, paste, steve. copy, paste.

    the issue. fafsa forms and school.

    the backstory. dad and woman dated and got married. dad and woman become addicted to drugs. use all their $$ for drugs can't afford bills. file bankruptcy. woman leaves dad bankrupt, high & dry. moves to dover. dad comes clean to me face to face about drug use, bankruptcy, etc.

    he starts building his credit again. fast foward a bit. we move in together upstate. he's the only one working but we're getting by. all of a sudden money is tight. real tight. i ask why. apparently her mother has died, he's paying her bills.. and by the way, they're dating again. we're all three living in the apt. but the house is being kept and paid for. the plan = we try and move to the house, fix it up & sell it. of course the market goes bad. we're still here.

    the issue. i've been thinking of going back to school for quite some time. for a long time now i haven't done much with my life. i haven't been searching for a job near as hard as i should be (getting rejected everywhere i do apply) and not going to school. i become increasingly withdrawn and depressed about my life. i become single. it's pretty bad. a lot of changes going on. so i figure what the hell i'll apply. i do that today. there's a test on wed. for placement. i need aide. i'm not rich. so i go and have gone to fill out a FAFSA. there's a part on the form that asks for parental information. even though i'm 24 the gov't still want me to stick it down. i've filled out the form in the correct manor (at the correct site) and it tells me i need his information. SSN, DOB, etc etc. He does not mind giving me this information but every time we talk about it around her she is hell bent on saying "i can fill it out myself" and that i can "also take out loans if I need them". i have gone through this same bull**** a little over a year ago, got frustrated, and put down my plans to go to school.

    she is going to the same school i am and has filled this form out herself. so she knows damn well what the form is. let me repeat that.

    she. is. hell. bent. about. him. filling. out. this. form.

    so, i don't understand

    A) why it's any of her ****ing business what he does with his information
    B) why she is so against me putting that information down but is okay with me taking out loans on my behalf.
    C) don't know what else to do or think.

    D) does this seem strange to you, what do you think.. ? i've got a few suspicions about what she might be up to. what should i do?

    am i just paranoid? do i have cause to be suspicious? would you flee the coupe?

    i feel like i've stalled my own future enough. so i go to apply for school. they're happy for me. i'm happy for me. yet there's this little thing that keeps gnawing at it. it's like an itch on the roof of your mouth that you just can't scratch without knowing it's going to hurt.

    for the record. i don't trust this woman as far as i can throw her. which isn't far. i am here pretty much all day every day. my dad is still the only one working. we may or may not lose the house in a bit here (that's another story i've been hearing the "what if's" on the house for just about as long as we've been here). so the reason i say this is because i think the last thing they can do right now is afford drugs.. and when my dad told me about it a few years back he was genuinely remorseful for ****ing his life up that bad. i do not think he is addicted or wants to try drugs again. i would be willing to admit it to myself.. but i'm always here. and i'm a lot less naieve than i was at 19. i know what to look for. and i don't see it.

    well.. that's it. i'm pretty cluster****ed as to what's going on. thanks in advance guys. i really don't know what to think...

    edit:

    i should say the time between when they were divorced and when they got back together was a few years. that didn't just happen over night.

    edit:

    http://forums.thephins.com/showpost.php?p=752237&postcount=11
     
  2. phinnhedd

    phinnhedd Reality.

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    Sounds like tough times. I'd first get a job, save up money and move out. Being a roommate can be fun (or crappy) depending on who you live with. I don't know how the school system works up there in DE but down here you can claim independence and not need to show your parents information. When I went to school that's what I had to do.

    Time to experience living with responsibilities IMO.
     
  3. anlgp

    anlgp ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A

    i've lived with responsibilities before thanks. lived with my ex for two years made every rent payment on time, kept a steady job for three years. never lost my house because i couldn't make a payment or was on drugs. i'm not an addict, i don't cheat on women, i make good on my promises and could go into various other ways of how i live a responsible life that haven't included work or school for the past couple of years. nice advice by the way. just what i was looking for. what do you think i went to go apply to school for?

    she claims i can file independently too but i can't. like i said i have gone to the site and filled out what i needed to how i've needed to and it asks for his information. if i can fill it out on my own that's fine. if i can i certainly haven't found out how to do it.. but i don't see where else i'm supposed to go and apply.

    my issue here is it seems like he needs to put the information down and it's not being given for one reason or the other.
     
  4. phinnhedd

    phinnhedd Reality.

