http://www.thedaily.com/page/2011/11/15/111511-news-girl-suicide-1-3/ Having been brought up the way I was, I don't understand how parent's seem to not teach their kids to fight back? Is this how some of you raise your kids? I understand not wanting your children to fight/get hurt, but it seems to me at least, you have to teach your children there is a line as well?
Teach them the martial arts early on. Promise you this kind of stuff doesn't happen. More than self-defense, it helps your kid reach mental maturity a bit faster.
i would face palm the kids that did that to my daughter. at that point, my life would be over too. might as well take everyone with me.
I've had my younger brother in mixed martial arts training since he was 6. I've always prided myself on being tough and tougher then the next person. While it has gotten me in troubles, it has also helped me get through a 'tougher' child hood I guess. Had I wanted to do that at 10, my mom wouldn't of known anything. I never talked to her about much my issues through childhood, and didn't even know about most of the fights I was in until I was grown and talked to her about some things. This is just sad and should never happen. I understand how it could happen, but the neglect of not knowing everything about your child should NEVER happen
It doesn't sound like neglect to me. It does sound like the parent didn't push hard enough though IMO. Like I said though I was raised differently. At one time I had a problem with someone. I told my dad he told the teachers. They blew it off. He told the principal, the principal started to blow it off. My dad told her that he was only notifying her, because he was going to tell me to beat the other kid up, and he wanted her to know, because if she came after me, then he would go after her for not following up on the previous incidents. Needless to say it was then quickly taken care of. Other times, my dad told me just to have at it. So I don't know, like I said. I don't understand why people just don't tell their kids to fight back?
How's it not neglect when your 10 year old commits suicide? If you knew she was having that bad of problems and did nothing, neglect. If she didn't know. Neglect.
According to her she discussed it with her daughter. So I don't see where you are getting she didn't know about it. As for not following up on it, I agree that was bad on the parent's part. I guess you could call it neglect, now neglect as a prosecutable offense is a different matter.
Teachers can be worst than children sometimes. IMO the parents should of comunicated with their child more and vice versa Sometimes kids are tooo embarrassed to talk about it
I didn't say she didn't know. I said IF. I haven't read it but either way its a form of neglect. But as you say, could you charge her? Doubt it. Didn't mean to that extent however.
Well I had a friend who's father told him "Son, you don't have to fight to be a man!" Now, my friend was considered a coward, and the neighbor kids down the street, the Gatlin boys, just laughed at him. One day, when my friend (Tommy) walked into the barroom. One of them got up and met him halfway 'cross the floor. When Tommy turned around they said, Hey look! ol yellows leavin'. But you coulda heard a pin drop when tommy stopped and locked the door. Twenty years of crawlin' was bottled up inside him. He wasn't holdin' nothin' back; he let 'em have it all. When tommy left the barroom not a Gatlin boy was standin'. He said, this ones for Becky (his girlfriend), as he watched the last one fall. And I heard Tommy say, "I promised you, dad, not to do the things you've done. I walk away from trouble when I can. Now please don't think I'm weak, I didn't turn the other cheek, And papa, I sure hope you understand: "Sometimes you gotta fight when you're a man". So let that be a lesson to one and all...and sing if from the roof tops.....! ....Kenny Rogers approves this message....
I think its also a matter of discipline that a lot of these bullying kids are nt indoctrinatd with. Seriously, a little firmness on the part of the parents goes a long way in teaching their kids- you dont cross this line. As for the victim, the parents should be blamd for making their kids wussballs.
Did the mom ever engage her daughter and ask her how she is, have a convesation where the TV & computer is off? If she didn't know this was happening then she needs to look in the mirror. If she did know and did nothing (because if the bullying is as bad as it is said you sometimes have to get involved) she needs to look in the mirror. Not all kids are going to fight back and the schools here tell them they can't, period regardless of if you are hit 1st. In this case the school clearly had an obligation to be involved as it happened on school property. How bad is this bullying **** the schools drive down? My 13yo daughter was on a school break last week and 1 of the girls in her group made a comment about a girl who wasn't there. Not a threat a comment about how she dressed. The girl got wind of it and went to the "School Bullying Specialist" (I **** you not this is her title) who pulled the girls in to get there story of what was said. I received a call from the "SBS" and after speaking to her was told the story and that my daughter was a witness adn not in trouble but the girl who made the comment will get written up and possibly suspended. I asked her how far the schools reach goes as this happened outside of school in a non-school function social setting and if a conversation happens in my house that somehow gets around and offends a child what would happen. I was informed that school policy and state law allows them to question and act on any complaint that affects a child in school. In other words too many lazy mother****ers want someone else to raise their kids. My kids have already been told they don't throw the 1st punch just the last. Hair pulling and slapping is off limits. They know that repeated punches to the nose, groin and throat until someone gets off them are good practice. They also know if they talk **** they can expect a beat down from me. When people piss my daughter off she simply cuts them out of her life until they ask to be friends again and she makes that decision most of the time. In summary if you made a choice to have kids be a little ****ing involved.
