Two hours in the making. lol. It was fun, but it's bedtime. I'll correct any errors later. Here's how I see 'em stacking up as the season begins. 1) Saints (Mr Big Katt) No jokes here, Louisiana's shoreline is an oily mess, but the Superbowl Champion Saints at least helped residents forget about their troubles for a few victorious moments this past season. Unfortunately, Quarterback Drew Brees' flight to division-rival, the Carolina Panthers, has brought N'Awlins back to earth. Happily, the Head Coach decline a lucrative offer to also leave the state and join the Miami Dolphins. The draft has brought some more offensive talent, with a runningback and wideout in the first two rounds, but it's really the Saints' defense and blitz-happy co-ordinator that earned them the Lombardi. They'll go for the twopeat this year. C'mon Saints, keep it rollin'. Your city needs you. 2) Chargers (SantaClause) San Diego ran into problems against the lightning-warfare of the Saints in the Superbowl, but this is still an imposing squad. Surprisingly, Ray Lewis returns to lead a fearsome linebacking corps and stalwart defense. Can the Chargers get better production from their offense as well? Taking speed burner X'Zavious Hewitt high in the draft suggests the coaching staff is going to make scoring boatloads of points a priority. A lot of guys in flip-flops will be happy. 3) Lions (HurriPhins44) The Rodney Dangerfields of the league just can;t no respect at all, even after taking on the champion Saints in the NFC Championship game. Complaints have drifted round the league of the coaching staff's penchant for keeping their foot on the gas in blowouts, but this is the Motor City, after all, and Detroit fans wouldn't have it any other way after many years of suffering. William Clay Ford Jr., during a speech dedicating a cafeteria at his old elementary school, has promised the Lions will win the Superbowl this year. Hope the Head Coach doesn't mind the extra pressure. 4) Ravens (dolfandupree) What a year for the Ravens, they started poorly, then pulled together to make an incredible run straight to the AFc Championship game. The trades of longtime leaders Ray Lewis and Ed Reed have made it clear that this is a new look Ravens, leaving their opponents as black and purple as the Ravens' uniforms. An infusion of young talent may find the team bus too small to fit all the new kids in this draft class. Rookie receiver Taurean Barclay was a standout last year and looks to build on his success at the other end of Flacco's live arm. To win this year, the Ravens will have to take better care of the football in the air and hope the new kids produce. Kassem could surprise at MLB, Tull has speed and size at WR. 5) Jaguars (Starry31) After spending 15 of 17 weeks atop the power ranking last season the Jags made an immediate exit from the playoffs in their first playoff game. Was it nerves? A plethora of individual awards may have distracted focus from the task at hand. Can the Head Coach refocus his team, or will the ego's of blossoming stars like Alonzi Simms be hard to manage? Is this head coach the next Schottenheimer or Norv Turner, great during the regular season but befuddled in big games? Jags fans hope the Tribow experiment this season isn;t just about ticket sales, though it's been said the owner forced the move on the GM and coach. Stay tuned, the heat is on in Jacksonville. Can you say hotseat? 6) Panthers (Failhorn) You know how there's always that one big, bad bully everyone is scared to mess with because he's so badass? You let him have your lunchseat. Your lunch. Your shoes too if he likes them. Then, a new kid transfers from juvenile hall to your school and beats the crap outta 'yopur' bully and you just never look at him the same, because he's not scary anymore? Well, the Panthers were our school bully, until the Saints showed up. So, the only question I have for the Panthers is, "Can you get your lunchmoney, your school, and your title of 'Baddest *** bully on the block' back?" Hey Falcons, you can thank me later for that pep talk. 7) Packers (Keyz-E) Never has someone done so well with such seeming disinterest. Like a Brazilian soccer player, the Packers lull you into thinking they don;t care about playing, then they simply surprise you by beating you and making the playoffs. Beware the Packers!!! They will fool you! You will believe you will win, and then they will decide to try and you'll be finished!! This was a cautionary tale, like the Rime of the Ancient Mariner. Except subsitute a hat shaped like a wedge of cheese for the albatross. 