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Samphin's Week 3 Manifesto: @ New England

Discussion in 'Trophy Case' started by Samphin, Sep 19, 2008.

  1. Samphin

    Samphin Κακό σκυλί ψόφο δεν έχει

    Another week, another loss. At this point, what’s the big deal right? I mean if a criminal is in for life, what is a few more years tacked on to his sentence? Considering that this team has won one game out of its last 21 games. It could be worse.

    We could be the Kansas City Chiefs.

    How is that worse you ask? Because the Herman Edwards led team is 0 for its last 11 games. Even WE have won ONE game in the past 11. Heck, we have won a game in our last FIVE games. So suck it Chiefs fans, you guys are officially the worst team in the NFL.

    Of course, in a way, that might be even more depressing right? I mean, we can't even be the best at being the worst? Now THAT is pathetic. :pity:

    And this week, we take our pathetic team to Foxboro to face off against the defending AFC Champion, New England Patriots. Riddled with key injuries, allegations of cheating and a general douchey-ness factor, the wounded Patriots still provide a formidable challenge to our beloved bunch of lovable losers.

    Will Miami win? Probably not. But that is a terrible way to end a column so lets play make believe as I present to all of you:

    THE GAMEPLAN​


    [​IMG]

    BROKEN RECORD BLUES

    Apparently, all that talk about being a run first, smash mouth football team was nothing more than a clever ploy by our genius coach. Sparano and Co. had everyone fooled in the off season when they showed confidence and competence in the running game.

    But somewhere along the way to the stadium in between week 4 of the preseason and week 1 of the regular season, Chad Pennington and Ten Ginn Jr. must have hitched a ride in Sparano's whip and convinced him to make the necessary changes to a pass happy, completion hating offensive offense.

    [​IMG]

    That is the only explanation I can think of as to why Ronnie Brown hasn't been receiving the ball. Through two games, Ronnie has only been given the ball 22 times total. That includes the passing game as well. Quite frankly, that is atrocious. That averages out to 11 touches a game.

    Ronnie averaged over 22 total touches a game through 7 games last year. I have said it before and will say it again: GIVE RONNIE THE ****ING BALL!

    And just in case Sparano and Co. prefer the visual type of learning, I have that covered as well:

    [​IMG]

    KING OF HIS CASSEL

    As we all know by now (especially us fantasy owners who were screwed...), Tom Brady's season is done.

    [​IMG]

    Trying to fill his very big shoes, is Matt "So that’s what its like to start a game" Cassel. So what has the inexperienced QB done in Brady's absence? Only completed over 70% of his passes, with no picks, a TD and a ratings of 101.4.

    Of course.

    Despite his early success, Cassel HAS been sacked and hit a lot through the first two games and he is bound to have a shaky game or two along the way The key for this defense against Cassel will be to give him different looks throughout the game and try to take away the underneath routes to his early favorite target, Wes Welker.

    [​IMG]

    In fact, Cassel has only completed five passes to wide receivers NOT named Welker. Which brings me to my next topic...

    Defensive Strategery

    It didn't take long for the Cardinals to break through our super sneaky secret plan to cover Boldin with Akin Ayodele. That was painful to watch. And hopefully we will only have the one memory to haunt us. Because if history repeats itself, I may go crazy. Not Michael Dougles in "Falling Down" crazy, but at least Jack Nicholson in "The Shining" crazy.

    [​IMG]

    In the spirit of the recently passed Summer Olympics Games, allow me to put this another way. If covering Anquan Boldin with Akin Ayodele was like watching Usain Bolt smoke everyone in the 100 metre dash, than trying to do the same with Randy Moss would look like, well...Usain Bolt smoking everyone in the 100 metre dash...at the Special Olympics.

    [​IMG]

    Use Ayodele to blitz. Use him to stuff the run. Heck, even use him to cover backs and tight ends. But for the love of Don Shula, DO NOT USE HIM TO COVER THE WIDE RECEIVERS! Paul P. I am talking to you...:tantrum:

    So there it is Miami. I implore you to listen to me. For the first two weeks, you ignored me and tried to do it on your own. So far, that has gotten us two losses, an argument over whether or not Darius Rucker is, in fact, Hootie (screw Stitches he totally is), and unhappy fans.

    It has already boiled over and even the most optimistic fans are starting to doubt their loyalty. Will you hurt them even more? Or will you send them into the bye week as happy as this here bear?

    [​IMG]
     
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  2. azfinfanmang

    azfinfanmang Premium Member Luxury Box

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    Stellar performance

    The Phins might go 0-3, but you my friend are now 3-0 on EXCELLENT Manifestering Pesto's
     
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  3. Conuficus

    Conuficus Premium Member Luxury Box

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    Well away from here
    Effin fantastic.

    LMFAO.

    :up:
     
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  4. calphin

    calphin deadly at 250 yards!!

    The best Manifesto so far.:up::lol:


    Thanks
     
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  5. Brown42000

    Brown42000 Chillin

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    That was great.

    LMFAO:lol:
     
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  6. Colorado Dolfan

    Colorado Dolfan ...dirty drownin' man?

    I cannot stop laughing at this pic:

    [​IMG]

    I think I may be going straight to Hell, and for that I say: "You suck, Sam!"

    But your weekly manifestos give us something to look forward to, even if the Phins go 0 for---
     
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  7. MonstBlitz

    MonstBlitz Nobody's Fart Catcher

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    I don't know what I should feel worse about, laughing at Tom Brady's injury like Nelson or laughing at "special" Akin Ayodele.

    Nelson: Ha Ha!
    Milhouse: Nelson, [Tom Brady] is seriously hurt! I think he broke his leg!
    Nelson: I said Ha Ha.