Eh, grab one of them by the throat and use them like a shield. BTDT, in this case it was a young girl, however I learned a long time ago, **** one of the group up, they lose the taste for doing crap like this. BTW, it is actually kinda hard to gouge somone's eye out...who knew?
I gotta agree with Lucky. I dealt with a lot of BS growing up but I never really had patience for any of it and took things in to my own hands when I had to. It falls on both the parent and the kids. The parents teach their kids or let their kids become too overly aggressive and some of them become too passive. As a result you get bullies and bullied.
People are sue happy, and cops get called for fights at schools anymore. I got threatened with arrest for shoving a kid in 1999 in HS. I didn't even punch him, just pushed him hard enough to send him flying over 4 desks. Needless to say he never talked **** to me again.
if you react, people think that u have resorted to violence, and thus are no better than the bully. To most parents, complaining to the headmaster, seems to be a more 'civilized' way of dealing with these problems. It doesnt work.
But, telling your kid to whup that *** does. And some of these little bastards and their dumb fuvk parents deserve it IMO.
Ae any of you actually parents, because your comments make me think otherwise. 1) kids are bullies because their parents do tend to neglect them and they have zero idea how to handle their emotions at that age. Most people on this country are not fit to be dog Owners, let alone parents 2) calling a 10 year old girl a wuss because she doesn't fight back is nuts. Guess what, most 10 year old girls do not fight back, it's just not n them. Telling them to be strong just doesn't work. I know, I have a daughter about that age. The fault here is that the parent could to figure out a reasonable way for her daughter to fix the problem and probably just assumed it was going to be fine
Your first point is the same as what I am stating. As for the second, I am not pinpointing it to this specific incident. I am speaking on a more generalised term. Regardless if the victim is boy or a girl, the first thing that parent needs to give them is the self confidence to fight back the problems. I am not saying that this poor girl was a wuss. But parents, by thinking of 'civility' and 'maturity' often forget that a child needs to be given the right confidence and strenght, bcoz they aren't born with it. That, is my point. Sorry if it came out wrong.
Not being a parent doesnt invalidate ones opinion. And guess what? There isn't always a reasonable solution to every problem. Kids will always make fun of other kids, and need to learn the valuable physics lesson of action reaction.
I've always taught my son (11 years old currently) that bullies are cowards. And with any coward once you stand up to them they'll look for an easier victim. It doesn't have to be a physical response. Most of the time a verbal response or a look is enough. The point is to convey that you're not a victim. IMO that's the part that gets lot in all these bullying solutions. Kids will tease other kids. It's natural and it's a form of social interaction that builds bonds most of the time. But some kids can't handle being teased and that only invites more teasing. And as the teasing increases then something that started out as a joke becomes mean spirited and dangerous. When I mentioned a verbal response above I wasn't necessarily talking about a verbal threat. It could be a simple as making a joke back. That puts you both on equal footing, with neither being the bully or the victim.
I agree, teaching a girl to stick up for herself can be a completely different animal than dealing with a boy. There is not some one size fits all solution for helping a child deal with stuff like this. Reading through this thread most of what I see are dudes talking about how they would have their hypothetical son handle the situation. That's all fine and great but this was a ten year old girl. Not even close to the same situation. I have two school age daughters. Even the way that I would have both of them deal with bullying is completely different based on their personalities. There is no way I could just cut and paste what my dad told me for example. Keeping your child from being bullied isn't some one time thing you tell them to do. It's something you work on over years. You work to instill confidence and self esteem. Kids with those things never get bullied. And the way you approach doing that varies between boys and girls. A boy who can throw a good jab might suddenly have all the confidence he needs. Girls need different things.
