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***OFFICIAL*** THEPHINS.COM Roast of Opfinistic

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by Samphin, Dec 22, 2009.

  1. Samphin

    Samphin Κακό σκυλί ψόφο δεν έχει

    [​IMG]

    Well, after very little anticipation and a week long delay due to lucky's work visa issues, the BBQ is ready to be served. The main course? A certain poster named OPFINISTIC. But this (psuedo) man is known by many names. Most around these parts know him as Opie. His friends (and I use the term loosely) on Facebook know him as Jimmy Paul, and the U.S. Government knows him simply as Megan's Law applicant #6980085.

    Let's be honest, does that surprise anyone? Think about it, first off, he purposely goes by the first name, "Jimmy." Not Jim, not James, not even Jamie. No, he intentionally makes sure that everyone call him by a name that is also used to describe his ****stick. Second, he spends most of his online time pretending to be a five year old, when in reality, he is closer to qualifying for AARP benefits and scoring the early bird special at Carrow's than Ron Howard himself.

    Speaking of which, how is a guy with a disturbing amount of pictures of Richie Cunningham beloved around these parts? Oh...wait, he isn't. Surprisingly enough, the only reason we are roasting Mr. Paulaphile tonight is because according to the scientific poll taken on these very boards, he is hated more than such world famous punching bags as: GISH, Griddles, Aqua4Ever04 and others. I'm no rocket surgeon...but that is a ****LOAD of hate. Congrats Jimmy, people finally see you as I see you...with disgust.

    Speaking of disgusting, Unluckyluciano will be joining us shortly. This websites most beloved special child (re: Mexican) is selling through his last batch of strawberries on the side of the freeway and rounding up the rest of his children, nieces and nephews up in the truck. It is a shame that he doesn't know which one is which though. Most of you know this, but in case you don't, lucky is the reason why these roast even exist. Of course, he is also the reason they tend to suck, fall short and leave you empty inside and yearning for something, anything, else.

    But enough about HardkoreXXX's sex life. His ***** has been rejected more times than a guard driving the lane on Dikembe Mutumbo. Which is actually pretty ironic since rumor has it that Dikembe developed his "finger wag" taunt after watching Hardkore hula hoop naked.

    But at least Hardkore's tiny mighty mouse is clean and clear of diseases. This is the direct opposite of Frumundah Finnatic's. Of course, I don't know what he expected when he started boffing every piece of roadkill he could find. The guy is more heinous than a cold sore on a ball sack...mainly because he IS a cold sore on a ball sack. Frumundah was better known as Mike13 for you old timers. Note that I said better known as...not better liked as... The truth is, we have hated him equally ever since he found these communities and thought our direct approach of telling him to leave was simply a joke. So let me be VERY clear about this...Frumundah13...no one likes you.

    Oh wait...my bad, sorry Mike, I got you confused with GridIronKing34. Iowa's favorite daughter is this site's most hated. So much so that he can't even get his own football coach to spell his name right. The aspiring film maker has taken it pretty hard on the chin over the past couple of years, but enough about what he does in FRONT of the camera. What is truly awe inspiring is what he does behind the camera.

    Nothing.

    Honestly, I am pretty sure he is using his tuition money on meth, Tom Arnold DVD's and Ashton Kutcher wallpaper. Dude, get some ****ing help.

    Afterall, that is what GISH did. Oh, what? You thought HE did all of those photoshop images? You're joking, right? How can a guy THIS insane possibly create art that good? Still not convinced? Okay, how about this, has anyone seen or heard from In_Flames since the guy who misspelled FISH (look at your keyboards people!) came to prominence?Gish might be the creepiest person this side of ANLGP. I am pretty sure that if the FBI ever raided GISH's toy chests in his room at his parent's house, they would find a combination of human, Barbie and G.I. Joe lips. Oh and quite possibly a Shenis... Hopefully this helps me get further in the "rep" thread :rollseyes:

    Sick is here too...yeah, I know, but lets just endure him and push forward shall we? That's what we do with his radio show anyways...

