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Mom Passed away yesterday...........

Discussion in 'Outreach Forum' started by PlanB, Aug 22, 2013.

  1. PlanB

    PlanB New Member

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    I'm in the medical field. I've told hundreds of people before that I was so sorry for there loss. And I meant it. And I thought I was mentally prepared for the inevitable. But it happened Last Monday morning. Mom.....82 yrs old, had a massive brain bleed and fell out of bed. I was called to the house by my father who was in denial and just asked me to help her back into bed. I've heard similar stories like this dozens of times. But nothing I've ever been prepared for when I found her like that. She was placed on life support and as family flew in , yesterday we gathered as they removed the tube and she peacefully drifted off into the next life. Hardest thing I ever did. Tomorrow we hold the service and the burial. Just 5 days ago she helped me celebrate my birthday , tomorrow she will be gone forever. Thanks for letting me say my peace here. I wish I had a dollar for everytime I heard this: If your mom is still alive go give her a call or better yet a hug. The problem I'm having is I have had maybe 4 hours sleep in 5 days. Everytime I close my eyes I see her the way I found her on Monday morning. Its like a horrible movie reel over and over in my brain. They say it gets better over time. Thanks again for letting me vent.......
     
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  2. anlgp

    anlgp ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A

    Loss is, as you said, unfortunate yet inevitable. Allow yourself to feel the loss and let the sorrow of the loss of your loved one wash over you. Grieve completely, and then remember the good times as I'm sure she would like you to do :)

    Best wishes to you and yours in this difficult time.
     
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  3. Fin D

    Fin D Derp Sherpa

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    My thoughts are with you and your family. She lived a long life and passed in the presence of her loved ones. You cannot ask for more than that.

    When ever you think of how you found her, immediately force yourself to think of her and the good stuff in the past. Force yourself and in time it will pass.
     
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  4. PlanB

    PlanB New Member

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    Thanks for that both of you. Its 3am , the services are at 9am and I still can't sleep a wink. This has been the hardest week of my life, and as I say that I know how lucky I am if this is the worst. Maybe that's the problem , I have never experienced such profound loss so I'm just having a hard time processing it all. Now I have experience and I guess with that will come some knowledge? Hopefully Tomorrow brings me some closure. Thanks again...........
     
  5. aboome

    aboome Resident Madden God Club Member

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    Wow dude I'm really sorry for your lost man. I somewhat know what your going through because I lost my father years ago. It's true it does get better just remember your mother for the special person she was in your life and be thankful that you were able to spend the time that your were gifted with her. Stay strong brother.
     
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  6. Colorado Dolfan

    Colorado Dolfan ...dirty drownin' man?

    Hey, man.

    Sorry for your loss. I guess all I can do is say: Remember your mom as she would want you to. Remember the good times and even some of the bad times fondly. Share stories with friends and family. Remind each other of what she has left behind as a legacy.

    You'll be in my thoughts.
     
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  7. padre31

    padre31 Premium Member Luxury Box

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    You'll more than likely be on your way to the funeral when you read this but I've been caring for my ill mother for 5 yrs now and literally have saved her life 3 times at least, one day I won't be here to do so and it brings into focus just how precious life is.

    Hope you find some peace, when you found her is but one aspect of the time you shared with her so do not allow it to define everything.
     
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  8. gunn34

    gunn34 I miss Don & Dan

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    Sorry to read about your loss PlanB. I hope you find the peace you're looking for. It will take time, but you'll pull through. My thoughts are with you.
     
  9. MikeHoncho

    MikeHoncho -=| Censored |=- Club Member

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    Damn dude. Really sorry to hear that. You gotta emote and let the pain clear out before moving on.
    Best wishes.

    Sent from my Transformer TF101 using Tapatalk 4
     
  10. Nappy Roots

    Nappy Roots Well-Known Member

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    Having my mother figure pass a few years ago. It was by far the roughest thing Ive ever been through physically and mentally. It still weights on me today, years later. So I cant offer any advice, but I understand what your going through. But I am sorry for your loss.
     
  11. PlanB

    PlanB New Member

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    We had nice weather , a bit hot , and a great turnout. Her Doctors even showed up and appeared genuinely distraught. Their amount of care even after her passing has been very touching. After the service we had a small gathering back at my house. That went well with family and friends. Thought I was clear sailing from here. As I just finished cleaning I closed the refrigerator door and the Finality of it all just hit me like a brick. Its over. She is gone and buried and I will never see her again. I actually had a small panic attack. Dealing with it now and for some reason writing this out really helps. Thanks for listening.
     
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  12. unluckyluciano

    unluckyluciano For My Hero JetsSuck

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    Thoughts and prayers for you and yours bro.
     
  13. ToddPhin

    ToddPhin RIP Phinsational Luxury Box Club Member

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    Man, sorry to hear about that, B. It's rough when it's sudden, regardless of age. The feeling of loss will calm over shortly.. and you'll think you're ok... but then it'll come rushing back during certain movie scenes, songs, birthdays, holidays, etc. BUT, at the same time this stuff will keep her in your memory b/c there will be stretches of time where you do kinda forget she's gone.

    My advice is to learn how to turn these future rough moments into positive ones b/c it's a blessing that they allowing you to rekindle your emotions for her. Future tears shed should be out of joy of remembering rather than pain for bringing her memory back up.
     
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  14. Boik14

    Boik14 Admin Staff Member Club Member Retired Administrator

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    Actually you will see her everyday in photos and memories she will live through you B. Sorry for your loss but remember her for what she was to you.
     
