How would you deal with a spouse suffering from depression and other problems

Well guys, things are coming to a head rapidly.


I'll be gone from the boards for a while as I work through all the forthcoming issues that have developed from this mess. I'm halfway there.. Luckily I have been painted black and deleted so it is making this transition all the easier.
What a ride.. Thank you everyone for your continued support, I'll see ya'll on the other side in a few months.

 

Just hang in there. We'll be waiting for you to get back.
My prayers are with you.

 

We'll be here. Take care of yourself.

 

Take care of yourself and good luck bro!

 

Man I haven't avoided this site but this whole process is getting more and more complicated.. Funny you can get married in 20 seconds but disengagement is such a long and arduous process. No more POFO for me debating taxes, I'm getting taxed up the wazoo by the time I'm done with this.. I worked so hard to build a financially secure and healthy house but it seems like it was all for nothing.. Just having a rough day, facing the prospect of temporarily going back to my parents house until things are complete....

Emotionally unbalanced people can really suck the life out of you, I sometimes wish she had cheated or had done something ridiculously evil.. Luckily I've remained disengaged even though it would have been easier to get enmeshed back in to the situation..


Quick question- What do you guys suggest I do with a negative equity property? I love where I live- Do we hold off on negotiation or do I come up with a market value number and have her pay off the difference while being stuck overpaying? Or should we just sell and take the hit now? Anyone have experience with that process? We don't want to drag this out any longer.

 

I think I'm opting to keep the place and my 401k, which would offset some of the payout..

Emotionally it's getting harder every day, everything from canceling phone contracts to going to the bank makes this process harder than ever.. To top it off she is an emotional wreck and I can't do a damn thing to help her...

 

Eh.... you don't need to do a damn thing to help her. LOL. Time to help yourself and build yourself back up so this negativity doesn't stay with you and manifest in YOUR future relationships. Being around someone hot and cold like that can really do a number on your own psyche. Her not being able to heal mentally is not your fault, but you need to feel proud of yourself for staying with her that long and trying to help her and your relationship out. All too many people would've bolted at the first sign. Good luck with it all, BR. It'll be a new, awesome start before you know it. Wanna move to Las Vegas? LOL

PS: can you rent out your home until the market comes back?

 

You are 100% correct bro. I've managed to lose 25 pounds at the gym this past year, am in the best shape of my life and generally feel great. T@A all around me, my motto is if its under an 8 I'm not even looking... So good times ahead for me, I honestly feel worse for her then me. I bounce back really quickly and will be fine.

 

Just a final note to close out this thread.

The divorce is final! I've had many rough days, but for the most part feel great and liberated from a very difficult and mind boggling situation.


One last piece of advice for those of you struggling in a marriage or a relationship- We all play a role in our relationships, and once you can identify your role, you will develop the strength to either stick it out and work on it, or move on if you believe you have exhausted all options.. In my case I tried everything and outcome remained the same....
It wasn't easy and it took a lot of restraint, but I'm now back in a healthy environment, reconnecting with old friends and family, travelling every other week and just living again...

Feel free to PM me for any advice!

 

hope everything works out for you bro.

 

It has and will!

I'm a little bitter about the fact that I followed the "plan".. I saved a lot of money and built a nice little nest egg that could have given us a very comfortable and nice future... I guess I learned that in life no matter how much you plan for something, outside circumstances can derail them.. Luckily I'm still OK financially but she made out like a bandit..

Other than that I can't say that I miss being in a dysfunctional roller coaster of a relationship..

 

My thoughts and prayers are with you on your journey bum.
So glad you are doing well.

 

Glad to hear it bro. Enjoy life again.

 

well think of it this way, if you had not followed the plan, you might have come out of this divorce even worse then you are now financially.
you are right though some things you can't plan for. just got to roll with the punches.