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Is this normal?

Discussion in 'Questions and Answers' started by Seeking Answers, Nov 22, 2009.

  1. Seeking Answers

    Seeking Answers New Member

    Nov 1, 2008
    I've been married for about a year and a half, and its my second marriage. My wife is pregnant, and all is well.

    But, over the past year or so, I keep having thoughts in my head about her dying in a car crash, and how I would live my life without her if that were to happen. I'm sure that everyone has thoughts like that every now and then, but mine are every day, and it really brings me down when I think about it.

    Does this happen to anyone else, and why do you think it happens?
  2. Killerphins

    Killerphins The Finger

    Nov 11, 2008
    It sounds as if there might be underlying issues such as depression. Everyone has worries of losing a loved one but it should'nt consume you. Since you are asking here it obviously is really eating at you. I would say you might need to talk to a professional about this instead of looking for answers on the internet.
  3. Padre

    Padre New Member

    Nov 27, 2008
    You say everything is well and these thoughts "bring you down" so I am going to assume these are "sad" thoughts. I would say this is somewhat normal being that your mind is preparing yourself for the upcoming responsibility you are facing with the birth of your child. It is normal for our minds to envision catastrophic events to allow us to consider (and or prepare) for our response.

    An example may be when you were first driving - Many people imagine instances where they would have to react to avoid a crash. Your mind is preparing you in case that happens so your response is calculated and not in panic.

    I believe this could be what you are doing - While we always hope for the best it is also good to plan for the worst. In your case it (your mind) may be preparing for the huge responsibility of being a father.

    Good Luck to you and your wife
  4. Seeking Answers

    Seeking Answers New Member

    Nov 1, 2008
    KillerPhins, I'm not depressed at all. I have alot going for me, and I am happy with my life and who I am.

    Padre, that makes sense. I do remember having similar thoughts when I first started driving, but they were about me.
  5. anlgp

    anlgp ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A

    I think it's a case of "Hope for the best prepare for the worst" as well.

    You're just thinking of what you would do should the mother pass and you're left with a child.

    It's a responsible thought to have, but one that is just projection at the moment. It's one thing to be prepared for the worst case scenario, but it's another thing to let it consume your every waking moment.

    Try to remember that it is just a projection and that it isn't happening. There's no reason to let it bring you down unless (god forbid) it happens. This time should be spent enjoying the moments with your pregnant wife and soon thereafter the birth of your child.

    Keep your head up and best of luck.
  6. ToddsPhins

    ToddsPhins Banned

    Mar 15, 2009
    Get her a motorcycle. Problem solved. ;)
  7. unluckyluciano

    unluckyluciano For My Hero JetsSuck

    Dec 7, 2007
    i agree with padre, but if you feel disturbed by it, talking to a professional is never a bad thing. might help you sort things out.
  8. ToddsPhins

    ToddsPhins Banned

    Mar 15, 2009
    You can't let fear fun your life brother. You control your own mind.

    Question: Who in your life have you lost OR has left/estranged you who is putting these cancerous thoughts in your head?
  9. ToddsPhins

    ToddsPhins Banned

    Mar 15, 2009
    Question 2: Do you have any control over random life? Will having these thoughts prevent her from getting into an accident, or are they only stressing you out?

    You've gotta appreciate the time you DO have with her and stop thinking about what it will be like without her, bc you're not without her. She's right there. She's living.... breathing. Can't think about things you can't control, brother. Don't worry about crossing these bridges until you get there is my motto.

    Negativity is a killer. You've gotta wipe those thoughts out like the plague! Wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap it every time you catch yourself having these negative thoughts about things that are beyond the realm of control. After you pop it, you need to reinforce the truth that she is fine and that "I can't worry about controlling things that are out of my realm of control".

    If you don't stop this pessimism, you're gonna end up being an overly protective, smothering father who attempts to shelter their child from the world to "keep your baby safe from harm"...... and he/she is going to grow up despising you. ;)

    Nip this in the bud now before it snowballs into bigger problems.
    Posted via Mobile Device
  10. Crappy Tipper

    Crappy Tipper AKA Hero13

    Aug 23, 2008
    I think everybody has those "where would I be if" thoughts. With a happy marriage your mind may merely be looking for the only other way to resolve those thoughts of removing someone from the picture in order for you to fully think out those "what if's".

    If you didn't have a happy marriage you might think of her running off with the pool boy or something.

    Just my thoughts.
  11. dolphindebby

    dolphindebby Season Ticket Holder Luxury Box

    Nov 26, 2007
    I've done this before.
    Then I sit and wonder why I would ever dream or think such things.
    Sometimes I think it's stress and or something in our subconscious mind, then when we're still or dreaming it crops up.
    I have woken up out of breath or yelling for help at times.
    If you sit and think about it, sometimes you realize some things have come from a tv show or something some one was talking about etc.
    I know it's scary, but you can sit and talk yourself out of those feelings most of the time.
    If you can't, by all means talk to your Dr.
    Good luck.

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