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Question for fellow Christians

Discussion in 'Religion and Spirituality' started by DrAstroZoom, Jul 14, 2008.

  1. DrAstroZoom

    DrAstroZoom Canary in a Coal Mine Luxury Box

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    Mrs. Z. and I have a friend who was coming in from out of town Saturday morning and leaving the next day around noon. I told her we were going to go to the 9 a.m. service so she could sleep in or join us and that we'd be back around 10:45. At this point she became very offended and said if she was making the effort to come to town to see us, that we should skip church for one Sunday so we could spend all of Sunday morning with her.

    On second thought, she said, she figured she wouldn't come at all.

    Advice? :sad:
     
  2. SCall13

    SCall13 ThePhins QB

    Well, DAZ, the bible says we should put God before all things. Of course, we don't always follow that rule. I know I'm guilty. If she's a Christian lady, then she should understand and be more considerate of your beliefs and the importance of Church and having Christ in your life.

    Of course, there are times when things come up, and I'm sure God is an understanding God. Even Pastors have to miss Church occasionally. (Vacations and such) It's a situation she unfairly put you into. I say follow your heart and do what you feel God leads you to do. If that little voice inside you is telling you that you should attend the service, I say it's best to go. That little voice is the one we should always listen to.

    I hope I helped a little. I understand your situation. I've been put into similar situations myself.
     
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  3. Dol-Fan Dupree

    Dol-Fan Dupree Tank? Who is Tank? I am Guy Incognito.

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    There isn't an afternoon service you could go to?
     
  4. DOLPHAN1

    DOLPHAN1 Premium Member Luxury Box

    why not invite her along to the service, then have brunch after. let her know that some things in your lives are just not optional but she is more than welcome to join and spend that time with you. even if she is not active in a church community, she may benefit from such an outing. plus, the time is spent with you doing what your family does.
     
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  5. Celtkin

    Celtkin <B>Webmaster</b> Luxury Box

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    I'm with Kelly on this one. :)
     
  6. dolphindebby

    dolphindebby Season Ticket Holder Luxury Box

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    Me too.
     
  7. sking29

    sking29 What it takes to be cool

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    The Dr said that she could join them or sleep in so not asking her to come along wasn't the problem it just appears she got insulted that she was put on the back burner.

    If it was me I would explain how important my religion was to me and that I put it first or just tell her your not insulting her and make her feel wanted (seems more like relationship advice). Also a psychiatric evaluation could be in order if she is upset over this. :shifty:
     
  8. dolphindebby

    dolphindebby Season Ticket Holder Luxury Box

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    My pastor said he had this problem before. Friends or relatives would come on Sun. and get upset because he said they were going to church. He said he always invited them to go, that they were always welcome, or, they could make themselves at home and he'd see them after services. He said they still got mad sometimes, but he would tell them. "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord".
    He says there are some exceptions, but very few and far between.
     
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  9. DonShula84

    DonShula84 Moderator Luxury Box

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    I can understand someone coming into town and then not being able to see you because of this being a bit annoyed. Though they cant expect you to completely reorganize your life around their schedule. Inviting them along isnt going to solve anything, because my guess is that the person isnt someone who is interesting in going to church. (otherwise they would just tagged along and not been upset in the first place).

    Is it not possible to go to an evening service so you can spend more time with your friend? I dont know what religion you are, or what church you attend, but I know when I went to Catholic church they seemed to be running those services all day.
     
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  10. Ohiophinphan

    Ohiophinphan Chaplain Staff Member Luxury Box

    I never cease to be amazed that people want you to disregard the reasons they began to like you for.

    Your friend probably became your friend because she liked some quality in you such as friendliness, compassion, etc. Those likely come to you from your faith. Yet she wishes to divorce your faith from your actions??? Curious isn't it?

    I see couples fall in love and then want to change some fundamental action of the other for the same reason. We have a guy who fell in love with his wife because she was a very caring person. Now he complains that she spends too much time with her invalid mother?

    I find places to worship when I'm on vacation. Its my nature.

    I would tell your friend that you are sorry she feels this way but................. Of course if another time option is available, that would be reasonable.
     
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  11. DrAstroZoom

    DrAstroZoom Canary in a Coal Mine Luxury Box

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    Thanks for all the responses. We have two Sunday morning services (9 a.m. and 10:30 a.m. ) and no other Sunday times.

    We did indeed offer for her to go with. Two problems: the lesser is that we currently go to a charismatic church, and she's had negative experiences there. The greater problem (according to her) is that we didn't clear our schedule for her or ask her what she wanted to do Sunday morning. Rather, we assumed she'd want to sleep in anyway.

    Epilogue: We told her we didn't want her feelings hurt and didn't realize that church would cut into our time together. We offered to skip this Sunday altogether. She said that that put her in a bad position, because she was being made to feel guilty that we couldn't go to church because of her. So as of now, she's not coming at all. :(
     
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  12. dolphindebby

    dolphindebby Season Ticket Holder Luxury Box

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    Sounds like she just wanted to opt out in the first place. Way to many excuses. I wouldn't worry about it if I were you.
     
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  13. unluckyluciano

    unluckyluciano For My Hero JetsSuck

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    punch her.............



    sorry couldn't help myself. I agree with dolphindebby, sounds like she's just looking for an excuse.
     
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  14. BigDogsHunt

    BigDogsHunt Enough talk...prove it!

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    It would help if you post a picture of her to see how much its worth offering a suggestion.....


    j/k...


    Actually its admirable that you are putting effort into solving her personal problem. At some point one has to ask the question, "at what point does someone else's problem become your problem".

