I guess I'll give this a shot

Was in almost the exact same situation 3 years ago. Deaths aren't easy and when you add relationship issues or one ending (mine did) it compounds everything.

Best thing to do about the deaths is just accept the fact that everyone only has x amount of time and at least you got to have those people in your life for 20+ years, which is a lot more than a lot of people can say.

With the women it's just one of those things that's never fun to do but often has to be done. I broke up with this girl I was w for almost 4 years about 3-4 months after my mom and grandmother passed and that's one of the hardest things I ever had to do. Kind of a scenario when you know you have to let this person go bc it just doesn't work.

Really you just have to have almost a zen kind of outlook on it and realize you have zero control of things like death and to an extent, relationships. You just have to roll with things and it'll make your everyday quite a bit easier.

"Notice that the stiffest tree is most easily cracked, while the bamboo or willow survives by bending with the wind." - B Lee

"slickj101 wrote:

Was in almost the exact same situation 3 years ago. Deaths aren't easy and when you add relationship issues or one ending (mine did) it compounds everything.

Best thing to do about the deaths is just accept the fact that everyone only has x amount of time and at least you got to have those people in your life for 20+ years, which is a lot more than a lot of people can say.

With the women it's just one of those things that's never fun to do but often has to be done. I broke up with this girl I was w for almost 4 years about 3-4 months after my mom and grandmother passed and that's one of the hardest things I ever had to do. Kind of a scenario when you know you have to let this person go bc it just doesn't work.

Really you just have to have almost a zen kind of outlook on it and realize you have zero control of things like death and to an extent, relationships. You just have to roll with things and it'll make your everyday quite a bit easier.

"Notice that the stiffest tree is most easily cracked, while the bamboo or willow survives by bending with the wind." - B Lee

For whatever reason, I thought I was on your ignore list, although I don't believe I have a reason to be, LOL.

and I'm starting to feel this way and get that self-realization like you are describing. (I kinda touched on that in my update). It's natural and the universal constant. I'm just trying to keep on keepin on. 'Out of sight out of mind' has been a theme that has been helping me work through a lot. (I love the quote by the way.).

Pretty crazy you were in near an identical situation, solid advice none the less :up:

"dcafiero wrote:

For whatever reason, I thought I was on your ignore list, although I don't believe I have a reason to be, LOL.

and I'm starting to feel this way and get that self-realization like you are describing. (I kinda touched on that in my update). It's natural and the universal constant. I'm just trying to keep on keepin on. 'Out of sight out of mind' has been a theme that has been helping me work through a lot. (I love the quote by the way.).

Pretty crazy you were in near an identical situation, solid advice none the less :up:

lol It takes more than people'd think to get on there but nevertheless it grows like a weed.

If you like that you'd like a lot of Bruce's philosophy. A lot of just not worrying about what you can't control.

Yep when it rains it pours you know? No prob man hope it helped.

I'm on there twice.

"unluckyluciano wrote:

I'm on there twice.

Once for each of your personalities, Brandon.

************Update.***********

Well - i'm somewhat stuck now.

Randomly on christmas day, I got a call from a number i didn't recognize. this was the verbatim conversation:

Me: "Hello??"
Her: "hey its me, I just wanted to wish you a merry christmas and stuff"
Me: "Oh, Okay" -click-

And I hung up, it felt pretty good, we hadn't talked in months, I have a lot of negative feelings and hate, but I actually ended up caving in and calling her back. We talked for like 15 mins or so and ended up texting eachother for what seems like all night. We somewhat made mutual plans to see eachother the weekend after next. Maybe go out and have dinner, just talk and stuff. Now... I'm in a very difficult position because I have mixed feelings.... I want to believe that I am a big enough person to be able to sit in front of her and realize -this is not what I want- and get closure and be able to walk away if thats how it is. Obviously by my OP I have a history of being a doormat and caving in to my emotions easier than most..... So as much as I want to believe I can be strong... I feel like thats not what is going to happen. She said she misses me, she is miserable (obviously) knows she f***ed up... etc.... So it was a bit tough for me to handle after going atleast 3-4 months without speaking. What do I do at this point? I need some advice on how to handle this, although I know its not something that can really be solved by someone telling me what to do..... Do I just not go and see her? Do I go out with her and flip a coin to see what the numerous outcomes could be? We kind of made plans already, but i'm really torn... I am pretty happy at the moment, i'm just starting to get into the flow of my life and all that. I've had one friend tell me to just go out with her to get closure and just see what happens... another friend told me going out with her is a huge mistake. My sister told me most people can mask love with hate and move on with their lives but never really fall OUT of love, so it makes things like this much harder.

****.

"dcafiero wrote:

************Update.***********

Well - i'm somewhat stuck now.

