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Feeling Stuck/Quarter-life Crisis?

Discussion in 'Outreach Forum' started by Aqua4Ever04, Jul 22, 2014.

  1. Aqua4Ever04

    Aqua4Ever04 Write Travis Write Club Member

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    I turn 27 in October and life is just kind of kicking me in the nuts right now. I work a job where there's no room to grow whatsoever and the pay isn't exactly where I'd like it to be. I've fallen into a pattern that used to make me very happy but right now, it just feels like groundhogs day. I wake up, work out, go to my part time insurance job, eat dinner then go ump beer league softball. I make ends meat and enough to party with friends on weekends, but I want something more.

    I think the hardest part is that three of my closest friends are getting married this summer. My relationship past is well documented on this site and two years ago I got out of a very difficult relationship and eventually got a point where I never looked back. At that point, I became a man whore of sorts. I would go through girls on tinder, at bars, through facebook, wherever I could find them, get them in bed, hang out with them for a week and move to the next. I'm not proud of it but it is what it is. Then, this one girl comes along that has qualities and traits that make me start to re-think this whole one girl to the next one idea. We hung out for a short peroid of time and, while it didn't last, I think it kind of opened my eyes to a few things.

    I think the reason I like to keep the company of a female is because I really am lonely. I have this very close group of friends and essentially all of them are married/engaged/or have serious girlfriends. So for the first time in a lot of years, I opened myself up to the idea of getting back out there and trying to find someone that made me happy. It worked very shortly but was over before it ever really materalized.

    So it was that brief relationship that made me feel stuck. In work, in life, with the opposite sex. Kind of just looking for some words and wisodm from some people that have experience in this. Thanks for the feedback fellas.
     
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  2. Ohiophinphan

    Ohiophinphan Chaplain Staff Member Luxury Box

    Hey Aqua! I think the best answer for you is to ask you to read your own note as if you were an outsider reading it and thinking about what to say to the guy??!! You are realizing you are no longer a kid and are trying to figure out what that means for you. Spend some time considering what you have said and maybe ask some of your local friends what made them fall in love. It should be more than regular sex or some kind of emotional answer. Getting married or its like requires thought. If their answer is simply "it was time" then nod and think to yourself, "that's not an answer!". Your question is articulate and probably contains your answer.
     
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  3. MikeHoncho

    MikeHoncho -=| Censored |=- Club Member

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    Just do what CIF does. Soak on the cheap cologne, sport your finest camo cargo shorts, sandals and rolled sleeve tshirt. Don't forget the gold chain and medallions. Then scout local youth basketball games and find yourself a nice married woman. Either that or farm animals.

    Sent from my Transformer TF101 using Tapatalk 4
     
  4. GridIronKing34

    GridIronKing34 Silently Judging You Club Member

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    Side effects include being a Pirates fan.

    Is it really worth it?
     
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  5. Boik14

    Boik14 Admin Staff Member Club Member Retired Administrator

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    No one can make you happy; only you can make you happy. You cant be happy with someone else until you are happy with yourself and so that it didnt materialize, isnt surprising.

    As for the rest of it...theres a last one of every group. A lot of my friends are married. A lot have families. Im not because I havent found someone who makes me rethink my stance on marriage (which is another topic entirely) or who I can envision spending the rest of my life with. Come to peace with it and enjoy it. Focus on your career now. Figure out your job situation first. If youre happy at work, that at least is something you can control.
     
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  6. Aqua4Ever04

    Aqua4Ever04 Write Travis Write Club Member

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    I'm not actively seeking a relationship or anything. It's just that, for the first time in my life, I'm familiar with the feeling/emotion of loneliness. It's weird. And what's weirder, I don't really enjoy meaningless sex any more. I mean it feels good, but that connection you have with someone you care about is so much better.

    Work is the hard part. My brother gave me a job at his agency and paid for my licensing required for it. That's why I feel stuck there.
     
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  7. Unlucky 13

    Unlucky 13 Just a Guy Club Member

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    I think that the phrase "no one else can make you happy, only you can make you happy" may be very true for a lot of people, but not for everyone.

    10 years ago, my situation was very, very similar to your's, Aqua - only with far, far less sex. At that point, I'd been working a job that I didn't really like because I'd been unable to finish college a few years earlier. My girlfriend from college had dumped me a few years beforehand and I was lonely and miserable. I was earning very little money, and struggling to make anything at all of my life. I was lost and confused and desperately needed a change of some sort. I had a few really good friends, but spent most of my time with them getting drunk and it just distracted me from the rest of my life.

