So...here it is. As a few may remember I lost my grandma earlier this year, she was basically my mom. She raised me. Around same time I began getting serious with this girl. I actually got fired from my decent job which was in Orlando because I wanted to be by my grandmas side. So when that happend I basically moved in with this girl because I had no where else to go. Well after living with her for probably 7-8 months, she wanted to move to Orlando. I left several job opportunities in bradenton for Orlando. Well things didn't go well in Orlando in the least. We moved in with her mom for the time being to save money. We weren't getting along. She couldn't let go of things in the past that I did. Neither of us were happy. I visited bradenton by myself the weekend I was suppose to start my new job. She calls me and tells me shes not happy and wants to take a break. I tell her its over, no break. So now I'm forced to move back to bradenton with all my stuff in Orlando, only place to stay is my moms(whom I never got along with due to my childhood with her), with no job. I can't find the job for the longest...so I decide to explore my options outside of Bradenton since no decent jobs came up there. I had a buddy that lived in West Palm Beach. Let me go there and see if I can find something there. Long story short I'm here west palm beach. Away from everyone. I miss my grandma a ton, she was like the rock in my life. The only thing consistent in it. In turn its making me miss everyone else, my little brother, mom, friends, etc. I don't know if its maybe this fragile state I'm in right now that has me needing someone there for me constantly, or what. I've been thinking all day about just going back to bradenton ASAP. Finding whatever and doing whatever. But then again I could but stuck in that same friggin cycle that is bradenton Florida right...no jobs..and a bunch of bums...I don't know...I just know I'm in depression mode right now.
Just keep your chin up man. Things will work out if you work for it. Dont let it get you down in the dumps, network, meet people, there are SOME opportunities in West Palm, i wish i was there right now....i miss it (im from wellington) Anyways, just keep fighting, dont let the situation break you. You'll come out stronger in the end.
Its probably your grief man. Maybe you need to be home for a bit. You can like you said fine a job in the mean time while you look for a better one. Just make sure you don't settle and keep searching for a better job just in case you have to move out of your moms. If you think or are sure you won't last long with your mom, then keep looking for a better job as you are now. Nothing wrong with missing your family, especially in the situation you are now, lost your girl, your grandma, and your job. Whatever you do don't get depressed, it'll work out man.
I just dont know what I should do right now. One thing I'm deathly afraid of in this life is to not be successful and I think about it, I'm 24, I need to figure this thing out. Then again I think about it, I'm only 24, should I just worry about being happy after all this crap? I look at everything now and wonder if instead of me fleeing Bradenton for jobs, that maybe I was fleeing to get away from everything familiar with my problems? And it just seems to be magnifying them right now.
I think ultimatley you need to decide the answer to that question. You'll find it. Just do what you think is best, and whatever you choose, work your hardest to make it the best possible decision.
I'll tell you something a friend told me once, he's about 40. We were outside where I work and I was *****ing about how I didn't make enough, and how I wasn't successful and blah blah. He looked at me and he said: "I was in my 30's before I got my **** together." I'm not sure what you consider successful, but I think you need a bit perspective. 1) You're young, you have plenty of time to be successful and to **** up still. 2) Doesn't seem to me like you have any bad habits i.e. drinking too much, drugs, etc. Relax man your going through a rough patch it will happen. Just set a goal, work towards it and have a coke and a smile. As for fleeing from your problems, eh, I don't think thats necessarily a bad thing. At least from what I've read, it doesn't seem to be unless you're running from a kid or something.........
and fyi I'm not trying to trivialize any of your problems or say they aren't worth getting upset. They are, just you know, don't let it overwhelm you. And don't worry about the success man, its good to have ambitions, but you can't let those ambitions override your ability to live and be happy.
Hey Nappy! First of all let me commend you for being open and self analytical. It may feel paralyzing now but will help you in the long run. Now as to the situation, you are still very much in the grief cycle. Rarely takes less than two full years for a parent (which de facto your Grandma was). In the midst of that grief you have another "death" that of a serious relationship. Couple that with a couple of place moves (very high on the stress scale) and you are now in a classic overstressed, worry about a mental meltdown situation. By putting it into a more general context, I am not trying to minimize your uniqueness and trouble but trying to let you know others have gone through this as well. I moved 15 months after my wife's death and realized that I should not have done that, it just brought up all the loss issues again. If you go back to Bradenton, I know a great friend/fellow pastor who does wonderful conversational work regarding grief. He has had his share. He actually preached at my wife's internment service in Clearwater. He is either in Bradenton or Sarasota now. Send me a PM if you are interested and I will send you a name and particulars. Whether you talk to my buddy or someone else, find a person to talk ftf with. You sound like you want to grow from all this (why not? you have already paid for the life lessons, might as well get something positive out of all this. Your Grandma loved you and I believe would want you to grow positively from the experiance of your grief over her!) Simply moving or not moving is only chasing the problem around or trying to run away from it. Your questions about life are central to your growth as a person. We love you here man but this will never be more than a place for support and some decent advice. Get some ftf professional help to sort through the questions life has tossed in your path! peace!
Consider the military. It was one of the best decisions I ever made. I'm out now but I have a great job and career b/c of it. It really helped me focus and get things moving. I'm from Florida too, I loved growing up there but let's face it, there's not a lot going on down there unless you sell T-shirts on the beach or something. The military is not for everyone but at least consider it if you're unemployed and have nothing going on. I saw cancer destroy my mother. Only a year before I packed my bags and went to Baghdad for a year. It was one of the hardest times of my life. But I had a strong sense of purpose and it kept me going. And you'll make friends that you'll have for the rest of your life. To add to what Lucky said, I am 31 and am just now finally starting to see a clear path to where I wanted to be. It takes time and hard work, hang in there and you can get it done.
