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Growing apart from lifelong friends

Discussion in 'Outreach Forum' started by Aqua4Ever04, Oct 8, 2014.

  1. Aqua4Ever04

    Aqua4Ever04 Write Travis Write Club Member

    Dec 7, 2007
    Seattle, WA
    This is a weird thing for me to talk about. I've had the same core group of friends since I was playing kickball at recess in elementary school. We all grew up together, we have MASSIVE amounts of inside jokes, "you had to be there" stories, and all that stuff that comes with spending years with the same people.

    Just in July I went to Vegas for a bachelor party of one of these guys and there were 14 of us super close friends down there for the trip. It was the best four days of my life.


    Recently, I continue to unveil extreme character differences in myself and the majority of them. I recently started seeing a girl and she's someone that I can actually talk to about important stuff. I've never been able to do this with my friends. As I do it often now, it makes me realize just how little I have in common with these people. More and more people I meet outside of this group of people continue to tell me "you're nothing like your friends."

    Their lack of depth and substance is starting to bother me more and more. The inside jokes are wearing thing. The materialistic relationships just aren't holding the same weight they used to.

    I've often said, "If I didn't know these guys my whole life, there's no way I'd be friends with them."

    A good example is my "best friend." Who once brought up a conversation and I begin to actually try to have an adult conversation with him about it and it quickly turned to joking bull-****. Which I've always loved. But I find myself wanting more out of it. I haven't ever been able to talk about these serious things with these guys.

    ****, I had a very personal thing I wanted to discuss just a few weeks back and I sent a facebook message to Chris (Sick) because he was the only person I could think of that could answer my questions. That was crazy to me. I love Chris, but I've never actually met the guy. I have these dudes I've known for TWENTY years and I wasn't comfortable approaching any of them about it.

    There was another bachelor part in Seattle a couple weeks ago that I couldn't attend. One of my close buddies from the group came back and said I was a HUGE point of discussion about this new girl I'm dating. All the guys in the group have fianc├ęs, wifes or serious girlfriends (save for two or three of them.) The fact that they could all sit around and discuss my personal life without ever even considering talking to me about it first rubbed me completely the wrong way.

    And it's always been this way but their view is, "if it doesn't satisfy what I want in the friendship, than I cannot be happy for him. Even if he's happy." Basically they don't like me having a girlfriend because it means they are going to see less of me (which is bull **** because I see a lot less of the ones with newer girlfriends and I don't complain.) But it doesn't matter how happy it may make me. They don't give a single **** about that.

    Maybe I find myself growing up. Maybe I'm maturing more (about time as I'm ****ing 27 years old - in 3 weeks.)

    Have you guys ever dealt with this? What do you do? Clearly, I can't express my concerns to them about it because, well, I can't talk to them.

    Thanks for reading. It's a weird feeling to be at a "crossroads" with the bros I've spent my entire life hanging out with.
    Fin-Omenal and Ohiophinphan like this.
  2. Ohiophinphan

    Ohiophinphan Chaplain Staff Member Luxury Box

    I am honored you bring this stuff here and yes it has happened to me. I went to a HS reunion a few years back and discovered some of my "best friends" were folks I could not stand and others with whom I hardly remembered passing in the halls were folks I spent most of the weekend with. I walked away from a friend of 20+ years when I couldn't put up with his drinking any longer and he chose the bottle over us (and over his kids but that is a different topic).

    You should read and reread your post a few times over a few days. You will find most of your own answers there.

    Maturity is not a lot of fun but it is what it is. Welcome to adulthood.

    For what its worth, I have grown to love my adult life waaaaaay more than my younger days. It is the difference between a $50 bottle of a good red wine versus a bottle of Boonesfarm (aaah the bad old days). My taste buds have grown with my wisdom.

    Best wishes to you
    Aqua4Ever04 likes this.
  3. Ohiophinphan

    Ohiophinphan Chaplain Staff Member Luxury Box

    How has the month gone?

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