I know I haven't been around for a while, but figured I'd post this.
This contains information on medical procedures and you may or may not want to read, so be forewarned.
As those of you who converse with me off the football side of things
know I have a history of anxiety and health related issues, or maybe
"health related issues" as it seems to be as all medical tests I've had have mostly come back okay with few exceptions that aren't really of much concern.
There's some back story to
this, so here goes.
About a month ago I had what's known as a flexible sigmoidoscopy.
It's a
tube with a camera they shove up your *** to see if you're having any
problems they might have missed via their colonoscopy, which is just a
longer tube with a camera they shove further up your *** under sedation.
The diagnosis from the colonoscopy was that I had small internal
hemorrhoids, which apparently are about as serious as a small pimple on
the outside of the skin.
I go a few years between follow ups and they
want to perform this sigmoidoscopy on me.
Okay.
So I go through with this procedure, and it's the same result (small
internal hemorrhoids).
Good, they haven't missed anything.
I was given
some ointment, which I use when I can tell they're bothering me, and
that was that.
I go for my follow up and explain that I've had on and off pains
throughout my abdominal region since the procedure and blatantly ask the
doctor flat out if he thinks that it could be complications from the
recent sigmoidoscopy.
he says no, and based upon my descriptions he believe it's IBS (which I
do notice happens when I'm more vigilant about all this).
I'm given a
prescription for that, and am to take "when necessary", which basically
means when I can't hold things in any longer I take one of these pills.
Well, I took the pills 3 times and noticed my heart rate was high
(looked before hand and it was a side effect), so as the pills were
"take as needed" I stopped taking them because A) it seemed to do the
opposite B) my heart rate was high, and C) if A and B coexist and D is
supposed to be fixing the problem and isn't happening then why take them
in the first place?
I should note here that since the sigmoidoscopy (about a month ago) I
can't get it out of my head that there must be some complication because
of these intermittent pains I've been having.
There must be something
wrong.
I'm constantly waking up with the feeling that today is going to
be the day that I die, that the medical professionals are just missing
things inside my body, and I have a serious problem that they can't
find.
The only issue with stopping the IBS pills is that my heart rate didn't
go down.
On Saturday I noticed my heart rate at a resting state was
pretty high, so I went to the emergency room and was hooked up to EKG's.
For those not in the know, those are basically leads stuck on your body
that tie up to a machine and let you know how your heart beat is coming
along.
The report came out and my heart rate at a resting state was
140.
I was told I needed to go to the hospital.
They call an ambulance because the little place I'm at doesn't have the
capabilities that the hospital in the state does, so I get to take a
ride in an ambulance for the first tme in my life.
Luckily, I'm in the
back of an ambulance with a very attractive woman who's very chatty and
answers all my questions about various do dads in the ambulance, and ask
her some general medical questions, and she makes the trip much easier.
My heart rate in the ambulance was in the 130-140 range.
I get taken out of the ambulance and rolled into the hallway and hooked
up to yet another EKG machine.
My heart rate is about the same.
They
roll me into a room where my charts are outside the door so they can see
what they need to do with me when they come in.
I talk to a nurse about any medications I'm on, explain to another
doctor about all the stuff I've typed up there in this post, and finally
a third doctor comes in and gives me this explanation.
I was having what's known as Tachycardia nonspecific.
My heartbeat,
although beating at a high rate and concerning, was beating at a normal
rhythm.
They say although the rate is a concern it is much better than,
say, a normal heart rate (somewhere between
60/100 BPM) with an
abnormal rhythm.
I was given anxiety medicine and discharged.
Now, here's where it gets
worse in my mind.
I still don't think I'm okay.
I think there's
something they've missed and this is all the downfall of my life.
I go
to therapy for a lot of various reasons, this stuff included, and my
therapist told me she wants me to be put back on anti-depressants
because the thoughts are occurring at an incredibly fast pace in my mind
(manic depressive tendencies), and it's impeding my ability to live
(can't deny her that).
I'm now on anti anxiety medicine, which I fought so hard to be off of
because I don't like the dependence that happens when you're on it (can
explain), but if I'm thinking I'm going to die every day I can't very
well argue that I need to be on something.
I feel crazy.
I explain all this to parents, doctors, friends, family,
and now you guys and gals, and I'm almost certain I'm coming across as
an un-trusting hypochondriac lunatic.
I feel so defeated going back on
this medicine, but I think for now it's the best.
I'm hopped up and
calm like a hindu cow, yet these thoughts still run through my head.
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