Randomly on christmas day, I got a call from a number i didn't recognize. this was the verbatim conversation:

Me: "Hello??"
Her: "hey its me, I just wanted to wish you a merry christmas and stuff"
Me: "Oh, Okay" -click-

And I hung up, it felt pretty good, we hadn't talked in months, I have a lot of negative feelings and hate, but I actually ended up caving in and calling her back. We talked for like 15 mins or so and ended up texting eachother for what seems like all night. We somewhat made mutual plans to see eachother the weekend after next. Maybe go out and have dinner, just talk and stuff. Now... I'm in a very difficult position because I have mixed feelings.... I want to believe that I am a big enough person to be able to sit in front of her and realize -this is not what I want- and get closure and be able to walk away if thats how it is. Obviously by my OP I have a history of being a doormat and caving in to my emotions easier than most..... So as much as I want to believe I can be strong... I feel like thats not what is going to happen. She said she misses me, she is miserable (obviously) knows she f***ed up... etc.... So it was a bit tough for me to handle after going atleast 3-4 months without speaking. What do I do at this point? I need some advice on how to handle this, although I know its not something that can really be solved by someone telling me what to do..... Do I just not go and see her? Do I go out with her and flip a coin to see what the numerous outcomes could be? We kind of made plans already, but i'm really torn... I am pretty happy at the moment, i'm just starting to get into the flow of my life and all that. I've had one friend tell me to just go out with her to get closure and just see what happens... another friend told me going out with her is a huge mistake. My sister told me most people can mask love with hate and move on with their lives but never really fall OUT of love, so it makes things like this much harder.

****.

- Put the OP on your smartphone and leave it there all night. Every time you get weak, read what she did to you.
- Make a deal with a buddy for him to text you all night reminding you how horrible she is and the **** you went through, and make it so you have to text him back every time otherwise he gets to do something horrible to you.
- Stand her up, text her two hours after you were supposed to meet her and tell her it was your bad, you were busy ****ing and lost track of time.
- Bring a buddy with you.
- Bring another chick with you.

Do any or all of those...AND make her pick up the check.

"dcafiero wrote:

************Update.***********

Well - i'm somewhat stuck now.

Randomly on christmas day, I got a call from a number i didn't recognize. this was the verbatim conversation:

Me: "Hello??"
Her: "hey its me, I just wanted to wish you a merry christmas and stuff"
Me: "Oh, Okay" -click-

And I hung up, it felt pretty good, we hadn't talked in months, I have a lot of negative feelings and hate, but I actually ended up caving in and calling her back. We talked for like 15 mins or so and ended up texting eachother for what seems like all night. We somewhat made mutual plans to see eachother the weekend after next. Maybe go out and have dinner, just talk and stuff. Now... I'm in a very difficult position because I have mixed feelings.... I want to believe that I am a big enough person to be able to sit in front of her and realize -this is not what I want- and get closure and be able to walk away if thats how it is. Obviously by my OP I have a history of being a doormat and caving in to my emotions easier than most..... So as much as I want to believe I can be strong... I feel like thats not what is going to happen. She said she misses me, she is miserable (obviously) knows she f***ed up... etc.... So it was a bit tough for me to handle after going atleast 3-4 months without speaking. What do I do at this point? I need some advice on how to handle this, although I know its not something that can really be solved by someone telling me what to do..... Do I just not go and see her? Do I go out with her and flip a coin to see what the numerous outcomes could be? We kind of made plans already, but i'm really torn... I am pretty happy at the moment, i'm just starting to get into the flow of my life and all that. I've had one friend tell me to just go out with her to get closure and just see what happens... another friend told me going out with her is a huge mistake. My sister told me most people can mask love with hate and move on with their lives but never really fall OUT of love, so it makes things like this much harder.

****.

Think about it.
You were in your own personal hell because of her, you were miserable and just recently you've started to bounce back.
Do not backslide, you would be going down that same road again, and is that what you want?

Oh and for the record lmeister never jokes about sticking it in her pooper.

"dcafiero wrote:

************Update.***********

Well - i'm somewhat stuck now.

Randomly on christmas day, I got a call from a number i didn't recognize. this was the verbatim conversation:

Me: "Hello??"
Her: "hey its me, I just wanted to wish you a merry christmas and stuff"
Me: "Oh, Okay" -click-

And I hung up, it felt pretty good, we hadn't talked in months, I have a lot of negative feelings and hate, but I actually ended up caving in and calling her back. We talked for like 15 mins or so and ended up texting eachother for what seems like all night. We somewhat made mutual plans to see eachother the weekend after next. Maybe go out and have dinner, just talk and stuff. Now... I'm in a very difficult position because I have mixed feelings.... I want to believe that I am a big enough person to be able to sit in front of her and realize -this is not what I want- and get closure and be able to walk away if thats how it is. Obviously by my OP I have a history of being a doormat and caving in to my emotions easier than most..... So as much as I want to believe I can be strong... I feel like thats not what is going to happen. She said she misses me, she is miserable (obviously) knows she f***ed up... etc.... So it was a bit tough for me to handle after going atleast 3-4 months without speaking. What do I do at this point? I need some advice on how to handle this, although I know its not something that can really be solved by someone telling me what to do..... Do I just not go and see her? Do I go out with her and flip a coin to see what the numerous outcomes could be? We kind of made plans already, but i'm really torn... I am pretty happy at the moment, i'm just starting to get into the flow of my life and all that. I've had one friend tell me to just go out with her to get closure and just see what happens... another friend told me going out with her is a huge mistake. My sister told me most people can mask love with hate and move on with their lives but never really fall OUT of love, so it makes things like this much harder.

****.

I'm extremely late here but I want to offer a word of advice: Don't hold onto hate. Those bitter and angry feelings are awful. They do nothing but make you feel worse. Trust me, I've been there.

People make mistakes all the time. No reason to feel anger and bitterness over the past. Find peace with yourself and move on.

Mods please delete- no need to have posts in the outreach forum so people can use it as weapons for personal attacks in other subs. New people at that.

"dcafiero wrote:

Mods please delete- no need to have posts in the outreach forum so people can use it as weapons for personal attacks in other subs. New people at that.

They should bring back Anonymous Posting option.