BREAKING
Sources tell the Plain Dealer that Browns president Mike Holmgren is absolutely livid with explosive running back Peyton Hillis. The rift began when Holmgren came in to work on a Saturday, only to find Hillis’ monster truck simultaneously parked in both his and Browns owner Randy Lerner’s parking spaces. Already upset at having to walk an extra 20 feet into the building, Holmgren found his office door unlocked and his super-secret stash of gummy bears completely eaten.
Holmgren confronted Hillis in the facility’s workout room, whereupon Hillis admitted that he should not have double-parked, but denied wrongdoing with regard to the missing gummy bears. Holmgren exploded at Hillis, claiming he could “smell gummy breath a mile away, and boy, son, you got some gummy breath on you!”
The Plain Dealer is not currently aware of what transpired after this exchange, though Hillis’ monster truck was later seen moved to a handicap zone. Another source in a position to know speculated that Holmgren made two phone calls: the first to a security firm to purchase and install state of the art magnetic door locks, and the second to General Manager Desides to authorize the trading of Hillis.
The Browns organization declined comment.
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