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Dol-Fan Dupree 2019 Miami Dolphins Manifesto - ENJOY!

Discussion in 'Miami Dolphins Forum' started by Dol-Fan Dupree, Jul 17, 2019.

  1. Dol-Fan Dupree

    Dol-Fan Dupree Tank? Who is Tank? I am Guy Incognito. Club Member

    Dec 11, 2007
    Sorry for the delay. I got busy, and then I got bored. I forgot last year, so I hope you enjoy this year’s edition of the Dol-Fan Dupree Dolphins Manifesto. Suck it Sporticus!

    Here is everyone’s favorite time. The offseason. I love it so much I can cry. So boring and tedious. Articles that I can read from 20 years ago, substitute some names, and pretty much be the same as this year. Oh, a wide receiver looks good in shorts. Never read that before.

    This season is odd. This is the first season I have zero hope that Miami will make the playoff since Sparano’s first year. Which is also a year where Miami made the playoffs. It is a good thing I do not bet on the Dolphins.

    I am calling this the Rogue One year because coaches and players are going to be preaching hope for the upcoming season, however, no one really believes it. They will produce videos to hype us up, but it will be all style with no substance. And people will buy into it because people just love their Dolphins.


    Ryan Fitzpatrick: Ryan is the weirdest quarterback in the NFL. If this Miami Dolphins year was one of those sports movies where the owner wants the team to lose, so that they can move them to London (Which why would you want that? It would hurt the value of the team. Sports movies are dumb.), and they picked a quarterback off the street to start for the team. That quarterback in the movie would be Ryan Fitzpatrick. Think about it. He is like a living cartoon character. His career is weird. This season he will have some games where he averages over 350 yards and 3.5 touchdowns a game. Then he will completely crap the bed and go 180 yards with 3.5 interceptions a game. In fact, he is a lot like Star Wars. Sometimes he plays like the orig trig, and other times he plays like the prequels, the part where the star murders children. Yes millennials, it is only nostalgia that makes you think those movies are good! Welcome to the Gen X hell of revisiting the crap of your youth. It is your turn now. Power Rangers sucked then and they suck now! – KEEP

    Josh Rosen: In this movie, he is the young up plucky up and coming down on his luck quarterback that the evil Cardinals got rid of for the new hotness. In this movie, Kyler Murry is some rich kid whose parents shut down Josh Rosen’s rec center. Oh, wait, that fits so well. Am I in a movie? What is reality? Oh my god! Well, existential crisis on the fact that reality is an illusion and life is meaningless aside, I did not expect this to happen when the offseason started. Josh Rosen is a quarterback that I have read little about. He looks like he has the tools. But he hasn’t put them all together. Born and trained to be a quarterback. Well, at least he was gotten for a low 2nd round pick. Which I think is adequate value due to the overvaluation of quarterback. – KEEP

    Jake Rudock: If Miami were for sure tanking, he would be the starting quarterback. They would be talking about how he fits the system, and none of the quarterbacks available are any better for this offense. That Caldwell has been grooming him to be a starter, and we have nothing to worry about. That we should have Hope, and rebellions are built on hope. Jesus Christ that movie sucked! However, he is not starting, Miami isn’t tanking. Fitzpatrick is worth 5 wins on his own. Those games are going to be magical before he craps the bed. Notice how much I talked about Jake Rudock during the Jake Rudock segment. Honestly, I never heard of him before he became a Dolphin. I did read that he is a Dolphin fan. Neat. – KEEP

    Running Back:

    Kenyan Drake: I don’t care. He was forced into the starting role for 6 games and lead the league in total yards while averaging a touchdown a game. Frank Gore reduced the offense when he was in, even though he did fine in everything else. I think as a starter he will be a very productive running back that will produce a big play every now and then. He is a talent. A home run hitter. Feed him! – KEEP

