Bill ORLY: This just in... hold on, really? That gif logo is the best you could do? You've got to be kidding me? Now that I have been transported back to my appearance from 20 years ago, my hair is back, nice full head of hair... and I have to look at this logo... ****!!! Bill ORLY: Alright then. I'll proceed! Grrrrrrrrr..... Bill ORLY: The Green Bay Packers welcome their new GM, Paul 13... hold on.... Bill ORLY: What kind of ****ed up **** is this? His name is Paul 13? If he's going to be the 13th of something, why not use a sophisticated numbering system, like roman numerals.... Paul XIII sounds much better. That's much more... PRECIEUX! You know how I love to use fancy words to inflate my ego. Bill ORLY: Oh jesus, make up your mind... Do I have hair or not? Stop VACILLATING! We go now to Green Bay, to join Paul XIII's live press conference... Paul 13: I'd like to thank the Packers owner... umm... they don't have an owner? How the **** am I supposed to get paid? Cheese paper? Oh okay then. I'd like to thank the fine people of Green Bay for their confidence in me in becoming their new Executive Vice President of Conglomerate Football Operations and Premier Decision Maker Supreme. Otherwise known as their General Manager of this fine storied franchise. Vince Lombardi once said, "winning isn't everything, it's the only thing." And boy was he right. Sure, we came within 5 minutes of making it back to the Super Bowl. But that doesn't mean diddly poo squat. We've got a lot of work to do, and a short time to do it. I intend to make this team better on BOTH sides of the ball. We have a great offense and an opportunistic defense. And then there's our special teams... Paul 13: My first act today is to fire our special teams coach Shawn Slocum. Really? An onside kick recovered at the end of the game WHEN YOU KNOW IT's GOING TO HAPPEN!??! THAT"S POOR COACHING! YES, the player who shall remain nameless for now... it's better this way... made the wrong decision, but if you aren't threatening your players with bodily harm for executing incorrectly, then damnit, you're not trying. You think Vince Lombardi would have stood for that? Hell no. Paul 13: With that, I'll open it up for a few questions.. I'm very busy... reporter: What's your favorite cheese? Paul 13: Ah... now we are talking... I prefer Brie cheese. In the oven or cold, on a nice french baguette. Oh god I'm hungry... reporter: You have a number of free agents, what is your plan on retaining them, namely Randall Cobb? Paul 13: Well, I'm not going to lay out my free agency plan right here and now. We've got some tough decisions to make between now and the start of free agency. We'll hope to resign Randall at the right price. He's been an integral part of our team. And I know Aaron Rodgers is comfortable with him... they both like their balls inflated together.... at the same time... I'm told. So it'll be about price and value... and what's best for this organization. reporter: I notice that you aren't actually in the press room, but broadcasting via satellite from your beach home in Maui. Any particular reason for that? Paul 13: Do you know what month it is? January... in Green Bay... It's 4 degrees there today... FOUR DEGREES! Anyway, I figured with today's technology you can link up anywhere at anytime with a couple of Apple products and a USB port. I'll be here... it'll be okay... trust me... T-R-U-S-T Look forward to making the Packers the best team in the NFL. Thanks everyone... Bill ORLY: Well that was entertaining... it was rather.... PIQUANT!
