Prez's power rantings week 2 part 2

Here is the top 16 of my power rantings

16) BEARS – In a DePaul study on the Chicago sex trade, it was revealed that most pimps were abused as children. If this past Sunday’s run blocking is any indication, it would explain why the RB crew arrived at the game like this (last week 22)



15) FALCONS - Head Coach Mike Smith pulled a hamstring throwing a red challenge flag in the middle of the game. What was strange about the play was that it wasn’t thrown to reverse a call by the referees but rather to overturn Mike Mularkey’s pop warner play calling on offense. He also suffered a migraine watching Michael Turner repeatedly miss the right holes, had a temporary bout of an ulcer flareup after watching Sam Baker, he of the midget arms, become the prison ***** of James Harrison and then suffered a mild stroke watching Rashard Mendenhall break one for 50 yards in overtime to win the game for the Steelers. Mike Smith is questionable heading into Sunday’s game. That’s one tough SOB. (last week 12)

14) STEELERS – Dennis “I have one huge” Dixon proved himself capable in his first outing this season as the starting QB throwing for a respectable 236 yds, 69% completion percentage with only one int. Byron Leftwhich announced that his rehab from a sprained MCL is coming along nicely and he may even suit up as the number three QB. Steeler fans didn’t really get a chance to learn of this till now since when he gave the interview on television, tumbleweeds kept blowing in obscuring his face and for some reasons a nest of crickets started chirping so loudly it drowned out the audio. (last week 16)

13) CHARGERS – San Diego, like the rest of the nation, is suffering from a porous border. Unwanted aliens are constantly sneaking across the border with little or no resistance. Evidence of this was apparent in Monday Night’s game as Jamaal Charles and Dexter McCluster ran rampant through the undefensed territory. Good news for the Chargers however, is that McCluster and Charles can be hired for $100 dollars per day. Just go to the local Home Depot and they’ll be standing outside. (last week 9)

12) BENGALS – The Cincinnati Bengals were caught flat footed against the Patriots. Apparently they never expected the Patriots to come out passing like they did last week. In his weekly press conference, head coach Marvin Lewis assured the fans not to worry. They are fully prepared for the Ravens this week. They will stop the pass at all costs. Lewis is confident the Ravens have given up trying to run the ball. (last week 5)

11) GIANTS – The New York Gotties are gearing up for a showdown with the Indianapolis Colts. Upset with the poor run blocking exhibited by the offensive line, Tom Coughlin had William Beatty’s foot broken as a warning to the rest of the crew. In other news a Continental flight dumped jet fuel over New Jersey recently. New York is having a raffle to see who gets to light the match. (last week 14)

10) SAINTS – The Mardi Gras on turf keeps rolling though cracks are starting to show. Which is unfortunate since this has attracted all of the New Orleans crackheads to start loitering outside the stadium. Last year was like the Mardi Gras for Saints fans. Lots of drinking, lots of dancing. This year, the Saints started the season the way you start the day after Mardi Gras, throwing up all over the field and calling in late to work. Muddling through the workday they got the job done but in unspectacular fashion. Time to go back to the bar, New Orleans, and start drinking again. It’s the only way to cure that hangover and get the crackheads to leave you alone. (last week 10)

9) PATRIOTS – Hahwahya? Well the Pats had a pissah of a first game. Shewah was good to see Brady back to form. Wikkid good. Not many QBs as smaht as Tom Brady. The only bad thing from last week’s game was that a fan had a heartattack and died during the game. Seems like someone accidently put ketchup on his Italian Sausage when any true Boston fan will tell ya, it’s gotta be mustid, peppahs n onions (last week 11)

8) DOLPHINS – “Feed The Wolf” Feed The Wolf”, a slogan being taken to heart by the Miami defense. Sadly Miami’s offense and special teams misinterpreted the slogan created by Sparano. Vernon Carey thought the slogan was “Your Wolf Is Chewing Up My Furniture” , Brian Hartline thought the slogan was “ Your Wolf Is Taking a Dump On My Rug”, and Dan Carpenter thought the slogan was “ Please Get Your Wolf To Stop Humping My Leg” (last week 8)

