Suicidal Thoughts

Hey, you need help and to help yourself you need to be totally honest with whoever is trying to help you; that is your first step. There is nothing so bad it's worth hurting yourself for.

Dare I ask what happened that was so bad? Obviously when you reached out to your friend you were looking for someone to listen to you but you have a bunch of people willing to read what you have to say here. A lot times simply talking about it and explaining the situation will help relieve the tension and provide possible solutions. By keeping it bottled up youre hurting yourself emotionally even more then you did physically. You have a family here so let us help however we can

 

Please listen to the advice your getting here.
You can see we're all here for you.
And there is nothing worth hurting yourself over--nothing.
Hold Fast, please.

 

You were looking for someone who was willing to listen and called your friend, that's a good thing. That means that you want to be completely honest with someone, now we just have to understand and figure out why you don't trust your therapist enough to be honest with him/her.

Don't let your friend's reaction effect you that much, as you said she was dealing with some issues and people handle stress in different ways, her lashing out doesn't necessarily mean that she didn't care. But when you reach out to real people wth real problems, you're likely going to contact someone who either doesn't have time to listen or who has problems of their own.

That's why I think it's extremely important for you to talk to your therapist honestly, that's what they are there for. He/she isn't going to turn you away, he/she isn't going to make you feel bad, they are there to listen and help you through any problem or stressful situation that you are dealing with. You aren't going to make any progress with him/her if your aren't being honest. The fact that you are holding back is just making these feelings go on even longer.

What are you afraid of when it comes to being honest with your therapist? Are you afraid of him/her judging you? Are you concerned about what he/she may recommend? If we can pinpoint the reason/cause for you holding back, maybe we can help you take that next step and open up.

 

Brother, We all love you here, and want to help in any way we can. I was thinking about you all day at work. From my past experience you have to just reach out a little bit, and let the therapist or counselor know what you are feeling and experiencing. Please be true with what you are going through right now, because that will help you get better, and the right treatment as soon as possible. You will not be laughed at, but will be rewarded for your honesty.

Please reach out to the therapist or anyone of the family here. We are sincerely concerned about your well being, and wish you nothing but the very best in life.

 

Seeking Answers

I can only repeat what everyone here is saying, please get help.If you have no one to talk to PM one of us. No one will turn you away. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Marty, God bless you my brother. Thank you for calling me friend. Love yer Gutz!!

Ron

 

Hmmm....so you're close to your family? You obviously worry about them finding out and how they might react, is there anyone in your family that you could talk to and lean on?

Either way, being honest with the therapist isn't going to alert your family IMO. Everything you say to your therapist is confidential, just between the two of you, so I wouldn't worry about your family finding out if I were you. But maybe talking to your family at some point may not be such a bad idea, sometimes it's easier to open up to a close family members whether it's a brother, sister, cousin, etc because you do have a history of communicating. Once you realize that you can talk openly with someone close to you, you not only start to heal yourself and understand how to change this pattern, but you also build a bond with the person who is lending you their ear.

Just something to think about, you can try to reach out to them after you speak openly and honestly to your therapist. That may be something that he would recommend for when you're ready to open up to others, and if you don't want to you don't have to. Just keep in mind that most family members aren't going to react in a negative way, they may very well become supportive and protective and make sure that they are there for you when you need someone to talk to.

The important thing right now is to realize that anything you say to your therapist is between you and him/her. They are there to listen, help guide you through your problems and help you find a resolution. If all of your feelings and destructive actions could be avoided with a simple pill, you should do it. Maybe the cure is giving up something in your life that may be causing these feelings (alcohol, drugs, etc). Or maybe there is something deeper that you need to deal with and talk through with your therapist in order to move on and life a happy and healthy life.

We're all human, we all have our problems, you're not the only one who is going through tough times. But hiding those feelings and putting on a mask, as you say, is doing more harm to yourself than good. Do you feel good that you have to hide your feelings from your family and friends? Do you feel happy when they leave and you realize that you weren't being honest with them? I doubt it, and that act of hiding your feelings might cause you to feel even worse than you did before.