    Man, this dais is pretty bloated isn't it? Which reminds me, Section126 is here as well. The raging alcoholicpromised to quit dry ****ing his hands to the voice of Sean Hannity long enough to contribute a few jokes to this event. However, I had no luck in getting him to put down his Dwayne Wade vibrator, so just ignore the constant buzzing sound followed by the sound of the vibrator sputtering, choking and failing to hit free throws. I have always found it ironic that Section has denounced Fidel Castro and his policies while posting such thoughts from the Squat & Gobble Cafe on Castro Street in San Francisco (Google it).

    All of these men and women will get there turn to tell us how they really feel about the (worst) man of the hour. Afterwards, Opie himself will have a chance to say a few words. The fewer the better actually. You guys ever hear Jimmy's voice? He sounds like Stephen Hawking gargling razorblades. In all honesty Opie, and I mean this frmo the bottom of my heart, you are a beloved poster on these boards and I mean it when I say...go **** yourself.

    Wow, that is quite a long opening post to digest. So allow me to introduce the only member of the dais that can actually physically digest it all without it phasing him. The man formally known as Big E...but only because Big Ginormous Humoungous E was too long for a screen name...none other than Enforcerfin33!
     
  2. GISH

    GISH ~mUST wARN oTHERS~

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    :spam:
     
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  3. BigDogsHunt

    BigDogsHunt Enough talk...prove it!

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    This thread is useless without jokes!
     
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  4. SICK

    SICK Lounge Moderator

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    good thing your here then assclown
     
    jetssuck, Pagan, GISH and 3 others like this.
  5. Frumundah Finnatic

    Frumundah Finnatic U Mad Miami?

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    Cant roast tonight, be back tomorrow, going out, hopefully I'm not too hungover.
     
  6. Dolphin1184

    Dolphin1184 Member

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    I don't feel cool enough to post in this thread.
     
  7. BigDogsHunt

    BigDogsHunt Enough talk...prove it!

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    Tell Lucky to stop typing for you, and use English.

    you are too! buttfool!:up:
     
  8. GISH

    GISH ~mUST wARN oTHERS~

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    That's because you're NOT cool enough to post in this thread. Now get the **** out! :tantrum:









    oh, wait. Wrong thread. You can come back in now. :shifty:
     
    Dolphin1184 likes this.
  9. SICK

    SICK Lounge Moderator

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    thanks stitches
     
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  10. BigDogsHunt

    BigDogsHunt Enough talk...prove it!

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    He's typing for me!:wink2:
     
  11. Big E

    Big E Plus sized porn star

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    Thank you, give it up for your host, Borderland Wolf,Janus, Samphin, or poopy pants at 4 in the morning. I love Sam, he's the worlds biggest man whore. He's such a man **** Tiger is actually ashamed for him. Ah...I'm sorry Walt
    [​IMG]
    Anyways. Sam's a world renowed drinker. He refuses to go to rehab because rehab is for quitters. No one has told him yet but his liver quit on him, years ago. If he was a woman he would make his own cocktails once a month.
    When I was asked to do this roast I was like man, I dont know. How do you roast someone who's alter ego is as american as apple pie, and Aunt B. Then I remembered that he has screwed both of them so I was all in. Nice to see some of my fellow roasters here. Apparently someone finally died and Lucky has a Social Security number that passes now. But I mean how hard is it for him to pass as legal? His name is Brian? Thats like me being named Kunta...Hardkore is here on full permission from the ole lady...glad to see you buddy.Gish...Gish is the Gary Busey of this roast. No one knows what or why the hell he's here, but we just cant wait to hear what he's going to say. This just in Section did not start this thread so it will not make the playoffs. Griddles....my buddy Griddles. You stole a single bandaid...I just cant top that. Frumundah.....You're cuban....and you're jewish.Never before have I heard the term oy vay puto, thanks for that. Sick's here too. No one gets more excited about the dolphins game then this man. He's chest bumping, running through the house, yelling at the tv..and thats just after winning the coin toss. Now...on to Opie. Alot can be said about a man who's alter ego's are a 60's tv kid icon, and a slutty japanese woman. Jimmy has alot in common with a famous deceased pop singer....both are obsessed with five yr old boys. Jimmy's love for little wieners has even crossed over in his selection of dogs.....
    [​IMG]
    Opie is obsessed with Mafia Wars on Facebook. Its gotten so bad he's threatening his co workers in real life with concrete baths in Cuba. I love Opie...he's like the older, younger brother I never had. Best wishes to you my friend. You are a great poster and this nor the other 18 sites you are on would not be the same without you
     