    Fortunately for me, my hard work at my job got noticed, and I was offered a promotion that came with a transfer, so I took a leap and moved to a city in another state where I had never been before to start a new life, with a little more money in my pocket too. I started to work out, and got into much better shape. Still, while I was working my tail off to survive and make the most of what I had, I was in no way happy.

    Five months later, I basically won the lottery in a sense, as I met my wife and we clicked from the very beginning. I could have dated 1000 women and never met one who was so right for me. For me, meeting my wife - absolutely the right woman for me - and establishing our relationship, turned my life around completely. 10 years later, in spite of not having a lot of the things in life that I would like, I am a very happy man because of her and my two kids.

    My only real advice is just to do your best and keep plugging along, make the most of what you have, and hopefully endure until you find what you need.
     
  8. scotty_irnbru

    scotty_irnbru Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    I experienced.something similar when I hit that point. I was a civil engineer, had looked at my bosses and decided I did not want that. I went traveling, 6 months boarding in whistler, trips to Korea and Germany. Travel definitely opens the mind. You might not get that chance when you are older. Dumping yourself in youth hostels around the world, making quick relationships with random people then rebooting three days later in another town is awesome. It forces you out your comfort zone. As for women, you just need to wait, what'll happen will happen, you can't force anything upon a situation.
     
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  9. Aqua4Ever04

    Aqua4Ever04 Write Travis Write Club Member

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    I'm generally one of the happiest people I know so I'm not worried about not being able to be happy alone. The thing with the girl I was just seeing was simply disapointing. Connected right away, had so many thoughts, interests, morals and viewpoints in common. Within a week of knowing her I was pretty certain I could spend quite some time with her. Within that first week I did something that impressed her, can't remember what exactly and she tells me, "I'm falling for you."

    Three days later she told me she wasn't interested any more. Just when I think I understand women...
     
  10. Unlucky 13

    Unlucky 13 Just a Guy Club Member

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    I think that no man can ever understand women, lol. My wife share an overlap of about 80% on our tastes in just about everything, have a similar sense of humor, morals, ect. We've been together nearly a decade, have two kids, and there are still times I can't understand whats going on in her head. :shifty: As for any other woman on the planet, Im at a total and complete loss!

    When I was single, it was endlessly frustrating. Single women all say that they want XYZ in a man, but when it comes time to actually date a guy, most of them end up going for a man who's outgoing/flashy/mysterious/dangerous instead of all the things that they listed that they really want. And then they whine and moan because "they can't find a man" or "all men are scum". All men often excludes at least 50% of the male population who are mostly invisible.
     
  11. Aqua4Ever04

    Aqua4Ever04 Write Travis Write Club Member

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    Rejection is something I've gotten a lot better at dealing with. It wasn't the rejection that hurt, but rather trying to figure out what the hell I did in that three day span that had her deciding that I was everything she ever wanted to someone that she never wanted to see again. :lol:

    That outline you displayed about your wife has me scared as all hell. How can you ever trust someone when their entire gender has shown you that you shouldn't?
     
  12. Unlucky 13

    Unlucky 13 Just a Guy Club Member

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    Well, my personality is such that finding "the one" had been the most important thing in my life going back to my teenage years. Have you seen the movie Horrible Bosses? The character who's the dental assistant has a monologue early in the movie about always wanting to be a husband and dad before anything else. Silly movie, but that bit was me to a T.

    I've also realized that many women have their eyes opened up eventually to how silly they've been. As shallow as most men are about women's looks, women are equally blind to how dumb they are in finding a man who "has it all" when in reality, most of the guys that get them hot are the total A**holes and will never change. Unfortunately, they need to get burned a few times before they get it, and my wife was the same. Dated her share of jerks before she met me and had sworn off of men for awhile. I was the first guy she talked to (Match.com) just after she decided to date again. My lucky day. My timing has been awful in life otherwise, but right place right time there.
     
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  13. MikeHoncho

    MikeHoncho -=| Censored |=- Club Member

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    Don't try to understand women. Women understand women and they hate each other.
    -Al Bundy

    Sent from my Transformer TF101 using Tapatalk 4
     
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  14. Sethdaddy8

    Sethdaddy8 New Member

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    Learn yourself. Be honest with who you are, your strengths and more importantly your weaknesses. Know yourself.