    Kalen Ballage: Last season Kalen Ballage had one of the top 5 fastest plays in the NFL. Where he ran 21.87 miles per hour. Why isn’t he better? Dude is 6-2, 238, and runs fast. Why didn’t he dominate college? Why he is not a better player? He doesn’t bad. He isn’t a huge jerk. Is he slow to pick up the playbook? Does he slack during practices? What is this guys deal? Another home run hitter on offense. – KEEP

    Kenneth Farrow: AAF guy. Sad that league didn’t work out. He got another chance. Has the name of the father of a guy who is about to shut down some guy’s rec center. I guess in my movie he is Kyler Murray’s dad. Doesn’t really make sense, but adds so much drama with Josh Rosen on the team. And he gets cut when Rosen throws the ball in the groin after he makes some snooty rich guy remark. Ha ha, ball in the groin. – CUT

    Myles Gaskin: Now here is a guy you can set your watch too. Very productive in college. Probably would have been a higher pick back in the day when runningbacks were valued. Millennials ruin everything. First, they ruin the diamond industry, and now they have ruined runningbacks. Back in my day runningbacks were king. Wow, I am old. – KEEP

    Patrick Laird: This guy looks like he is part of the Longarmed tribe. Though no one will get that reference, so I will say Plastic Man. His arms are so long. He looks so goofy when he runs. It is so weird. So very weird. I hope he makes the team just so I can watch him run on Sundays and think, “Wow, that is weird.” – CUT

    Mark Walton: I believe in second chances. He has 3 criminal cases pending. Last time I gave a runningback a second chance he was arrested for harassing a woman. I am not saying he is Cecil Collins or all runningbacks are the same. I mean, some of my best friends are runningbacks. I am not positionist. I know what is in my heart. Generally speaking though, I do like the players to give second chances to be better. He doesn’t seem all that special. – CUT

    Chandler Cox: Chandler Cox is everything you want in a full back. He likes to hit people. Seems to be a great player to have on wide receiver screens. Just make sure they can see you. Those plays are banned now. Seems like a good player. I will root for him. – KEEP

    Wide Receiver:

    DeVante Parker: I am surprised he is on the team. I thought there was zero chance he would be back. I am happy he is. I don’t understand all these articles and tweet that are surprised DeVante Parker looks like a good wide receiver. He is a good wide receiver. He is just hurt a lot and doesn’t play through pain well. While AJ Green could have one leg and still get a 100 yards, DeVante twists an ankle and it is 50/50 on whether he will play or not. IMO, people are too hard on him when it comes to his playing ability. Other than not being good at breaking tackles for a guy of his size, he is a good wide receiver. He just isn’t good when he is hurt. And he is hurt a lot. – KEEP

    Brice Butler: I wonder what his Marvel superhero name would be. He is DeVante Parker light. And just like the highlander series, there can only be one. – CUT

    Albert Wilson: Before he got hurt, he looked like he was on his way to a breakout season. I hope he can come back to form. Hip injuries suck. Or at least I have read. He is coming back to a quarterback who can sling it, and sling it good. There is a good chance that he is going to have a fun year. Let’s say he is the Empire, and next year he is going to strike back. Like that movie where the Empire struck back, Jason’s Revenge – KEEP

    Jakeem Grant: He is a fun player. Another player who got hurt. I think he should be used more. When he is on the field he generates yards. He is a big play waiting to happen. He is quick as a hiccup. Also a great guy. He reminds me of my dad. Because my dad is also short. That and he was Jakeem Grant in his highschool. Rarely got the ball, but when he did, he generally made a big play. Enough of me Al Bundying my dad, I hope he is a bigger part of the offense next season – KEEP

    Kenny Stills: I was buying into the stories that he was going to be traded. He is fast, he runs good routes, he catches the ball, he is a home run hitter. There is so much speed on Miami’s offense. If they had a nickname, it should be Miami Vice. You know, because of drugs. Get it? Because speed is another name for meth. However, most people who take meth do not like Kenny Stills because, well you know. He also has cool hair. – KEEP

