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Dad never there for me

Discussion in 'Outreach Forum' started by Kanye West, Aug 8, 2011.

  1. Kanye West

    Kanye West 'Parcells' Guy

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    When I was 4 years old my dad and my mom got divorced and my dad moved out and before ever really seeing me he made sure he got a girl friend instead of buying a house near me and making sure I'm ok without him. From the ages 4 through 14 he wasn't there for me at all and he was always with his girl friend and concerned about her kids more then me and my brother if I ever wanted to hang out with him or see him he would have to be doing nothing and we would do stuff that he wanted and I would pay or my mom would give me money to hangout with him because she knew he wouldn't pay. Growing up I never had a male figure in my life to teach my about sports or play catch with, to teach me about stuff you dad teaches you. I learned all the sort of stuff on my own. Mom tried to be both my mom and dad but it wasn't the same obviously.

    My highschool years my dad came around more. He broke up with his long time girlfriend and I guess he wanted to become closer with me and my brother. We would watch football games together, play catch,c do everything a father and son should do. When I was 16 he married a women he meet. She is ok her name is denise. All through highschool me and my dad were really close I mean he was like my best friend.

    Then when I got into college last year we were still close but things sort of tense because my mom and dad are supose to pay for my college. He wasn't hold up his end of the deal and I know he has the money to because he bough 3 cars last year and then tells my mom he isn't going to pay for my college(he is now because my mom was going to take him to court) but its not my dad saying he wasn't going to pay for my college its denise my stepmom my dad just has no spine or balls to stand up and but his opinion in. He just does whatever she says.

    So I signed up for classes the other day and they don't like the classes I'm taking ( I'm going to a local community college its not expensive). So yesterday I call them during my break at work. I call my dad and denise picks up and she says hi honey and I say can I talk to my dad and she hands the phone to him so then I start tell him about my classes and that's what I want to take and he says hold on let me give the phone back to denise they put me on speaker and I start telling them very calmly that I'm going to take the classes I want and they start getting mad at me. I'm still remaining calm and I was like just telling them why I wanted to take the classes I signed up for and my dad out of no where goes I'm tired of this steven and starts going off at me and tells me he has no pactiances for me anymore. (I've had so much pactians for him over the years and given him a million chances and he says that to me.) He goes on say he will talk to me later. My stepmom wanted to meet me at starbucks so we could sign me up for new classes. I texted her today and said I think its better that I do the classes I want to do I'm almost 20 years old I got to start doing things on my own and I told her I appreciate everything they have done for me dealing with school. I was very nice in the text message about everything. I texted the message to my stepmom and my dad and my stepmom responded with an ok and my dad still hasn't responded.

    Whenever I tell my dad something he doesn't like or doesn't want to hear or if its how I feel he won't talk to me even if I text him. I don't think I'm going to hear from my dad for a while. My birthday is coming up next month and I won't hear from him probably. I give my dad every chance in the world and I don't ask him for anything. I rely on my mom so much more and I give him so much more because I want him to like me. I want to have that father song relationship that I've been looking for since I was 4 and I don't think I will ever get it. I'm turning 20 and I'm still looking for a dad I can play catch with and talk to about stuff. If I told him any of this he would never talk to me again. I hate to say this but I hope I'm never like him. I want the dad I had in high school. I want my best friend back but I don't think its going to happen. How do I get him to be a dad? He doesn't have to be perfect I'm just looking for a dad.
     
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  2. unluckyluciano

    unluckyluciano For My Hero JetsSuck

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    Out of curiousity what were the courses you wanted to take and what were his objections to it?
     
  3. Kanye West

    Kanye West 'Parcells' Guy

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    I don't know what I want to do yet but I know I'm interested in criminology he doesn't think I should take a class if its something I am just interested in. I'm taking a criminology course.
     
  4. padre31

    padre31 Premium Member Luxury Box

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    Hmm, did he want for you to take classes at the community college then transfer to a 4 yr college?
     
  5. Kanye West

    Kanye West 'Parcells' Guy

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    Wants me to get out of college in 2 years with an AA and I want to transfer. its something I'm interested in he should support me no matter what. But its whatever easier on his check book
     
  6. padre31

    padre31 Premium Member Luxury Box

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    I see, he seems to believe that is not in his interest financially speaking, have you had a chance to point out to him that the AA to BA route is far less expensive then just attending a 4 yr school?
     
  7. Kanye West

    Kanye West 'Parcells' Guy

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    My bad he wants me to get a 2 year degree but I don't want to I want to transfer. He wants me to get out of school asap so it doesn't have to pay for it. I want to go to a 4 year school. He doesn't want me to go to a 4 year college he wants me to get in and out
     
  8. padre31

    padre31 Premium Member Luxury Box

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    Well, at some point he is going to have to respect your decision nothing wrong with thanking he and denise for paying but still this is your choice to make, not his.
     