8) Browns (BigDogsHunt) The Browns are crazy. Their coaches are insane. The GM is certifiable. And, you know what? It all FITS, cuz it's CLEVELAND people. don;t try to understand the Browns trades, or tactics. They simply know how to put the pieces together to run teir system and W-I-N. Posting the best year of any rookie Quarterback, strong-armed Jack English will be back leading the dawgs to more wins. 9) Seahawks (Samsparents) The hawks dug their way out of a deep, wet, muddy muckhole the size of neighboring Oregon last season after a poor start. The man-in-charge, wearing multiple hats as Coach and GM, quickly tore up the roster and rebuilt it. Gone is Hasselbeck and in his place Ben Roethlisberger brings his strong arm and legal troubles to the northwest. The Seahawks finished strong, giving fans hope for this season. Unfortunately, things may hit a snag as the owner has begun squawking about moving the team if they don't get a new stadium. This is slightly insane as the City helped fund a stadium that is barely ten years old already. Quoted on the issue the owner said: "I like loud. This one loud. I pipe in extra loud sometimes to make ears hurt, but still, I think maybe newer stadium would have newer, bigger speakers so I can pipe in more loud." Okay, so a) how does this man own a team if he doesn;t know Enlglish? and b) Has anyone told him yet that you *can* put new speakers in without changing the *whole* stadium? Good luck, Seahawks, you have a whole different brand of crazy up there. Must be the rain. 10) Patriots The least worst in a crap division. What happened to Belichick? I thought he was supposed to be a coaching genius. The Pats dynasty is over, clearly. But they will make a lovely set of tackling dummies for someone in the first round of the playoffs again this year. They nly rank this high because the bastards are assured of a playoff spot. 11) Chiefs (parkers212) Well coached teams get betrer as the year progresses, and that's what the Chiefs did last season. A young defense showed its spirit and mettle, led by Cornerback BRandon Flowers' physical style in the secondary and Josh Sneed's physical prowess in the linebacking corps. Adding Dexter Knox, and new receivers Jezreel Hardaway (rookie) and Joshua Cribbs to the mix gives a great staff more clay to mold their vision. The only hiccup is the dimnance of their intra-divisional rivals, the San Diego Chargers, who have consistently improved as well. The red-and-white faithful want to see the Chiefs massacre those California surfer-types, but it'll be a tough couple of battles. Most importantly, when in town watching a Chiefs game, don;t you dare miss Gates BBQ. Best in town! Mm mmm good. Okay, do I get my $50 gift certificate for the plug? 12) Cowboys (finomenal) America's team didn;t find its groove until very late. with the sinking of the Giants' fortunes, the Cowboys may strike texas tea this time around if they can get past the Eagles. This division should belong to the 'Boys. Juicy news, though: the head coach apparently punched the GM during the yearly Christmas party at a local Applebee's. Apparently the Coach has asked for more roster help and DeMarcus Ware was slated to be moved, but the GM has spurned all reasonable trade offers from around the league in a quixotic quest for a Superball-like winfall. It's like that one guy you know whose girlfriend is okay looking, but nothing special, like you'd bang her if you were easy but you wouldn;t go out of your way for it, but your buddy's always going around talking about how hot she is and expecting everyone else to also say "Yeah, oh wow man, she is incredible. So much hotter than any other girl.". Well, good for you buddy. It's good to love who you're with, and think she's the hottest girl on the planet, but, really.... -shakes head- she's not. sorry bro. Anyways, so that's why the Coach punched the GM while they were serving the nachos at Applebee's. 13) Cardinals (amenart) The Cardinals throw. SOmetimes the Cardinals score touchdowns. The Cardinals throw. Sometimes they throw interceptions. The Cardinals throw. Often they get rushed and sacked. The Cardinals throw. Sometimes no one is open. The Cardinals pretend to run, so they can throw. Sometimes the defense shows up. The Cardinals threw... away their cahcnes at the playoffs last year with key losses down the stretch in user games. A new commitment to protecting nonagenarian Kurt Warner and running the ball more has brought future hall-of-fame Left Tackle Walter jones to town. Is it enough to solve the Cardinals problems? Well, we don;t know that yet. But, we do know one thing for sure... (everyone together now): The Cardinals throw. (well done). 