    Isaiah Ford: Just like Rogue One, people keep on telling me how good he is, but I do not see what people see in him. He isn’t super fast, he doesn’t run amazing routes, he seems to be a fine player who is not masterful in anything. At least at this moment. He could prove me wrong. What do I know? I am a 40-year-old guy who is writing a message board post who is using football to bag on Rogue One. That terrible, terrible movie that people like for some reason. Darth Vader is the bad guy. Why doesn’t he just grab the plans with the force? Also, that scene ruins the beginning of Star Wars. Also, are the Death Star plans the Hope? I thought it was Luke bringing back the Jedi. Well, Ford will have to improve to stay on the team. – CUT

    Preston Williams: I remember when I first watched his highlight tape on YouTube, yes I still say tape, I am old, and my first thought was, “This guy looks like Brandon Marshall.” How was he not drafted? Yes, he has some offseason issues and only one good season, however, I have seen players drafted with worse rap sheets and less success. I thought I was crazy until CKParrotHead started gushing about him. I am very prone to fall in love with wide receivers, especially ones who look great in college against bad competition who look good in OTAs. Well, wide receiver is the master position after all. They are just superior to runningbacks, everyone knows it. It is in their genes. You know, like how Daenerys was crazy because of her genes, wide receivers are just better because of theirs. It is science. I saw it on a YouTube channel. I have been hurt before. The Robert Backer, Charles Jordan, Roborto Wallace, Marlon Moore, Kirby Dar Dar, 7-11, and my all-time favorite Brian Manning. Well, when it comes to love, I am a fool. – KEEP

    Reece Horn: Who is this guy? Apparently, he also played in the AAF. He reminds me of Jeff Ogden. Not because I have actually seen him play. Just in the sense that they both have really light skin, and played well in a defunct league before getting cut by the Dolphins. I do like his name. Nice 50s Noir detective. Reece Horn is on the case. Wherever I go, the wind follows... And the wind, it smells like rain. – CUT

    Trenton Irwin: He is battle Kenneth Farrow for the evilest rich whiney 80s villain name. He also went to Stanford. This guy is going to shut down our ski school! – CUT

    Tight End:

    Dwayne Allen: I remember when he was drafted. The Colts won the draft. They drafted not one, but two tight ends. There is no better drafting than drafting tight ends. That’s how you win. You draft all of the tight ends. The Colts went on to win zero superbowls because the draft tight end strategy only works when you draft the best tight ends who have ever lived. Dwayne Allen was not one of those. – KEEP

    Mike Gesicki: Mike looks like a guy who just learned he had a body. He is so surprised. Look at that. It moves. It can talk. It can jump real high. Then he decided to play football and that is all she wrote. Caught 100% of the catchable balls that came his way last year. That is pretty good for a lizard person who just put on a human suit. LIZARD PEOPLE ARE REAL! THE GOVERNMENT IS A LIE! – KEEP

    Durham Smythe: I don’t like him for a weird reason. He shares the last name of Alistair Smythe. The guy who is known for creating the Spider-Slayers in Spider-Man. Durham is a hoity-toity name that fits right in with an Alistair. He was drafted because he can block. Well, rookie, tight ends are almost always bad at blocking. In that sense, he did not disappoint. Let’s see if he can turn things up to a new level this season. – KEEP

    Chris Myarick: An undrafted free agent who caught 1 touchdown in college. A total of 229 yards receiving. I can honestly say. For someone who went to a school I have heard of, Temple, he has the least amount of information available about him when I google him. According to bnbfootball.com he is the best blocking tight end in the class. You got to love that site I never heard of. He is tall at least – CUT

    Nick O'Leary: Came from Buffalo, had a good game, then disappeared. I think. I remember he got an extension until this season. I have been reading he is catching touchdowns in OTAs. Which is meaningless, or is it? Well, yes, it is. His biggest competition is Clive Walford. – KEEP

