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My cross to bear

Discussion in 'Outreach Forum' started by USArmyFinFan, Dec 1, 2009.

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  1. USArmyFinFan

    USArmyFinFan Maximum Effort

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    This is something I have kept to my self for sometime, but recently I have been encouraged to talk to others about it. By doing so it may help me to deal with the issues at hand. So here we go, I have been battling depression for a while now. I have only recently sought treatment and began med regiments. The meds have helped but I still feel off, very down most of the time. I am angry far too much and can have explosive outburst at times. I guess that is better then before I started the meds, at that time I just didn’t care about anything. I was almost emotionless but learned to put up a front so others wouldn’t notice. Now I have emotion, but find it hard to control at times.

    It is very difficult to come on here and talk about this, even more so because I don’t plan using the anonymous option. I feel that if I am going to do this, and have it help me I need to be forthright from the get go. I do have many issue going on in my life right now (I do not want to go into detail on these because it would affect others and it is not my right to drag them into this) that have increased the stress levels I am enduring. This is a fight I must win for my family and for myself.

    I was asked where I find solace, well with my family especially with my granddaughter, and here (because you guys are family to). So, here I am my heart on my sleeve, for all to see. I can only continue to move forward one step at a time. I know I am not a big poster on this board, but I have come to respect many here for their actions through their post which have been immense. They are a credit to our family here and I am sure to those whose life’s they have touched. I was once told that you never know how you my effect someone’s life, no matter how brief you may interact with them. So, I felt along with this I should acknowledge a few here that for one reason or another have had the effect on my whether they know it or not, but by any means this is not all, it would talk me to long to list. So I want to say thank you to:

    Fin Fan in Cali
    CNC66
    Ice Dragon
    Alen1
    Lucky
    1Armychick
    My 2 cents
    And
    Padre31

    If you made it this far, thanks for reading.
     
  2. opfinistic

    opfinistic Braaaaains!

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    You got nothing but my respect and prayers brother. Whatever you are going through I pray that it strengthens you and that you are able to overcome it.
     
    The Rev, cnc66 and USArmyFinFan like this.
  3. unluckyluciano

    unluckyluciano For My Hero JetsSuck

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    you know me bro. im down for whatever. you need to talk or whatever i gotcha bro. glad to see i have had a positive impact though. take that haters :P
     
    The Rev, HolliFinFan and USArmyFinFan like this.
  4. gunn34

    gunn34 I miss Don & Dan

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    The truth is we are like a big family. Especially with as much time we spend on the site. I hope you find what you need to continue to keep pushing on. I love seeing you on the site.
     
    cnc66 and USArmyFinFan like this.
  5. cnc66

    cnc66 wiley veteran, bad spelur Luxury Box

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    You are in my prayers brother. If you ever feel up to a chat, lemmi know, I'm game.
     
    USArmyFinFan likes this.
  6. alen1

    alen1 New Member

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    No need to be thankful bro, I'm just happy to help. If there's anything I can help you with in the future, let me know. :up:

    - Alen
     
    USArmyFinFan likes this.
  7. dolphindebby

    dolphindebby Season Ticket Holder Luxury Box

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    Bless you.
    I am here as well.
    I, like you, have been very depressed and felt like I'd never feel good again. But, with the meds and a good Dr. it will get better for you.

    The people on here are the best of the best and helped me through a lot of bad times.
    So, I too, want to thank them.

    I'm here if you need to talk.
    Just hold fast!
     
    USArmyFinFan likes this.
  8. DrAstroZoom

    DrAstroZoom Canary in a Coal Mine Luxury Box

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    Who's "And"?

    ;)

    Seriously, buddy, hang in there. Beating depression is a long road, but with the help of a good support system, it's a fight you can win.
     
    2k5 and dolphindebby like this.
  9. USArmyFinFan

    USArmyFinFan Maximum Effort

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    I was told "AND" was short for DrAstroZoom....was I led astray?
     
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  10. Bumrush

    Bumrush Stable Genius Club Member

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    Good luck bro.. I've lived on the other side of depression and can partially understand what you are going through..