  12. GridIronKing34

    GridIronKing34 Silently Judging You

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    booo you suck.
     
  13. Big E

    Big E Plus sized porn star

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    Yes...yes you do.
     
  14. GridIronKing34

    GridIronKing34 Silently Judging You

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    I see what you did there. Identity theft is not a joke.
     
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  15. BigDogsHunt

    BigDogsHunt Enough talk...prove it!

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    Yeah, but neither were any of the other things he typed...sooooooooo!
     
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  16. Big E

    Big E Plus sized porn star

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    OK Artie Lange no one invited you....
     
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  17. SICK

    SICK Lounge Moderator

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    translation: i am not funny. hopefully i have something tomorrow after playing nintendo DS all night and masturbating furiously to mcgyver.
     
  18. GISH

    GISH ~mUST wARN oTHERS~

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    Where's the waitress? I need to sexually harass someone.
     
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  19. padre31

    padre31 Premium Member Luxury Box

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    Ehh, what the heck:


    Opie is so hairy, he sold his semen to a fertility clinic and the only buyer they could find was the primate exhibit at the San Diego Zoo..


    [​IMG]
     
  20. Big E

    Big E Plus sized porn star

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    Security,
     
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  21. SICK

    SICK Lounge Moderator

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    [​IMG]
     
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  22. Killerphins

    Killerphins The Finger

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    i spoke with lisa lampennelli tonight
    she told me all these guys... sick, borderland wolf, that opie feller,
    fuggin put it to her
    "it" was like throwing a hot dog down a hallway...:shifty:
     
  23. Boik14

    Boik14 Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    Ya that was pretty bad but watch me make it funnier...

    Is it true that primate's name is E? :pointlol:



































    Joking of course Eric. :wink2:
     
    Big E likes this.
  24. Samphin

    Samphin Κακό σκυλί ψόφο δεν έχει

    Well, thank you E...for whatever that was. Nothing like putting the showstopper on first I suppose. I haven't seen a room clear out that fast since our next roaster fell out of his mother's vagina.Honestly he looked like Chewbacca mixed with Wolverine with a huge helping of Frodo Baggins.

    Women cried, doctors and nurses resigned, and the state of Iowa lowered the flag to half staff. Because this day was truly the day the music died. Put your electronic hands together for GridIronKing34!
     
    Big E likes this.
  25. Frumundah Finnatic

    Frumundah Finnatic U Mad Miami?

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    Did Griddles get arrested for buggery?
     
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  26. Two Tacos

    Two Tacos Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    Wow, more bombs in this thread than Dresden. (look it up stupid) Seriously, when do the jokes start?
     
  27. Fin D

    Fin D Sigh

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    Clearly not with post #26.
     
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  28. Frumundah Finnatic

    Frumundah Finnatic U Mad Miami?

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    When GrandmaTacos sends me a check.
     
    jetssuck likes this.
  29. GridIronKing34

    GridIronKing34 Silently Judging You

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    So you guys looks more uncomfortable than E looks in the produce aisle. I know, the jokes haven't really been great, but you're Miami Dolphins fans.. get use to the disappointment.