So start out with baby steps, you don't have to do it all at once. Start out by talking to your therapist openly and honestly, tell him/her what you do, why you do it and how you feel before and afterwards. Let him/her know what might trigger it, if you have any other issues (alcohol, drugs, etc) that may increase your mood swings and listen to what your therapist says with an open mind. Again, therapists are there to help you, they're there to listen and guide you and help you realize for yourself how to make changes in your life. You can't do it alone, nobody can, you need to open up to someone and let them help you, that's the only way to work through this. Otherwise you'll find yourself in the same repeating pattern, and I don't think that's something that you want, or else you never would have started this thread looking for answers. You want to change, you want to find those answers, you just need to make the first move.

Remember brother, baby steps is the key. You aren't going to solve this overnight or by yourself, you need to take this one step at a time and trust your therapist to be your guide.

 

This is the baker act. As far as I can tell it's only a florida thing?

http://bakeract.fmhi.usf.edu/

also, i wasn't suggesting that you abandon your friendship but at the very least it's obvious your friend is not the one to be reaching out to at this moment. for whatever reason she can't lend an ear to you at this time and continuing to do so would only frustrate you.

i would really echo what like2god just said. start small. be honest. and just remember that any and everything you say to a licensed therapist is doctor/patient confidentiality.. much like any other doctor you go to. they take an oath before they go into practice to keep these things confidential and it goes way beyond just losing their job. they can (and have been) sued - and usually lose - for revealing any information. so a good one will keep quiet. and i'd be the majority of them are good. you should know your therapist enough by now to know whether or not they'd do that.

also; try your best to let your family know. some of them may have had similar issues. or even take medicine for a similar problem. i believe these issues are usually genetic (my aunt is bi-polar and takes lithium for example) so I had a chance to become bi-polar myself. my aunt on my dad's side had some kind of issue. so it can be passed down to you.. and maybe those people can help.

to me it sounds like you are bi-polar. i am no doctor or therapist so don't take this as a diagnosis but do heed my warning. bi-polar people without medications (and without talking to someone at least) would lead a very unstable life. I've known a few in my life and they are all going to therapy and/or taking medications.

it's not bad. it's just doing what you've gotta do. if you can't do it for others you've gotta do it for yourself. you don't seem to like this at all (hence the reaching out here). it only takes a few more steps in the real world. a phone call. a small conversation with your mom or dad. or sister or brother. and then you will be on the path. and it might not fix it all.. it might not always make it go away. but it can and will make it more manageable.

 

OP,
My wife has dealt with many of the same issues you describe, mainly:

To the outside world she is highly educated, attractive and smart, but internally she is wreck that can not deal with any perceived (real or imagined) threats that may shatter her very fragile self image. I've spent countless hours doing research. Early on I suspected it was Borderline Personality Disorder, and that was recently confirmed after counseling and other events that I detailed in the post I created anonymously here earlier.

I hid my suspicions for a long time because I didn't want to hurt her feelings, but now that she is in targeting therapy I realized that was a mistake. In no way shape or form am I implying that you have this, but cutting and rapid mood changes are two very big indicators.. The living life with a mask on is another.

The problem with the disorder is that there is no magic pill. It normally is a result of an abusive childhood where a main parental figure either abandons or rejects the child. This disorder is characterized by a lack of development by the child, which results in a faulty method of thinking. This includes black/white thinking (all good or all bad- no grey), intense relationships, and rapid mood shifts. One second your best friend is the nicest person in the world, the next you hate them more than anything. Seeing things within their context is difficult.