    Clive Walford: I once read a study that people with white-sounding names have 50% increase in responses from resumes. Which did make me feel lucky that I have a very white-sounding name. I bring this up because I am sure Clive will be happy when he is looking for work in September. – CUT

    Offensive Line:

    Kyle Fuller: I feel like I could make the joke, “talk about OFFENSIVE” line for over half of the players. So I will make that joke once. You just read it. Funny isn’t it. I knew you laughed. So what can you say about Kyle Fuller? – CUT

    Laremy Tunsil: This guy is going to get the lamp because he is the diamond in the rough. The three wishes he gets are great pass blocking, good run blocking, and being one of the best Left Tackles in the NFL. One of the best players on the team, and hopefully will be a Miami Dolphin for a long time. Good thing he smoked pot and someone tried to ruin his career. Good thing – KEEP

    Daniel Kilgore: Daniel got his name last year when he was blocking for Frank Gore. His blocking was so bad that people said, “It looks like he is trying to kill him.” Thus he took up the name Kilgore. Before that his name was Murder49ersRunningback. Sorry, too lazy to look up the 49ers runningback for this joke. Who cares anyway? That team is going to be terrible. Two easy wins for the Rams and the Seahawks. - KEEP

    Jesse Davis: Jesse Davis is better than what Miami paid for him. Since he was bought for three magic beans that turned out to be fakes. Never buy anything off of Craigslist. Even hookers. Unless you are Robert Kraft, though he prefers them sex traffic. Topical humor folks. I can write for Conan O’Brien – KEEP

    Chris Reed: Have you ever started a season thinking, “Wait, the season rides on a cast-off from the Jacksonville Jaguars? We really are in the bad place.” Ugh! Curse word! Apparently, he has talent. So let’s hope he does well. See that word. Hope. Don’t believe it? Then you have to admit Rogue One sucks! – KEEP

    Michael Deiter: He was drafted. Miami has a long history of drafting good offensive linemen in later rounds. Too bad that history is a long time ago in a galaxy far far away. The last good lineman drafted late was John Jerry. Who was a lot better than people here give him credit. Michael Deither can play all of the positions and none of them he was a superstar. He was adequate. That is what you want out of your draft picks. Adequacy. – KEEP

    Isaiah Prince: I have a policy when I do this that I do not cut any draft picks. Reading over Prince was fun. Either he was a huge steal and Miami got a great prospect. Or Miami picked up a dumpster fire that was covered in poo and then thrown into space where it then landed on a planet made nothing but poo. Will be interesting to see who is right. That he turns out to be good or space poo. – KEEP

    Zach Sterup: He’s tall. The NFL loves tall players. I don’t know why. They rarely work out. But they can dream, or better yet, hope. Because what is the NFL without hope. You cannot spell National Football League without hope. Well you can, it doesn’t have a h or a p. I don’t care. Life is meaningless, I mean when you think about it. I wish I was a little bit taller – CUT

    Shaq Calhoun: After doing a lot of research about Shaq Calhoun, the thing I like most about him is his name. That is a great name. Perfect offensive lineman name. Short first name, with a last name that makes you think, “Yea, this guy could be an offensive lineman”. Apparently, his real first name is Deion. Which is still good. Solid naming by his parents. Deion Calhoun is also a good lineman name. Though he is only 6-2. Which is short by NFL standards. You know the fun part about writing this is judging players who are way better at what they do than anything I have ever done. Makes me feel big. – CUT

    Tony Adams: We go from a good name to a generic name. Tony Adams. Might as well be Scott Smith or William Johnson. He sounds like he lost the presidency in 1881. Oh I am going to google him, what do you know, there are a bunch of other Tony Adams. Crazy. Huh, one actually played Soccer. Completely different guy. Another one played in the World Football League in the 1950s. Had a QB rating of 55.5. He would have a chance of starting for the Dolphins this season, even though he is 69. He he he, 69. - CUT