    Then figure out what you want to do. You need a plan in life. No plan = no action = no progress.

    Work while you become what you want to be. Worry about developing yourself. Be something. Then worry about the other stuff.
     
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  15. Tone_E

    Tone_E Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    A wise man once said "if it wasn't for loneliness, I wouldn't know who I am". Until you can reach a comfort level with loneliness (not necessarily to the ninth degree - not saying become emo and start cutting yourself :)) you will not be happy and will do anything to avoid it. That is when you will settle for something that you think makes you happy in the short term but ultimately causes more pain in the future. Maybe you've already dealt with something like this from a previous relationship. Then you will be back at square one past 30 years old.

    Other than that, there is plenty of great advice from others here.
     
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  16. Ohiophinphan

    Ohiophinphan Chaplain Staff Member Luxury Box

    Its been a couple of weeks now Aqua. How's it going?
     
  17. Aqua4Ever04

    Aqua4Ever04 Write Travis Write Club Member

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    I'm still undecided about my career path. The branch manager of where I work loves me and I think I could easily get a job as my own agent (which has a nice base on top of comissions) but I'm worried about succeeding doing that. I've already signed up a bunch of clients for other people so it'd feel like I wasted my natural market.

    As for the love life, I think I've just grown into knowing what I want. I used to just jump into relationships with girls because they were good looking. But even the good looking ones, these days, bore me more often than not.
     
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  18. Ohiophinphan

    Ohiophinphan Chaplain Staff Member Luxury Box

    Not in any way to diminish your struggle but........welcome to adult life! Your struggle is the one we all go through. We walk with you and are honored to help out as you figure it out.
     
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  19. Sethdaddy8

    Sethdaddy8 New Member

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    There are 3 things you need in a woman.

    1) a girl who produces...has a career.

    2) a woman you're attracted to

    3) a woman who is willing to spread your *** cheeks and see if it's time to Goto the hospital or not, when you feel those hemmohrpids flare ups and see blood in the bowl


    You find that woman. You marry her.
     
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  20. Aqua4Ever04

    Aqua4Ever04 Write Travis Write Club Member

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    I have an interview tomorrow with another agency as a full time rep. Really hoping it's the start of the turnaround.
     
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  21. Ohiophinphan

    Ohiophinphan Chaplain Staff Member Luxury Box

    Best wishes!!!!! You will be in my prayers!
     
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  22. MonstBlitz

    MonstBlitz Nobody's Fart Catcher

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    Agree with Boik when he said figure out your career first, and the rest has a great way of falling into place. I was where you are working a tough financial sales gig right out of college. I was making good money, but didn't like the work, was feeling burnt out, and knew I didn't want to do it the rest of my life. I focused on finding the right job. A job that I didn't hate and knew I could do long term. Once I found that, all the rest - wife, house, dogs, family followed soon after. It's not for everyone, and I'm not suggesting one needs to have a career and get domesticated and settle down to live a happy life. But sounds like that might be what you're after. Once you no longer have the stress of figuring your career out, you'll have more energy to devote to making the rest of your personal life work. Good luck with that job interview!
     
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  23. Aqua4Ever04

    Aqua4Ever04 Write Travis Write Club Member

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    Got a call back for the second interview today. I'm really looking forward to where this might go.
     
  24. Stringer Bell

    Stringer Bell Post Hard, Post Often Club Member

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    Sounds like you just need a weekend in Vegas. Just show up and I'll take care of the partying and porn stars.
     
  25. Aqua4Ever04

    Aqua4Ever04 Write Travis Write Club Member

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    I was there a month ago with 12 of my closest friends. It was the best three days of my life.

    I had no idea you lived in Vegas. I'd love to visit again.
     
  26. Stringer Bell

    Stringer Bell Post Hard, Post Often Club Member

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    I don't live there. I'm there about every third weekend in summer, and about once a month in winter.
     
  27. slickj101

    slickj101 Is Water

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    Don't let how you feel depend on women. That's a recipe for disaster.

    Find other **** to keep you busy and making progress and keep your eyes open and the women thing will work itself out.
     
  28. Ohiophinphan

    Ohiophinphan Chaplain Staff Member Luxury Box

    So have you had the second interview yet? How did it go?
     

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