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very difficult question

Discussion in 'Questions and Answers' started by Seeking Answers, Jun 16, 2009.

  1. Seeking Answers

    Seeking Answers New Member

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    i have been married a few years. have a child. wife and i have a good relationship. it has sort of died off, the original flame that is. sexually its what comedians talk about in jokes.

    "want to have sex tonight?"

    "sure"

    and its done.

    well this co worker of mine has the hots for me. she is married as well. a bit older, has a few kids. she wants to get freaky. she is a closet freak, but cant express herself with her husband. im down with that stuff.

    she has expressed to me, no strings, she loves her husband. as i do my wife. but she wants me and her to get down and freaky. nothin else. just sex.

    i wouldnt mind venturing into this. but iam a faithful person. i know even thinking about this is bad. i have tried talking to the wife about our dull sex life. but it turns into a fight. any advice? anyone here gone through the same issues? thanks.
     
  2. Alex44

    Alex44 Boshosaurus Rex

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    I can't say I have experience, but just dont do it. Seriously. If you really do love your wife like you say, then you wouldn't even consider hurting her in this capacity. How would you feel if she just got 'freaky' with a co-worker or someone she knew?

    IMO People who do these sort of things give all guys a bad name. Your actions reflect upon me.
     
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  3. SICK

    SICK Lounge Moderator

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    just break it off if your going to do this.......why chance your kid having to juggle "moms house" and "dads house"

    divorce sucks for all parties dude.....just jerk off :up:
     
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  4. opfinistic

    opfinistic Braaaaains!

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    I gotta tell ya bro, the grass always looks greener, but if you love your wife you will work things out with her and not venture into 'greener' pastures. It's a helluva damn offer though. Jeez. Good luck.
     
  5. Stitches

    Stitches ThePhin's Biggest Killjoy Luxury Box

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    Bring up the idea of the freaky stuff with your wife, see if she is down with it. If she is, great. If not, go to marraige counseling to try and see how you can get the spark back. If that doesn't work, get a divorce and get down with your co-worker all you want.
     
  6. anlgp

    anlgp ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A

    The last relationship I was in we got ourselves some relationship help books because we were having some major issues. We got 3 more years out of the relationship because of those books and the reason why we broke up no book could help because of my reaction to something that was going on with us.

    The reason I tell you this is because one thing I learned from those books is that if you are having sexual issues sometimes it might not just be about the sex. Sounds to me like there might be deeper problems between the two of you. Gotta dig deeper. 'Course if it is just about the sex then you just need to tell her what you need. That's the only way. People can't read minds ;).

    I don't know the situation obviously and you might think it's strange to take advise from a book that obviously didn't save the relationship I was in; but the book gave sound advise & it was the people not the book that did us in.

    For the record - if the grass is greener on the other side mow your damn lawn. ie. don't cheat. If you felt you have exhausted every option get a divorce.. I would still recommend that you don't get down with your co-worker though, as she will still be married.
     
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  7. Crappy Tipper

    Crappy Tipper AKA Hero13

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    Weight how much you could potentially hurt your child by how much you want to toss the co-worker a bone.

    If you love your wife, don't have any intention of leaving her and don't want to hurt your kid I would stay as far away from the co-worker situation as possible because nothing good can come of it.

    There is no such thing as "no strings attached".
     
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  8. USArmyFinFan

    USArmyFinFan Maximum Effort

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    Just ask your self; can you handle what comes if you do get caught? Me porsonaly, I take my vow serious.
     
  9. Fin D

    Fin D Sigh Club Member

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    Either tough it out or get a divorce. Married and cheating won't lead to happiness, just used condoms, regrets, and the constant stress of hiding it.

    That being said, life is too short to be unhappy. Sex in marriage is really a reflection of happiness. If you're not happy with the sex, chances are, if you're honest with yourself, you're probably not happy somewhere else in the relationship as well. Finding out what that is, would do you more good than making a decision you can't take back.
     