14) Falcons I got the team's media guide last night and when I opened it, I thought there'd been a mistake and went looking around my house for the real Falcons media guide. Turns out, it WAS the real one, but none of the Falcons players from just two season ago remain. Gone are faces-of-the-fracnhise Matt Ryan, John Abraham, Tony Gonzalez, Michael Turner, Peria Jerry, Roddy White and others. The cover had a glossy photo of impressive rookie Dane Morrow launching a spiral to a giraffe-like Calvin Johnson. Matt Forte is joined by speedy rookie Khiary Jenkins to complete a decent Falcons backfield that, nonetheless, has a lot of pissed off teens wondering why they bought all those Michael Turner Fatheads and authentic Adrian Peterson Atlanta Falcons jerseys with the $7.10 an hour they'd earned working at Blockbuster all summer. A stripped down secondary is more suited to Atlanta's famed exotic dance lounges than an NFL field, though the additions of MLB D'Qwell Jackson, CB Asher Allen, and FS Davion Kelly may give a glimmer of hope that the Falcons D won't get trashed like a alcoholic prozzie with everyone lining up to take a turn. 1st up: the Carolina Panthers. Vikings get sloppy seconds. 15) 49ers (Merauder) An unknown quantity. An X-factor in the NFC West. An enigma. A dude. All of these describe Merauder and his San Francisco 49ers. Centered around Patrick Willis and his stone-wall defense, this team can afford to be optimistic. If Frank Gore, Michael Crabtree and Vernon Davis play to their talents, this team could see a playoff berth after a long drought. The Cardinals and the Seahwaks have been comfortable in their nests for too long. Things about to get real shook up! 16) Broncos (DisPak) Who are the Broncos? They play tough opponents like the Jags and drive them crazy, then they play CPU opponents and barely beat them. Factoid: 81% of male football fans in Denver have lost most of their hair this season. It must be a rollercoater with this bunch of bucking Broncks, cuz it's hard to stay on for the ride. This season looks to be another adventure in the making, with Kyle Orton's limp noodle-arm needing s stiff dose of viagra if he hopes to propel the Bronco's through to the playoffs. What the Broncos do well, however, is create all manner of headaches for opponents on defense. They simply confound opponents and players like HBs Deion Miller, Willie Edouard, SS Victor McGlothen, and Defensive Ends Ralston Bullock and John Kanda infuse more kick into an already-good Broncos side. 17) Texans (ILWakeAir) In Texas hold'em I blieve you are either IN on a hand, or you are Out. Yet, the Texans coaches have been in and out and in again over the span of the past six months. In texas, where steaks are big abd expectations bigger, it's going to be a challengeto make fans happy. Only the playoffs will do. The Titans seem to have abdicated their Wildcard campaign and fallen from favor with pundits, leaving the Colts and Texans to battle it out for critical wins in two head to head matchups as both try to get a good enough record to make the playoffs. Let's face it, the Jags will win this division (then collapse in the playoffs, if they hold to form), leaving the Texans fighting over the scraps. Brian Cushing, Mario Williams and Adnre 3000 give the Texans a fighting chance. Don't let this be your Alamo, Texans! 18) Vikings (BarryP) Most improved roster may or may not show on the field. This is like those ads in the backs of comic books you read as kids. There's a skinny kid at the beach. he sees a girl. He works up the courage to approach her. A muscular guy comes in and kicks sand in the kid's face. He tells the scrawny kid to scram. The kid goes home and swings his arms and legs wildly, hitting the furniture and wall posters of girls he can;' get. He orders a stapled booklet from Charles Atlas that tells him to eat whole sticks of butter and do compound lifts. He transforms and gets much bigger. He goes back to the beach and sees the musclehead guy who had kicked sand on his face. He punches the guy's lights out and gets the girl. So, if Madden were that ad, I'm at the stage where I've ordered the book. 19) Bears Adrian Peterson took the long route from division rival the Minnesota Vikings to the Bears locker room, courtesy of Atlanta re-dealing AP within weeks of his arrival there. Adrian Peterson adds pop to a running attack that sorely lacked the huge play, but can he avoid the popping sound that goes along with a hammy, acl or ankle blowing out? Peterson alone cannot save the bears (and may not stay healthy enough to). On the defensive side, Torian Watts looks to make fans forget Brian Urlacher by building on a stellar first-year effort that had him in serious consideration for Defensive PLayer of the Year, and Defensive Rookie of the Year. This year the bears have to start with winning in their division. Key matchups against the Packers, Lions and Vikings will be the litmus of the bears ultimate improvement. Go make Ditka proud! 20) Colts (boogie_pop) A respectable outing in week one against the division champs. The Colts use a top ten pick on a Free Safety, however, despite having a Free Safety and Strong Safety near the 90's. Perhaps a lot of cover-three being played this year in Indy? Bill Polian generally knows what he's doing, so let's assume the best. The colts could challenge the Texans for second in the division this season. More importantly, the Head Coach has a cool name: Marshall. how many people you know with that name? Not many, right? Vegas oddsmakers are impressed by things like this. It's called an 'intangible'. 