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    I had to go through some stuff back in my late teens, I moved out and went to school. My parents aren't druggies but alcoholics. So don't take it as an insult. I had to do what I had to do. If you want to deal with this crap you're dealing with at the present time, you have a choice to either stay or go. You're old enough to make those decisions. I don't know the job market up there or what you are qualified to do, so I can't help you there.

    As far as your father's girlfriend, maybe you should take it up with her, or have a family meeting or something. Let them know you are trying to better yourself and you don't know why the process is getting stalled for one reason or another and let them know your true feelings.

    I hope you get the answers you are looking for, but I'll stick to my previous post and reiterate the part about moving out. Best thing I'd ever done. I went through tough times in my late teens as my parents are alcoholics and it wasn't a great environment to live in. Never got bad until my step father passed away and the proverbial **** hit the fan.

    Good luck Steve.
     
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  5. anlgp

    anlgp ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A

    also, i know for a fact the last time i tried to fill this form out (little over a year ago) i absolutely had to have his information and they wouldn't give it to me then.

    this time i've heard i don't need it but i can't fill it out without it. it says form required and i can't bypass the section.
     
  6. phinnhedd

    phinnhedd Reality.

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    Was that when you were living with your girlfriend?
     
  7. anlgp

    anlgp ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A

    thanks sorry i fired back at you. i'm very angry at a lot right now. myself for the time i've wasted. them for not helping me out with this issue even though i can't seem to file independently even though i'm supposed to be able to.

    i understand i need to take up my own responsibilities which is what i'm trying to do with school. the job market (retail experience for me) has rejected me for the most part saying they don't really like what i've got.. other places tell me i'm over qualified (i was a manager and you wouldn't think it but blockbuster told me i was overqualified?).. so i figure going to school is the next best thing. it will help me plan for my future.

    and i just don't understand that if i do need to fill it out (which so far seems to be the case, even though i am 24) that they won't give the information up. or rather he'll start and she'll butt in. it makes no ****ing sense.

    i think she's a black widow. and i don't think they're on drugs. but i think she is using him to keep this house and some other things.
     
  8. anlgp

    anlgp ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A

    no i was at this house as well. same people, same situation. this is the thousandth time this argument is taking place. except now i'm enrolled to go to school in the fall and have a test on wed. and a deadline to meet on the weekend for this financial aide and i'm not getting the help i need from them.
     
  9. anlgp

    anlgp ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A

    also, i have confronted them about this one of the times before. i said i don't understand why we're arguing about putting information down on this form that could help me go to school.

    i didn't really get an answer.
     
  10. phinnhedd

    phinnhedd Reality.

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    No biggie, maybe it was just a little harsh which it wasn't meant to be. I'm just hoping that your father's girlfriend can somehow see the light or you can find your way around that issue. I don't know other than to get some advice from the financial aid reps at your school. Maybe there is some expert at financial aid on these boards that can help you. Best wishes.
     
  11. anlgp

    anlgp ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A

    thanks.

    i found out i am considered independent.. which is good. i figured i was anyway. but i can't figure out what i'm doing wrong with this form? and i need to fill this out online because the deadline is so soon and if it were to be paper it wouldn't get there in time. if i need his information to fill it out online i need his information.

    i still have questions about why we fought so many times before when i was not considered an independent and why she is concerning herself with his business and why he is letting her.

    i think this goes beyond ***** whipped. i'm way beyond stressed out.. and all the other points are still valid.
     
  12. phinnhedd

    phinnhedd Reality.

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    Sucks that they are holding you back. I can't comprehend a parent not wanting the best for their child. Maybe he is just afriad of confrontation with her about the whole issue or it's some issue that is something beyond your comprehension as you just might not have all the facts.

    I totally understand the step-mother/step-son hardships. My step-mother used to be the biggest wicked witch out there. Instead of trying to be her enemy, I tried to be her friend. Still works to this day.
     
  13. anlgp

    anlgp ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A

    we're friendly enough normally. we can hold conversations and stuff like normal folks.. i just don't trust her.

    my dad does want the best for me which is why this is all so confusing.
     
  14. phinnhedd

    phinnhedd Reality.

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    Drag him down to the financial aid office or something and make sure he has his tax information lol. Is he scared to show you his information? He may respond better talking to the financial aid people at the school instead of just giving it to you. Who knows?
     
  15. anlgp

    anlgp ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A

    well he's given me the info before.. the thing is to sign the paperwork online you need a personal PIN number which you need to apply for.

    it never gets to that point.
     