    [ame=http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2201552409077874358&ei=3kHTSPbWBozWqQLL0J3PAg&vt=lf&hl=en]The Simpsons - I Said Ha Ha[/ame]

    Well done sir!
     
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  8. adamprez2003

    adamprez2003 Senior Member

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    akin ayodele chasing randy moss had me dying! classic!
     
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  9. djphinfan

    djphinfan Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    funny stuff brother....
     
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  10. ManicMiner

    ManicMiner Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    Brilliant. Just Brilliant. LMFAO.
     
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  11. GISH

    GISH ~mUST wARN oTHERS~

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    excellent job sam. thats some funny stuff. great use of visual aids. i like the title image. Belichick with the nazi pose, priceless. Meanwhile, Sparano is gently blowing into his hand. Must be a secret strategy that I dont understand.
     
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  12. ASUFinFan

    ASUFinFan Uh huh

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    love it sam! keep em coming. btw, we had great seats - 5 rows up from the field - but other than that, besides the beer, the game was really rough, as you are well aware. living in arizona and losing to arizona is even worse.
     
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  13. Jackson

    Jackson Bruce Banner

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    Great Job.. These Get better every week. The Ayodele v moss picture got me laughing
     
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  14. Bumrush

    Bumrush Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    LOL. Great post!
     
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  15. SICK

    SICK Lounge Moderator

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    YES!!!! incredible bro......you got me laughing my balls off.......great stuff man!!!!!
     
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  16. PMZQ

    PMZQ Banned

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    :sidelol: @ Sam and "Speical" Ayodele

    Sam that was too effing much fun. God its good to have this site. :up:
     
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  17. Samphin

    Samphin Κακό σκυλί ψόφο δεν έχει


    Thats awesome about the seats. I really wish I could have been there....well, up until kickoff. After Boldin scored that first TD. I was somewhat relieved I was in my home. Oherwise, I may have ahuled off and punched someone in the eyeball. :lol:

    Hopefully you guys were able to have some fun.
     
  18. GISH

    GISH ~mUST wARN oTHERS~

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    I think he had enough fun for all of us......
    [​IMG]
     
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  19. fins4o8

    fins4o8 Mac FTW! Club Member

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    I'm sorry but I take offense to that pic laughing at Brady's injury. It's just wrong to make fun of an injury. I had so much respect but I lost it all now. :tongue2:

    Seriously, very nicely done. Call me a homer but I like our chances with the Pats. We have always played them well until recently but with "king of my cassell" out there, we have a chance. If it was Brady then I for sure would of picked the Pats over us in my $ pool but I chose Miami instead.

    Giving different looks? I'm scared of different looks because what happen the last time we gave an opposing team a different look? Boldin took it to the house! I do get your point and yes we have to, but I'm afraid we will be more vanillla than vanilla itself & you can't get more vanilla than that.

    Those pic's cracked me up BTW. thanks for making my Fri morning a little better. :up:
     
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  20. Frumundah Finnatic

    Frumundah Finnatic U Mad Miami?

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    :lol: Good stuff Sam.
     
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  21. HULKFish

    HULKFish Artist and Scribe

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    You can definitely make our record more palatable! Thanks... LOL!
     
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  22. MonstBlitz

    MonstBlitz Nobody's Fart Catcher

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    I had no idea this was a running series. I have to go back and look at the rest. Win or lose, at least I'll have these manifesto's to look forward to every week.
     
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  23. cnc66

    cnc66 wiley veteran, bad spelur Luxury Box

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    men.. boys.. this is the Miami Dolphins forum, not the lounge, no more anatomy comments please.

    Sam... best.thread.evah. well done, I needed a laugh today, it's been a cruddy one. 5 star!
     
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  24. texasPHINSfan

    texasPHINSfan New Member

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    best post of the year Sam.... i LOVE the graphics. everyone of them made me laugh, from Nelson laughing at Brady to the ******ed kid being Ayodele chasing Bolt. brilliant!
     
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  25. Phinperor

    Phinperor formerly In_Flames Luxury Box

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    Yet another outstanding piece of work Samphin. :knucks:
     
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  26. King Felix

    King Felix chasing the high Club Member

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    I CanT FeeL MY FacE
    :lol: :lol:

    i look forward to the manifesto more than the game on sunday lol!
     
  27. TheMageGandalf

    TheMageGandalf Senior Member

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    This is just too ******* funny:lol::lol::lol:
     
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  28. Puka-head

    Puka-head My2nd Fav team:___vs Jets Club Member

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    Somebody, somewhere, for the love of football please get the photo and caption of Welker on a billboard, or better yet on the Jumbo screens at Foxboro.
    And that Bolt/ Ayodele picture should go up in the locker of every Miami DB
     
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  29. sking29

    sking29 What it takes to be cool

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    Great post Mr. Samphin. Will you reward yourself with a Phinzee?
     
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  30. Samphin

    Samphin Κακό σκυλί ψόφο δεν έχει


    Not my call. I was merely the host/creator of the Phinzees. The esteemed judges would have to award me that honor...:up:
     
  31. Germanfinfan

    Germanfinfan New Member

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    great post Sam. Now I'm really looking forward for todays game. If Sparano uses some of your proposals, we will win against those cheaters ;) :up:
     
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  32. mnfinfan

    mnfinfan Active Premium Member Luxury Box

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    I can only say one thing to respond to this post., ok 4 things...

    That was ****ing awesome!
     
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  33. Celtkin

    Celtkin <B>Webmaster</b> Luxury Box

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    Sam, that was brilliant. :lol:
     
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  34. sking29

    sking29 What it takes to be cool

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    Don't be so humble you know you could muscle your way to a Phinzee. :lol:
     
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  35. Samphin

    Samphin Κακό σκυλί ψόφο δεν έχει

    I rest my case. :hi5:
     
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