Fighting back isn't just about physical fighting. Its about fighting back emotionally. Whether that is saying something back or simply ignoring it with strength. Like it is said, there's always going to be bullying, its not about stopping it. Its about being able to work through it.
I've never had a daughter, but my approach would have been similar in concept. As I said, bullies are cowards. They're usually acting out b/c of their own insecurities. Once your kid understands that, their first reaction isn't to be hurt by their words, but something more along the lines of pity. It's usually pretty easy to get a kid to agree that somebody bullying them is an idiot. Then you ask them why they would care what an idiot thinks? I've used that technique with daughter's of GFs and it has always worked for me. (For some reason I've always been the guy that women and even young girls felt comfortable opening up to). Once you get the girl to not instantly react like a victim (hurt), the dynamic changes.
Well said, I try the same approach for my older daughter. Although I have no idea what to do with my youngest. She's autistic and inevitably will get hammered by bullies
None of this happens if you teach your child to knife fight at an early age........ Start them young, obviously with plastic cutlery, so you don't get bladed to bad.....
Awesome advice. My kids are going at it in the backyard on the pool cover as I type. After that we will hunt and kill the family dog to prepare them for foraging when the **** comes down.
Its also never too young to get them introduced to shotguns for when the zombies arrive. Start them off with something light to begin with and get them on heavier gauge pump action once they hit thier teen years. Padded bras are out, now the in thing is padding their firing shoulder. Its a good stocking stuffer for xmass along with extra shells.
Seriously? I live in NJ and they are real strict on gun control. However we are shooting bow, knife & rock throwing.
little girls with shot guns are deemed cute in NJ, actually i believe that is a federal law now. throw gun control out the window and get that ***** a shotgun. *****es love shotguns.
if she's committing suicide because of being called fat and ugly then she was a headcase to start with. good riddance. one less fat, ugly chick in the world with esteem issues
It said the cover holds an elephant. We have an over under in the neighborhood as to how many kids we can get on it before it breaks. I'm taking 30 over.
The autism will make her a target, but it might also insulate her. Generally, autistic kids have difficulty processing external stimuli. Depending on how bad her autism is, she may not notice even that she's being teased or bullied. In my experience bullies don't attack people as much when they don't get a reaction. Even what she does notice may not impact her as much as most girls. Obviously, I don't know your kid so I'm talking in generalities, but the point is that girls tend to place a high value on being included. I don't see autistic kids doing the same. They tend to spend more time in their own head. This is an odd analogy, but if you ever saw that movie "Signs", there was a kid with asthma. His dad saw it as a limitation and it made him worry for the kid, but it ended up being what saved the kid later. I guess I'm just trying to say that maybe you shouldn't worry about it too much. If she knows that she's loved at home, then you've probably done all you need to do. Maybe she already has all she needs to handle whatever life is going to throw at her.
Unfortunately, I was on the wrong side of the coin growing up. I don't know if it was bullying or the middle child syndrome of always needing to make people laugh and have them like me that I was willing to do it at the expense of others. Throw in an Irish temperament and you add fighting along with it. You get involved with that "cool/popular" crowd and things take off. I don't necessarily regret it, but I'd like to think I'm a much better person than that now. It's that borderline kids will be kids thing, although I never maliciously harassed or sought out a person to make them feel bad. Not like this story. I will say, to your point lucky, I was brought up the same way. Try and figure a non-aggressive solution, but if it comes to blows it comes to blows. And at the end of the day, you at least stand up with respect for yourself. The big difference is that kids don't just throw amcouple punches now. They get a kid down and kick their faces in. They heat them to near death. Those are the good one's because others are bringing guns and knives. It's insane. It's a terrible story to read. I'm not a parent, but I know that if I had a daughter, especially a daughter, come to me with this things I'd go to the school and if there was no action then you bet your *** I'd make some action with this bullies and their parents. I wanna say I'd be big enough to go to the parents first, but I'm not so sure I'm above going to the bullies and saying if you talk to my girl again I'm going to kick your *** 7, 17, 37, male or female. That's just some honesty and wrong but heat of the moment. I don't know. Not a parent, or pretending to be at a point in my life where I'm mature and responsible enough to think of having children.