21) Eagles (mor911) No Mor losing allowed. Beat the Cowboys. Beat the Giants. Win the crowd, Spaniard. 22) Giants In a shocker, the coaching staff of the, at the time, division-leading Giants, quit en masse mid-season. The team never recovered and was annihiliated in playoffs, prompting this unforgettable reaction from the owner: "Well, they were lazy. And fat. There was so much powdered sugar all over the coaches and desks in that facility from the damned donuts that it looked like Scarface's -bleeping- office. Our fans and our franchise deserved better than to have these short-fingered miscreants leave in the middle of a season. It was a let down for our players, who worked so hard while those fat f***s rode around in golf carts poking at them with cattle prods. I knew that s*** didn;t seem like good coaching, but I decdided to give the staff a chance and look what happened! Deserters. They're probably all at Long john Silvers right now because they have an all-you-can-eat on Fridays." Tell us how you really feel, Mr. Mara. 23) Steelers Another team whose coach quit. What is it with coaches quitting before they get fired this past year? The headless Steelers could only wish their GM had quit before trding away their franchise QB for paper bag of marbles. What do we expect in Steeltown this year? More paper bags. Worn over fans heads. 24) Titans The one-and-done tenure of head coach Job (no last name) sees the Titans leaderless, hoping for another prophet to lead them from the wilderness. Their last coach has left on a four year mission to some country ending in -agua, which we think means water in Spanish, but maybe not when it's part of the end of the name of some country. Rumor has it that the former coach *has* been pipelining players, mostly indigenous mountainfolk, back up to the Titans as walk-ons. Apparently, despite a total lack of football skills, they are an affable lot who do as they're told. 25) Raiders Ah yes, the Raiders, always contributing lots to the league's WTF quotient . It's the Al Davis Raiders. Expect the unexpected. 26) Jets No. 27) Dolphins I love them, but they refuse to win their division. I am tempted to give them half my roster in hopes that they can win a Superbowl. p.s.- why does it always rain a bit in Florida every single day, then clear up? 28) Bills Chicken wings? Check. Cold weather? Check. Good football team? ....... Good football team....... 29) Buccaneers Play better than they are. yes that makes no sense, but somehow their defense can be a pain. Their offense, however, is embarrassing. I mean, seriously, Bucs? I should have known from the Disney-like pirate ship IN your stadium that you weren't to be taken seriously. 30) Bengals Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when they come for you? 31) Rams Start looking at top three draft prospects now. 32) Redskins The most racist name in professional sports deserves last spot. Imagine if we had a team called the Yellowskins, Slanteyes, or Darkies? Unbelievable. Change the name, yo! It's 2010, not 1810!
haha Love the power rankings, maybe I'll do one mid-season or something. Alonzi Simms is nothing but a professional and leader, he's helped guys like Ellerbe, Palmer, and Williams improve their games to the point they should see a lot more action this season. Third round pick (via trade with Kansas City) OLB Maurice Lewis should learn a lot behind guys like Simms and Aaron Curry and become a better player. The Jaguars defense, while not racking up the sacks like the Saints and Ravens, still only allowed on average a league best 13.9 points a game during the regular season. With four of their five 1st-3rd round picks going defense they hope to reload on that side of the ball. All of the linebackers have improved and so has Sean Marbury who started all 16 games his rookie season, along with significant improvement from 2009 Draft pick Derek Cox. Expect Derek Cox to battle first round pick Giovanni Parker for the 2nd CB spot beside Rashean Mathis. Tribow experiment could be the deciding factor as to whether the Jaguars can repeat as AFC South Champions and actually win a playoff game. The WRs and RBs have only improved from the season before, the defense should be able to do enough to put the team in a position to win, but will the first year starter play well enough to get the job done?
Tribow is the key question for the Jags this season. The league has seen a shift to mobile QB's as Vince Young saw action in the NFC championship game and Atlanta is rumored to be tinkering heavily with a Seneca Wallace package. Is this the year of the mobile QB?
