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My life's journey this last 6 months

Discussion in 'Religion and Spirituality' started by gafinfan, Nov 25, 2016.

  1. gafinfan

    gafinfan gunner Club Member

    On March the 20th of this year I went to the St. Jos. emergency room with a racing heart (130BPM) and chest pains. After several test, including an EKG, the staff Dr. told me it looked as if I'd had one or more silent heart attacks. After other test I was told I had two blockages in veins in the upper part of my heart, one was 100% and the other was 60%, and I would be operated on to open them up by putting stints inside to get me back to normal. On that Monday evening, 7:00 PM, I was on the operating table and after some time the Dr. informed me he had opened up the 60% vein and all had gone well, I had not felt a thing during this whole process. They moved me to a side room and almost at once I started to feel very faint/bad and about 12 or more nurses started working on me the Dr. shows back up and he informs me that there is blood in my chest cavity which he has to remove by suction, He tells me that what he is about to do is going to hurt very badly but can't be avoided. He cuts a hole in my chest and inserts a steel tube into my chest cavity it felt as if I was being stabbed. There is no way I can explain just how bad it was ... worse than anything I've ever gone thru in my life. As I was laying there and moaning I said to God if this is the end I'm ready, it's your call, that very second my answer was ... well shut up and let the Dr. and I do our job. I made on further sounds though the pain was still there, not sure for how long, and everything went dark. My next thoughts were of my two daughters faces in front of me telling me that they loved me I tried to reply but couldn't then all goes black again. the next day, Wednesday I wake up as they are beginning to put these tubes out of my throat and
    i'm told that I may has a little ice but nothing else. Two weeks later they moved me out of ICU. On May 4th I was allowed to come home.

    I've always believed in God though I've explored many different belief systems thus my path has been less that straight. I, to this day, question organized Religion because of the messages I've received from the clergy of different faiths. However none of that has shaken my faith/belief in God which is stronger than ever because of my latest journey.
    MikeHoncho, RevRick, Galant and 2 others like this.
  2. Ohiophinphan

    Ohiophinphan Chaplain Staff Member Luxury Box

    Thank you for sharing your struggle both medically and spiritually. We are honored that you trusted this board enough to open up (pun intended). I am delighted you had such an experience with God when your need was the greatest.

    Certainly the story of faith has been both aided by and damaged by clergy, believers, and people of all stripes. I am a Christian. I serve within a Lutheran tradition. Many things I question both in the basics of scripture and within the theological trajectories of my tradition. I have seen the kind of peace filled messages and moments you describe and none of them are perfect fits for any "system". Not having all the answers and not being comfortable with everything actually comforts me a little. If I could understand everything, why would I need God?

    I hope you take this gift of life you have been given and explore your relationship with God. Be OK with the doubts. Be OK with not liking everything God asks of you. I find my walk with God both wonderful and often annoying (I would much rather do things my way and get annoyed when God reminds me of His better way).

    I pray you and yours had a wonderful Thanksgiving and may the upcoming Advent season be a time for you to wrestle with what it truly means to say, "Joy to the world, the LORD IS come!"

    Fair winds and following seas!
    RevRick and gafinfan like this.
  3. Ronnie Bass

    Ronnie Bass Luxury Box Luxury Box

    Dec 19, 2007
    Wow, glad you're ok Ron.
    gafinfan likes this.
  4. gafinfan

    gafinfan gunner Club Member

    Thanks guys, my hope and desire is to give back to those in need at St. Jos starting next February, after spending Christmas with kids and grandbabies.

    There were so many wonderful folks at the hospital who helped me and I want to pass that along to any who will listen. My only short coming at this moment is that my strength and stamina is not yet up to the task of walking around alot but I'm working on it so really hope, with God's help, to be ready by then.

    My Thanksgiving was great I hope you and yours was the same.
    Ohiophinphan likes this.
  5. RevRick

    RevRick Long Haired Leaping Gnome Club Member

    Nov 25, 2007
    Itsnotevenonthemap, GA
    Wow, Ron. I have been so tied up my current appointment that I missed all of this. Having had a CABG ten years ago this week, as a matter of fact - I know that hand that seems to grip so tight in the chest. I do not miss it one bit. And I spent a whole lot of time in the first decade and a half or so of my adult life as somewhere between a questioner and a heathen - probably with a generous dose of both. All that is to say that I am very, very glad you are still here to write back and forth. St. Joe in Savannah is a very good hospital, and has a lot of people in it who will stop and pray at a moments notice (I assume that is where you went from your post.)
    Ron, I would imagine that if you scratched even those of us who have answered that sometimes quiet, sometimes more pronounced call from our Lord, you would find a lot of instances of wondering, seeking, questioning, and sometimes even doubt concerning that which we are supposed to know - because God is fundamentally unknowable from this side of the veil. I would also imagine that you would find that, I would hazard, every one of us still harbors within ourselves the knowledge that we are not perfect by any means, and harbor within ourselves the knowledge that we, too, have thoughts which betray our standing as imperfect, oft-mistaken, doubtful, sometimes angry, sometimes recalcitrant, and many times tempted - sinners. We can claim no other because we are not the "wholly other", as Karl Barth (don't pick him up for light reading!) put it. We are human - complete with all the baggage - good and bad - that comes with that - and anyone, clergy or lay, who pretends otherwise is either a fool or a devil - (Thank you C.S. Lewis - a much better read for anyone not seeking a Th.D.)
    Another thing that you will find is that I do not like religion. I don't teach religion, or preach it. I preach faith in God (as revealed in the Trinity.) We humans can make a religion of almost anything, and can worship almost anything - and HAVE worshipped almost anything.
    I prefer to claim a relationship with the Creator - at this time through that Spirit with mine. My belief is in the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

    We did not make contact with I was serving over in the coastal area, and now they have shipped me off to another trouble spot on the other side of the state. If you would like to talk a bit, I am at tanstaafl01@att.net. We can find other arrangements from there if you would like. There is a whole lot of what you and I have written that remains beyond my comprehension, but which I have studied to the point that it is not quite as incomprehensible as it once was, and I could recommend what you might wish to read, and, more importantly, some which I would most heartily recommend to all of humanity to disregard. Drop a line, mate. And I know a former shallow water Coastie who is a good friend in the same conundrum - more or less.
    Ohiophinphan likes this.

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