Onion AFC East(and NFL) preview
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Dolphins1Beatlesforum_veteranOPhttp://www.theonion.com/articles/onion-sports-2010-nfl-teambyteam-guide,18023/?slide=3
AFC East
Buffalo Bills
Strength: Buffalo is well-known for its friendly locals, its world-famous wings, and its proximity to beautiful Niagara Falls
Weakness: Once again pretty much centers around the entire roster
Player To Watch: Starting quarterback Trent Edwards. Wait, him again? God, these guys are so f**ked
Intangibles: The AFC East is, perhaps, the league's most talented division, making it the most respectable division to finish last in
New England Patriots
Strength: Bill Belichick has avoided stealing any wives recently, so he should be focused on the 2010 season; people are sure to tout the Patriots' experience and maturity as opposed to flat-out calling them old
Weakness: Considering the talent of this year's rookie class, it's a shame that Belichick will once more work one of them until he dies
Intangibles: Can't discount the possibility of another horrific injury to quarterback Tom Brady; oh, please, Lord, let there be another horrific injury to Tom Brady
Biggest Question: This may be the year New England finally falls out of contention, but we know full well these ****s will pull a 12-4 season out of their ass somehow
Miami Dolphins
Strength: With a new big-name free agent and a talented young quarterback, Miami has the potential to disappoint like never before
Weakness: A common sleeper pick among analysts; few things spell your demise quite as surely as that
Player To Watch: LeBron James should play his first game at tight end roughly halfway through the season
Intangibles: Already boasting loads of beautiful women and the NBA's most talented assemblage of players, Miami needs only to win the Super Bowl to really send a f**k-you to the rest of the nation
New York Jets
Strength: Rex Ryan is a coach who leads by example, an approach that has helped the Jets build one of the fattest offensive lines in the league
Weakness: New Jet Santonio Holmes claimed to have a great weed connect, but after hooking teammates up with total schwag, he has lots of ground to make up
Player To Watch: Quarterback Mark Sanchez, specifically his muscular thighs and perfectly sculpted ass
Biggest Question: Why exactly is everyone so optimistic about this team in the preseason every single year?
You have to admit that the "Miami has the potential to disappoint like never before" line is funny. Also love the one about the Jets "Why is everyone so optimistic about this team every preseason?" The Raiders and Bucs previews are the best I think.
1972 Miami Dolphins - The ONLY Perfect NFL Team
K I K O
the 23rdNew MemberYou have to admit that the "Miami has the potential to disappoint like never before" line is funny.
- Competition is the Elixir of Success -
Intangibles: The combination of T.O. and Ochocinco could make the Bengals so annoying at the receiver position that other teams forfeit to avoid playing them
:pointlol:
i also enjoyed the end of the viking's talking about their secondary.."what's a cornerback??" and "who was supposed to cover that guy??".good stuff,maybe the mod's can merge the 3?
Frumundah FinnaticNew Member"Is this the year Dan Rooney finally dies?"
:lol:
MonstBlitz;2232016 wrote:
It wouldn't surprise me if he is retained. Jeff Ireland is the nightmare that won't end. The **** stain you cannot flush. The Herpes for which there is no cure.
Two Tacossubscriber"After giving up 50 sacks in 2009, Green Bay's offensive line appears to have forgiven Aaron Rodgers for whatever he did "
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"It's a bunch of drunk, mid-30s type of crowd who are very well-educated," Evans said. "Much more vocal. A little bit more crazy. It's a little nastier playing down there, to be honest."
--Sounders Midfielder Brad Evans on Portland vs Seattle Fans--
OghmasubscriberCheers for that, I really enjoyed it.
Around the rest of the league, my particular favourites were the cowboys intangibles and the lions strengths.
"Where there is no vision, there is no hope"
Ophineratedforum_veteranI'm sorry, but these two had me rolling:
Philadelphia Eagles
* Weakness: With the loss of Brian Westbrook, the Eagles have a major hole at starting knee injury and concussion
San Francisco 49ers
* Player To Watch: Veteran Brian Westbrook is always a threat to explode into a cloud of ligaments and bone
It's all about the delivery. The wording just left me with my sides hurting.
frozenfinNew MemberChicago Bears
Weakness: Lovie Smith spending majority of practice having players help him pack up his office
Detroit Lions
Strength: Since they play in the NFC North, this team should get two easy wins when facing the lowly Lions
Kansas City Chiefs
Weakness: Offense continues to struggle when trying to huddle up, with most of the players being overpowered and ending up on the ground
Tennessee Titans
Biggest Question: The Titans secondary must face Tony Romo, Donovan McNabb, and both Mannings this year; will they be able to keep themselves from attempting to get their autographs during games?
Dolphins1Beatlesforum_veteranTampa Bay Buccaneers- Weakness: Looking at this roster, it may not be the best year to play in a stadium where fans have access to several functioning cannons
Arizona Cardinals- Strength: Superstar Larry Fitzgerald runs crisp routes, gets good separation, and watches helplessly as poorly thrown passes wobble to the turf
1972 Miami Dolphins - The ONLY Perfect NFL Team
K I K O
EdSta74New MemberLMAO. good stuff. a few of those had me LOL. Especially the Cleveland Browns Strength. Hahahahaha
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