First, let me state, I'm not a father and don't plan to be (queue Humanity's collective sigh of relief). I am however, the godfather of a beautiful 1 year old sweetheart. The job will fall on me to protect her from boys.
My plan: (and I'm serious BTW)
- Start her on self defense training by age 5.
- Have the "talk" with her by age 6. (age appropriate of course) And revisit the "talk" every year till I'm dead.
- Monitor her wardrobe starting by age 5.
- By age 10, I'll own a shotgun.
- I've already begun to plan out how I'll meet any boy that'll call on her: I'll check and record their ID, set time limits, and am already working on a speech that will instill fear & dread.
So, my question is, what am I forgetting?
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to lighten up just a tad imo
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that she's not your kid? terrorize your own kids stupid.
Boik14, Frumundah Finnatic, femalefinfan and 1 other person like this. -
Make sure you always mention how unfortunate it was that her last boyfriend got shot in the face by accident coincidentally the same say he mistreated her.
Boik14, DaFish, unluckyluciano and 1 other person like this. -
watch that scene from Bad Boys II. After that you should be set.
Boik14, finyank13, unluckyluciano and 1 other person like this. -
A friend of mine had a 14 year old daughter and he was wondering how to handle the boy situation. He was really stressing about it. He knew a man who owned a pig farm/slaughterhouse. A young pig's nuts are about the size of a grown man's nuts. He went to the pig farmer, and asked for a young pig's nuts so that he could put them in a jar of alcohol. The farmer obliged. A year later, the first date came up, and when the boy came to the door, he told the kid to come in. He sat the kid down, and said that he WAS going to have her home by 10:00. The kid was just rolling his eyes, and yes sir, and not paying attention. My friend then reached onto his desk and grabs the jar with the pig nuts, held it up to the kid's face, and said "This guy had her home at 10:02." Needless to say, he brought his daughter home at 9:55.
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Boik14, charlestonphan, texanphinatic and 2 others like this.
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Ever heard of "crossing the bridge when you get to it"?
No, I guess you haven't.BuckeyeKing likes this. -
6 is a tad young for "the talk".
I always said that had I had a daughter, when she brought over boys who wanted to date her, they'd have to meet me in my music room, where I'd be sitting in a faint light sharpening a machete while the theme music to "The Shining" played in the background.Boik14, Frumundah Finnatic, DOLPHAN1 and 2 others like this. -
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You will drive her away. I have 3 daughters and 2 of them are in teens.... I have lot of experience :)
Just teach her to not talk to strangers and let her watch Law & Order SVU...... My girls usually have questions after each show and I try to answer them honestly but the point is to let her think.....
I agree with you that you need to watch how she dress cuz so many girls are dressing sluttish and think its fad. It is awful that their parents allow it.... I don't allow any "sluttish" clothes and thank god my wife is with me on that one.Boik14, BuckeyeKing and Fin D like this. -
You should just show her the movie 'Taken' and tell her that that's going to happen to her if she doesn't listen to you, only she won't get saved in the end.
opfinistic, unluckyluciano, BuckeyeKing and 1 other person like this. -
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Now you know why my wife and I chose not to have kids. It's a different world.femalefinfan, DOLPHAN1 and BuckeyeKing like this. -
I have 18yr & 6yr old daughters, if that is your plan by the time she 16 she is going to hate you. There is a middle ground
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My question is, if you had a son instead, and he brings home that very good looking "father's daughter", what would you do? Go for it son, you stud! ;)
FinSane, opfinistic and Fin D like this. -
Fin D likes this.
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Most important thing to do is to install the right values in her by teaching and answering her questions honestly. If you installed values in her while growing up then she will make right decisions easily.BuckeyeKing likes this. -
After reading this thread, I'm having second thoughts about asking Fin D to be my kids godfather.
Two Tacos, Boik14, GridIronKing34 and 5 others like this. -
I'll ignore the fact that this isn't even your kid we're talking about here, and give you my 2 cents.
-Self defense training? You want to put her in karate at a young age, that's fine, so long as her parents (and HER) are OK with it.
-having the talk with her at age 6 is NOT appropriate. She won't even comprehend what you're telling her. "The talk" should be done around age 10 or so.
-monitor her wardrobe at age 5? I don't know a single 5 year old that picks out their own clothes, so you'd be better served to wait until she's older.
-why not own a shotgun now? It's never too early to scare the **** out of a small child who could potentially rape your little girl!
-Finding out who this "boyfriend" is, and setting time limits is normal. But if you think for one second that this girl is going to want anything to do with you after you've threatened her little boyfriend, you've got a lot to learn about teenage girls. Doing that will only make her sneak around behind your back and make everything FAR WORSE. You'll never again know who she's hanging around with and what she's doing with them.
Listen. If this girl is raised properly, you've got nothing to worry about. So stop sweating this stuff YEARS in advance, and just have faith that she will grow up and make the "right" choices.Boik14, opfinistic, anlgp and 1 other person like this. -
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:shifty:
Inbeforethefairygodfatherjokesstart
Lucky and I aren't gay. We met in prison and that makes it different.unluckyluciano likes this. -
However, if you are already obsessing over this at the age of 1 instead of enjoying her childhood and spending time with her you are making a horrendous mistake. It is tragic that all you are obsessing about the idea of her becoming a "whore" AT AGE 1 instead of being the best godfather you can be. Do you really think that girls are these helpless temptresses that have to be suppressed or they WILL become whores? And who actually uses this kind of language about their daughters?
Whether you like it or not, she is going to eventually be at that age where she is going to date, just like guys of the same age. All you can do is instill her with your best values and give her "the talk" at an appropriate age. Then I suppose the best thing you can do is get to know the boy, and maybe even meet the boy's family while keeping a close eye on the guy. Most likely relationships won't last anyway.
Go ahead, alienate her and drive her away. You will see what will happen.
Finally, do the parents actually want you to raise their child for them?DaFish likes this. -
To all who say 6 is too young for the "talk":
I'll clarify. 6-10, the "talk" will be about how no one is allowed to touch you without permission. Let her know, no matter what anyone threatens, you tell Uncle Fin D right away. That kind of thing. From 10-12, it will evolve into a discussion about the other stuff.
To all who are pointing out this isn't my child:
You'd have to understand the circumstances. The father is a good guy, but ill equipped for this task. He and the mom are 100% in favor of me playing bad cop, and have essentially given me free reign. -
I do enjoy her childhood, very much actually. I love her with all my heart, which is why I'll do everything I can to make sure she grows up as free from the ugly, as I can. However, she is going to be a heartbreaker, and I'll have my work cut out for me, which is why I'm perfecting the plan now.:up: -
I guess there is no stopping you...so here is my diabolical plan:
1) Knock your wife up, or some random broad (who you knock up is not really integral to the plan)
2) Make sure it's a boy. (This part is KEY)
3) Do a Middle Eastern style arranged marriage between your son and your goddaughter.
BOOM.
Of course, you could always clone yourself instead of having a kid...but that might be weird. -
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I love you....................Two Tacos, Boik14, Pagan and 1 other person like this. -
Big E and unluckyluciano like this. -
I have a six year old daughter, and I am soaking this all in.....I am just trying to get her to be a leader....sometimes I will ask her what she wants for dinner, snack, dessert, and she says, "What do you think I should have?" I never answer that question, I always let her make the choices, trying to teach her to be accountable and the choices have consquences is difficult at this age though....
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Oh PS
Princess Leia is Luke's Brother and Darth Vader is their FATHER!!!Fin D likes this.
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