  16. Sethdaddy8

    Sethdaddy8 Well-Known Member

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    its hard for me to put myself in your position. my parents and family have always been a rock for me. and its not right for a child, kid, or young man to get dragged down by a parent. and that seems to be whats happenning. i gather this from reading your original post. the demon came back into your dads life, milked her moms death into making your dad her new care giver, and you are just an inconvenience in her world.

    your dad is stuck in the middle, and probably cant float three adults, and is not strong enough to give her the boot. love is hard, and some guys or gals just cant say good bye when they need to. and it seems she is up to alterior things, and no you are not paranoid.

    if i were you, id talk to your dad in private when you can(go meet him after work). tell him that this woman nearly took your father away from you, and she'll ruin your relationship, and his life.

    and then i'd jump ship. fortunately for you, you seem like a smart kid. i'd take that asset, and start looking hard into student loans and grants. and id try to do it all yourself. you eventually need to be that guy who goes and lives away at college, goes to class, and works full time. the loans will take care of the bulk of your expenses, and then get a decent job for survival.

    or you could get a good job with a big company like, the phone company(Verizon) being a tech or operator. jobs like this often pay for a huge % of your college, and they often dont require degrees.

    if your dad getting involved means his shady g/f gets involved, then you have no choice but to do this alone. keep all your papers, documents, and info secure and locked up or hidden. unless your dad gets rid of her, i see this as your only choice. its sad her mom died, but your dad shouldnt get guilted by that into paying her way from here on out. he needs to get rid of her, and you still need to go get your education, and secure your future.
     
  17. anlgp

    anlgp ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A

    to update you guys on this.

    I asked my dad what the big deal with her and him giving me his info was. I said that he seemed more than willing to give the info but every time she was around it was "no no no". He had no idea but he said if I do need the information to come to him and we'll leave her out of it.

    I go to take the placement test today (tested out of the reading courses cuz i'm smart like that :woot: ) and came back home to her saying...

    that i was right. that his information is needed (and turns out my moms information is needed as well). that was huge IMO.

    I think part of it is that she doesn't like to be wrong. She wants to think that she was right in that I could file independently.

    so i'm going to get the information tonight and proceed on as required.

    i'm still skeptical of her due to the past and many other reasons but this is seeming to resolve itself. now i'm just so curious as to why she was so adamant about it if i could file independently. still doesn't make sense and i'm a curious enough guy to wonder these things.

    thanks guys for listening.
     
  18. Sethdaddy8

    Sethdaddy8 Well-Known Member

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    im happy for your good news!
     
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  19. phinnhedd

    phinnhedd Reality.

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    Awesome news! Sounds like the situation is under control.
     
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  20. pennphinfan

    pennphinfan Stelin Canez Arcade Scorz

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    i was going to offer advice having worked at my school's financial aid office, but it seems like you have most of it under control at this point.

    on a less technical note, are you going to be commuting to school or living there? just wondering. good luck brother and I hope all goes well for you

    and if you have more questions about the fin aid stuff, you can call the school and talk to a counseler, they are (usually) more than willing to help you out. And every one that i've met has been very supportive of students in tough situations. we'd get letters and emails every day of people's tragic stories, and they took each one to heart. so a.) you're not alone and b.) there are certainly plenty of people there to help you out

    again, good luck
     
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  21. anlgp

    anlgp ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A

    Thanks guys and pennphin.

    i'm going to be commuting to school. it's a technical college so there are no dorms. it's only 4 and a half miles up the road. i mapped it out and made the walk today. took an hour and a half.

    i think on the good weather days i'll probably end up walking it if i've got an afternoon course.
     
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  22. HolliFinFan

    HolliFinFan Not a Face Painter Luxury Box

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    Due to liability most colleges and universities have an ombudsman these days, and if you need help, I suggest you ask for that. Oftentimes, they intercede in disputes of grades or scheduling, but it is not outside their realm to consider enrollment. If your school does not have one, it is likely that someone in admissions or financial aid plays a similar role. Best of luck to you! Continuing one's education is always the right decision :up:
     
  23. Fin Fan In Cali

    Fin Fan In Cali Dolphin fan since 1970 Luxury Box

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    Brother congrats to you. You will do well in school.:up: As for the lady back in your dad's life, you are right to be wary of her. Keep your eyes, and ears open. Watch out for you and your dad. I wish you nothing but the utmost success in school brother.:hi5:
     