    Michael Dunn: Another AAF player. He has a convenient name for making this list. Looks like his time with Miami is Dunn. Oh! Snap! – CUT

    Jaryd Jones-Smith: He has two things going for him. He is tall and he played for the AAF. His biggest accomplishment so far is winning the Pterodactyl Award, which is given to the player with the longest wingspan in the 2018 combine. I didn’t even know that award existed. I wonder if he got a trophy. 88.5 inches, the same as Dwight Howard. That is cray-cray. He had 16 reps of 225, which is pretty good for such a long wingspan. What can I say? I am a sucker for wingspan. – KEEP

    Jordan Mills: He can play guard, poorly. He can play tackle, poorly. He has such range! He went to Assumption High School. I am going to assume he is going to make the team. That wasn’t as funny as I thought it was. – KEEP

    Aaron Monteiro: Tall. 6-7. Can he replace another tall guy Zach Sterup? However, Jaryd is also 6-7 and there is only room for one tall tackle. Tackles are kind of like the Highlander that way. For Generation Z, the Highlander was a movie that started out with one pretty good movie and then created a franchise of mostly sucky movies as well as a TV show. All before it was what ALL movie studios do now. This has been your movie trivia moment – CUT

    Defensive End:

    Tank Carradine: If there has ever been a football player with the perfect GI Joe name, it is Tank Carradine. He is someone who might make the team by default. Who else is going to play defensive end? How does defensive end actually work in the 3-4? Nobody knows. – KEEP

    Charles Harris: A player who is on his last legs. Not just to be on the team, but to be in the NFL. He has been good enough to not be cut, which is saying something. It is not saying much. I didn’t say it said much. It says something. He is quite possibly Miami Dolphin’s best pass rusher on the team. I need a drink. What proof is carnosine? – KEEP

    Dewayne Hendrix: A rookie out of Pittsburgh. I don’t know who he is. Do I really want to look him up? What is the point? This season is a waste of time. Life is a waste of time. In 1 billion years will anyone care if Dewayne Hendrix made the team or not? When the earth explodes due to the sun going red will anyone remember Dewayne Hendrix? What is the point of any of this? – CUT

    Jonathan Ledbetter: Did you know there is Pearl Jam song named “Yellow Ledbetter”? I know that because I mistakenly believed that all I needed to do was Bing Ledbetter. Ha ha, Bing. No one Bings. A rookie out of Georgia, he wears glasses. Good luck man. Us nearsighted people need to stick together – CUT

    Jonathan Woodard: Not a terrible size for a defensive end. He has talent. However, there are only 5 defensive ends on the roster. Miami will probably play a decent amount of nickel type defenses. I don’t know. How do you only keep 2 defensive ends? – KEEP

    Davon Godchaux: The best defensive lineman on the team. Was one of the highlights of the team last season. Which is amazing because the defense was so bad at, well everything. When someone did their job and looked good, it was generally Godchaux. Is there any player who has had his name misspelled more? Probably not. – KEEP

    Vincent Taylor: One of my favorite players on the team. I just like his pass-rush ability and he blocks field goals. I know that is a very niche rare skill, but I still like it. More of a 4-3 guy. Probably doesn’t have a place on the team. Which makes him perfect for my Bad News Bears scenario. What happened to the down on your luck sports franchises? They used to be everywhere. Come on Netflix! Miami Dolphins are ready to star in 2019 – Do Dolphins Drown? Sorry, that is a terrible name. – KEEP

    Christian Wilkins: My biggest regret in drafting Christian Wilkins is that he did not injure Roger Goddell. That would have been amazing. He would be an instant hall of famer in my book. A very athletic player. It is fun watching him play safety. Yes, there are videos of him lining up at safety during their scrimmage. He did a good job. He made the tackle, and it was a good one. I am not saying he should line up at safety in the NFL. However, I am not, not saying that. Let’s go all BIG PLAYERS! Like Nintendo Ice Hockey – KEEP