    We have a full house here tonight. Samphin came and he even brought his date that he met at the Carolina game. I must say, Sam... she was much more impressive in your story than in person.

    [​IMG]

    We have HardkoreXXX who made it as well. It's good to see he got surgery to remove his nose from Sam's ***. Must be why we don't see him around quite so much.

    Then Frumundah Finnatic... yeah I'm not wasting my time on this guy but let me tell you... no one likes you. Not even me.

    unluckyluciano STILL isn't here? Unfortunately either one of two things happened on his way here... he seen a Taco Bell sign... or the US Citizenship and Immigration department found him. Hopefully he just stopped at Taco Bell, then again, hopefully the latter.

    Enough about these guys... GISH, you're borderline psychopathic. And I don't know who win a douchebag contest between Section126 or SICK, but they're both at the top of the site. However SICK did let a little "sprained ankle" get in his way in playing tackle football with a bunch of forum losers... Makes me wonder if this "all star linebacker" story is true...

    Onto opfinistic... You tell people on the site you're five years old, you go by the name Jimmy, and you sit at work on Facebook playing Mafia Wars. I'm actually afraid of talking down on you because your eMafia may put a horse's head in my bed tomorrow morning.

    So just as opie says to his wife on Friday nights, "I'm going to cut this short and end the pain and disappointment now." Seriously though, Jimmy.... I think you're a gre... I really can't lie to you. You suck. Not as much as Frumundah, but damn close.
     
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  30. Big E

    Big E Plus sized porn star

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    Getting told you have herpes would be funnier than that was griddles....
     
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  31. jetssuck

    jetssuck I hear Mandich's voice...

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    Trust me, it's not :sad:
     
  32. Colorado Dolfan

    Colorado Dolfan ...dirty drownin' man?

    [​IMG]
     
  33. Samphin

    Samphin Κακό σκυλί ψόφο δεν έχει

    I think I speak for everyone when I say that it is probably best to move on and try to get some of the talent on stage.

    But before we do that, we have to listen to our next roaster. A man (I think) with an unhealthy obsession witl balls. Footballs, basketballs, baseballs, manballs, if its a ball, it is going in his mouth. Please give it up for the guy that no one likes, not even his own mother, Frumundah Finnatic!
     
    GISH likes this.
  34. GridIronKing34

    GridIronKing34 Silently Judging You

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    Hearing that you got herpes is hilarious, IMO.
     
  35. Celtkin

    Celtkin <B>Webmaster</b> Luxury Box

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    This will be an interesting thread (I have read nothing but the first post at the time of this message). That said, Opie is, without doubt, one of the funniest, most generous and most self deprecating members EVER.
     
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  36. Frumundah Finnatic

    Frumundah Finnatic U Mad Miami?

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    Thank you Samphin, FYI you gotta make sure the roadkill is actually dead before you **** it, My balls have more scars on them than an emo kid's wrists(Hi Travis!)

    Caligula once said that Sam is the biggest sexual deviant he's ever had the pleasure of meeting in a Devil's 3-way and then he was stabbed to death. Which is impressive given the fact that Caligula has been dead for a long time, but that doesnt stop Sam apparently. I also like how Sam decided to start his own borderlinle homoerotic relationship with Lucky calling themselves "Sucky" Its like he's jealous of the greatest interracial gay couple evar: Morwarp.

    Oh and Sam's a ***** for saying "I'm gonna puke" after two Land Sharks, Really Sam? ****ing lightweight, no wonder you're such an emo when you're drunk you either ***** about your crappy luck with women or why 124 has the hots for you apparently.


    Sure Jason Campbell and Mick Foley may call it guy love:

    [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lL4L4Uv5rf0"]YouTube- scrubs - guy love[/ame]

    But what happens after all that tazing? We probably dont want to know. Plus Warp is a bandwagon *****, even if it is FSU that you are abandoning....ah **** he does have a point, FSU sucks. I do only have one question for the Mor: Did the cops ever catch you when you stole that car?