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  9. ether79

    ether79 ****

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    I feel for you bro, I was in the exact same situation with the new wife and me going to college. I saw my dad for a total of five days out of the year from the age of 5 to 17. I got a 50 dollar check every birthday and at christmas and when I was old enough to start watchign football I wuold get a drunk call every sunday after Dolphins games, he is a fan also. Anyway when my oldest brother went to college he had a full ride baseketball scholarship so he was off the hook for him, my middle borther went to the military, so off the hook for him. After graduating high school I enroll at Purdue University on a partial scholarship. My mom and dad were to split the balance. Before the semester begins I have to have the tuition fully paid, so I call my father and telll him what the balance is and what he owes. Well I could tell something was wrong and I asked, he then gave the phone to his wife of 2 years and she started arguing with me over the money because they were buying a house, etc. I told her " I want my father put back on the phone, I do not want to speak you, it was in the divorce agreement, and you have no say." She then stated "Well since you are on the subject we feel before we agree to pay this bill that we want a paternity test done." I actually told her and my father where they could go and that I did not need anythign from them. Words cannot describe the feelings and rage I felt at that moment. Since then I have made amends with my father and as the years have gone by he has made more of an effort and he is my dad so I try to put aside my feelings about my life without him. Really though they are just buried deep and I am afraid that I will never be able to let them out before he passes. Its a horrible feeling knowing that a person that should be there, playing catch, teaching you how to be a man, etc. decided that he doesn't want to do that. LEt me tell you as you get older and start a family always remember those little things you wanted to do with your dad and be a better man than he was with your children. Everyday i wake up and see my sons face and we play toys or catch I feel a little bit better about my own childhood and lack of a father. Just know that you are the person you today in spite of dad not because of it, and you are better than he will ever be.

    Edit: and if you ever need to talk about anything pm me.
     
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  10. Nappy Roots

    Nappy Roots Well-Known Member

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    Bro just be lucky you had a Mom there that tried to be both. Ive seen or talked to my dad all of 2 times since I was 10 years old. Him and my Mom were both addicts and my mom especially was to young to not only raise me, but know what the **** she was doing. I was the same as you, self taught with everything. Only thing I was taught about was drugs by my older cousin and how to live that way. Ive had to live and learn. This life has taking me a lot of places. poor, nearly homeless, jail, having money, breaking the law constantly, all the way to getting jobs and becoming a manager of 2 stores. Ive learned a lot. A lot. However, the biggest thing Ive learned from all that, is love who is there for you. Embrace them. If your Dad doesnt want to be there, move on! You can be successful without him. Your a grown up, you can do it yourself! It hurts, a lot, he is your blood, but when I was about 14 I had moved on from my dad emotionally. I lived the rest of my life with a chip on my shoulder saying I can do whatever I want in this life, by myself. I dont need anyone. Be thankful you have someone like your mom that will help you and like I said, embrace her and everyone else in your life that truly does care. Not sure how old you are, but your in college, its time to grow up and do it on your own.


    EDIT: I do want to say, I had an amazing grandmother that took me in and got me out of the hell hole that I was in and tried to help me the best she could.
     
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  11. Kanye West

    Kanye West 'Parcells' Guy

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    I wish my stepmom wasnt in my business, she is nice and everything but its like when i want to talk to my dad man to man and her not be around its impossible. I feel like I should tell him how I feel but I dont want to break him. I dont want to make him feel bad even though he should. My dad has 2 kids me and my brother. Me and my brother are the same age both 19, my brother hasnt really talked to my dad since he was 13 or 14. I am the one kid that actually like him and he cant talk to me without my stepmom holding his hand. I give my dad everything. I always stand up for him when I know he is in the wrong, I always give chance after chance, whenever we hangout guess who paid for him ME!!!! I have stood up for my dad more in one month then he has my whole life. The he has the nerve to say he is running out of patience with me after Ive done nothing but want to take a class. I hope he is happy with my step mom because im done
     
  12. Kanye West

    Kanye West 'Parcells' Guy

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    Im 19 almost 20 and I know it is time to grow up. Thats what i tell my dad, but my dad and my stepmom want to control what classes i take and everything, when i do it on my own they get mad and all bent out of shape. Ive come to figure out im not changing my classes he can just pay or go to court with my mom. He is suppose to pay half my college. I feel like texting him and telling him to just pay what he is suppose to and stop making trouble. But if I do that it will make things hard for my mom and I dont want that, But im pretty close to just not caring and tell him to grow a pair and pay.
     
  13. Ohiophinphan

    Ohiophinphan Chaplain Staff Member Luxury Box

    Issues of abandonment by a parent last a lifetime in one way or another. In just this short time and with a limited audience we have three situations. None of you are alone!

    Being a parent is so much more than biology but too often it ends there. My daughter is 30 and we still talk 3-5 times a week and support each other. Parenthood is a lifetime, fulltime occupation.

    RBT, within reason, it doesn't matter what you take (criminology sounds quite reasonable) your Dad should support you. You have said however he has no spine and likely you are correct. He will not grow one now. Expecting him to do so will ALWAYS disappoint you.

    Stop by the student services at your community college and see if there is any counseling help for students. Your problem is a common one for college counselors and they are often good at it.

    I wish your Dad could be a Dad, but it unlikely to happen and you need to learn more effective ways of living through it. My best wishes to you!
     
  14. Kanye West

    Kanye West 'Parcells' Guy

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    Thanks for your advice. Also thanks for being there for your daughter I know she appreciates your support. My dad doesn't have a spine. I appreciate all you guys advice and stories similar to mine to know I'm not alone
     
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