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  15. PlanB

    PlanB New Member

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    All of you have been very helpful. I don't know you long but I really appreciate you all taking the time. I'm going to go watch a re run of the Pats getting walloped by the Lions last night and try to get some sleep. Thanks again..........
     
  16. Sethdaddy8

    Sethdaddy8 New Member

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    Sorry for your loss.
     
  17. Ohiophinphan

    Ohiophinphan Chaplain Staff Member Luxury Box

    You have my thoughts and prayers.

    I was away for a couple of days so I am sorry I am late to this. Why was I away? The 22nd was the 9th anniversary of my wife's death from cancer and I needed to leave town.

    I have lost both parents and a wife. As a parish pastor, like you, I have been around a lot of death yet when it is your loved one, oh my how different it is!

    Again you have my prayers and best wishes. There are many who have walked where you are. Walk with us and maybe we can lighten the load for each other.
     
  18. PlanB

    PlanB New Member

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    Thank you Chaplin.......Both parents and Your wife?! That's the one thing I do have and has helped me tremendously is my wife. I think its great that you still remember yours in a positive way and celebrate her life. Yes I have watched from the sidelines for over 47 yrs. and the inevitable is catching up with me. I've never really been exposed to a personal loss like this and I guess its just hit me like a baseball bat. I did better today. Actually ate and slept 5 hours last night. Looking forward to the Dolphins game tonight. How do you feel about going back to work? Maybe it will help to stay busy and not sit and let my mind work Over time?
     
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  19. Ohiophinphan

    Ohiophinphan Chaplain Staff Member Luxury Box

    I went to work a week after all three deaths. I love being a parish pastor and the work kept my mind moving through the numb pin. Between a month and three months after however, I took time away and dealt with the pain. Long walks, time alone, time with close friends, time with MY pastor.

    We all deal with these kinds of things differently but there are patterns. Once you find yourself breathing again maybe you could try one of my ideas or perhaps talk to a chaplain at your medical institution. We deal with more death than the average counselor and thus it is a specialty. The conversations out loud seem to help me and a lot of others.
     
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  20. PlanB

    PlanB New Member

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    Huge help. I find the time with friends and company are really OK. But at night , especially when I'm trying to fall asleep are the most difficult. Almost broke down in Walmart earlier because I saw a children's workbook of Charlotte's web. I remembered when my mother took me to Radio City Music hall back in the early 70's to see a children's play of it. Things like that are just coming at me now. But if I get back to work on Monday My mind won't have time to wander.
     
  21. Ohiophinphan

    Ohiophinphan Chaplain Staff Member Luxury Box

    My late wife was a polio survivor and for the last 8-10 years of her life she got around outside of the house using a three wheel power scooter. After her death it took a week to have the funeral and the internment back in a family plot in Florida. Went to work the following Monday. Six weeks later I went to visit a friend and tour the Battlefield at Vicksburg with him. I went into the Visitor's Center the night before Bill got there in order to get the lay of the land.

    I had barely wept in the six weeks since Karen's death but then standing there, by myself, a man came in with his wife. She was riding the same model scooter that Karen had used. I walked to the rental car, put my head on the wheel, and cried for a half hour.

    While that was the most dramatic episode, over the 21 years since my first parent died (Mom) I have had innumerable episodes just like that. So will you.

    For me the turn came when one of those incidents happened and I reacted with a smile instead of a tear. After a year to a year and a half I discovered that there were more smiles than tears (though tears still come every so often). That has been a common experience with many of my parishioners as well as my own. I pray that works for you as well.
     
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  22. PlanB

    PlanB New Member

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    Thanks again. Not looking forward to the Holidays this year.
     
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  23. ToddPhin

    ToddPhin RIP Phinsational Luxury Box Club Member

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    That's the point I was trying to make, too--- that a person who's lost a loved one should learn in time to turn these incidents of emotional grief into positive ones b/c the sudden intense memory of a loved one shouldn't be a painful one; it should be somewhat joyous if we allow it to be considering the goal isn't to try to forget the person. Learn to shed a tear with a smile on your face, being grateful that incidents like these exist that allow us to remember our loved ones in stronger ways than simply looking at a bedside picture.
     
  24. PlanB

    PlanB New Member

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    Bad day today. My sister (who I'm not very close with) flew in and with good intentions others are talking about Old times and memories. I so wanted the conversation to end but couldn't stop others from dealing with it in their way you know? I made an excuse and went to Wal-Mart for more cake and milk. I'm not going to sleep very well. Wife is taking me to see the Millers. God I hope its as funny as it looks.
     
  25. Ohiophinphan

    Ohiophinphan Chaplain Staff Member Luxury Box

    I once did a funeral of a woman with four adult children. When I went into the luncheon afterwards I found the four family groups had each staked out a corner of the room and never moved between each other. Only the congregational folk greeted each group.

    Families are interesting organisms. Sounds like you did the right thing for your grief and for your sister. You sound like a good man. Best wishes and prayers continue.
     
  26. finyank13

    finyank13 Reality Check

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    Sorry for you loss B, God Speed...
     
  27. Rocky Raccoon

    Rocky Raccoon Spirit In The Night Club Member

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    I'm late here B but I wish you peace, brother. Nothing I say will take away the pain but know we're here for you if you need to talk, vent, tell stories, whatever. May your mom R.I.P. and may you and your family find comfort and peace during these difficult times.

    I'm always around if you need someone to talk to. My P.M. box is always open.
     
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  28. Ohiophinphan

    Ohiophinphan Chaplain Staff Member Luxury Box

    Just a BUMP here to see how things are going after nearly a month. You remain in my thoughts and prayers.
     
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