  10. SICK

    SICK Lounge Moderator

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    what NEEDS to happen.....is someone needs to slap her husband for not taking advantage of a freaky wife!!!!!!! whata panzy!
     
  11. sking29

    sking29 What it takes to be cool

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    I agree with everyone else about not doing this because you have to think of more than just your needs in this. Think of your child like Sick said and try to work things out or if worse comes to worse just get divorced but don't hurt everyone involved by doing this, it hurts people permanently and for what temporary pleasure (there are greater things in life such as not ruining your child and wife's life). Always think of others, seriously. :yes:
     
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  12. HardKoreXXX

    HardKoreXXX Insensitive to the Touch

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    Thats what they all say dude. I would nix it for the simple fact that you work with her. That can get REAL messy, trust me. Besides, it's nearly impossible to keep that a secret at work. And once a co-worker finds out its only a matter of time before it makes it back to one of your spouses.

    I say pass, unless you wanna break it off with the wife first.
     
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  13. The Rev

    The Rev Totus Tuus Administrator Luxury Box Club Member

    I cannot tell you how proud I am of the men in this thread. You restore my faith in marriage. To the writer of this thread, sex should be an expression of the love you have in your marriage. If the sex is boring, maybe you need to look at the relationship itself.

    You say you're faithful, but the fact that you're thinking about it betrays you. I'm sorry, brother. When your mind is polluted, you need to focus on what's truly important. Does your wife mean anything to you at this point? Are you using your sex life as a point of reference for your relationship?

    Finally, your commitment to your family should be paramount. If you can look at your kids, and be okay with betraying them as well, then all is lost.

    I will pray that you make the best choice for you and your family.

    GB
     
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  14. unluckyluciano

    unluckyluciano For My Hero JetsSuck

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    Man up and leave your wife if the sex means that much that you are willing to hurt your wife that much and your child. Because if you cheat on your wife with this other girl you both are selfish and only thinking of the pleasure you will recieve and not the potential repercussions and effect it will have on others.
    If you can't get through to your wife about her experimenting a bit more, talk more about it, don't get angry just talk, say you love her, but this is important to you and you would like her to see that and to share it with her. Ask her if she thinks you need to talk to a counselor as a mediator if neither of you can discuss it without getting angry. Maybe you just need to find something appealing to her? Either way looking at books, counseling, videos, etc all can potentially help. Running to someone elses bed, not going to help.
     
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  15. dolphan117

    dolphan117 Premium Member Luxury Box

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    Agreed with whats already been said.... And honestly some marriage counseling would probably be a very good idea. If things have gotten to the point that you are seriously considering cheating then things are headed towards a divorce already.

    If you really want to stick it out with your wife but she really has no idea how bad the sex has gotten for you then it might not be a bad idea to bring this up in counseling, that offers were made to you, and it was tempting, but that you turned them down because you love your wife (if that's the choice you make) but that you really need more out of your marriage.

    I wish you the best man.
    This is a very valid point.
     
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  16. dolphindebby

    dolphindebby Season Ticket Holder Luxury Box

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    You need to listen to these guys. Their on the money here.
    As far as the no strings thing, bull, there's always going to be something.
    How many other no strings, have kinky fun and no one gets hurt, relationships is this women in already? Surely you don't think she'd settle for just one, if she's that messed up.
    You would stand a good chance of losing your family, your job and probably friends as well.
    NOTHING is worse than messing up a family, especially with some one who has no regards for her own husband. How much regard would she have for you?
     
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  17. Alex44

    Alex44 Boshosaurus Rex

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    If you really want to talk about sex with her, don't mention sex at all. Ask her what would be fun, and ROMANTIC for her. That will not make her angry, or at least it shouldnt, and it can lead to other things being more open and easily disucussed.

    Why should she go that extra mile for you if you wont for her? The sexual thing seems to be your issue, and you need to give her something in order for her to give you something back.
     