    Speaking of dumbass guidos, Seth is in the house

    [​IMG](file photo)

    Yes Seth, Jersey does blow that hard, seriously why else would the ****iest teams in all of professional sports(Jets, Nets) call that ****hole their home?

    Oh and Seth is a stand up wiper as if he couldnt be more of a jackass. Yeah I do it too from time to time but he said he stand up only, you know the purpose of the seat is for people to sit down and make themselves comfortable. Ah **** it you are probably jacking off to your Bruce Springsteen poster so I highly doubt you're reading this, assuming you can read.

    I didnt know how anyone's set could outsuck Eric's but damn Griddles that took the cake(get it Griddles taking the Cake?), you lowered the bar for everyone else on the dais. Not to mention you are now a hero for douchebags everywhere that think they are witty. W2G *******! You are offcially the smartest guy with Downs, hell even the way you spell your name is ******ed. Who the hell spells Mat with one T? Oh and I'm not even gonna mention Iowa or Corn....****!

    Big Country is also here, I call him Big Country not just because he's into fatchicks, wrestling and MMA. But also becase he can literally be his own sovreign country. Hell that fatass's gravitational field is the reason why the LHC keeps malfunctioning. Rex Ryan orbits around you(and leaches off the crumbs on your shirt like some sort of obese lamprey).
    Also why does a guy in his 30s still like wrestling? Sure you have the brain of a 5 year old but damn.

    He also lives in Gary, Indiana; where the women are men and so are the sheep.


    Oh I see both AnalGap and Gish are here, you guys are aware L2G started the creepy poster thing way before you two(what with his Marylin Mason fetish) and he is a gorky 30 something year old virgin who lives in the mythical city of Central New York, now if that doesnt say nutjob I dont know what does.

    Last but not least, the man of the hour, Opfinistic and seeing it is the holiday season I will say: **** you.

    Its funny when a little kid talks about a bunch of **** they dont understand, especially a ginger, because they arent people. But when that kid turns out to be a machete wielding dude having a midlife crisis. It passes Gish level insane and Gap level crazy by miles. Even Pagan, Nabo, and that geezer with the awesome moustache have no problem admiting they are pushing the late thousands. Cut that **** out and fix your age listing already.

    But on the other hand given that you live in PBC ,where there is no middle class(just like in Dark Ages). And you are either poor white trash living in Belle Glade(seriously every person that is not rich that comes from PBC was apparently born in Belle Glade). Or you happen to be rich as a rich ****ing transplant who comes down here to die. Or maybe you just celebrated a mitzva and you liked the weather down here so much you decided to buy a condo. All that being said I do pity Jimmah and here's why:

    Opie was most likey born as a result of a trailer park trist betwen two siblings who didnt know what the word "inbreeding" meant.(just like in the Dark Ages). Upon witnessing his partial ***** he decided the only way to make it in this harsh society was to adopt an avatar of his idol the actual Opie and then he started posting on Finheaven, the rest as they say is history.

    Boom, roasted.
     
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  37. Samphin

    Samphin Κακό σκυλί ψόφο δεν έχει

    Well out of the frying pan and into the suck, apparently. And if it is gonna suck, we might as well bring on the lesser half of this creative disply of blah. That's the right, the smartest peanut in the turd himself...unluckyluciano!
     
  38. SICK

    SICK Lounge Moderator

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    def. depressed i wasnt dissed in frumundahs roast :pity:
     
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  39. Frumundah Finnatic

    Frumundah Finnatic U Mad Miami?

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    I was gonna make it longer, but then I decided to cut out some parts due to length.
     
  40. SICK

    SICK Lounge Moderator

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    pfffttt mines gunna be a ****ing book. like we have anything to do?!?! haha
     
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