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[Merged] Why Your Team Sucks 2015: Miami Dolphins

Discussion in 'Miami Dolphins Forum' started by Samphin, Aug 14, 2015.

  1. Samphin

    Samphin Κακό σκυλί ψόφο δεν έχει

    One of the best annual rituals on Deadspin. I love these pieces. :lol:

    Puka-head likes this.
  2. LBsFinest

    LBsFinest Banned

    Jul 24, 2012
    I been looking forward to this piece all year.
  3. DevilFin13

    DevilFin13 Season Ticket Holder Club Member

    Mar 22, 2008
    Love Deadspin. I'm obviously biased. So I would have put the Marino stuff more like, "The Dolphins have been so bad since around the late 70s that they got the greatest QB ever and only got him to one super bowl, and they got blown out in that one".
  4. LBsFinest

    LBsFinest Banned

    Jul 24, 2012
    2 paragraphs in and I'm already dying LOL...

  5. Samphin

    Samphin Κακό σκυλί ψόφο δεν έχει

    I spoke to Drew Magary about this piece on Twitter. I told him to admit that he is just bitter because Marino chose to retire rather than play for his Vikings. He...begrudgingly agreed.
    padre31 likes this.
  6. Rocky Raccoon

    Rocky Raccoon Greasepaint Ghost Staff Member

    Dec 2, 2007
    I was going to say Sam. I saw Drew retweeted you. :lol:
  7. texanphinatic

    texanphinatic Senior Member

    Nov 26, 2007
    Detroit Metro Area MI
    Why our team sucks -Satire

    Amazing stuff! :lol: Deadspin does one for each team, read them all! The Browns are always a top notch one.


    Some of my favorites:

    *edit* Thanks for merge, my browser wasn't showing new posts for some reason.

    Also, the comments from fans they run at the end are amazing!
    GARDENHEAD likes this.

    GARDENHEAD Season Ticket Holder Club Member

    May 7, 2008
    New Orleans
    "If you want to see this football team completely implode and **** the bed, tell them they only need to win 1 game against meaningless teams to get into the playoffs. Feel free to bet your life savings against it...they cannot and will not do it."
    padre31 and 77FinFan like this.
  9. MonstBlitz

    MonstBlitz Nobody's Fart Catcher

    Jan 14, 2008
    Alexandria, VA

    **** you once again Jeffrey Ireland, you smarmy ginger nerd.
    Puka-head likes this.
  10. Puka-head

    Puka-head My2nd Fav team:___vs Jets Club Member

    Nov 25, 2007
    Slightly left of center
    "Tannehill gets better protection from his wife’s arsenal than from his teammates up front."

    "The last time the Dolphins were really good, we had two white running backs."

    "Philbin looks like the albino love child of Skeletor and Rick Scott"

    Those were my favorite Zingers.

    Poor Matt Moore can't even get enough recognition to be dissed. (Still think hes the best back up out there)
  11. Dolphins1Beatles

    Dolphins1Beatles Ziggy Stardust

    Oct 9, 2009
    New York
    I fear this one will happen (again):

    Matt: This is the most talented roster we’ve had in 12 years. Harvard says we’re the best team in the AFC. Tom Brady is (for now) suspended for 25% of the season. And the Jets and Bills have the combined QB talent of Doug Funny. We’ll go 8-8. **** Joe Philbin.

    Sam: I have now had three decades of my dad regaling me with stories of the glory days he got to see, all while I am stuck following a team who I’ve only seen play in the Super Bowl in Ace ****ing Ventura.

    And this one is painfully true:


    Every year follows pretty much the same script:

    - Hey! We signed (insert BIG OVERPAID FREE AGENT name here)! I’m feeling pretty good about this season!

    - ::BIG OVERPAID FREE AGENT disgruntled or injured by game 6::

    - That draft pick is not bad! I can see him being a solid contributor

    - ::Draft pick is bullied and gives up or is injured by week 7::

    - We beat the Patriots/Seahawks/other team expected to do well early in the season!

    - Lose 5 games in a row immediately after

    - Ok, we’ve still got a shot at this. All we have to do is beat the 1-14 Jets in the last game and we’re in the playoffs!

    - Lose to the Jets by 30

    - Get obnoxiously drunk and talk **** about how much it sucks to be a Dolphins fan

    And this from the comments:

    The Dolphins replaced their happy Dolphin jumping through a hoop logo with one floundering while gasping for its last breath, which has to be the most on-brand logo change in history.
    padre31 likes this.
  12. padre31

    padre31 Premium Member Luxury Box

    Nov 22, 2007
    inching to 100k posts
    they could be good, the offensive line apparently more concerned with protecting 48 oz fountain drinks than Ryan Tannehill..whose wife is welcome distraction among all the other really attractive women of Miami..oh wait

    Kenny Still replacing Mike Wallace? Oh nice, Nola had fire sale and Miami bought a floor lamp, while trading away a ferrari..but they got Suh..who does not score Td's..and to double down on mediocrity..they kept the fg kicker..oh..that should cause dolphins fans to sleep well at night...
  13. Dolphins1Beatles

    Dolphins1Beatles Ziggy Stardust

    Oct 9, 2009
    New York
  14. 77FinFan

    77FinFan Season Ticket Holder Club Member

    Mar 10, 2013
    Buckeye Land
    That is a great article. Hilarious. Sad part of course they ended w/ a better record than us.

    Oh, and all time classic audience pic there too. :lol:

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