    Stay strong, be true to yourself, and if their is a chemical component to this illness get the proper treatment and medication....

    Even though it is probably painful, confronting the past and being honest about your feelings without shame can really get you moving in the right direction. The fact that you were able to make this post is already a great sign.


    Good luck in your journey. We are pulling for you.
     
    USArmyFinFan and dolphindebby like this.
  11. anlgp

    anlgp ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A

    I know all too well what depression is like.

    Hang in there the PM box is open.
     
    dolphindebby likes this.
  12. Fin Fan In Cali

    Fin Fan In Cali Dolphin fan since 1970 Luxury Box

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    I have a lot of stuff going on in my life bro. but send me a pm if you need someone. Thanks for the kind words.:wink2:
     
    The Rev, USArmyFinFan and SICK like this.
  13. The Dolfan

    The Dolfan New Member

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    USArmyFinFan, I know all about depression and how it can take over your life. I don't believe in medication personally but what doesn't work for me may work for someone else like yourself. Whatever it takes to get past it. Hope you don't mind me asking but, can you share what the source(s) of your depression is? What is the root of your pain? Just know that you are not alone and that there are many other people struggling at this very moment. You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders. I don't want to sound like I'm preaching but sometimes you just have to not take life so seriously.
     
    steveincolorado likes this.
  14. USArmyFinFan

    USArmyFinFan Maximum Effort

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    Simply, it happen after returning from 15 Months in Iraq, I saw some messed up*&^% over there.

    Part of my problem is I didn't take anything seriously, I just didn't care, I mean no emotion what so ever. Meds brought me out of that but now I have a flood of emotion.
     
  15. anlgp

    anlgp ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A

    Are you sure it's depression and not PTSD?
     
  16. The Dolfan

    The Dolfan New Member

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    Libya
    I've never been in a warzone and can only imagine what it was like over there. You were trained to not feel emotion and be a killing machine. I'm sure there are many others who have experienced or are experiencing exactly what you mentioned. Can you describe some of the emotions you are dealing with? I'm guessing anger is one of the main ones. It might help for you to describe the emotions that you're feeling.
     
  17. padre31

    padre31 Premium Member Luxury Box

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    I'm here Bro.

    Eh, one thing pushes out another is the old saying, the thing of it is, is knowing when to come up for air and just be.
     
  18. steveincolorado

    steveincolorado Spook, Storme & Pebbles

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    I would love to say something good here, but to be honest with you, I haven't a clue what to say. I know from a friend that saying things doens't always help, but listening does wonders.

    We on here are more than just Dolphins fans, we are one damn fine family:up:
     
  19. Ohiophinphan

    Ohiophinphan Chaplain Staff Member Luxury Box

    Please first know that you are in my prayers.

    I am hoping given your location and the fact you are getting help that the help is coming through military or veteran circles that are familar with the after effects of combat situations. If not I urge you to at least see your chaplain. Chaplain Lembke (not sure I have that spelled right) is a very good man.

    Depression is an illness just like you would have contracted some kind of fever. It needs to be treated as such. In addition to the medical side there are the repressed emotions that you are now coming to grips with. Seeing what you saw caused an emotional response even if it never showed. It is sitting somewhere inside of you and will eventually come out. Getting it out in a safe, controlled fashion is what you need and your chaplain/counselor/whomever should be able to aid you in the process.

    Don't try and hold them in, that is what got you here in the first place. You had to hold them to some degree just to survive but your brain can't hold them forever and now knows it is OK to let them go. Help find a safe spot.

    Physical activity such as running and extreme workouts are often helpful so you might ask your helper what suggestions they might have in this regard.

    You are safe here. We genuinely care.

    Blessing and best wishes to you! I remain around.
     
    Fin Fan In Cali and The Rev like this.
  20. The Rev

    The Rev Totus Tuus Staff Member Administrator Luxury Box Club Member

    Blessings and prayers to you brother. Thanks for sharing.
     
    Fin Fan In Cali likes this.

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