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Tips on how not to cry when it's important

Discussion in 'Questions and Answers' started by Seeking Answers, Nov 23, 2008.

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  1. Seeking Answers

    Seeking Answers New Member

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    So i have to well i want to speak at my cousin's funeral...i had to personally witness her selfdestuction for years, but i still love her and want to pay proper tribute. I made note cards, but i'm afraid i will cry or choke up and blow the whole message. Does anyone have an answer as to how to brave it all, because it's about her not me, and that is what i want to convey.
     
  2. unluckyluciano

    unluckyluciano For My Hero JetsSuck

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    whats your message can I ask?

    Sorry for your loss by the way..........
     
  3. Regan21286

    Regan21286 MCAT's, EMT's, AMCAS, ugh

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    Sorry to hear of your loss.

    I've always been told that I'm like a rock during times like that. Sometimes it's just who we are and we can't change that. Some of us are hard-wired to be very outwardly emotional. But when it gets tough even for me to hold it all back, I just take a deep breath or two, a moment to pause, and center myself mentally. I don't know if that helps but it helps me sometimes. And even if it doesn't work, there's still nothing bad about crying.
     
  4. like2god

    like2god Typical white person Luxury Box

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    First of all, very sorry to hear about your loss.

    But there is nothing wrong with crying, it's an expression of your sorrow for losing someone that you love. I know when my mother passed away earlier this year I wept like a baby and it was healing in a way. Don't try to hold your emotions in, sooner or later you will have to deal with them and the sooner the better. If you find yourself choking up during your remembrance, just take a step back and gather yourself before you continue. Everyone there will understand, they'll be crying too. :wink2:
     
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  5. anlgp

    anlgp ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A

    sorry to hear about your cousin.

    crying at a funeral is necessary IMO. Even (especially?) if you're the one giving the speech. Not to make it seem valid but to let those things go.

    I don't have any advice to give you because I wouldn't be able to keep myself from crying if I had to nor would I try.
     
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  6. unluckyluciano

    unluckyluciano For My Hero JetsSuck

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    well I agree with everyone here. I would assume the message is you love your cousin, she couldn't kick the habit, sorry assuming its a habit, sorry if I'm wrong, but that she was still a great person. I don't see how tears, your tears, would show anything other then your love for your cousin and project that message even clearer.
     
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  7. Frumundah Finnatic

    Frumundah Finnatic U Mad Miami?

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    I'm sorry for your loss, and there's nothing wrong with crying at a funeral, it just means you're human and that you cared about her.
     
  8. dolphindebby

    dolphindebby Season Ticket Holder Luxury Box

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    Cry if you need to. Everyone would totally understand.
    Emotions, at a time like this, are important to let out.
    You'll miss her presence here, just don't worry and let your feelings go.
    Prayers to you and your family.
    God Bless all of you.
     
  9. Zeke0123

    Zeke0123 message board ******* Club Member

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    The tears are going to come Brother..but you have to tell yourself while your reading that its the most important thing you can do right now...pause and take some deep breaths if you need to and ignore the tears just try to not get choked up...but dont expect to not have tears flowing that is going to happen regardless but you should still be able to say your message.
     
  10. Sethdaddy8

    Sethdaddy8 Well-Known Member

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    realistically, the only thing i think that can help you, is to go over what you are going to say over and over. and visualize yourself in that moment, saying what you will say, over and over and over. time is the only thing that helps heal these feelings of sorrow, and by doing this, in a weird way, you will be hurrying that process, and desensitizing yourself to this emotional moment.


    im sorry for your loss.
     
  11. anlgp

    anlgp ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A

    Botox? I hear that stops people from crying.
     
  12. Seeking Answers

    Seeking Answers New Member

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    I thank all for the replys. Unlukyluciano, i am not going to say something stupid. An account of her life to lift up her family, not bring them down, to answer your question. I was asking this question because yes i do know its okay to cry, but sometimes the listners get caught up in the speakers emotions, that the words don't have the same impact. I am looking to make her family feel better because she was a good person. I want to tell the stories about her with her the empasis, not me. I loved her and tried to help her. My point in making the post is that I want the attention on her not my sorrow. You have all made some good sugestions.
     
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  13. slickj101

    slickj101 Is Water

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    Might sound a little strange, but if you feel yourself getting sad and wanting to cry, think about how pissed off you are about the situation and allow yourself to get mad. I'm not saying go out there and yell or show that you're mad, but if you feel like that inside, you're less likely to want to cry IMO.
     
  14. TheMageGandalf

    TheMageGandalf Senior Member

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    First off, I am very sorry about your loss.

    My recommendation would be to try and pretend, if only for those few moments, that its for someone else entirely. (not that it still wouldnt be a bad thing)

    But put yourself in the role of a soldier.

    Distance yourself from the situation at hand that way and try and shape it in your mind as more of a 'mission'.

    It's your mission and you must accomplish it at all costs. I am going to go up there and say these lines/words. Thats my mission.

    Like Seth said, study your lines and then deliver.
     
  15. Seeking Answers

    Seeking Answers New Member

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    i don't know so much but i think it inhibits facial expressions, not true tears. but your levity is noted and not unappreciated.
     
  16. Seeking Answers

    Seeking Answers New Member

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    thank you
     
  17. unluckyluciano

    unluckyluciano For My Hero JetsSuck

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    Wasn't trying to imply you would say something stupid............... sorry if it read that way.
     
  18. Seeking Answers

    Seeking Answers New Member

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    you correctly inferred about the delicate nature of the situation. i was not offended or anything, just clearing it up that the content is positive. :hi5:
     
  19. Seeking Answers

    Seeking Answers New Member

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    I pulled it off, and my speech went well and was much appreciated by the family. Thanks again to all who responded.
     
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  20. like2god

    like2god Typical white person Luxury Box

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    Glad to hear it :hi5:
     
  21. GISH

    GISH ~mUST wARN oTHERS~

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    didnt see this till now. glad it turned out well, and sorry for your loss. losing a loved one is very tough. its too easy to get caught up in the way the person died. it is important that the family is reminded of the good. i commend you for caring so much about the story she leaves behind.

    a song comes to mind that captures this situation pretty well, IMO.

    [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZIummTz9mM]YouTube - Linkin Park - Leave Out All The Rest[/ame]
     

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