Reporter 1: "Why are we here?" Reporter 2: "I was going to ask you the same thing Fat Reporter 3: *butting in* "I heard Andy Reid got fired!! Reporter 2: "Yeah.....dude......we know, we work for the friggin press. Did you guys see the new GM's twitter!? That guy is a riot. Oh crap! Maybe that's what this press conference is ab............ Before the reporter can finish his sentence the lights go out in the conference room. Whispers fill the room as people are wondering whats happening, one man stands up to figure out if it's a outage or whats wrong. All of a sudden a scream blares out of the speakers set up next to the podium on stage, "SIT DOWN MOTHA LICKAH!!!!!" The room goes silent. A heart pounding sound effect plays on the loud speakers......2 women in bikinis with the Eagles logo on the tops walk out holding sparklers...... The guitar riff for "Voodoo Child" begins playing from Jimi Hendrix....the lights flash back on in the room and SICK walks out from behind the curtains, dressed in a "I play 2 win" white t-shirt, blue jeans, spiked hair, and kanye neon green sunglasses. He stands infront of the podium, the music fades out, the bikini dressed women leave the room, SICK places a tooth pick in his mouth and clears his throat, he scans the room, and taps the mic to make sure its working. "I always wanted to do that. You know, enter a room full of people with that entrance. Anyways....WELCOME! Welcome to the NEW ERA!!!! Welcome to Philadelphia Eagles football 2012 AND BEYOND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My name is SICK. You can call me Mr. SICK, CC, C-Dub, Double C, or Nester." The room at this point is looking around cautiously to see if this is a joke, but alas, SICK stands firm, tall, and stares into every single persons eyes at the same time, serious as a heart attack. "I am the new and improved general manager and CEO of football operations of the MOTHA FUGGIN PHILADELPHIA EAGLES.....last year, jesus last year was a big disapointment. 8-8 is not going to cut it. EVER. Not on my watch. Am I promising greatness next year? Yes. Am I promising a super bowl. Not yet. Do I love 7-11 slurpees? You bet your sweet *** I do. Now real quick, let me say this. Yes....the rumors are true. Andy Reid and Julio Castillo were fired today. It was not a tough decision to be honest. I know thats not very PC to say, but Reid didn't get it done for a long time, with some good pieces, and it's time for a change. We are keeping Marty M....I am not even going to try to say his last name, all I know is he can coach, and we are changing the FEEL of this orginization, right here....TODAY. Now, with that said, lets open it up to some questions. GO!!!!!" Reporter: "First of all......let me say, there is an elephant in the room here Mr Sick......is this......serious? SICK: "Is this serious? Are YOU serious? Yes. This is serious. Next" Reporter: "Are you qualified to run an NFL team? I have never heard of you before. SICK: "I don't even know if you are a man or a women, let alone do I 'know you' and I don't plan on 'knowing you' I plan on winning championships. And yes, I am qualified, I am the previous GM of the Jaguars and Carolina Panthers. I also win most of the time in my fantasy football leagues, and I always kick butt in my adult, church flag football league. I play both ways. Safety and Quarterback. Just so you know." Reporter: "What are your plans for the new head coach? SICK: "Someone smart. Defensive minded maybe. I am not 100% sure, and I don't want to feed you a bunch of bull because to be honest, I havent looked over everything yet. All I can say is I am excited about the opportunity, and I WILL....write this down.......WILL turn this baby around into a consistent winner. Now! Off to the senior bowl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" SICK Turns, puts on a bike helmet, gets on a segway and drives off giving the peace sign. The reporters go crazy. Scene.