    Joey Mbu: He’s a noseguard. Might be one of the only ones on the team. You need a nose guard to play a 3-4. I think. I am a 4-3 guy. I love the 4-3. I am also old. Time is winding down. I mean think about it, how many people actually live until their 80s? Why do they call 40 midlife? Some people are just optimists. He also played in AAF. I will say cut because, reasons – CUT

    Jamiyus Pittman: CK likes this guy. Hopefully he can become the nose guard. This is his time. This is his place. I want to give him a nickname. Ram Man. Remember him? Shot stocky guy who can burst through walls with his head? Sounds good for Pittman – KEEP

    Durval Queiroz: At the very least he will make the practice squad because Miami gets a free practice squad space to keep him. He is from Brazil. I hope he turns out to be good. In those Bad News Bears type movies, they a lot of time have a foreign stereotype who at first doesn’t understand the game, but it turns out it is just like a game he used to play back home, and he turns out to be amazing at that one thing. Of course, there will be hijinks where we make fun of his culture and accent. Ha ha, he is foreign, he doesn’t know what a hamburger is! – KEEP (At least on practice squad)

    Akeem Spence: How is he going to lose his spot? He pretty much makes the team by default. He has experience, even though he is only 28. He is one of the seniors on this young defense. My favorite part of the last 10 offseasons is the article on how Miami has one of the youngest rosters in the league. It has worked out so well. *sarcasm* - KEEP

    Cory Thomas: When I first started doing this 20 years ago, I enjoyed making snarky comments. Now that I am 40, I just want to see all these players dreams come true. *sniff* I see them as real people. One of the negatives of wokeness. Empathy. Good luck Big Corey - CUT

    Adolphus Washington: Son of the first president of the United States. Nice of him to come back from the grave and play for the Miami Dolphins. Old money, good football. – KEEP


    Raekwon McMillan: During the first six games of last season he looked terrible. During the last six games in the season, he looked great. I think people are underestimating his coverage skills and athleticism. I want him on the field more than Kiko. I think that is going to happen. He is going to shine this year. – KEEP

    Jerome Baker: He is fast. He has good instincts. He is kind of small. I am hoping he makes the team and takes the next step. It was fun having some speed on defense. – KEEP

    Chase Allen: IMO an underrated player. Unfortunately got hurt last season and the running game suffered after that. Or at least it seemed too. A raw player coming out of a small school, he improved over his time here. This is his chance to make his mark – KEEP

    Kiko Alonso: IMO, he is on the team because it will cost just as much money to cut him as it does to keep him. I think some team will get desperate due to injury. He makes fumbles - TRADE

    Andrew Van Ginkel: I love his name. Perfect linebacker last name. Watching his highlights he seemed to wrestle people down instead of laying down the lumber. He needs to add bulk so that he can hit people and drive through. NFL players are too strong to try to wrestle down. I think he is a year away prospect as he works on his body – KEEP

    Mike Hull: I think it is going to be between Hull and Allen. I think he is going to the Saints for a 7th round pick or something – CUT/TRADE

    Jay Elliott: Is this the next Cam Wake? I miss Cam Wake already. Why didn’t he sign with KC? I would have bought a KC jersey. Titans are not going to do anything. Well since Miami’s best pass rusher is Charles Harris, he is a really good chance of making the team. – KEEP

    Terrill Hanks: Could be one of those players who turn out to be good. I don’t know. It is hard to say. Undrafted free agent. Lot of excitement about him. He isn’t fast though. I don’t know. This is getting kind of depressing – CUT

    Tyrone Holmes: Another AAF player. Good luck man. Good luck – CUT

    Nate Orchard: A former 2nd round pick that has bounced around more than your mom. OOOOO Snap! I got you! – CUT

    Quentin Poling: He’s just a small town boy, living in a lonely world. He took a midnight train to Miami last season when they drafted him in the 7th round. He did look like a 7th round pick. He will probably get cut this season – CUT