Therapy is almost impossible because that facade is so well constructed that is often hard for the therapist to make a diagnosis. My wife went to therapy for many years with NO TANGIBLE results and tried pills left and right that only calmed her anxiety. Therapy must be targeted and focus on changing those initial moments of rage or insecurities that cause rapid mood shifts. This requires a re-wiring of how the brain operates and can take many years. Please, if you feel that this describes you, you need to do everything within your power to seek the proper help and treatment- This starts with education. There are thousands of resources online. Please PM me or reply back to this thread if you want more information.

Here is a good place to start:

http://www.bpdcentral.com/resources/basics/main.shtml

 

Bro, speaking as someone who experiences some mood swings you have to figure out what it is that causes those mood swings and how to control them yourself. For me any time someone I know has a depressing story I find it brings me down for a couple of hours or if someone is acting like a tool it will have me ticked off for a few hours. I don't let go of things really easy and its not something I regret or dislike about myself because I have learned to take those negatives and use them as positives. It works both ways too. The good stuff will have me in a good mood for days at a time and working in sales I can tell you that it is definitely beneficial when you can sell with a smile. Its all about figuring out what causes those emotions and if you're too scared or too closed up to explain it to a therapist, you can tell do it yourself if you know how to psychoanalyze yourself. Or as we have all stated, we will help and suggest in any way we can.

If your family finds out, they find out. Stuff happens. The question is why haven't they found out yet? Are they not around or are you just that good at concealing it? If they aren't around, the blame goes on them for not being there not on you. But hey, that is what friends are for.

As far as your friends, have you considered finding new ones or moving or if you're in college/around that age maybe going away to school? Getting away from a town you grew up in or lived in for a long time can refresh you and you get a different perspective of the world. I know when I went away to school, it was definitely a culture shock to me but it was good. New York is a very rushed lifestyle at times and it is difficult to meet new friends here at times so going away I met a lot of people I still stay in touch with and try and visit/talk to semi frequently. Sometimes in small towns though you get the opposite affect where everyone knows everything about you already or has already formed an opinion before they know you. There is life outside your town/city and sometimes getting away from whatever drama you have going on there is a solid answer. Its not running if life there is just too stressful and filled with too much BS. Figure out what makes you happy and get out of there; you have a right to be happy and not deal with whatever BS is going on in your life..dont be afraid to stand up for it. Again if you need help, please contact me. Im pretty sure you have my aim and I know you can PM me.

 

Hello guys. I'm OP, and i figured i would come out and reveal myself. i just wanted to say thanks to celt(?) or whoever called the police to get help. today was a busy day....now i dont have to type like an anonymous lol..but anyway, today was a good day until my mom called and said the police were looking for me. At that point i knew a lot of stuff were going to happen tonight. Like 4 police officers and 3 cop cars pulled up and i was in my room and heard them. my step mom was passed out drunk on the couch and i was talking to my mom on the phone and to scared to go out and open the door. they walked and had to wake my mom up they thought i did something to her. anyway they were real *******s but they didn't know if i was dangerous or not. i hate how police sort of force you to say what they want, but they were doing their job. anyways they asked what was going, meanwhile my step mom called my step sister, and it was turning out to be a huge deal that i didnt really want it too. but they talked and they said they were gonna take me to the hospital in the ambulance. i was scared but at the same time i knew everything was gonna be better and that my family wasnt mad at me or disappointed. When i went to the hospital they didnt really do anything right away it took fooooooooooooorever to finally get a room, but they are priotorties and i wasnt an emergency at the time. they talked to me and blah blah and they diagnosed me with anxiety at the hospital and gave me avatin i think i dont remember the name lololol...anyways they gave it to me to help with the anxiety, tomorrow i have to call a psychiatrist to set up a meeting with them. My mom was staying with me in the room and my sister came, i was surpised both my sisters went to the hospital to see me. anyways i just wanted to thank thephins.com for taking a step that i was hesitant, and to be honest im not sure i would've talked to my therapist. whoever called i hope they PM me so i can personally thank them. and thank you to everyone who cared, i love you guys!!!

