Flying?

it has loosened up a tad since 9/11 but you'd still be best advised not to pack large bottles of liquids. put small bottles in a plastic bag so you can take it out with ease if need be. stick deoderant is usually fine. if you bring a laptop you have to take it out so don't pack it too far down. have your license ready for ID purposes.

don't say the word "bomb"

edit; you can check this out too http://wikitravel.org/en/Tips_for_flying

 

Keep the vibrator at home.

 

wear clean socks you might have to take your shoes off.

don't dress in a trenchcoat with a bookbag. people get suspicious. don't have a box cutter that you forgot to take out of your bag from working at kmart and get pulled aside to be randomly searched.. then have them not find it then land in philly only to find out that you did have that boxcutter you thought you took out and almost probably ended up on the federal news

liquids have been taken care of.

 

this goes without saying but I did

 

smuggle the cocaine by taping it to your male genitals......

 

i think you can say balls felix.

 

Even from before 9/11, leave all your pocket change at home.

As mentioned, dont wear boots that lace 1/2 way up your leg. You WILL be asked to take shoes off.

Bottles should be 311... No more than 3 ounces, in 1 zip lock baggy...and I forget what the last 1 is

 

what. the. ****.

 

Somethin you wanna tell me buddy?

 

go f yourself.......?

 

1. Do not tell them your name is John "Jihad" Smith.
2. Do not try to get the digits from the person that scans you with the wand.
3. Do not, when told to take off your shoes, tell them "I've got nothing in my shoes...my pants, however, is another story."
4. Do not get naked from the waist down, while wearing those sneakers with wheels, and glide up and down the aisle, asking people "Coffee, tea, or me". (Before you ask, no, it doesn't matter if you use an accent or not.)
5. Do not call dibs on other people's oxygen masks.
6. Do not knock on the pilot's door while saying, "pizza delivery"
7. Do not, while holding a bowling ball bag on your lap, ask if the plane's toilets can flush a human head.
8. That reminds me, do not bring any severed human heads with you.
9. The "Sky Mall" is not a place to pick up under age chicks.
10. Masturbating in-flight does not give you membership into the "Mile High Club".

 

annnnnddddd....there you have it

 

I need to tell you both something:

1. Friends are friends

2. Pals are pals

3. Buddies sleep together

 

i just stuff it into a condom and swallow it......

 

^ lmfao anon posts FTW

edit: way to use coke, coke head.