Samphin Presents: Wolf Droppings...preseason addition

Greetings and salutations. For those who may not know, or simply forgot, I am Samphin AKA Borderland Wolf. Last year, I wrote something weekly called the Manifesto. But after a year of scribbling on pictures, making stupid jokes and realizing that I copied the name of the piece from Bill Simmons (A Patriots fan); I decided to put the old dog down.

But in the Manifesto’s death, comes the birth of a new column. A column with funny pictures, corny jokes and the worst football analysis you have ever read. To make a long story short, it is the same column as before but with a new name. With that said, let us review the preseason!

Matt Roth

Training camp started with a tremendous fart as assumed starting linebacker Matt Roth, failed his fitness test and then proceeded to act like a kid who forgot to do his homework and needs to explain himself to his teacher. I honestly haven’t seen so many lame excuses since the last time I failed to perform in the bedroom…wait.

Anyhow, Matt Roth has yet to suit up for even one practice and/or game up until this point and we still don’t know what the hell is wrong with him. Is he injured? Is he sick? Is he holding out for a new contract? The only thing we do know is that we won’t see him play for Miami until at least week 7 as Tony Sparano and company decided to plop his not so injured arse on the Non Football Injury list.

H1N1…Hut Hut Hike!

Well the pandemic that is the Swine Flu didn’t spare our beloved Dolphins this preseason either. At least two players came down with a case of it. No word yet on whether or not they actually had it, or if they were using it as an excuse as to why they crapped the bed on special teams. But in the end, the Swine Flu situation turned out to parallel the Eric Green one. A decent amount of coverage and expectations when it came in, only to be over and done with the team a week or so later.

But unlike Eric Green, more people were upset when Swine Flu left. We can only hope and pray that both end up following Dave Wannstedt and Nick Saban to whatever programs they coach in the future.

Undefeated Preseason

For the first time since 1998, YOUR Miami Dolphins finished the preseason a perfect 4-0. And we ALL know what happened in 1998. Miami went on to make the playoffs and ultimately win the Super Bowl that year. Okay so that last part didn’t happen…but it should have. If they had a preseason Super Bowl (and they should), Miami would certainly be playing in it. But they don’t so we will just have to take solace in the fact that Miami is the best team to play in meaningless games. And we all know that going undefeated in preseason equates to a whole bunch of regular season success. What’s that laughing sound? It appears to be originating from the Detroit area…

Please Remember Me, Miami

And now for a new feature for this season. Last year, we had fun taking a look at the many athletes, celebrities and politicians that were associated with the Miami Dolphins and their run-ins with the law. It was called the “Dol-Phelon of the Week Award.” This year, I thought we should shed some light on some of the lesser known, or remembered players from Miami’s past, in a piece I call, “Please Remember me, Miami!”

The first entry is none other than former Miami Dolphins Quarterback, Steve DeBerg. The blue eyed bombshell started his career with the San Francisco 49ers in 1977 and was able to remain gainfully employed up until retiring with Atlanta in 1998. Previous to his stint in Hotlanta, he graciously spent his 1993 season in South Florida playing for our beloved football team.

He appeared in five games for Miami, starting four of them and threw for over 1,500 yards and completed 60% of his passes. In other words, he was about 13 times more effective than Daunte Culpepper and Joey Harrington were here. He only managed to throw for six touchdowns and seven interceptions though, and he was sacked fifteen times in five games, making a torn achilles Dan Marino at the time, look mobile by comparison. But his QB rating was over 80 and above his career mark so huzzah to you Steve DeBerg!

When contacted for a comment on being the first former Miami Dolphin to win this prestigious award, Mr. DeBerg was quoted as saying, “Who the **** are you? Get your ass off my property before I shoot icicles out of my frosty blue eyes!”

Congratulations Steve DeBerg, we salute you.