something out of the complete ordinary you saw in your day to day life that made you think..... "humanity is going down hill.....very fast" ive got a few....i work at a bank, and on fridays it gets pretty slammed, so i need to get a drawer out and work the teller line. you see the most ridiculous people (expecially in north carolina) its unbelieveable.... so this guy walks in....no clothes or shoes on....except for overalls, with only one strap strapped up.......about 85 years old, a straw hat......and his cheek SLAMMED with chewing tabacco it was running down his chin, his neck, his chest....and all the way down past where you could see on the overalls..... so of course.....hillbilly jim walks up to MY window.....and yells out "i need to make a withdrawal of 300 dollars from my account young man" ok i said.....heres a withdrawal slip..... "damnit boy....i didnt go to school i cant fill out this ****" now keep in mind its a friday. and people are everywhere looking at this guy still trapped with the dukes of hazard boys. heres where it gets hilarious.....all these people, iam filling out a slip for him, its quiet.......all of a sudden he yells out......and i mean yells out.... "wheres that one color'ed lady" ...................... the bank goes quiet, my co worker cant hold it, she spits out her mountain dew and runs into the break room, and i am doing everything i can not to bust out laughing..... i mean....like its 1919........where is the color'ed lady.....lmao another quick thing.....you see the funniest stuff on peoples personal checks in the memo field.....this poor girl comes through the drive thru.....sends in her license with a check for 25 dollars made out to her from some guy......shes about 19 years old...... the check is written out like so For: Tracy **** Amount: 25.00 twenty five dollars and ---------------------- 00/100 For: Butt Sex Maker: the dudes signature dude i lost it......and this girl is watching me in the drive thru, deathly embarassed.....im guessing its a friend of hers that was like "sure ill let you borrow money, but you have to cash the check AS IS......or it was really for buttsex......either way....its hilarious..... i have also seen in the "for" line.... Bow Chicka Wow Wow ahaha this world is hilarious, and burning in hell very quickly....... you guys have any stories?!?!
hahahahahah! this has got to be one of the funniest threads of all time. amazingly funny stories sick!
Thanks brother. I needed that this morning. Okay, about 20 years ago I am framing houses in Vegas and get the opportunity to do a Union Gig a shot, working on a little job, perhaps some of you have heard of the Excalibur? Anywho, the entire experience of going from framing residential houses to a big commercial site was a bit of culture shock, nite and day the way things are done. Well, one of the first things I learned was the framing Super was a serious doofus from parts unknown. Just not a smart guy at all. The second thing I learned is that the tools you carry in your pouches are VERY different So, there I am, second day on the job, working on framing in stairwells. So far so good, when all of a sudden the Super starts yelling at me from 2 stories down: "Hey azfinfanmang, you can't be up there, you don't have your beldon!" I started looking through my tools trying to figure out WTF a beldon is. Not wanting to draw attention to the fact I have ZERO idea what he's talking about I give him one of these and go back to work. Well, this REALLy pisses him off and he starts yelling and screaming like a little girl"You can't be up there, you don't have your beldon" at this point I give him one of these . His response of course was "You know, your Safety Belt On". About 5 of us busted up so bad. It was hillarious the look on his face. That was my short-lived stint with the Framing Union in Vegas.
dude, that was hilarious sick. but the title was misleading. the first thing i thought of when i read the title was the pofo.
when i was in Lowes out in California a few years ago, for a joke, i gave the cashier a $3 bill that had clinton on it, the girl said, "i didn't even know they were printing these!" and prodeeded to give me change. everybody, including myself almost busted a gut laughing. before the manager came over i grabbed the bill and gave her 3 ones. actually, if the manager got involved, he could have made a case out of it.
Hope this qualifies..not that funny but certain things just make you shake your head and wonder about the world. A couple of years back I was working the night shift..and I had to drive to Brooklyn every night from where I live. With no traffic..30 mins...there is ALWAYS traffic so I used to dread the drive in. Bumper to bumper..just pure drudgery. After 6 months of doing it I was ready to die. At the end of the trip I have to drive through this residential part of the city...and I am waiting at a red light..hating life. I look over and I see this guy walking with some dry cleaning over his shoulder. I am just staring blankly at him when I see him stop in front of a house with a car parked there and he puts the dry cleaning on the parked car. I look more intently and see that now he walks over to the garage there and unzips his pants and pees on the garage!..I am just shaking my head and wondering what this world is coming to...he then zips up and picks up the cleaning off the car...............and then walks up the steps of that very same house and walks into his house or apt!!!!!..It was where he lived!!!!..I just started to laugh..how lazy can you be???..You just relieved yourself on your own garage...just cause you could not wait 1 more minute?..I swore the world was shot that day
Honestly Sick that is the funniest post I've read since Sam's hotel room toilet escapade a couple years back. Trophy Room material honestly I am still chuckling to myself about the "buttsex" check.