  18. anlgp

    anlgp ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A

    I have been cheated on which is why I always give the advise not to cheat.

    It blows. Hard.

    edit:

    and sometimes it still hurts to this day. so .. don't do it.
     
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  19. GridIronKing34

    GridIronKing34 Silently Judging You Club Member

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    What everyone else said... Just don't do it.

    Who knew that lucky had morals.... :tongue2:
     
  20. TokyoFishFan

    TokyoFishFan New Member

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    Pandora's box.
    It's tempting to look at, but once opened will prove to have chaotic and unpredictable results.

    Don't put your key into that box unless your ready to face the consequences.
     
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  21. Seeking Answers

    Seeking Answers New Member

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    if you cheat it doesn't mean you hate your wife...or do not love her. so much is blown out of proportion regarding cheating. but the reality is, you will hurt your wife just as much if you leave her, no matter the reason. if you leave her because you want to sleep with other women, you will still be a sleazy scumbag. actually, if you cheat and get away with it, no one gets hurt. unless you absolutely refuse to atone for this sin, and god sends you to hades.

    monogamy is a poor mans game.

    id just be leary because you do work with her, and that could be a potential issue.
     
  22. anlgp

    anlgp ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A

    leaving someone and cheating on them to leave them feel differently i've had both happen to me. one sucked a lot more than the other.

    i would rather be left straight up 100 times than have someone be unfaithful once.
     
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  23. Fin D

    Fin D Sigh Club Member

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    That's horse crap.

    If you make a commitment you honor it, or you're a d-bag.

    Lying is inherent in cheating and so is hurting someone who trusts you. There's nothing redeeming in that.

    If you're not happy, then you owe it to yourself to be happy, as long as its not at the expense of someone else. The spouse deserves to be free from your misery as well.
     
  24. sking29

    sking29 What it takes to be cool

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    Actually I say if you can blatantly cheat on someone by going outside marriage and having an affair involving sex, that you don't care about your wife and definitely don't love her (and that's not blown out of proportion but its one of the biggest scumbag like things you can do). To me their is no excuse for it and if someone doesn't want to be monogamous they should have stayed single, let alone had kids. Personally I think its an extremely selfish act and if your man enough to cheat bring the woman right to your house and do it in front of your wife, I mean you are a big man right you don't need to sneak around there is nothing to be ashamed of. Plus when messing up a child's life is involved it's even worse. I guess I just have a problem with these people for some reason and think they are extremely selfish. /rant
     
  25. Alex44

    Alex44 Boshosaurus Rex

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    I agree. If you cheat and still think you love the person, you dont know what love really is. You might like them and find them attractive in a sexual way, but you definitely dont LOVE them if you cheat.
     
  26. anlgp

    anlgp ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A

    To add to this it's one thing if you've got a swinging relationship or if you've brought it up to your partner and they know about it and are 100% okay with it.. i'm not here to say what other people get off on.. but doing it behind someone's back is shady as ****
     
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  27. Fin D

    Fin D Sigh Club Member

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    To be fair, then it ain't cheating then.
     
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  28. Stitches

    Stitches ThePhin's Biggest Killjoy Luxury Box

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    I can attest to this. It sucks hard.
     
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  29. anlgp

    anlgp ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A

    you are correct. which is why it makes all the difference in the world.
     
  30. The Rev

    The Rev Totus Tuus Administrator Luxury Box Club Member


    I fel sorry for you brother. Obviously, you do not know the true meaning of committing yourself to one person forever. If you cheat, and no one finds out, something DOES get hurt...you do. I will bring the religion in now, if I may. Sin stinks and sticks to you. You will carry that smell with you and it will affect not only you but those you influence, including your children.

    No way, no how. I know who I love and I would not betray that love or trust.
    IMHO.
     