 

Always keep your chin up, bro. Believe me, this world would be worse without you. You're a great guy... never forget that.

 

God Bless young brother. We care, we really do. I am glad things are moving forward. Please be honest, it is perhaps the most important thing. Keep your chin up, you are in my prayers.

 

Eric - I'm thrilled that you are okay and safe. Please keep in mind that we're all here for you and that we, as a site, all care for you. You can talk to any of us at any time.

 

This latest post made my morning.

Keep your head up brother and take it day by day. Just remember that if you overcome this, you can overcome anything.

 

Brother like I said before, we love you very much, and want the very best for you. You have my numbers and may call me at any time. If you just need someone to listen, you have that.

 

I can't tell ya how glad I am that you seem to be heading the right direction to recover bro! You ever need anything shoot me a PM.

 

I'm so sorry that I hadn't noticed this thread until now. Nevertheless, it's a great relief to know that all may not be well yet, but at least it's moving in the right direction.

B"H

Some incredible stories here. Kudos to all who have found the strength, courage, and wisdom to overcome the adversity.

 

Eric, I'm glad that you are finally free of the burden of secrecy and on the road to a happy and healthy future. If you need someone to talk to, you know that we're here for you brother.

 

hey, i figured it was you. and once you said you were male i knew. don't ask how.

i'm not the one who called the cops but i am glad that someone did. sometimes we don't always make the best moves for ourselves and someone else needs to give us a little kick in the *** to get us pointed in the right direction.

you are a smart guy and you knew what was needed for yourself and so you reached out to make an effort here in hopes that one or all of us would say or perhaps do something for you that could help.

you may not know it at times (most of us don't) but life is incredibly fleeting and beautiful my friend. if you are able to catch it when it is truly in front of you without all the riff raff buzzing in your brain it is possible to see this but most of the world and species is wrapped up in our every moment to moment thoughts, worries and concerns. people who have anxiety and depression more so in my opinion (i know i have anxiety and suspect depression) .

i'm glad that you saw the police for doing their job. i'm also glad you are willing to go through the steps needed to get yourself help.. and that you know your family aren't disappointed in you. they love you man.

sometimes these things are scary. believe me i know what it's like to bottle up emotions because i do it too. and i know it's unhealthy. i also know that once it's out in the open like your situation is now that whenever someone else sees you acting out or acting strange they have a much better appreciation for what's going on with you mentally and they at least know what they can and can't do to get you help.

like i said before all this is nothing to be ashamed of. it's your life. and as much as it can be a drag sometimes medicine and therapy will help you make the best of it. if your medicine, therapy and family aren't enough for you at any time know that you can come to me via AIM or PM or even a phone call if it's needed that bad. .. what i mean is just know there is at least one more person out there.. and judging from all the other responses everyone else out there too. you are never walking alone.

go through with what the doctors say, take your medication, keep your head high and plow through all the bull**** because underneath there is a life and a person you can enjoy. sometimes it just takes a little more elbow grease than others, that's all. and sometimes some people it's a bit harder on. but it's rewarding as all hell once you find your center.

 

Man I was wondering where you have been since I hadn't seen you online and I started to get worried again but you've been online the whole time and I'm happy as hell that some of the great people were here to support you and let you open up. I'm glad that you got help and are doing better! I hope for the best man, your a great guy and have always been cool to talk to. If you ever need to talk to someone, PM me and I'll give you my cell number.

 

I'm so glad for you Eric. Your post made my day.
You hang in there. All of us are here for you, never forget that.
May the Lord bless and keep you during your journey to wellness.
As far as the anxiety and panic, I've had it also, but I refuse to give up. Take your meds as the Dr. says and hold fast.
I can't stress enough how glad I am that you got help.
And thanks to who ever called the police for you from here.
This is a great family to be a part of.

 

Brother, we are glad you are ok and that you will be with us for many years to come.

I hope that you know we love you and that in the future you know you can reach out to us for any problem, big or small.

