Samphin Presents: Partying with Pagan on Drinksgiving

Pagan, how well do we know thee? Beyond the stryper inspired wardrobes and a hugenormous collection of girlie pics, not well. Sure he has an unhealthy obsession with Disney characters and will defend Opie & Anthony until his dieing day, but what about the layers to his onion that have yet to be peeled?

What makes the man tick? What makes him tock? And how long does he have to tease his hair to get it JUST right? I recently was able to throw back a couple of forsty cold ones with the Wicked Wiccan from the East and asked him the hard hitting questions that everyone else is afraid to ask.

10 Questions with Pagan ​

1. If Mustangs didn't exist, my favorite type of car would be...?
A yellow Toyota Prius with pink and green flowers painted on it. Then maybe a 1970 Hemicuda.

2. Who wins in a fight? A Penguin on ice skates or a Dolphin wearing a helmet?
No brainer. The Penguin...he's carrying a stick.

3. What is your favorite rap song?
That's a tough one...I'd have to say it would be that new hit by Notorious Snoop Run Public Busta Tribe Called Kanye Wu Tang Pac Z, "My Music Sucks But You'll Buy It Anyway And Make Me Rich Just So You Can Be Like Everyone Else Who Actually Thinks This **** Is Good".

4. If you were sent to prison, what would be the crime?
Buggery

5. Besides a ladies nipples, what is the best part of a woman's body?
An actual serious answer for this one. Eyes. Nothing makes you...um...stand at attention more than when they get that look in their eyes.

6. Which minute of the day is your favorite?
It would have the be the one immediately following finishing up this interview.

7. Does your band have a rival band? If so, is there name Deadmute?
No, ya ignorant bastich...Deadmute broke up YEARS ago. Get with the program! I'd have to say our biggest rival is The Rüthless Cöckrings.

8. Which vegetable is sexiest to you?
Are you kidding? Dude, tomatoes man...the way the juice squirts from them when you cut one open and it drips down the....the....the....whew, cold shower time.

9. If you had to choose between peeing out of your butt, pooping out of your ***** or farting out of your mouth, which would you choose and why?
Since most of us have peed out our butts before...usually after Mexican...farting out the mouth man, hands down. Imagine the possibilities in a crowded elevator!

10. What do you want for Witch Christmas this year?
To see Rex Ryan develop an immediate, intense, painful case of jock itch on a nationally televised game, and for the cameraman to lock on him and he digs into the shower curtain with a zipper he calls his pants and claws away at his nutsack like a prairie dog desperately trying to burrow it's way from an enemy.

 

Sigh...why the vast conspiracy? Whenever Pagan logs on next, he will verify that he was, in fact, the one who put these answers down. Unless he wants to mess with me and say he didn't...but I assure you, he did.

 

I chuckled when I saw that answer too. How relevant and weird is that? He doesn't even GO to fanhell.com!