    Tre Watson: He has a shot as anyone. Especially after they trade Kiko to a team whose linebacker blows out his knee. Lead the Big 10 in tackles, had 5 interceptions. Seems like a good undrafted free agent type player. – KEEP

    Defensive backfield:

    Xavien Howard: Arguably the best player on the team. There will be at least 2 games Miami wins next season because of him. I say that because in the last two seasons there have been 2 games Miami won because of him. He is that good. He let a few more catches than you would like last season. However, he is one of the best in the league – KEEP

    Minkah Fitzpatrick: With a coaching staff that is better than a 1,000 monkeys on 1,000 typewriters trying to write a defensive gameplay, he should take a big jump this season. Listening to him talk about last season was depressing. I think he is going to be great. Even if it is a great slot cornerback. He is almost too good at that job to move him – KEEP

    Eric Rowe: Here are all the reasons I am excited for Eric Rowe to be on the team. 1….. -KEEP, I guess

    Rashad Jones: To be honest, one of the reasons I delayed this is because I thought he was going to be dealt. I was wrong. He is still on the team. He will probably be traded when a safety gets caught with a mysterious hooker who kind of looks like Stephen Ross in a wig, and won’t know how he got there. Stephen Ross is willing to do anything for the team, no matter how stupid. - Trade

    T.J. McDonald: My first thought when Miami signed TJ, I thought, sure he is worth a shot. Then they signed him to a long contract. Damn you Mike Tannenbaum! Damn you to hell! He is worth an interception at a key moment a season. – KEEP, I guess

    Bobby McCain: I guess they are going to play him at safety. At 5-11 makes him on the short size. He is taller than the Honey Badger and Shamarko by 2 inches. So he will not be the shortest. Good for him – Keep

    Torry McTyer: My pick for breakout player of the year. He is fast. He reminded me a lot of X when he was a rookie. Always a step behind, but still with the receiver. With some actual coaching, I think he will take a step up this year. Man coaching sucked last season – KEEP

    Cordrea Tankersley: Looked decent as a rookie. Looked terrible as a 2nd year man. I wonder what he will be in his 3rd. – CUT

    Walt Aikens: Special teams player. Is probably going to have a long career as a special teams player and back up safety. Good for him. A prospect coming out of college. Made pretty good for himself – CUT or traded to New Orleans with Hull

    Jalen Davis: Umm, sure. Got some playing time last year. I don’t know. When I get to the backfield I tend to run out of steam. This takes so long. – CUT

    Montre Hartage: From Northwestern. I wonder if he was part of the team that tried to unionize. I still can’t believe people are against paying college football players. So anti-capitalistic. Hard worker. Hates the bourgeoisie, and defends the proletariat. I made that part up. Made you look – KEEP

    Jamar Summers: Miami loved some AAF players. He took part of the rookie camp as a tryout. Has there ever been a good player who was invited to rookie camp as a tryout? I don’t know. That is why I am asking. – CUT

    Jomal Wiltz: From New England. Probably here to teach people the Patriot way. Default wins – KEEP

    Cornell Armstrong: interesting player. We will see if he makes the team. I think he was outplayed by Jalen Davis. I had Jalen Davis cut, so I guess I have to cut him. It is only fair – CUT

    Chris Lammons: he was on Miami’s practice squad last year? He was the hardest player to find information about. I have no idea who he is other than where he went to college – CUT

    Nik Needham: At first I thought this was the guy who got punched in Groundhogs Day. Now that was a good movie. He has a lot of experience playing on a bad team. He even went back to his bad UTEP team because he didn’t want his last season to be 0-12. The next season they were 1-11. All because of him. I like him. Plus his name sounds like a Stan Lee villain. Probably a ham vampire or something with needles – KEEP