I'd like to thank everyone for their support in this thread - so many great pieces of advice.

 

I agree Mal.
I keep telling people that this is one of the best places, with the most wonderful people I've ever known.
Other sites have no clue as to what "family" means, but we do here.

 

Eric I know everything will work out for you. Keep your head up brother and don't let the world get you down. If you need a friend, you know my aim, don't be afraid to use it.....

 

thanks for the kind words guys(and gals)

 

no problem anytime

 

I havent read past this first post so pardon if I say something already mentioned. If nothing else if I do see it as a reinforcement of that idea.

I work with young people and have for 25 years. During that time I have come around 2-3 students per year that feel exactly like you do. What I have learned through this is that one aspect of how you feel may be chemical in nature. I strongly suggest that you not only talk to someone you trust, but also see a regular Doctor and tell him exactly how you feel. It could very well be that you have a chemical situation going on that can be balanced out with simple meds. Not mind numbing stuff either, just s simple pill or two a day. I've seen impressive results for those that check this out.

Also, spend some more time doing the things you love and treat yourself. There's nothing wrong with retreating to something you love - like Dolphins Football or Dolphins forums for some escape time everytime you need it.

 

I'm glad your moving towards better health Dolfan. I'm very excited for your future and know you are going to find more and more joy to replace those feelings you shared with us. It's a huge step to say publicly that you have a problem, and believe me we all have them. Learning to deal with them effectively is the only difference between success and failure.

Something else I recommend: When you find some good reading resources that deal with what you are going through, try to make some time to read on how they achieved success in the same areas.

 

I can relate to a lot of these posts about suicidal thoughts and attempts, as I've tried it myself before.

About 6 years ago I'd had it. I'd lost my license with a DUI, a girl I'd been in love with for a couple years wanted nothing to do with me, and I was 30 grand in debt from a failed attempt at a career going to a technical college. I was 31 years old, and living with my parents. One night after work, I just grabbed a bottle of sleeping pills and a bottle of wine, went out to my car in the driveway and pounded both of them.

I woke up three days later in the hospital, with no recollection of anything after taking the pills. My dad found me in my car in the driveway listening to 'The Drugs Don't Work' by The Verve, in a trance. He called an ambulance and they pumped my stomach.

After another 2 days in the hospital, I spent another week in a suicide watch ward at a state funded facility. I felt pretty stupid about it afterwards. Nobody's worth killing yourself over.

In the last few years, I've had two friends take their own life and another try it several times. From the outside looking in, you can see how much of a mistake it is to do something like that. You realize how much those people mean to you, and how much you could possibly mean to other people.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. To quote Stevie Ray Vaughn from one of his concert preaches about drugs and alcohol, "Take care of yourself, so you can be there for the ones that love and need you the most, and they need you all the time."

Take care Seeking Answers, and PM me if you need to talk, and thanks to everybody who's opened up on here, it has helped me out more than you know. Love you guys

 

Thank you for opening up. For those of us on the other side it's good to get a different perspective on things.. Depression and other disorders take a huge toll on everyone involved and the only way to truly understand these things is through education.

 

look at how many views this thread got in 6 days...damn

 

There's a good reason for that, trust me. Hope your doing well.

 

That is because we care about you brother!

 

Have to say, not being a regular on this board, I am totally amazed at the level of support, help, commitment and advice shown to another poster.

I can honestly say that I would have never expected that kind of reaction on a football internet forum. The very fact the poster actually started this thread says everything about the people on this site.

Guys, take it from an outsider, that this website is definetly one of a kind and do everything in your power to keep it at this level.

 

This post means a lot to me, and I'm sure to a lot of other folks here. We used to be a bunch of football buddies that talked over the 'net, but sometime over the last few years we became family.

 

We love you too. Please remember that and you're in my prayers.

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7MRABYXE_mI"]YouTube - rascal flatts - Why ( Unstoppable 2009 )[/ame]