SO bad, I just HAVE to watch it!

Pagan · Mar 12, 2010

Oh it's as good as TIVOed!

Tomorrow night, Roger Corman, the man responsible for such classic schlock shockers as "Attack of the Crab Monsters" and "Little Shop of Horrors," is wreaking bloody havoc with a movie so fantastically bad, it makes his 1956 babe-alicious "She Gods of Shark Reef" look like "Citizen Kane."

And I loved every minute of it.

"Dinoshark" is a killing machine that's half shark, half dinosaur and must have cost half a buck to make.

This prehistoric monster came back to life after a piece of a giant glacier broke off in Antarctica, unleashing a prehistoric predator which had been frozen for all those millennia.

Dinoshark thawed and came to life and then, like Jimmy Buffet heeding the call of the Margarita, sailed down to a "lush Mexican vacation spot."

Also arriving conveniently at said lush vacation spot is Cap'n Trace McGraw (Eric Balfour -- I swear it's really him).

Trace had been at sea for a few years before he decided to head back to his childhood-paradise home. There, he reunites with all his old pals who say things like, "This place has a certain wow factor!" and "Viva la fiesta!"

It's no wonder he left -- it's a lush vacation spot populated entirely by horrible actors.

Within minutes of downing his first tequila, he meets the bikini-wearing marine biologist Carol (Iva Hasperger), and reunites with another barely-clad old friend, who then gets eaten by Dinoshark -- somehow leaving her big boobs intact on her half-eaten torso.

No one believes Trace that this monster is bigger than a regular man-eating shark, so he enlists the aid of Carol.

After four minutes of exhaustive research, she finds a picture of Dinoshark, which causes her to rip off her blouse to reveal her lacy black bra.

Carol runs to a terrible party a few doors down where the world's only expert in the Dinoshark (played by Corman himself) happens to be enjoying a Margarita. Talk about luck!

Meantime, the monster goes on an eating binge, dining mostly on babes--although he does eat the head off a parasailing man by jumping out of the water.

Shamelessly stealing the plot, dialogue and even foreboding music from "Jaws," this is "B" at its absolute best -- or should that be worst?

Eighty-four-year-old Corman ain't done yet.

Up next for the SyFy channel? "Sharktopus" (with Eric Roberts), followed by "Dinocroc vs Supergator."

I'm so there.
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m ino · Mar 12, 2010

wow!no betty white,lou diamond phillips or hillary swank?? i'm in! good mst3k stuff right here.

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SO bad, I just HAVE to watch it!

Pagan Metal & a Mustang

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