  31. rafael

    rafael Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    I think it depends on the person you want to be. I had a similar temptation several years ago. Girl wanted me and I was turned on by her. And the sex wasn't that great at home. Also, I'm arrogant enough to believe that I'd get away with it. So in essence I could say there would be no consequences. But I would know. I'd have to change my self definition to include cheater. That wasn't the man I wanted to be.

    Ironically, a couple of years later my wife cheated on me and we got divorced. If I had decided not to cheat b/c I didn't want to hurt her then I might have felt vindictive about it. But I can only control my actions. I didn't cheat b/c I didn't want to be a cheater, so I'm happy with my decision.
     
  32. Fin Fan In Cali

    Fin Fan In Cali Dolphin fan since 1970 Luxury Box

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    Bro first off, you don't play where you work as it will come back and bite you in the butt. I would say no thanks to the gal. It may seem like it would be great and all new hot sex, but it won't last forever. I would seriously talk with your wife in a calm cool way, and find out why the sex isn't hot anymore, and what can you do to spice it up between the two of you. Maybe counseling would help as well. Take it from me, I made a very bad mistake several years ago to this day, I truly regret with all my heart and almost lost my wife over it. Stay away from the freak and tell her you are not interested, and work on things with your wife. I wish you, and your wife the very best.:wink2:
     
  33. DaFish

    DaFish Well-Known Member

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    I have morals even though my life is void of any religion. It has more to do with making a promise to someone you love and keeping it. You have cheated yourself and **** on her because you made that promise when you made those vows.
     
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  34. TiP54

    TiP54 Bad Reputation

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    Dude, its wrong. All around. And I know how you feel, I was in a very similar situation..minus merriage and kids...And I still didin't. For me the commitment was nowhere near your level...but No. No matter how you spin, no matter what prespective you will put it in. Its flat out wrong. Just think how YOU would feel?
     
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  35. adamprez2003

    adamprez2003 Senior Member

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    i cheated when i was younger. they always find out. dont ask me how. they just know
     
  36. daphins

    daphins A-Style

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    How could you love someone and still cheat? If you're cheating the only person you're showing love to is yourself. It is the epitamy of a selfish act.

    I was cheated on once long ago. Didn't know about it until the relationship was over, but it still burnt....burnt so bad that I put women on a short leash to this day. I just walked away from a 4 year relationship becuase the girl crossed the line....don't know if she technically "cheated" but don't care. If the line's being pushed it's being pushed...trust is broken and the relationship can't continue in my eyes.

    Cheating SUCKS for the one being cheated on. There's few worse feelings in the world than personal betrayal.
     
  37. Fin D

    Fin D Sigh Club Member

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    OP:

    I'm honored you chose my answer among the mountain of great advice in this thread. If you ever need to talk, vent, or need someone to just yell at, please don't hesitate to PM me, I'll help in anyway I'm able.

    Life is like chores...sometimes you need a buddy to come over, talk sports and women while you pretend to do what needs being done.:wink2::up:
     
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  38. sking29

    sking29 What it takes to be cool

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    Very true and that's why people need to think of others before acting selfishly. Hopefully whoever started this thread does the right thing and I'm sure they will. :yes:
     
  39. Muck

    Muck Throwback Uniform Crusader Retired Administrator

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    No, just the principled man's.

    The righteous path isn't always the easiest or most traveled.
     
  40. Seeking Answers

    Seeking Answers New Member

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    This may sound silly but something that actually helped my marriage in a big way was a DVD. Mark Gungor's "Laugh your way to a better marriage". I was amazed as the guy hit alot of issues right on the head (married sex being a big one). Many issues he discussed hit home with us. I felt like the dude was hiding in our house taking notes, it was that spot on.

    When we were done watching it we had a much better understanding of where each other were coming from, how are thought process works, and how to deal with our issues/problems.

    Again it's weird but it really did help. I think it's kinda pricey (40-50 bucks) but we checked it out from a marriage therapy place for free.
     

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