It was a few years ago when I worked at the bookstore at FIU. Some lady comes to my register with a textbook and asks me why this book is more from another textbook she saw on the shelf, she says the books are the exact same thing. "Is there a used sticker on it?" "No" "Then the price should be the same, let me price check it"" I enter the ISBN into the register, same price. She tells me she'll go get the other book, along with its shelf tag to show me what she means. I feel like saying "couldnt you go to any of the 3 Customer service counters" instead of holding up the line and being a pain in my ***?" Keep in mind this is during the first few weeks of school, during the "rush" period and my shift ends in about 30 minutes. A few minutes later this lady shows up with the other book, and the tags I notice the reason for the price difference is because this book did not come with an access code for the book's website. "But my book didnt come with an acess code either" "Your Book is wrapped, and there is a card with the access code on the back" "Where? I dont see it." "On the back of the package" she brought out the tags, in big bold letters it says "Blah blah blah Text Book w/ Access Code" the other tag says "W/O Access Code" On the price tag it says "w/Access Code" I had to explain that to her at least 3 times before she got it, the best part about it was that my supervisor who was watching me said : "I should give you a raise for not leaping across the counter and punching that stupid *****"
That same guy must have came into my store a few months ago. He brought up an item to the register and I overheard him tell the cashier that "It was that colored guy back there that helped me". It's the way he said colored that made it so funny.
as a police/911 dispatcher, i could probably devote a whole site to this. that said, i'm incredibly tired because we were out tailgaiting and watching the UCLA game all day and i have a headache, but i'll try to think of some good ones to add to the gems in here already
its hard to believe there are people this stupid in the world, this woman actually called 911 because mcdonalds ran out of mcnuggets and the manager wanted her to buy something else. [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iV-8cOxznCI&NR=1"]YouTube - 911 Fast Food Call?[/ame]
so i go into this bank in North Carolina wearing my overalls and straw hat and chewing my favorite tabackee. I go to withdraw 300 dollars from my account and this huckleberry at the teller window tells me I gots to fill out out my own slip. So I look at this huckleberry and realize this maroon wants me to fill out my own slip?! This fancy smancy banker cant even bother giving me the full service I expect out of my banking institution! Well anyways, I set him straight and he begins to fill out my slip. I look around for my favorite colored girl who works there and dont see her anywheres so I call out "wheres that one color'ed lady" Well let me tell you, sure as I stand here before ya, you wouldve thought someone had just died. The room went silent and then this one girl started laughing. Such a shame. Guess the idea of a colored woman helping out a son of the south with his banking just wasnt the way things are done at this institution. Well let me tells ya, I was thinking about transferring my thirty million dollar inheritance to this institution but after they showed their true colors I will take my account to a more enlightened institution. This is the 21st century after all
In a previous career I worked in the claims department of a large worker's compensation insurer. One of my fave's: An Italian immigrant stonemason was at work one day, and we're not sure exactly what happened because we were too polite too ask and it's not an injury that could happen at home and then drive himself to work. Anyways we fihure he must have gone commando that day and as he lifted a 100lb piece of marble onto his workbench he let it drop the last 2 or 3 inches onto the workbench. Unfortunately for him the most imprtant part of his anatomy had been pushed onto his workbench ... directly under the marble slab. ouch. Weeks of surgery and trying to turn what had been flattened round again. Amyways he eventually goes back to work after the surgeries and we don't here from him for a while. Then when day he turns up wanting a payout. Now he donta-spika-da-english too good and his wife is there to help him. So one of my co-workers interviews him to find out the situation. Basically he can't get a payout unless there is a permament loss of function and the doctors say that it's all been returned to functional. So as my female co-worker is explaining this the man's wife blurts out "But its so ugly now I no wanna touch it no more".
glad you liked it. your story reminded me of when i worked at chase and we had this one guy that came in that i swear you would think was homeless. found out the guy was worth about 20 million.
I've loaded a Hot water heater into the trunk of a 1992 ford thunderbird before when I worked at Home Depot. That was funny (not as funny as yours though).
Some people actually think that the JESTs are going to win the Super Bowl I think the world is going to end or it's going to snow in hell first.
I don't have video proof, but I can send you my drawers if you want to see The other day at work, a couple of us were talking about skid marks, bacon strips, sausage links in our drawers and one guy told another guy that he bets his wife has strips in her undies I mentioned that her strips were in front
About a year ago I was washing clothes at a self-service laundromat. A couple walked in and put their clothes right into the dryers, put a few coins in, and walked off. I didn't think much of it. Maybe their clothes got wet somehow. They returned about forty-five minutes later and took the clothes out. They said that the machine didn't work. I went over an felt the clothes and told them that they were dry. They said that they weren't clean! A lady and I had to explain that they first had to put their clothes into the washer and add soap. I couldn't help but start laughing.
Not all of these are funny, but the stupidity never ceases to amaze me and I love getting these off my chest. I work at a local aquarium store that sells freshwater fish, saltwater fish, corals and the like. We are aptly named aquatropics. 1) People come in and ask "Do you guys sell dogs" 2) We have a 500 gallon display reef tank right as you walk in, and there is a clownfish that lives in this one corner. Every time someone walks in they see him and say "I found nemo" This happens about 10 times a day. 3) Continuing off of number 2 people when they see a blue regal tang will say "oh it's dori" . However there is a small group that like to call it dora, as if there is a small hispanic girl swimming in the tank. 4) We sell seahorses. I've been asked if they were real and my co-worker responded "No they're animatronic" 5) My favorite question "What is saltwater?" 6) A guy once asked if one could eat a brain coral. 7) The best for last. A guy walks in claiming he has a 100 gallon tank, and we go ok, is as big as this one (the tank was 90) and he says no smaller. We take him to our tank room and ask him if it's the size of this tank etc and he keeps saying his tank is smaller. Eventually we get to a 10 gallon tank and he says, that's how big my tank is. We ask him "Do you think you could fit 100 gallons of milk in this tank" and he says "Oh, they're the same gallons?"
Working for Directory Assistance, I get some great ones. 1. Had a lady call asking for a couple in a small town in Oregon: "I don't know their last name, but it's a small town... Could I describe them to you?" 2. Had a lady call for Washington, DC... Our nation's capital... in Canada. Can't think of any more right now, but when I do, I'll be back.