    No other Sunday Service, No Saturday service, she was planning to arrive and spend all Saturday together, and leave at noon on Sunday. Your potential decision to give up something that is important to you speaks volumes. If she doesn't show at all, I would say its her loss for the missed time she could of shared on Saturday, and 1 hour on Sunday isn't a huge sacrifice either.

    Oh well.....
     
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  15. padre31

    padre31 Premium Member Luxury Box

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    Your friends actions make it seem that she expected more from you, then she was willing to give to make for a successful visit, every suggestion, no matter how reasonable, was not only rejected, but seemingly was rejected for personal reasons.

    Chalk it up to your friend perhaps scheduling a visit, then getting cold feet, I wouldn't take offense per se, but I would also think that she should initiate contact again in a friendlier manner.
     
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  16. calphin

    calphin deadly at 250 yards!!

    zoom, my friend, you know one selfish lady. apparently, she knows you well. why couldn't she come on sat, in the first place. besides, whats the big deal spending a couple hours at the house while you and the Mrs attend church. I really see no harm.
     
  17. DOLPHAN1

    DOLPHAN1 Premium Member Luxury Box

    the point wasn't the asking. the point was that she was coming to spend time with him and his family. they attend regular services and attending with them would be spending time doing their thing. the way you state it is the way i suggested. explain the importance of this to yourself and family and express to the guest that they are welcome to join. you can state how nonnegotiable this is with out being a jerk and actually make it more of an experiencing "you and your family" thing.

    if she is any kind of friend, she will accept this as being a part of your life and either accept your invite or graciously decline.
     
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  18. DOLPHAN1

    DOLPHAN1 Premium Member Luxury Box

    sounds like emotional blackmail. do what i want or else...
     
  19. Dol-Fan Dupree

    Dol-Fan Dupree Tank? Who is Tank? I am Guy Incognito.

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    Sounds like you were in a no win situation. Best thing to do in those situations is do not play the game.
     
  20. Ohiophinphan

    Ohiophinphan Chaplain Staff Member Luxury Box

    I agree with the last eight responses. You were hung out to dry. Remember her in prayer and move on.
     
  21. DrAstroZoom

    DrAstroZoom Canary in a Coal Mine Luxury Box

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    One thing I should have mentioned is that this strong commitment to going to church is a relatively new thing for us. We used to go every week, then didn't go for years, then started up again (long story). Point being: we have skipped church during previous visits from her. So I guess I can understand her confusion at why we wouldn't now. But I was still hurt that she would take the approach of "Ok, I'm not coming at all," even after we said, "Fine, we won't go this week."

    Oh, and BTW ... have I mentioned how much I love this community?

    Wait'll you get a load of the next internal debate I'm having. :wink2:
     
  22. Ducken

    Ducken Luxury Box Luxury Box

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    Sounds to me you did everything possible to be amiable to her and that still was not good enough:no: That is a sad situation when a "friend" can not understand that your faith is so strong you feel the need to make every effort to attend church, and place God above all.

    I do have one question for you not related to the topic. I am fairly new to seriously going to church. What is a charismatic church?
     
  23. DrAstroZoom

    DrAstroZoom Canary in a Coal Mine Luxury Box

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  24. Ducken

    Ducken Luxury Box Luxury Box

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    :up: Thanks that is kinda what I was expecting. I am a Baptist, but I like to find out about the other denominations and how their beliefs differ for mine.
     
  25. Stitches

    Stitches ThePhin's Biggest Killjoy Luxury Box

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    What was out of town (like how far)? I mean if I had someone who I rarely get to see and/or lives a long way away, I would probably break routine for them. If they were only like an hour away (hell even two), I probably would be less forgiving towards breaking routine.
     
  26. DrAstroZoom

    DrAstroZoom Canary in a Coal Mine Luxury Box

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    3 hours.
     
  27. Stitches

    Stitches ThePhin's Biggest Killjoy Luxury Box

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    Then I would need to know how often you have the chance to see them (not how often you actually see them, because those could be different #s).

    Based on what I read and know so far, I probably wouldn't have thought about going to church in the morning. I would have went to a different mass if it was that important to me (I know you couldn't go in the evening), or just went twice the next week to make up (again, if it was that important).

    She did really stick you after you told her you would skip for her though.
     
  28. Dol-Fan Dupree

    Dol-Fan Dupree Tank? Who is Tank? I am Guy Incognito.

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    My opinion on this is the fact that it has nothing with church or christianity. It can be used for any situation where you have something that you want to do and then someone wants you to do something else, then they don't want to feel like the "bad guy" for not allowing you to do it.

    My basic opinion is that it is not your job to make her happy and feeling bad about it or being "hurt" by her decision is really just giving too much energy to the situation.

    One of the sayings I enjoy is that "You cannot stand on your head enough ways to make everyone happy"
     
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  29. gafinfan

    gafinfan gunner Club Member

    Quite some friend you have there Doc, and I don't mean that in the wrong way. There are friends and then there are "Friends"! I think a good rule of thumb is: "When in Rome", was always taught that when you're at a friends house you do it their way.

    I would have said to the lady "I'm sorry you feel that way and we hope to see you next time."
     
  30. DrAstroZoom

    DrAstroZoom Canary in a Coal Mine Luxury Box

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    She's coming after all.
     
  31. gafinfan

    gafinfan gunner Club Member

    Good for her and you!
     
  32. Ohiophinphan

    Ohiophinphan Chaplain Staff Member Luxury Box

    I'm glad she decided to come after all. I hope the weekend is positive for all parties.
     
  33. Alex44

    Alex44 Boshosaurus Rex

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    I know I'm a bit late here but:

    If you really believe in a loving God than you would just keep him/it in your mind and pray at home that morning, maybe read a few bible passages, and spend the day with your friend.

    I'm glad it all worked out in the end, but what kind of God wouldn't allow you to miss one weekend to meet an old friend?
     

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