    Maurice Smith: A player who I thought would be better. Well this year he has a chance to prove it. They all have a chance to prove it. Man this has been depressing. I was a little optimistic when I started. Now I just want to drink all the beer. Good beer though. Not that American Lager swill. It isn’t even American anymore. What is up with that? It doesn’t matter though. Why should I care if bad beer is made by an American company. There are plenty of small breweries waiting to be bought out by foreign interests making great beer. USA USA! – KEEP

    Special teams:

    Jason Sanders: I will miss Darren Rizzi. He takes a good kicker, Miami cuts him rather than pays him. Then Miami picks up a kicker no one heard about. Then he becomes good. Then Miami cuts him rather than pays him. Then Miami picks up a kicker no one heard about. You get the idea. – KEEP (until he gets too pricy)

    Matt Haack: See kicker - KEEP

    Stone Wilson: One of the best first name for a punter. Manly. – CUT

    John Denney: I will be sad the day Denny is cut. It will really make me feel old – KEEP

    Wes Farnsworth: The annual upstart who beats out by the old veteran. Good luck man. Even if your name sounds like a villain’s sidekick in a cheap sci-fi movie – CUT

    Overall thoughts:
    This season is going to be painful. At least they will have decent coaching. Or at least that is the dream. The coaching last season was terrible. It seemed like players didn’t know what they were doing a lot of the time.

    Still, the roster looks good enough to steal a few games. They have enough talent on offense to score a bunch of quick points. They have enough talent on defense to get a few key interceptions and red-zone stops. I don’t know if 1-15 is going to happen. I don’t know if 4-12 is going to happen. If I were to guess I would say 6-10. The same practical mediocrity we have been suffering with.

    Though last time I was this bummed about a season, we went 11-5 and to be honest, I think there is the more top talent on this current team than that team. If the coaches are who we think they are, and Miami plays near mistake-free football, then they will win games. That is just life.

    2019 is probably going to be the most disappointing Dolphin year ever. Hooray!
    Fin D, Surfs Up 99, Booftard and 12 others like this.
  2. Galant

    Galant Love - Unity - Sacrifice - Eternity Staff Member

    Apr 22, 2014
    Dol-Fan Dupree likes this.
  3. Silverphin

    Silverphin Well-Known Member

    Nov 25, 2007
    Dol-Fan Dupree likes this.
  4. Irishman

    Irishman Well-Known Member

    Oct 16, 2017
    High Point, NC
    I think you need a drink to steady what ever is left of your nerves.
    Dol-Fan Dupree likes this.
  5. Pauly

    Pauly Season Ticket Holder

    Nov 29, 2007
    Fantastic write up as always. It really brings home to me something I’ve been saying a lot this off-season, we have some talented pieces but we will be totally relying on coaching up both the OL and DL if we are going to have any chance of a decent season.
  6. Simon

    Simon The Other English Simon Club Member

    Mar 28, 2014
    I enjoyed that - well done!
    Dol-Fan Dupree and Galant like this.
  7. Dol-Fan Dupree

    Dol-Fan Dupree Tank? Who is Tank? I am Guy Incognito. Club Member

    Dec 11, 2007
    Thank you
  8. Pandarilla

    Pandarilla Purist Emeritus

    Sep 10, 2009
    Boone, NC

    Stephen Ross is the antichrist!
    Dol-Fan Dupree likes this.
  9. Puka-head

    Puka-head My2nd Fav team:___vs Jets Club Member

    Nov 25, 2007
    Slightly left of center
    Good to see your internet face brah! Howzit?!

    And Ross is a righteous soul brother. May be football stoopid but he's a good man. And a good Human from everything I see. I think karma is going to be good to him and the Dolphins are on the cusp of a long period of greatness.

    But I smoke LOTS of really good weed so... Take that opinion as you will.
  10. Pandarilla

    Pandarilla Purist Emeritus

    Sep 10, 2009
    Boone, NC
    Thanks man, I wish you could send me some...nothing but brown frown for me right now.
    Sceeto likes this.

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