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  24. DaFish

    DaFish Well-Known Member

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    Good luck with your schooling and hope everything works out!:up:
     
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  25. TiP54

    TiP54 Bad Reputation

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    I feel you steve.
    I really do.
    Me and fam have big debts right now, with medical and morgage. Dad just got fired, mom only works part time (she is trying, but she is a banquet server, and she is busy september/march, now its dead) and im the primary income, while working and going to school full time. The best thing to do is talk to your father one and one. Dad, I need this, this is important to me. Fill this out. Stress that. Laugh, cry. Do whatever it takes, Fafsa can help big time, they changed the grant to 5200 this year so you might qualify for full 5200. There are plenty of stuff going around. Couple of great scholarship websites. Dont give up. Thats the worst thing you could do. I am young, but im 18 years of life ive been to filthy rich, filthy poor, filithy rich and filthy poor again. I learned that NO MATTER WHAT, you have to stay positive. You got to. You cant let it grow you. Apply for fafsa, talk to your dad. And get a job, im sure there is SOME KIND of a job that there is. McDonalds, BK, whatever. Job is a job. Whatever you do, do not give up, thats when you start doing stupid stuff. Drugs (not talking about smoking now and then) talking about serious fukin drugs. PM if you need any help with anything man. I cant stress this enough. Stay positive, don't quit.


    [edit]
    Just read the whole thread. Should of done it earlier.
    But my point remains. Do not let depression grow on you. Stay positive and look forward, those are the keyes.
     
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  26. GISH

    GISH ~mUST wARN oTHERS~

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    i need to check this forum more often. didnt see this till just now.

    steve, it sounds to me like they are hiding something from the government.

    once i turned 24 i was able to fill out my FAFSA without any parental info. you should be elligible for the PELL Grant, which will help quite a bit.

    I really dont know how you should handle your situation with ur dad. As you know, Im horrible at that. Hopefully the school can help you if you explain the situation to them. Most counselors are pretty nice and willing to listen and help.

    Good luck man.
     
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  27. first&goal

    first&goal Luxury Box Luxury Box

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    Congrats brother, stay positive and I wish you the best.
     
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  28. anlgp

    anlgp ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A

    Thanks guys. This all combined with some other stresses in my life had my chest and left arm having shooting pains going down them for the past week.

    As I know (and you may or may not know) that is a symptom of a heart attack. I was working over at my grandfathers house on friday and got so worried about it all I started crying in front of my family (not to sound the tough guy but A) i rarely cry just out of habit and B) usually not in front of people) and so they knew something was up. i had been telling my dad of this the whole thing.

    so they rushed me to my doctor and they hooked me up to an EKG machine. they said my heart was beating fast but other than that the rhythm was ok. they perscribed me medicine for panic attacks and told me to relax.

    sooo that's where i'm at now. the feeling is still there but not nearly as much and i feel better knowing what it is not.
     
  29. TiP54

    TiP54 Bad Reputation

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    Thats literally "the mountain on the shoulders" You have to be positive all the time and every time you catch yourself on a negative thought, replace it with a positive. You might laugh, but that really helps.
     
  30. anlgp

    anlgp ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A

    It is true though for me difficult.

    I was born worried and pessimistic.

    Doesn't mean I won't do my best to do that :up:
     
  31. 124

    124 Banned

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    Crazy man and I can tell you with 110% certainty that with the heart issues, I know what you're going through.

    As someone who has had two open heart surgeries, on top of other surgeries, and STILL I have 2x the heart beat of a normal human being (and I always will... for every 2 beats you have, I will have 4, for instance), I can tell you that that kind of stuff is no joke and you did it right by getting it checked out right away. I take some heavy medication, its some scary ****. But controlling it is key
     
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  32. Ohiophinphan

    Ohiophinphan Chaplain Staff Member Luxury Box

    Sorry I'm late to this but perhaps I have a little to add. The situation regarding the financial aid is different depending on your age. As you are learning both of you can be right at the same time but with different answers. It happens.

    The panic attack is scary but may be the tip of the iceberg. You are clearly highly streessed and that stress will come out in physical symptoms after a while. I can not urge you more strongly to find a way into a different living arrangement. I am sure you love your Dad but the life there is either harming you already or will eventually. Don't let it!

    Good news regarding the schooling. Once you are enrolled then other "student loan for living expenses" options open up. Use them.

    Take care of yourself and know you have my prayers and best wishes!
     
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