7) COLTS – A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a New England Patriots fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Pats fans, too. Not really knowing what being a Pats fan meant, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, the students hands flew into the air. There was, however, one exception. Lucas was not going along with the crowd. The teacher asked him why he had decided to be different. "Because I'm not a Patriots fan" he said. "Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?" "I'm an Indianapolis Colts fan," boasts the little boy. The teacher asks Lucas why he is a Colts fan. "Well, my dad and mom are Colts fans, so I'm a Colts fan, too" he responds. "That's no reason," the teacher says. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot. What would you be then?" Lucas smiles and says, "Then I'd be a New England Patriots fan." (last week 7)

6) TEXANS – Arian Foster, the man, the myth, the undrafted 2nd year RB rushed for 231 yds and 3 TDs which makes him the all time leading rusher for the Texans I believe. The combination of Schaub, Johnson and Foster might make it tough for the Texans defense to continue its tradition of zero playoff appearances. The defense has promised its fans to spend extra time in blowing coverages and giving up gashing runs to continue the hallowed tradition of futility. (last week 13)

5) TITANS – they really need to change the N in Titans to an S. Since they wont do it, I think we should just use the proposed name change as a description of good play for Tennessee as in Tennessee had a TITA#S game against Oakland. The defense was just TITA#S all day long as they sacked Jason Campbell four times and got an interception. I’m telling you it’s a marketing bonanza (last week 6)

4) VIKINGS - First there was Lebron James and the “Decision”. Then came Brett Favre’s “The Indecision” Now comes “Indecision 2.0 or better known as I have no idea what ****ing routes my receivers are running because I spent the offseason drinking beer and looking at myself in the mirror” No wonder Brett Favre’s motto is “There may be no I in team but there is a “me” if you get rid of the T and A.” Personally I’m a fan of T&A (last week 4)

3) PACKERS – The schizophrenia continues in Green Bay. The passing game was up and down, the running game took a blow with Grant going down, the defense had a hard time stopping the run but the secondary did relatively well. But the team won and the fans of Green Bay celebrated in traditional fashion. The cow tipping went on well through the night. (last week 3)

2) COWBOYS – Typical Cowboys football. Find a way to lose to an inferior team by self destructing at inopportune times. Its only week one and the Cowboys are already in postseason form. (last week 2)

1) RAVENS – Ugly, brutal football. But they beat the Jets. Any team that can produce this reaction in Jets fans is number one in my book (last week 1)

 

well they looked better but i will say that we usually start out slow and we always play the Patriots tough. I think we'll be neck and neck with them and ties go to Miami I also want to watch New England's defense over the first four weeks. They looked good against Cincy and will probably look the same against the Jets but I want to see if they are for real

 

true but its the cowboys. i expect them to bounce back. if they're still struggling on offense then they will drop but week one losses can be dismissed alot of times

 

best picture since the infamous JEST picture

 

I heaar ya. I'm going on some assumptions that may change, in fact will change as we approach week 4. My gripe with the Saints is that every team they face this year will have that game circled on their calendar making every week a battle. Two, I'm not convinced they have a good defense. Three their run game looked weak supposedly so if all those assumptions are true (a big if) then I think they will have a hard time dominating like last year. We'll see it's early and they are definitely a team i could see moving up. The Titans, Texans and Patriots had the most impressive week ones IMO. I think the Titans are going to be back to their 2008 form but I need to see a few more weeks since the Raiders arent a good challenge for them. Patriots, I just hope their defense is worse then they looked. Their offense is scary. Texans have to prove they can play consistently every week. With the Vikes at some point, Favre is going to start clicking and at tthat point they become very dangerous. Hopefully it will be week 3 at the earliest